American dating vs rest of Western world?

[JustGettingBy]

I had never heard of "multi-dating" until joining LS.

[thecrucible]

I met many Americans when I was at university and my first observation is that by most accounts, there isn't much difference. However in terms of dating (and please correct me if I'm wrong):

 

1. There seems to be more multi-dating in America. I don't really know anyone who does this here.

 

2. Here if it gets past 3 dates or so, it's practically assumed that you're exclusive. I've never had any kind of conversation before about whether we're exclusive or not.

 

3. Certain aspects of American dating appear to me to be more formal. I only started going on "dates" per se when I did online dating. Before that, previous boyfriends I just met through clubs or university and we would just bond by close proximity and fall for each other. But there was never really any formal date situation until we were already a couple. Also most of the time, people don't really use the word 'date' when asking someone out. It's more like "hey fancy a drink on Thursday?"

 

4. People are somewhat less hung-up on sex here. Like I know a lot of relationships that started from one night stands or having sex very early in the courtship. That goes back to the assumed exclusivity thing I mentioned earlier.

 

5. American men don't get irony. For instance, I make slightly ironic joke and they think I'm being literal...Chill out, dude.

 

6. I've met a range of American men - some were pretty hot but had less substance. Also what's so great about beer pong? American men are sometimes more likely to pay for things when they don't need to (chivalry is less common here).

 

As an aside, I absolutely adore the American tourists I meet at work (I work in a visitor attraction). I find Americans as a whole very friendly and open to talking to new people.

[lino]

TV shows like Sex and the city poisoned the minds of many gen X and later women here.

 

Things were much better before that.

Social media as well sent things down hill.

[joseb]

TV shows like Sex and the city poisoned the minds of many gen X and later women here.

 

Things were much better before that.

Social media as well sent things down hill.

 

Sex and the city has a lot to answer for!!

[thecrucible]

Sex and the city has a lot to answer for!!

 

What do you mean?

[Els]

Are we seriously blaming a TV series for the 'terrible wimmenz' again?? That's like saying immature guys are the way they are because of Playboy and American Pie. FFS. Immature guys are the way they are because they are immature.

 

Anyway... to answer the OP, I think lumping all 'Western culture' into one nice little ball is as inaccurate as lumping all 'Asian culture' into one. Of course the mentalities in various countries are different, even if there are some similarities. It's not just 'America' vs 'the rest of the world' either - contrary to what you might think, that is not how the world is split up. French culture vs Australian culture vs UK culture etc are all different.

 

But LS does somewhat give me the assumption that dating in the US seems very superficial and commercialized. Hopefully this assumption is wrong.

 

As to why people in LTRs are here, there are various reasons. Some of us signed up back in our dating days and just stayed because we got to know people here. Some people are genuinely trying to help. People don't always do something just because they NEED help - if everyone did that, who would they be helped by?

[JustGettingBy]

As to why people in LTRs are here, there are various reasons. Some of us signed up back in our dating days and just stayed because we got to know people here. Some people are genuinely trying to help. People don't always do something just because they NEED help - if everyone did that, who would they be helped by?

 

And some people have a need to help, ie helping others fills an emotional void.

[Heer]

I really wish I have dated more people in order to contribute to this thread:laugh::laugh:. I always thought dating in English speaking and European countries were similar, but I guess not:D I always though British guys were pretty hot but then the teeth issue really got me worried.

[walkingonair]

American dating: Short term casual hook up dating that leads to nothing

 

Europe and every other Continent other then America: Committed relationship that will definitely lead to marriage and children.

 

I am European and mostly every European guy wants marriage and kids. These values are instilled in them since they're children. Finish school then get married and start a family. Most American men don't have goals such as starting a family and having kids. Its all over the place in this country.

Edited November 2, 2015 by walkingonair

[RedRobin]

The big thing I notice is the "exclusivity" talk, when should one become exclusive? When should one bring up exclusivity?

 

 

As far as I'm concerned in my experience and the experiences of those I know its something that just doesn't happen in England.

 

 

Multi-dating past date 1 would make you a scumbag tbh. If we're dating, then you'd assume your exclusive.

 

Thank god dating is sane somewhere. When I say the above here in the U.S., I am definitely the outlier...

[Els]

I always though British guys were pretty hot but then the teeth issue really got me worried.

 

You know teeth don't have to be pearly-white to be healthy, right? Natural teeth are rarely a perfect white, and the whitening treatments that achieve that shade can be damaging.

[Toodaloo]

The big thing I notice is the "exclusivity" talk, when should one become exclusive? When should one bring up exclusivity?

