Author siriusp Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 In most of North America if you live together for 6 months, you are common law married. It can involve court proceedings to figure out who owns what. So no, here it can't always be easily undone. Plus most people in North America are home owners. So often there is a mortgage involved with moving in together. Wao... six months? That's quick. That must be horrible. It doesn't leave people very free to live their lives the way they want to. I'd really hate to be tied like that without wanting to. Now I sort of understand the totally weird dating system! I should have known......lol
deadelvis Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 In most of North America if you live together for 6 months, you are common law married. It can involve court proceedings to figure out who owns what. So no, here it can't always be easily undone. Plus most people in North America are home owners. So often there is a mortgage involved with moving in together. I thought it was six years? I live in California where small houses are $500,000-1,000,000 so very few people own their homes. And for the record... I blame it on Sex and the City. When women say things like "I'm going through my Samantha phase" it makes me want to never date again and move to the Himalayas.
GunslingerRoland Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 American dating: Short term casual hook up dating that leads to nothing Europe and every other Continent other then America: Committed relationship that will definitely lead to marriage and children. I am European and mostly every European guy wants marriage and kids. These values are instilled in them since they're children. Finish school then get married and start a family. Most American men don't have goals such as starting a family and having kids. Its all over the place in this country. See, that is just silly. America consistently has higher birth rates than almost every country in Europe. If all European men want to have kids how come nearly half of them never do?
deadelvis Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I'm American. I've lived here my whole life. And to be honest... Americans are just lacking in morality. Most people in this country are trashy, sleazy and self absorbed. That's just how it seems to me. The sexual revolutions of the 1960's, 70's and even the recent "hookup culture" have basically ruined monogamy in this country. The married people I know are miserable. The single people are a bunch of "multi-daters" who use sex to fill the empty void in their lives. I think media and the "sex sells" mentality has given everyone GIGS and "looking for the BBD". Everyone is selfish and vain. Materialism has ruined our sense of value. It's pretty bad here. I'd love to leave this disgusting place. 2
ltjg45 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 See, that is just silly. America consistently has higher birth rates than almost every country in Europe. If all European men want to have kids how come nearly half of them never do? While I am not fully sure that it is the truth, I am sure America leads the way when it comes to having children out of wedlock. We may have higher birth rates but at least half of the parents is not even close to being ready for the role. That is strictly the result of careless unprotected sex. 5
Author siriusp Posted November 2, 2015 Author Posted November 2, 2015 See, that is just silly. America consistently has higher birth rates than almost every country in Europe. If all European men want to have kids how come nearly half of them never do? If I'm not mistaken America has a very high rate of teenage pregnancy compared to most European countries. Not sure why that is but in Europe - mostly - it is not considered cool to have children when you are so young (unprepared). Probably something to do with the education. Also I think abortion is more of an issue in America than Europe so if mistakes are made.... 1
Chr15 Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I think I have become more confused - rather than less so - by reading the advise here in LS I feel like this sometimes after reading some of the threads and advice here too I think LS has made me more insecure about dating because of the cultural dating differences. It took me a while to realise that some of the views here are not relevant to where I'm living. But it's also interesting to read other people's views, and it does make you think about your own questions. Where I'm from multi-dating is also not really a thing. Someone would move on if they found out you were dating others. 1
Woggle Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Dating is a complete mess in America these days. Nobody actually seems happy with how things are and both genders keep pointing the finger at each other instead of realizing that everybody needs to look in the mirror. 6
