Author positivityonly Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 (edited) Hello guys, So as you guys know, It was breakup, 2 months NC, she reached out I replied.. Now Sunday night she left a 2nd breadcrumb, this a few days ago. "Andrew, just wanted to say hi, hope you are doing well, how is everything?" It's weird to call you Andrew, An" (that was what she always called me) How is your family" That was it, I know there isn't much to read into, just wanted to post here and update you guys.. I didn't reply, of course I think to myself man it would be nice to have a conversation or see her, but for what? If she came knocking down my door I still know it's not for the best. Just miss her as a person, but I guess she can't have her cake and eat it to. It's pretty sad to because I know her internship here is ending and she ended it when it started and met some foreign kids, I think their visas are probably up soon or some lame **** and maybe she's crawling back to even be friends, not a fan of being a back up plan. Thanks guys. It didn't set me back much, just gets you thinking I suppose. I know she actually misses me most likely, goes to show her life isn't all dandy, meeting a bunch of people or I wouldn't be contacted. We had an amazing bond and maybe since it's almost 3 months she's really starting to feel the "new friends" honeymoon hype go down, 2 breadcrumbs in 12 day span. ONELOVE Edited November 18, 2015 by positivityonly Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Why haven't you blocked her so you can't get the breadcrumbs? Link to post Share on other sites
fiskadoro Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Have you ever heard of cognitive thought distortion? One of my friends is a Psychiatric Nurse and she introduced it's concepts to me. I suggest you look at them, or get a workbook - like "The Feeling Good Handbook" by Burns - to at least see how your thoughts are leading you to conclusions you just can't be sure about. Whatever happens, try to give up the idea of being able to predict what your ex is thinking. Was she cruel and manipulative to you and others when you were dating her? If not, why would she have become that way now.... and if so, why do you want to continue dating her? "Breadcrumbs" might just be her own lack of self-control. What if she is trying to do NC and just as miserable at it as you are? What if you ignore her for two months and she comes crawling back? What if what if what if... once again you are worried so much about the outcome... focus on now. Getting through another crap day, trying not to wallow in your emotions, neglecting your friends and family because you are emotionally tied up in someone who isn't with you. Just from my own experience: three weeks ago, in looking for an ego boost, I contacted my ex. At first I was remembering the good sex, her cute smile, etc... but soon enough she started complaining about the same ish I disliked hearing before, talking about her aimless directionless life, and I soon found myself disillusioned once again. If I had called her up and found that she had become a go-getter, was positive and could maintain friendships with her peers, I would have been so impressed! Maybe there is something in there for you... back up, tighten up, and come back correct. Your old relationship is DEAD. Stop trying to revive it. However, there is always the potential for a new one to bloom somewhere down the road. Worse than rejection, IMO, would be just petering along until you become a boring occasional texter and some exciting guy shows up around New Years, when girls with no bf decide they are going to go out and do something about it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author positivityonly Posted November 18, 2015 Author Share Posted November 18, 2015 Have you ever heard of cognitive thought distortion? One of my friends is a Psychiatric Nurse and she introduced it's concepts to me. I suggest you look at them, or get a workbook - like "The Feeling Good Handbook" by Burns - to at least see how your thoughts are leading you to conclusions you just can't be sure about. Whatever happens, try to give up the idea of being able to predict what your ex is thinking. Was she cruel and manipulative to you and others when you were dating her? If not, why would she have become that way now.... and if so, why do you want to continue dating her? "Breadcrumbs" might just be her own lack of self-control. What if she is trying to do NC and just as miserable at it as you are? What if you ignore her for two months and she comes crawling back? What if what if what if... once again you are worried so much about the outcome... focus on now. Getting through another crap day, trying not to wallow in your emotions, neglecting your friends and family because you are emotionally tied up in someone who isn't with you. Just from my own experience: three weeks ago, in looking for an ego boost, I contacted my ex. At first I was remembering the good sex, her cute smile, etc... but soon enough she started complaining about the same ish I disliked hearing before, talking about her aimless directionless life, and I soon found myself disillusioned once again. If I had called her up and found that she had become a go-getter, was positive and could maintain friendships with her peers, I would have been so impressed! Maybe there is something in there for you... back up, tighten up, and come back correct. Your old relationship is DEAD. Stop trying to revive it. However, there is always the potential for a new one to bloom somewhere down the road. Worse than rejection, IMO, would be just petering along until you become a boring occasional texter and some exciting guy shows up around New Years, when girls with no bf decide they are going to go out and do something about it! Simon Phoenix - I do agree, you're right.. Fiskadoro- I really really appreciate those words. You took an approach I've never heard rather than just "do NC" even though that's what I'm doing, thanks for putting your time into that text. I started reading The Power Of Now, it's helping me tremendously and then a few days later I got that, but I will stick to my guns and focus on myself. My real estate business is taking off and I'm starting to see the light. Fiskadoro if you have any more comments or advice id love to hear it. I've been pretty damn strong with all this, never broke NC besides the first breadcrumb. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
fiskadoro Posted November 18, 2015 Share Posted November 18, 2015 Sounds like you are already on the right path. Actually, what I am recommending isn't much different than NC, it's just not indefinite, and while you are in NC you are getting your ish tight. If I have one last thing to share it this: aim for progress, not perfection. In my own life, if there weren't many patient and understanding young women, I would have been sunk. Be patient and understanding, but have some spine and don't compromise your goals. Break NC when you are SURE you are ready for any eventuality - including abject, cold rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author positivityonly Posted November 20, 2015 Author Share Posted November 20, 2015 Thanks for the help guys, just hard not responding, I am still NC It'll be a week Sunday. Just makes you wonder, reconcile? No, I do have strong feelings for her still but I know its not for the best for either of us especially ME, I put up with way too much. It just feels so weird to not respond to someone I have never "not responded" too, yet all I'm doing is giving her what she wanted. Its sticks with me that if I do contact do I just look/sound spineless? I think so, just trying to focus one me.. Sorry for the rant its been a tough day guys. Link to post Share on other sites
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