Best girl ever, don't feel sexual attraction. Crawling Back to LoveShack

November 3, 2015

There's nothing wrong with having a type and sticking to it, especially if it's as important to you as it seems to be.

For some, initial physical attraction to a certain type is almost essential before you even form an emotional connection, and that's ok. I used to be like that pre-BF and I'm still not into compromising in terms of physical attraction,, but he rocks my world like no-one else can and is totally handsome despite not being my 'normal' type. I was attracted to him like crazy physically straight away, so much so that he now is my type .

If you already know you're not attracted to her, do the gentlemanly thing and stay available for the small brown-haired fit brunette who will have it all in your eyes. Compromises of any sort suck to high heavens and will invariably come back to bite you in the azz at some point.

November 3, 2015

I believe this is true.

I mean, if she died her hair dark, would you really be more attracted to her? I don't think so. I think there must be something that's missing that has nothing to do with hair color and height. I think this is someone who "looks good on paper" for you, but you just don't feel it with her. Lots of people have that experience, and really try to make it work, and it just doesn't. If she looked different, but nothing else changed, do you really think that you would feel differently for her? What do you think?

Emphatically, yes.

To answer the post just above this as well, she is the best person I've ever met in my life. She's perfect in every way.

However, I get turned off by height (she's 5'7") and blinde/blue looking girls.They look like my sister for one,second, it's all I had growing up. Darker features excite me.

If she was my type looks wise, I definitely, definitely would be feeling very differently on the physical side.

November 3, 2015

Hi lw. Thought you had sailed off into the sunset

Have you actually hooked up (been intimate) yet?

Also how tall is she?

Personally I'm not attracted attracted to taller girls, especially blonde ones. Lots of guys coo over them and I just don't see it. I'm not sure you can really force yourself to like a type you're not attracted to.

How well do you know her? I've met girls who seemed to share all my opinions, desires,etc but were just mirroring me...

Finally... you get it. Thanks for posting.

Yes, we've hooked up. There nothing wrong with her in that sense, but her look is the opposite of what turns me on. Just like your looks preference.

She's 5'7". I like 5'2" and down.

Definitely not mirroring because she came out with at least half of the topics we agree upon without any prompting. Shewas confessing to various weird things about herself and it turned out we both shared every single one. All of them.

November 3, 2015

^^^ That's called a friendship, where I come from...

November 3, 2015

There's nothing wrong with having a type and sticking to it, especially if it's as important to you as it seems to be.

For some, initial physical attraction to a certain type is almost essential before you even form an emotional connection, and that's ok. I used to be like that pre-BF and I'm still not into compromising in terms of physical attraction,, but he rocks my world like no-one else can and is totally handsome despite not being my 'normal' type. I was attracted to him like crazy physically straight away, so much so that he now is my type .

If you already know you're not attracted to her, do the gentlemanly thing and stay available for the small brown-haired fit brunette who will have it all in your eyes. Compromises of any sort suck to high heavens and will invariably come back to bite you in the azz at some point.

This is along the lines of what I was hoping to do. Similar to what you did,but a little different.

I hear women say all the time that they are with a guy they weren't attracted to initially, but that he now is the most attractive thing in the world because of who he is.

Can guys have something similar happen?

Ive been with tons of super hot, short brunettes, including my ex wife. It hasn't gotten me anywhere.

She is who I want to be with. I have never met anyone else in my life I've ever felt this way about. Where I just know we are right. We both are thinking the same way and she is feeling just as strongly about me. We are ready to go play together in life.

I always go for the wrong ones because of looks. I'd sure love to get the right one for once.

The only thing that's slowing any of it down is my animalistic side, which goes nuts for short, darker, really fit girls. She's really fit (of course she is...we are exactly the same), but is genetically the opposite of what gets me all dizzy/lost in a girl.

Can't I get past that eventually like women do?

Edited November 3, 2015 by loveweary11

November 3, 2015

This is along the lines of what I was hoping to do. Similar to what you did,but a little different.

I hear women say all the time that they are with a guy they weren't attracted to initially, but that he now is the most attractive thing in the world because of who he is.

Can guys have something similar happen?

Ive been with tons of super hot, short brunettes, including my ex wife. It hasn't gotten me anywhere.

She is who I want to be with. I have never met anyone else in my life I've ever felt this way about. Where I just know we are right. We both are thinking the same way and she is feeling just as strongly about me. We are ready to go play together in life.

I always go for the wrong ones because of looks. I'd sure love to get the right one for once.

The only thing that's slowing any of it down is my animalistic side, which goes nuts for short, darker, really fit girls. She's really fit (of course she is...we are exactly the same), but is genetically the opposite of what gets me all dizzy/lost in a girl.

Can't I get past that eventually like women do?