Miss Peach Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Well I still think I'm missing something here - why go on a date with someone if you are not really into them? If I already know I am not really into them - I will not waste my time nor theirs. I am glad I don't live there and that's not the norm in Europe. The idea that it might be coming this way - creeps me out! A lot of our dating now in the US is from OLD or with strangers where it's essentially a blind date. We have no idea if we will like each other. It's not that common to meet dates you can talk to and vet out before a date as in other cultures. The impression I get form people I know in Europe is that often you already know the person (i.e., university, dinner parties, through friends, etc.) or that someone you know does. That is also why Americans multi-date. We set up several first dates and then try to move forward with the person we like the most. Now the thing is there are a lot of guys out there (and women) that try to use the ambiguity to not tell someone they don't want to move forward, they just want sex, etc. That's where most of the issues on this board come from IMO. 2
Miss Peach Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 If I'm not mistaken America has a very high rate of teenage pregnancy compared to most European countries. Not sure why that is but in Europe - mostly - it is not considered cool to have children when you are so young (unprepared). Probably something to do with the education. Also I think abortion is more of an issue in America than Europe so if mistakes are made.... This is largely because abstinence is all we can teach here due to the religious presence here. A lot of the (mis)information comes from fellow teenagers because often adults are too afraid to talk to their kids about it in the US and schools aren't allowed to teach much beyond anatomy. 1
thecrucible Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 Arrghh I'm so glad multi-dating is less of a thing here. I actually tried it once and it didn't work at all - people just accused me of being a slag. Plus now I'd rather be single for ages and go out with one person I really like then multiple date a bunch of guys I'm not really into. It's just a mess. I definitely won't try that again. On a teenage pregnancy topic, I'm from Scotland and near where I live used to have the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe. However teenage pregnancy has gone down A LOT in the UK, probably due to educational initiatives. I don't know how much to generalise about North American dating as I've met people from different parts of America. I found Texans quite traditional and really into chivalry so it seemed to me multi-dating would be a less of thing there (but I could be wrong). I like Canadians - I think they are similar to British people.
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I find the American dating culture weird (I'm not American...) There seems to be a big focus on money/sex/image and that comes through on these forums. There's less talk about genuine connections, being spontaneous etc. I find American dating culture far too practiced, inauthentic and cold. I prefer the European approach to love and romance. IMO it is less high-strung. 1
RedRobin Posted November 2, 2015 Posted November 2, 2015 I am an American. I have never multidated and never will. When I did OLD, I screened the men carefully before agreeing to meet them and did not line up tons of first dates, ever. I would date one guy at a time until I or he decided whether to proceed further. If I suspected the guy was multi dating at any point past the first date, I dumped him. I am not there for lots of dates with strangers. A phone call or two is sufficient for me to decide if I should meet him or not. All that in mind, most men I eventually meet end up as a relationship with me. It's pretty easy once you learn how to screen out the phishers and time wasters. I never understood the need to have lots of first dates simultaneously or within a short period. To me, it doesn't help develop intimacy and trust... Which is exactly what people are complaining about. That said, these dating sites are set up to encourage constant churn. How else would they make their money if anyone actually found someone permanent or long term? Anyway, for those who don't like multi dating, it can be hard, but it can be managed. Especially since, once upon a time, multi dating was a sign of poor character... But now... Lots think they are bound to do it or tolerate it or else. I disagree, but whatever. I screen for people who share my values and am not shy about it. So it works for me. The good news for Americans like me is that I think it has been going on long enough that people have come full circle, and there are more now who are like me and stick to it. I imagine in places that are new to this phenom, there will be lots of people experimenting with the concept... With all the confusion that entails. It's like learning a new language, that's all. Find others that speak the same language, and you'll be fine. 1
