ShatteredLady Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) Merrmeade. I've followed your story & I'm so very sorry. Some people are just fundamentally different creatures to us. My brothers mourning widow is a bit different. She doesn't need to make excuses because none of it was her fault! It's all on my brothers friend!! If no-one had ever told my brother of her A he would never of known & she wouldn't of done any of the things she did after that day! Edited December 13, 2015 by ShatteredLady
merrmeade Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Merrmeade. I've followed your story & I'm so very sorry. Some people are just fundamentally different creatures to us. My brothers mourning widow is a bit different. She doesn't need to make excuses because none of it was her fault! It's all on my brothers friend!! Thanks SL. I think that emotionally they can't handle that much accountability. They go into self-protection and divide it up into arbitrary shares. A little accountability here, a little there. I got some; your brother's friend got some. That's how they move on, free of all that whiny BS negativity. 1
ladydesigner Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 my sister-in-law/OW called her high school sweetheart the month my brother died and was married to him the month after the last memorial. She sent me a note saying, "I'm sorry; it was mutual; we were needy," and then regaled me on the phone for the apologies I owed her. She embraced me at all three memorial services; apparently forgiveness was her right and due. Entitlement is the opposite of remorse. (((merrmeade))) ugh I'm so sorry. It really is sick the mindset of some of these sociopaths!
ladydesigner Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Thanks SL. I think that emotionally they can't handle that much accountability. They go into self-protection and divide it up into arbitrary shares. A little accountability here, a little there. I got some; your brother's friend got some. That's how they move on, free of all that whiny BS negativity. If they even have it. Sometimes I think they are faking what they say just so as to not look like a bad person.
BeautifulIdiot Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 (edited) *Disclaimer* I'll take whatever is coming to me for this. It seems that the affair fog is used as the get out of jail card for all WS but it's not only the WS who's affected by it - speaking from my own experience the OW is also so face deep in it that they dont see what they're doing either. I knew he was married but by the time I realised my feelings for him I was so deep in it that I thought this was the type of love that comes along once in a lifetime and you don't give that up. He did too. We even talked about it and had the conversation of 'is this why people do this, because it's like this?' and came to the conclusion that no, that can't be the case, what we had was really special and the universe just brought us together at the wrong time. I'm sorry not only for what I did but for my stupidity and thoughtlessness in general. Then, dday. He called me to say that he was leaving. The reality of what we both did came crashing down and he didn't leave. The fog lifted and I realised what a horrible person I was and how much hurt and pain I caused to everyone. There has been NC since and neither will their be. It's not my place to intrude on what they are working on and ruin any reconciling they have done in the last 4 months. That would be nothing but selfish and I've been selfish enough. Yes, I hope WH thinks of me because I have also gone through hell, my heart is broken and I've gone through it alone because honestly, who wants to hear that I'm hurting? I don't want him to contact me and tell me but I would hope that he feels the same level of regret for hurting everyone involved as I do, and that includes me. Just thought I'd give you the other side of the coin. Some of us (not all, granted) on the other side are also just real people who made really bad choices. Edited December 14, 2015 by BeautifulIdiot
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