I was attracted to my BF initially despite him not being my type physically. I didn't feel I compromised and physical attraction isn't the result of who he is as a person - our emotional connection has made it stronger, but it was always there to start with.

I don't personally think you can become attracted physically to someone just bc of who they are - seems to me like a recipe for disaster in the long run.

November 3, 2015

You caaan become attracted to someone because of who they are, but you've known her a month and are very drawn to who she is, but it hasn't changed the desire. You're already thinking she's awesome, but you're missing the chemistry.

November 3, 2015

You made a friend. Good news. Bad news is you can't create chemistry.

Move on,

G

November 3, 2015

&%#¶÷°^!!!! I thought this was the answer.

But based on all the other ones between last I was on here and now, I'm seeing a pattern.

The ones that "do it for me" sexually look like pornstars (like Christy Mack body) but are never compatible.

The only one I've found in my entire life that is compatible is the exact opposite. Looks like a magazine model. Tall, blonde, no boobs really (as opposed to the fake ones pornstar types have).

Maybe I could try my hardest to get into this model look? Even though it's not what turns me on?

Maybe you just don't go for compatible? Need drama? Simpler answer.

November 3, 2015

Maybe you just don't go for compatible? Need drama? Simpler answer.

Hate drama.

Enjoy attractive girls.

November 3, 2015

5'7 is slightly above average. Not exactly tall. If you don't feel it, you don't feel it. Unfortunately, you can't force these things.

If you do continue, just try to let go and enjoy your time with her. Stop the pressure if you can.

November 3, 2015

Can't I get past that eventually like women do?

I don't think so, because you would be forcing it. I have definitely looked past any "type" I usually thought was attractive and fallen for someone different (even for guys who weren't objectively attractive), but it wasn't forced.

If you have never had the feeling before of getting past your "type" and developing chemistry with someone who didn't fit that, it seems unlikely that you will now. It's possible, but I think the reality is that you just don't have the basic chemistry with her that might allow you to do that.

You seem to be desperately trying to force yourself to feel something that you don't. I've never known that to work.

November 3, 2015

Don't do this to her. Sounds like she likes you. I think that over time she'd really come to be hurt by and resent your lack of attraction for her. (Of course one can tell. LS is full of those posts.)

I think a lot of people have a "type" that they might find quickly attractive from afar, but they're usually at least open to dating other types, particularly once they get to know those people. (That kind of fixation on a type isn't about being "animalistic", by the way - I think it's about subconscious associations. Something you could unpack, if you wanted to, probably. I'm not just talking about her resembling your sister, which is probably a fairly superficial resemblance if it's just based on coloring. But more like, the idea of a tall blonde woman somehow makes you feel inadequate or not "big" enough or you subconsciously make broad unflattering assumptions about blondes as a group, such as they are airheads or not fiery enough - that sort of thing. Those would be your hangups, but you're externalizing them rather than addressing them head-on.)

Regardless, I agree with PrettyEmily that if, after a month of knowing her, you're still not attracted to her then it just isn't happening. Don't be selfish and string her along. It isn't right to do that to someone.

Edited November 3, 2015 by serial muse

November 3, 2015

5' 7" is not tall.

November 3, 2015

Don't do this to her. Sounds like she likes you. I think that over time she'd really come to be hurt by and resent your lack of attraction for her. (Of course one can tell. LS is full of those posts.)

I think a lot of people have a "type" that they might find quickly attractive from afar, but they're usually at least open to dating other types, particularly once they get to know those people. (That kind of fixation on a type isn't about being "animalistic", by the way - I think it's about subconscious associations. Something you could unpack, if you wanted to, probably. I'm not just talking about her resembling your sister, which is probably a fairly superficial resemblance if it's just based on coloring. But more like, the idea of a tall blonde woman somehow makes you feel inadequate or not "big" enough or you subconsciously make broad unflattering assumptions about blondes as a group, such as they are airheads or not fiery enough - that sort of thing. Those would be your hangups, but you're externalizing them rather than addressing them head-on.)

Regardless, I agree with PrettyEmily that if, after a month of knowing her, you're still not attracted to her then it just isn't happening. Don't be selfish and string her along. It isn't right to do that to someone.

Whatever the issue is, can't I work on it?

I mean, she's very attractive for a textbook stance... probably a perfect person to be amodel (which i never find attractive either).

The issues I do have with bigger, blue eyed women are these:

1) There is too much of them. The sight of a huge leg going on and on or whatever just turns off my sexuality. I am turned on by small. Petite. There are no amazing underlying psychological issues. My penis just wants small women. Size sends him running.

2) Blue eyes seem vacant when I look into them. Shallow. Dark eyes have a depth. Makes no logical sense, but we are discussing primal feelings.

