Best girl ever, don't feel sexual attraction. Crawling Back to LoveShack

November 8, 2015

A minimalist life is in direct opposition to the high maintenance type you describe.

Exactly.

I'm both. I'm looking for someone else who is both.

Someone who takes care of their looks and at the same time can live an unconventional life.

Very, very rare.

November 8, 2015

There is a difference between choosing someone hotter because you can and saying you just aren't attracted to a perfectly healthy young woman with no flaws you could even mention. Healthy heterosexual men find women like her attractive. Since you're not gay, you should be concerned about the health part.

Well, I can choose someone hotter. Every other choice I have since coming to this area is hotter.

However, none is cooler.

This is the point of the thread.

November 8, 2015

I'm a woman so things might feel different as I understand we are less visual than guys, but I used to think like you and my desire acted accordingly to my thoughts.

I had no desire whatsoever for men who were not my "type", or I was not attracted to. So I understand where you're coming from.

BUT.

The last guy I fell for... I was not attracted to him initially. He wasn't my type either. But I went with the flow and because I liked his brain, I gave it a try. Slowly through our interactions and fooling around he became very attractive to me.

Maybe if you try to let your brain go of what your "official" type is, and try to connect mentally and emotionally, you can trick your brain chemistry/wiring to get into her? I was surprised it happened to me but somehow it did. Not sure it'd work with a penis though... as you guys seem to be extremely visual.

I am happy I finally realized I should not have a type... anyone can become interesting sexually if I'm into their brain and find them charming. It's been a big relief to me to get to this place.

This is exactly what I hope to do, but....

The majority of posters here said I shouldn't try this and should dump this girl for one that immediately fits my type.

November 8, 2015

Well, you might be the type.

When I say girly, I mean feminine in looks. A tomboy who looks like a girl is absolutely the best thing on Earth, imo.

I really wonder sometimes if this is more #eastcoastproblems than anything else.

Seems there are tons like this out west.

I have a friend in New York whose taste in women is very similar to yours. He'll periodically date a woman who isn't really his type and will always go on about how great/nice/great to be around the woman is...but those situations never last very long. Then he'll revert to his preferred type, which is when things take more of a dramatic turn and he'll often then start to talk in more hostile terms/with dislike about the woman he's with.

It seems relatively rare that he finds somebody who is exactly his physical type (even though it's a physical type which is quite prevalent in NYC) and who he actually likes as a person or feels comfortable with. My guess is that that's not so much down to the woman herself not being a nice or cool person, as down to him struggling with the loss of that feeling of greater power and security he gets around women he's not all that attracted to. That perhaps he likes the latter more as people, and feels in a more comfortable place around them because they don't hold the same power (of attraction) over him.

I would suggest that a "cool" girl is essentially somebody you feel comfortable but not excited around....and the problem is not with the girls themselves lacking qualities (such as attractiveness, compatibility, being low maintenance or whatever) as with your own conflicted feelings whereby you want to simultaneously be in a comfort zone while having all the excited feelings that are usually accompanied by a certain amount of discomfort and even fear or insecurity.

I don't think it's all that uncommon. There are probably a lot of men who settle down with a woman who isn't exactly their physical type, but who they are nonetheless attracted to and with whom they can create a sense of partnership and family with to a point where it doesn't really matter. I suspect that most men don't have the kind of difficulty you're talking about in being sexually attracted to and performing sexually with women who deviate from their usual preferred type...and this is where you might struggle in a way that others don't.

Edited November 8, 2015 by Taramere

November 8, 2015

So I met this girl.

Most compatible person I've ever met in my life.

She is a female me, down to every last opinion. She wants to travel, is a minimalist, wants experiences over things, is active and fit, etc etc and has flipped 100% for me. I've never been more excited about someone in my life. I could probably have the most amazing life of fun and adventure with her. She's no less than perfect!!

Problem is, she's tall, blonde with blue eyes. She's in perfect shape, but tall blonde/blue.

I find short, tiny brunettes with brown eyes sexually attractive.