Els Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 See, that is just silly. America consistently has higher birth rates than almost every country in Europe. If all European men want to have kids how come nearly half of them never do? I'm not so sure that European men all (or even mostly) want kids. I know a few who certainly don't. That being said, from what I've read, the higher birth rates in the USA are mostly due to: 1) Religion. The US is pretty much the only Western country that is still highly religious, and where mixing religion with politics or law is considered completely acceptable. And many religious folks marry early and have lots of children. 2) Lack of sex ed for teenagers For me, the big differences I've noted between the US and Australia. -- Moving in together, hell I've had bf's move in after first-time sex. Why is this a big deal? It's only house sharing not getting a mortgage together. Can easily be undone FFS. Um, you might want to read up on the de facto laws in Australia. AFAIK they vary between regions and I'm not sure which one you are in, but some of them treat de facto separation the same way as they do a divorce. Granted you have to live together for a certain period of time before they apply, but still, it's hardly 'easily undone' or 'not a big deal'. In fact I daresay it should be a bigger deal for you than it is in most of the US, where (AFAIK) de facto relationships are not legally recognized. 1
loverboy69 Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 #firstworldproblems The United States is known for setting trends that other Western Civilized countries will follow in the next 5-10 years. (for better or worse) Unless you live in China or Iran you better watch out. We spend our time dissecting our dating practices because we have it too good. Tell that to your friends in Syria, Iraq or the Ukraine. I've been all over the world and then some. Believe me when I say I'm glad to be an American. ;-)
Author siriusp Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 #firstworldproblems The United States is known for setting trends that other Western Civilized countries will follow in the next 5-10 years. (for better or worse) Unless you live in China or Iran you better watch out. We spend our time dissecting our dating practices because we have it too good. Tell that to your friends in Syria, Iraq or the Ukraine. I've been all over the world and then some. Believe me when I say I'm glad to be an American. ;-) Unfortunately you are right that the US does seem to set trends for other Western countries - so we can expect to go backwards?! Reading comments from the multi-dating crowd and the rules of dating American style - I often feel like I am in the Middle East! Some of the comments towards women are so demeaning and the double standard is rife. I am not a fan and I never will be. I too have traveled extensively and believe me the attitude is very similar in 'less developed' countries. I am not saying all Americans are like this - this just just the strong impression I get reading posts in LS I am glad I posted this thread and see that I am not the only person that noticed the difference. 2
joseb Posted November 3, 2015 Posted November 3, 2015 Um, you might want to read up on the de facto laws in Australia. AFAIK they vary between regions and I'm not sure which one you are in, but some of them treat de facto separation the same way as they do a divorce. Granted you have to live together for a certain period of time before they apply, but still, it's hardly 'easily undone' or 'not a big deal'. In fact I daresay it should be a bigger deal for you than it is in most of the US, where (AFAIK) de facto relationships are not legally recognized. Yeah, Australian co-habiting laws mean de-facto can be pretty much like marriage, it's all a bit unclear as to the exact time needed - 2 years gets mentioned a lot, but from my understanding it can apply quicker. So perhaps think a bit more before becoming "flatmates" 1
Els Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 #firstworldproblems We spend our time dissecting our dating practices because we have it too good. Tell that to your friends in Syria, Iraq or the Ukraine. I agree with this in general. People who are struggling just to keep themselves alive for the next month or even week are unlikely to have the time to dissect relationships and dating to that detail. But personally I also think that having had things too 'easy' all your life can be bad for you as well, especially when it comes to relationships. It's astonishing to me how some people treat relationships and people as disposable bandaids, probably because if their TV breaks down, they are used to having a new one come in the next day. I once saw an interview with an old couple who had been together for 70 years - they said something like 'we come from a time where if something breaks you try to fix it, not just throw it away'. I too have traveled extensively and believe me the attitude is very similar in 'less developed' countries. I am not saying all Americans are like this - this just just the strong impression I get reading posts in LS I've lived in an Asian country and in a very liberal/egalitarian 'Western' country, and I agree that the attitudes seen on LS seem to fall closer to the Asian end of the spectrum, which is surprising. I sometimes wonder though if those people are just idealizing conservatism without knowing what it actually entails in real life.
