Author surferchic Posted February 27, 2016 Author Share Posted February 27, 2016 They SURE can... seen it many times. ... And how? Am I supposed to do something? Am I supposed to go NC and HOPE he comes back? I've dated other guys since we separated, yet I still think of him almost every other day. I've been involved work and my other interests, not just to forget about him. Still I think of him. I've tried therapy... Perhaps I need to continue the therapy, no doubt. But I honestly feel like I'll end up driving the therapist crazy... Kind of like Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm, only I'm female and much more despondent (lately; almost an entire year). I've done some reaching out to my ex and so has he to me, but his has been minimal in "quantity". Mine has been minimal in " quality " I'll admit. Once when we still lived together and attempted to work things out, he said "you left me for dead... You should be all over me now!". But I wasn't. I didn't know how to... Why would I, when I knew that my decision was the right one. I just HATE that the RIGHT decisions can cause so much pain. God, help me... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 If you know it's the right decision, why do you still talk to him? I mean, that's a huge reason why this process has been slow -- the more you're in contact, the tougher it is to move forward and turn the page. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted February 27, 2016 Author Share Posted February 27, 2016 If you know it's the right decision, why do you still talk to him? I mean, that's a huge reason why this process has been slow -- the more you're in contact, the tougher it is to move forward and turn the page. I don't talk(per se) to him now. We haven't spoken in a few months, but we have texted just "hellos and hope all is well" kinda stuff. I guess I'm gradually letting it fade completely. A year ago I was a complete mess and could barely go a day without talking about him to my best friend...since I'd never reach out to him much. I had to vent someway some how. So for me, this is an improvement. Now,I mostly just come here to LS... Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 I don't talk(per se) to him now. We haven't spoken in a few months, but we have texted just "hellos and hope all is well" kinda stuff. I guess I'm gradually letting it fade completely. A year ago I was a complete mess and could barely go a day without talking about him to my best friend...since I'd never reach out to him much. I had to vent someway some how. So for me, this is an improvement. Now,I mostly just come here to LS... I'm glad you're improving, I really am, but even those "hellos" are inhibiting, not only to you, but to him as well. You really need to cut all that out, as a year is an extremely long "fade". I really feel as if your progress would come more rapidly if you did. Link to post Share on other sites
Densel Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I am a dumpee. From my stand, if my ex wants to reconcile it has to be her making an effort. No dumpee will want to pursue the dumper without knowing where they stand and to get hurt again. Seems like you have a huge ego and stubborn nature. My advice is think what you really want and what makes you happy. No point going back and forth with such meaningless texts. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 ... And how? Am I supposed to do something? Am I supposed to go NC and HOPE he comes back? I've dated other guys since we separated, yet I still think of him almost every other day. I've been involved work and my other interests, not just to forget about him. Still I think of him. I've tried therapy... Perhaps I need to continue the therapy, no doubt. But I honestly feel like I'll end up driving the therapist crazy... Kind of like Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm, only I'm female and much more despondent (lately; almost an entire year). I've done some reaching out to my ex and so has he to me, but his has been minimal in "quantity". Mine has been minimal in " quality " I'll admit. Once when we still lived together and attempted to work things out, he said "you left me for dead... You should be all over me now!". But I wasn't. I didn't know how to... Why would I, when I knew that my decision was the right one. I just HATE that the RIGHT decisions can cause so much pain. God, help me... Surferchic, I doesn't always work but it's certainly possible. And either party can make the contact or jester to indicate interest again. The other has to respond. Now, seems like if there has been positive change on both sides it stands a much better chance of happening. You can figure out this change through friend, coworkers, or even your ex. So then you're realigning on a bit of a different path, perhaps new goals. However, if one is just done, it won't work. You've been at it for awhile, and doesn't seem to be getting you anywhere, for which I'm sorry. I assume he really know your feelings and he knows you're different now. If nothing comes of that, it looks like it won't happen. However, you can get over this and life does go on. Best to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 Surferchic, I doesn't always work but it's certainly possible. And either party can make the contact or jester to indicate interest again. The other has to respond. Now, seems like if there has been positive change on both sides it stands a much better chance of happening. You can figure out this change through friend, coworkers, or even your ex. So then you're realigning on a bit of a different path, perhaps new goals. However, if one is just done, it won't work. You've been at it for awhile, and doesn't seem to be getting you anywhere, for which I'm sorry. I assume he really know your feelings and he knows you're different now. If nothing comes of that, it looks like it won't happen. However, you can get over this and life does go on. Best to you. Hi thanks oldrover. ,I was the dumper because he needed to change. His temper and history needed to change. When I broke up with him he was really caught off guard because he never really thought a woman would leave him... However, he could not buy me or continue to throw temper tantrums with me because I didn't put up with anymore. So there's really nothing I needed to do to change except for maybe just not tolerate his anger issues and see if he really stoked dining like he said he did. So I haven't really "been at it" for some time. I've been contemplating quietly really. He's reached out to me to get together once, but I cancelled on him because I had doubts. Other than that, we've texted one another ,I've seen him twice and I talk to loveshack about my thoughts rather than tell him because I feel like deep down inside, I made the right decision to leave him.... At that time. As you said though, we'd have to really talk deliberately about any changes that have been made. That is where I'm almost certain I will not press the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I really think you need to bite the bullet and go NC. You are making excuses because you are scared of it. Yes it's hard for a little while but we all have to face reality. Your fiance sounds like an alcoholic, he has temper issues. You have to accept that you picked the wrong guy, move on and let him move on. Put on the big girl pants and go NC Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 ...and see if he really stoked dining like he said he did. (Correction:...and "stopped drinking" like he said he did...) Link to post Share on other sites
Author surferchic Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 Yeah, you're right Emilia.... I'm almost there,minus a text every few months... Thnx tho. Link to post Share on other sites
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