She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman, but I'm having a hard time finding her sexually attractive.

What should I do??

PS: I could be happy with less sex. I've had tons of sex with very attractive women in my life. I'm about the "everything else." She's 22 and will be hard to keepi if I'm not wowing her sexually, I'm pretty sure.

I'm late to this thread so I just read the first post. You just met the new girl. You're not that into her now. You'll be less into her in a year. Time to break it off with her. A beautiful blonde hair blue eyed woman will have no problem finding someone else. I dated a guy who complained that I didn't have blonde hair. I knew we wouldn't work. And we didn't.

November 8, 2015

Maybe you just slept with her too soon you made it into a physical thing when it should have still been a friend thing and you are freaking because the chemistry from personality isn't there yet. But since you already went there, you can't back-pedal very good. I didn't realize you'd only known her for 2 weeks. You complain about women wanting to move too fast, so you slept with her too soon in an effort to keep her and shot yourself in the foot.

November 8, 2015

Maybe you just slept with her too soon you made it into a physical thing when it should have still been a friend thing and you are freaking because the chemistry from personality isn't there yet. But since you already went there, you can't back-pedal very good. I didn't realize you'd only known her for 2 weeks. You complain about women wanting to move too fast, so you slept with her too soon in an effort to keep her and shot yourself in the foot.

Quite possibly.

Interesting...

Well, I tried to back off from her and it didn't take. We both can't stay away.

I saw some snaps of her this morning and felt some little urges!!

I feel like it might happen for me.

We didn't hang out this weekend. She unexpectedly had to move into a new place that became available last minute.

November 8, 2015

Exactly.

I'm both. I'm looking for someone else who is both.

Someone who takes care of their looks and at the same time can live an unconventional life.

Very, very rare.

I don't think a guy who is fit is the equivalent of the female you are describing. There are plenty of outdoorsy, fit women. If I understand correctly, you want one who ALSO fixes herself up like a pornstar. This is a different type of maintenance. The male equivalent would probably be a super metrosexual who is in shape.

November 8, 2015

Exactly.

I'm both. I'm looking for someone else who is both.

Someone who takes care of their looks and at the same time can live an unconventional life.

Very, very rare.

Bull. Are you saying that this woman doesn't take care of her looks?

You have a very narrow attraction. It is not difficult to find women who are both natural and hot. You are looking for unnatural hot (porn style appearance) combined with a natural lifestyle preference.

November 8, 2015

You are looking for unnatural hot (porn style appearance) combined with a natural lifestyle preference.

This is the dilemma. Now, I have seen it before, but rarely, and it's a bit of a disconnect.

November 8, 2015

I don't think a guy who is fit is the equivalent of the female you are describing. There are plenty of outdoorsy, fit women. If I understand correctly, you want one who ALSO fixes herself up like a pornstar. This is a different type of maintenance. The male equivalent would probably be a super metrosexual who is in shape.

Umm... That's exactly me.

I remove all the right hair, work out daily, I'm tan, wear stylish clothing AND still do all this other stuff.

She should have the same attributes as i put out there for women.

In shape (permanently), some girly style, yet can still be cool and do outdoors stuff, travel and live minimal, to an extent.

November 8, 2015

Bull. Are you saying that this woman doesn't take care of her looks?

You have a very narrow attraction. It is not difficult to find women who are both natural and hot. You are looking for unnatural hot (porn style appearance) combined with a natural lifestyle preference.

Precisely.

This girl does take pretty good care of herself. She didn't knownthe difference between a foundation and a primer though when I mentioned FML for knowing that myself.

But... it's really down to blonde/blue/tall for the thread. You post is addressing an accurate off shoot and generality. I am looking for a cool pornstar looking type.

Totally a needle in a haystack.

Will be trying to see if i can find the inner pornstar in this cool chick.

November 8, 2015

Totally a needle in a haystack.

I know someone who is a stripper because she can make some weekend money while supporting herself in school. But she's otherwise very outdoorsy. So, she's familiar with a certain type of physical maintenance, but generally prefers a natural lifestyle.