 

As far as I'm concerned in my experience and the experiences of those I know its something that just doesn't happen in England.

 

Multi-dating past date 1 would make you a scumbag tbh. If we're dating, then you'd assume your exclusive.

 

Sorry Shep. Times have moved on and I gotta tell you its as confusing as hell... The guys from the cities are moving more towards an American/ multi dating thing...

 

Drives me insane as it was so simple before...

 

Getting an outside perspective helps. Quite a bit in fact. Because, to put it bluntly, if I were on my own in this I think I would end up curled up in a blubbering mess in an asylum by now... Park Prewett hold the doors I am coming on in! Either that or I would end up shutting myself away and never dating ever again.

 

Its a blinkin' battlefield out there.

 

You hang onto your gorgeous wife honey. Partners like that are few and far between these days!

[Els]

The big thing I notice is the "exclusivity" talk, when should one become exclusive? When should one bring up exclusivity?

 

 

As far as I'm concerned in my experience and the experiences of those I know its something that just doesn't happen in England.

 

 

Multi-dating past date 1 would make you a scumbag tbh. If we're dating, then you'd assume your exclusive.

 

I dunno if it's just Americans who do this - the last time I dated was in Asia, and guys did bring up the 'official' talk. I suppose 'official' isn't necessarily the same thing as 'exclusive', though. Yeah, I've mostly only heard Americans mention the 'exclusivity talk'.

[PrettyEmily77]

The guys from the cities are moving more towards an American/ multi dating thing...

 

Yeah, I think you're right, unfortunately.

 

I'm in the UK and live in a large cosmopolitan city (not London) and when I was dating (ie. getting to know guys one at a time to screen compatibility - not necessarily committed but def exclusive), some of guys I dated were commenting on the shift to multi-dating, especially the younger guys (early 30s). I wasn't interested so I didn't push for more details but it's def coming to our shores.

[Heer]

You know teeth don't have to be pearly-white to be healthy, right? Natural teeth are rarely a perfect white, and the whitening treatments that achieve that shade can be damaging.

 

Really? I didn't know that glad you cleared it up for me:D:D.

 

But for some reason I feel that European guys are less "in control" of a relationship while American guys are more "in control" and maybe more confident. Honestly I really want a little of both:love::love: In terms of the "exclusivity talk" i think its needed in any dating scene because you just don't know what one another is thinking.

[Shepp]

Sorry Shep. Times have moved on and I gotta tell you its as confusing as hell... The guys from the cities are moving more towards an American/ multi dating thing...

Well yeah, admittedly I'm a country boy from a country town... I don't see a place for multi-dating if your thinking of dating a girl you went to school with who used to go play cricket with your sister... or something like that!

American culture does tend to make its way across the pond eventually.. I guess in cities with thousands of people it wouldn't surprise me if this starts to seep in - It doesn't make sense to me - but it wouldn't surprise me per say!

 

 

I think its different as well with online dating come in more in to play, folks are going on dates with strangers.

Your sitting down with someone you've never met before on a "first date" and that's like a totally different ball game to saying to that girl that you see around, maybe hang out in the same group or at the same places if she wants to get a drink with you or maybe more like if she wants to take meet you for a dog walk!

 

 

Out of my closest guy friends, theres not many who introduced me to a "girlfriend" of theirs that I didn't already know!

Maybe not know know. But certainly know of, or have mutual friends. But in a lot of cases they'd of probably invited her along to something we were doing as a group before they went on a one on one date and became a couple.

My sister lives in the capital and I do doubt that she would say the same.

 

Drives me insane as it was so simple before...

Don't matter how simple something is - give them time and folk will always find a way to make it more complicated!

 

You hang onto your gorgeous wife honey. Partners like that are few and far between these days!

[Shepp]

I dunno if it's just Americans who do this - the last time I dated was in Asia, and guys did bring up the 'official' talk. I suppose 'official' isn't necessarily the same thing as 'exclusive', though. Yeah, I've mostly only heard Americans mention the 'exclusivity talk'.

I guess the closest I can personally relate to is the "Shall we be facebook official?" conversation.....which is more of a jokey thing really.

 

 

I mean there is a difference between saying "I went with my girlfriend to the race" and "I went with this girl I'm seeing to the race" ..so I guess at some point you do cross the official bf/gf line, and I have only had the one serious adult relationship, but I can't for the life of me remember having a talk about 'officialness' with my wife.... I guess at some point I must of just started referring to her as my girlfriend..

[Toodaloo]

Well yeah, admittedly I'm a country boy from a country town... I don't see a place for multi-dating if your thinking of dating a girl you went to school with who used to go play cricket with your sister... or something like that!