LilaMarie Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Western men are mostly betas. Need I say more. I'm going to start looking to date men from overseas or something. Take me away alphas!!! ::arms outstretched::
katiegrl Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 Well I still think I'm missing something here - why go on a date with someone if you are not really into them? If I already know I am not really into them - I will not waste my time nor theirs. I am glad I don't live there and that's not the norm in Europe. The idea that it might be coming this way - creeps me out! I am same as you, I know on date one whether or not I'm into a guy. And if we don't *click,* then there is no date two. However, there are some people who need maybe 2-3 dates before they know. There is a female poster on this board, for example, who has said she felt nothing on dates 1 and 2, but then on date 3, something just clicked! In the meantime, she was still going out on dates with other guys. Once she realized she clicked with first guy, she stopped dating the others. Isn't that what multi-dating is? Dating different people until you find that one person you wish to focus solely on? Like I said, for me I know on date one. So there is no need to multi-date. But there are many who need a few dates to figure out their feelings....and for those people multi-dating works for them...... 1
Grumpybutfun Posted November 4, 2015 Posted November 4, 2015 (edited) Meh, America is pretty similar in dating to most developed countries with democracies and stabs at civil rights. In my experiences, the experiences of my twenty something children, experiences of watching dating for twenty years in the military, the dating now of my divorced friends...this place does not represent dating in America very well at all. Most men and women in America aren't in competition but are mingling along pretty great...together. Best, G Edited November 4, 2015 by Grumpybutfun 1
Imajerk17 Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 (edited) For me, the big differences I've noted between the US and Australia. Dating multiples...WTF? Why? I've never seen this happen in my entire lifetime. In fact if you did that here most people would walk on you and seek someone who wants to focus on them. That **** is not going to roll here. Where do people even find the time or opportunity to do that? I'm lucky if I can find even one I would get out of bed for. Exclusive? Usually happens from date #1, see above. BF/GF status, yeah that's a given from say sexual experience #3 or #4. If it doesn't most people move on. Moving on happens a lot here, people don't seem to get overly attached or try and play commitment games, hanging in there for dear life waiting for the 'commitment' moment. Moving in together, hell I've had bf's move in after first-time sex. Why is this a big deal? It's only house sharing not getting a mortgage together. Can easily be undone FFS. Women get all the attention/ men need to earn big money/ focus on marriage/ is she a fit mother for my children etc. Just none of that is really a focus here. This is an old thread. Anyway, as an American who has just spent some time in Australia (Canberra and Sydney) and who has seen some of what is in Buddhist's post, this is my observation, besides hers. 1. No matter where you go in a Western society where people have free choice on whom to be with, it starts with attraction and connection. I was astounded though, by how attractive Australian women are. I mean, in so many ways--physically attractive, in shape, great career, and adventurous--LOVES to travel. Furthermore, the eye candy just walking down the street of either city! Or in Sydney's subway system. 2. In the USA, dating in a big city tends to be quite different from dating in a small town. I'd think something similar holds in Oz. However, I have heard that, unlike the USA, most people in Australia live in one of the big cities--Sydney, Melbourne, Adelaide, Brisbaine, Perth, Darwin, Canberra, Hobart, Newcastle. The US has 300 million people while Australia has something like 25 million people, and when you take away the populations of those 9 big Aussie cities from 25 million, there just aren't that many people left. So I'd think the dating scene in Australia is dominated by the dating scenes of those big cities as there is just where almost everyone is. (Although getting back to Buddhist's post, when there is a connection maybe people don't multidate even in say Sydney as they may in New York City.) 3. I don't think OLD is that big in Australia compared to the USA. At least Match isn't that big, from what I have seen. For example, in any big US city, you will find *thousands* of OLD profiles on Match where it is clear from the text and photos that the woman is putting in a good effort to meeting someone. I didn't see that doing a search on Match-dot-com-dot-au for women in Sydney. 4. Being single when you don't want to be is frustrating for anyone I'm sure. I think that when people do gripe though, they say more or less the same things in the big cities of either country. Women will talk about a "man draught"* and how they keep running into players or guys who don't know how to be men. Men will say rubbish to that, no there's no shortage of good men, instead the real problem is that women here are just way too picky and have their standards ratcheted up way too high. You know, the stuff people tend to gripe about here in the USA There probably is some truth to both sides. I mean, getting back to my first point #1 if you are such an adventurous woman you probably want a man who can at least keep up. On the other hand, I'm sure there are plenty of attractive guys who get carried away with all the attractive women around. 5. As an American male there, I found meeting women to be fairly easy, especially Sydney. I spent my last evening there taking a walk on the beach with someone I met just walking out of the subway station. I'm not sure whether it is my accent or whether I have no problems cold-approaching. I hear that men hardly cold-approach over there. Then again, is it that common here in the States? *Except Perth. There's no man-draught in Perth from what I heard. Actually maybe Darwin and a couple others on the list too.... Edited November 23, 2015 by Imajerk17
jay1983 Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 I've been to brasil and it's completely different. Over there you meet a gal, ask her to meet, then there you are sitting with her smoking hookah, discussing the US Iraq war. Pretty girls too. Over here you meet a gal, ask her to meet, then get a flake out text message just before you're out the door.
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