So it can happen, but usually it's a disconnect. Don't know how she would present herself without the monetary incentive though.

November 8, 2015

Most porn stars and strippers aren't outdoorsy...or intelligent for that matter. They live in a seedy world, surrounded by seedy people doing seedy things.

November 8, 2015

Will be trying to see if i can find the inner pornstar in this cool chick.

We'll see how she responds to that.

FWIW, I'm a permanently fit, outdoorsy, natural type. I'd dumped anyone who wanted to change me and make me into a porn star look.

November 8, 2015

I'll point this out to you again: you've gone on and on and on (13 pages!) about the physical type you're attracted to. But what about character? Isn't that important to you?

What I find scary is how things imploded w you and Yoga Chick, a big reason for that was how little you knew about the important things about her, this after 5 years. Did you even care to learn about her, as a human being? And yet from this thread it seems that you hardly learned from it.

(And yes, that you go on and on about your physical type does read as a shallow male objectifying women. Who cares about her character, as long as she's got that porn-star look. It's hard for many people to respect someone like that, which also explains the harsh comments your threads get. Although I don't think you are doing this intentionally, you're probably oblivious to how it all comes across.)

Edited November 8, 2015 by Imajerk17

November 8, 2015

Precisely.

This girl does take pretty good care of herself. She didn't knownthe difference between a foundation and a primer though when I mentioned FML for knowing that myself.

Did you know the difference when you were 22? You've had 18 years' more life experience than she's had. I sure didn't know the difference when I was a 22 year old because I had young skin and didn't need any of that stuff. I didn't even start wearing foundation until I hit my mid 30s. And I am quite girly. (And I can't imagine how or why this topic even came up. I've never talked makeup with a man.)

So not only do you want petite and brunette, but you want heavy makeup?

November 8, 2015

I know someone who is a stripper because she can make some weekend money while supporting herself in school. But she's otherwise very outdoorsy. So, she's familiar with a certain type of physical maintenance, but generally prefers a natural lifestyle.

So it can happen, but usually it's a disconnect. Don't know how she would present herself without the monetary incentive though.

Yeah, they do exist. Very rare.

One thing a few recent postsers didn't get was that I'm trying to be descriptive here about what I find sexy.

It's not that I'm looking for an actual pornstar or stripper, just someone that maintains their body to the same degree and has some girly fashion choices.

My equivalent.

November 8, 2015

I'll point this out to you again: you've gone on and on and on (13 pages!) about the physical type you're attracted to. But what about character? Isn't that important to you?

What I find scary is how things imploded w you and Yoga Chick, a big reason for that was how little you knew about the important things about her, this after 5 years. Did you even care to learn about her, as a human being? And yet from this thread it seems that you hardly learned from it.

(And yes, that you go on and on about your physical type does read as a shallow male objectifying women. Who cares about her character, as long as she's got that porn-star look. It's hard for many people to respect someone like that, which also explains the harsh comments your threads get. Although I don't think you are doing this intentionally, you're probably oblivious to how it all comes across.)

You're literally making that up. Selectively reading the posts to ignore the places throughout this thread where I've repeatedly, ad nauseum, said this girl was the most compatible I've ever met on a mental, lifestyle and emotional level.

I go on and on for 13 pages about how great of a person she is, while also saying I have a problem because she's not my physical type.

That's what this entire thread is about.

How could you possibly say I didn't, when it's all throughout the entire thread?

Purely selective reading on your part. Reading what you want to read, rather than what was written.

I have no idea why...

The yoga chick was a bizarre case. We spent weekends and weeks together on and off for 5 years. She was a bit of a party girl. Half the time we were drunk or something. She never once had the inclinations that finally came out when we lived and traveled together.

She hid them very well.

She has since apologized for all of that and is currently in Prague doing w.e. Hopefully, she has more time to reflect on her character out there.

This blonde is perfect in every sense of the word. There is nothing to talk about regarding her personality and character because it's not an issue. It's what draws me to her.

November 8, 2015

Yeah, they do exist. Very rare.