 

I am exactly the same and its a whole new world for me... A traffic jam for me is a Massey (John Deeres would never hold you up!!!) or getting stuck behind a pheasant...

 

I think its different as well with online dating come in more in to play, folks are going on dates with strangers. Your sitting down with someone you've never met before on a "first date" and that's like a totally different ball game to saying to that girl that you see around, maybe hang out in the same group or at the same places if she wants to get a drink with you or maybe more like if she wants to take meet you for a dog walk!

 

So so true!

 

Don't matter how simple something is - give them time and folk will always find a way to make it more complicated!

 

While all the while saying they like it simple...

 

 

Its a weird old world out there when you start to poke your nose about. Hell I sit in my office and see guys butchering deer out of one window and kids playing out of another... We all know each other... And instructions like I am by the second load of trees on the way to so and so's house actually make sense.

 

I dunno Shepp It all just confuses the hell out of me. *shrugs*. I think I am better off taking the latest Maive Binchey down the local and having a pint of Guinness... At least the plots are not quite so "Jerry Springer"...

[siriusp]

Yes..........multi-dating! That has been making me think wtf??? Who does that? It is an alien concept for me. I'm either into someone or I'm not..... I can't imagine being into two different people at the same time - and if it were the other way around - I wouldn't be interested in a guy like that.

 

But if people are happy with that arrangement - who am I to judge? I just wouldn't feel comfortable taking advice from people with such a different mind set. If that makes any sense without meaning to sound offensive in any way.

[katiegrl]

Yes..........multi-dating! That has been making me think wtf??? Who does that? It is an alien concept for me. I'm either into someone or I'm not..... I can't imagine being into two different people at the same time - and if it were the other way around - I wouldn't be interested in a guy like that.

 

But if people are happy with that arrangement - who am I to judge? I just wouldn't feel comfortable taking advice from people with such a different mind set. If that makes any sense without meaning to sound offensive in any way.

 

I think people multi-date until they meet someone he/she is really into.

 

Finding someone we're really into isn't easy, and it takes going on several dates, sometimes with the same person, among others, until we meet that one person we're totally into and want to solely focus on.

[siriusp]

I think people multi-date until they meet someone he/she is really into.

 

Finding someone we're really into isn't easy, and it takes going on several dates, sometimes with the same person, among others, until we meet that one person we're totally into and want to solely focus on.

 

Well I still think I'm missing something here - why go on a date with someone if you are not really into them? If I already know I am not really into them - I will not waste my time nor theirs. I am glad I don't live there and that's not the norm in Europe.

 

The idea that it might be coming this way - creeps me out!

[SwordofFlame]

As a guy, I can usually tell after the first date if I like someone and want to date them. It seems most women need more dates first. Knowing that, I keep my options open too. I guess everyone's different.

[siriusp]

I don't know about other women but I know when I meet someone straight away if I am interested or not. If I'm not interested - no date. No confusion!

[GunslingerRoland]

Moving in together, hell I've had bf's move in after first-time sex. Why is this a big deal? It's only house sharing not getting a mortgage together. Can easily be undone FFS.

 

.

 

In most of North America if you live together for 6 months, you are common law married. It can involve court proceedings to figure out who owns what. So no, here it can't always be easily undone.

 

Plus most people in North America are home owners. So often there is a mortgage involved with moving in together.

[ltjg45]

I am am American black male and this is one of the many reasons why I never asked any women out in the past 2-3 years.

 

First of all, I am completely against the American dating culture. Multi-dating will not be used by me. I certainly won't do casual sex unless it is agreed by both me and the woman and I have high standards for the kind of woman I want in my life.

 

Here, in America, I might as well be dead when it comes to dating. My "rules" simply won't fly here and to think I am currently 29, where I am in my peak. It is VERY rare that I see a woman I would consider attractive and when I do, it is in an awkward place like me being at work or she already has a man, in which case, she might as well be off limits.

 

However, messaging foreign women gives me far different results. There, I get a lot of attention (more than I can handle, to be honest) and I don't get the same annoying responses I deal with here locally. The women there is far nicer, more intelligent overall, and is willing to show the traits needed to be a great wife and mother one day. It is literally night and day. I can easily see myself dating there and actually be happy.

 

At this point, unless I truly meet a wonderful single woman that is interested in me and is also single locally, I doubt I will ever date within the United States. There is so much I disagree with in this country, it makes me feel bad that I am classified as an American. My time is better spent across the water, even if I do have to deal with language barriers in the process.