It's only been a couple weeks. I feel like I'm missing out on a great thing if I don't try to change myself here....

November 3, 2015

5' 7" is not tall.

This is like me posting in your thread that your wife "isn't fat."

I read that whole thread because of the similarities.

I prefer 5'2" and under, 100lbs. Brunette. Brown eyes. That's what I find sexually attractive.

Edited November 3, 2015 by loveweary11

November 3, 2015

No.

Just the actual fact that you are posting over and over that "she is PERFECT, BUT." That is enough.

If you fall in love with a person you are not going to look at them as PERFECT, that is one thing. The other big thing is your focus on the "ONE THING" that is not "PERFECT" is 100% positively going to make a good relationship with her (and FOR her) impossible. It would be soul crushing to that girl! :(

Anyway you have known this person for one month!! Don't you question your certainty that you know every little detail about her and how compatible you are?? I'm remembering that socalled yoga girl and how you talked about her and then how you really knew nothing about her whatsoever!!! EXCEPT that she was short and brunette.

November 3, 2015

People find attractive, what they find attractive. But if you have such a narrow view of beauty it's going to make the dating world very hard.

I can't imagine feeling as strongly as you sound like you do for this girl and not feeling sexual attraction unless she was very unattractive, and you say this girl is beautiful.

Maybe there is something more that is turning you off from her that you don't realize?

November 3, 2015

Whatever the issue is, can't I work on it?

I mean, she's very attractive for a textbook stance... probably a perfect person to be amodel (which i never find attractive either).

The issues I do have with bigger, blue eyed women are these:

1) There is too much of them. The sight of a huge leg going on and on or whatever just turns off my sexuality. I am turned on by small. Petite. There are no amazing underlying psychological issues. My penis just wants small women. Size sends him running.

2) Blue eyes seem vacant when I look into them. Shallow. Dark eyes have a depth. Makes no logical sense, but we are discussing primal feelings.

It's only been a couple weeks. I feel like I'm missing out on a great thing if I don't try to change myself here....

I agree that you could try to change, and I support that idea. But I don't think that your 1) and 2) show a great understanding of yourself - you're still clinging to the idea that it's about your penis. It isn't. It's not about logic or not logic; it's about your associations - "dark eyes have a depth" is obviously related to some preconception you have. I'm sure you've known soulful, thoughtful blue-eyed people, and shallow dark-eyed people without a brain in their heads.

I don't know, LW, my sense from your many posts on here is that you cling to these preconceptions about things very tightly for some reason - perhaps because they tie in tightly to your perceptions of yourself. But you're not going to change anything unless you allow yourself to doubt them and challenge them, even if it leads to some uncomfortable thoughts about your judgments of people. Don't romanticize them by making them "animalistic" or about raw sexuality.

November 3, 2015

I prefer 5'2" and under, 100lbs. Brunette. Brown eyes. That's what I find sexually attractive.

IMO if your attractions are that specific and that strong, it's not a preference, it's a fetish.

November 3, 2015

Hate drama.

Enjoy attractive girls.

Yet all the woman who you're attracted to are incompatible and loaded with drama.

It's not like height and frame determine temperament. You're attracted to a personality type as well as a look.

November 3, 2015

Honestly...I say try and go with it. You're so used to one thing you need to experience something else and allow it to have the possibility of making you happy.

November 3, 2015

This is like me posting in your thread that your wife "isn't fat."

I read that whole thread because of the similarities.

I prefer 5'2" and under, 100lbs. Brunette. Brown eyes. That's what I find sexually attractive.

Compared to that, pretty much everyone could be considered tall. 5'7 is barely above average according to statistics. You are choosing a miniscule pool of women. Also, most people dye their hair blonde and aren't natural. Ask her if she dyes.

November 3, 2015

Finally... you get it. Thanks for posting.

Yes, we've hooked up. There nothing wrong with her in that sense, but her look is the opposite of what turns me on. Just like your looks preference.

She's 5'7". I like 5'2" and down.

Definitely not mirroring because she came out with at least half of the topics we agree upon without any prompting. Shewas confessing to various weird things about herself and it turned out we both shared every single one. All of them.

Holy.........I am 5'2" and I hate being short and believe that's my biggest shortcoming.

and now it's actually an attractive feature to some guys? wow...um...maybe I should stop whining about my height.

November 3, 2015

My sister is a short brunette. She has a preference to larger guys because they make her feel dainty and feminine. I would wonder if you have an issue with feeling emasculated by a woman who isn't petite. A petite girl could make you feel very masculine and protective.

Maybe some bad experience along those lines with a blonde. I really don't get the depth of your type because while I definitely lean towards tall and dark types. I've been 3 times bonkers about someone with blue eyes. The instant attraction is not there for someone with light eyes. But to be where you are with her and not feel it =\

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