One thing a few recent postsers didn't get was that I'm trying to be descriptive here about what I find sexy.

It's not that I'm looking for an actual pornstar or stripper, just someone that maintains their body to the same degree and has some girly fashion choices.

My equivalent.

And this young woman does not maintain her body shape to the same degree as a porn star or stripper? I thought she was very fit, like you?

Does "maintain body shape" mean cosmetic surgery to get exaggerated porn star measurements?

Does "girly fashion choices" mean a sundress and painted toenails or does it mean stripper heels and hair extensions?

November 8, 2015

Did you know the difference when you were 22? You've had 18 years' more life experience than she's had. I sure didn't know the difference when I was a 22 year old because I had young skin and didn't need any of that stuff. I didn't even start wearing foundation until I hit my mid 30s. And I am quite girly. (And I can't imagine how or why this topic even came up. I've never talked makeup with a man.)

So not only do you want petite and brunette, but you want heavy makeup?

I known a LOT of girls. 22 year old type ones. These are the people I learned about makeup from, as well as my ex wife. I often have a joke at my expense for I knowing makeup at that level.

Drop an inquisitive person next to someone who takes an hour to do makeup as well as several hours roming Mac and Sephora and you end up with a guy who knows makeup.

And looks like you don't know what primer is for either if you think it has anything to do with age.

November 8, 2015

Quite possibly.

Interesting...

Well, I tried to back off from her and it didn't take. We both can't stay away.

I saw some snaps of her this morning and felt some little urges!!

I feel like it might happen for me.

We didn't hang out this weekend. She unexpectedly had to move into a new place that became available last minute.

You can't keep away from each other, you felt some little urges but you are not physically attracted to her?

Sorry man, this makes no sense to me.

Whatever you do, please don't fabricate a potential physical attraction out of thin air - one or both of you will regret at a later stage. These things very rarely work out long term.

November 8, 2015

Drop an inquisitive person next to someone who takes an hour to do makeup as well as several hours roming Mac and Sephora and you end up with a guy who knows makeup.

Would your theoretical dream girl spend an hour to do her makeup?

Did your last partner who did yoga spend that much time?

November 8, 2015

LW

I can't understand how if she's not your type and your not physically attracted to her... how did you get to the point of knowing how great she was? If a guy wasn't my type.. I wouldn't even get to know how great a guy he was.

It seems that you've been deceiving her... by pretending that you find her to be your type. You're not sexually attracted to her...yet you've likely led her to believe you are.

Can you imagine if you broke up with her and told her why? She'd say..why did you waste my time.

It's crazy

November 8, 2015

Excellent points. I love your posts.

And this young woman does not maintain her body shape to the same degree as a porn star or stripper? I thought she was very fit, like you?

She's close. very close. Could use just a little extra diet/exercise discipline. But, it's the blonde/blue/tall that slows me down. Two topics are being discussed at once, so it's a little confusing, i think. One topic is little brunettes vs blondes. The other topic is general preference for cool girl that takes care of herself and is girly.

Does "maintain body shape" mean cosmetic surgery to get exaggerated porn star measurements?

No. It means staying very, very healthy and in shape without fat. Boobs would be nice, but... they are often a huge burden for anyone trying to be active outdoors and I would always vote against someone I love taking the risk of unnecessary surgery. I voted against it with my ex wife, but she did it anyway. Thought I was going to die during the surgery I was so scared she'd never come back. And... she didn't, actually. The general anesthesia and Oxys or whatever worsened her mental illness to a degree she could barely function. The beginning of the end, actually.

Does "girly fashion choices" mean a sundress and painted toenails or does it mean stripper heels and hair extensions?

Heels don't really go with active lives. Flats would be just fine. lol Hair extensions aren't so great either. I mean the fitness level, hair removal and cute sorts of outfits. A sundress and painted toe nails is a really hot look, actually. Especially a white one pon a beachside day, So, yes.

All i mean by stripper is the maintenance of the body. They get a LOT of exercise and don't over eat in a lot of cases.

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