love triangle with his ex girlfriend

[starzstorm]

Ok so me and this dude have been together for almost 2 years. He has never taken me out on a real date, much less paid for my food at a McDonald's drivethru or some other cheap eatery like Taco Bell.

 

I understand that he's strapped for cash, he works only 25 hours a week at a pizzeria and he's paying off collections on his old apt and his ex girlfriends hospital bill. I don't agree with him paying his exes hospital bill, she tried to kill herself because she was depressed that her relationship with her other ex boyfriend fell apart but my boyfriend called the ambulance so she is making him accountable for that.

 

Anyway, I don't feel like he makes much effort for me compared to other women. Whenever we hang out we usually do something HE likes, we hardly ever go to my house unless my parents aren't home and then we end up drinking alcohol, watching a movie and having sex. Btw we are young college students and he lives with his mom and brother. So when we hang out we'll generally go to his band's practice space and I'll sit there and listen to them play for 2 or 3 hours, then we'll drink beer and maybe smoke cigarettes and pot. Keep in mind this is later in the day or at night after he gets out of class or off of work.

 

Then we head back to his house, put on a movie, smoke pot and drink then have sex and go to sleep. We haven't been to the mall since the early days of dating, and sometimes we'll go to a show, but on several occasions like when we went to go see a band in another city play I not only paid for my ticket but his. Sometimes I'll buy the beer to bring to the practice space or over his house. In addition to that, whenever we go out to restaurants like burrito joints or ruby Tuesday's or waffle house, again nothing fancy I pay for the two of us. Every time we have gone to the movies so far so 3-4 times I have also paid for both of our tickets and I also paid the last time for a giant popcorn bucket.

 

I don't know if I am overreacting or what, but I keep hearing stories about my friends boyfriends buying them flowers and taking them out to dinner or doing sweet things like taking them on mini vacations for their anniversarys and stuff. It makes me mad because my boyfriend gets money from family and relatives on Christmas and still doesn't take me out, he bought me like a less than 10 dollar animal alley snake plush from toys r us and for the Christmas after that he got me a darkwing duck dvd that was unwrapped and that he paid for with a best buy giftcard he got from his grandma. Also, he never has money to spend on me but he has money to buy magic cards and miniature models and pot for himself.

 

When we first got together he made me a necklace out of beads with fishing wire and I was so happy because I had never gotten "jewelry" before but the rest of my friends were like what he couldn't at least buy you something from Walmart or pay 25 cents to get something out of a gumball machine? In addition to that I have bought him tshirts, a web cam, miniature models and paint, magic cards, I bring him good quality soaps for his bathroom and I usually bring treats over like german chocolate talenti gelato over for him. Sometimes he makes snide comments about how I come from a rich family when I don't consider ourselves rich. Oh and whenever we go to shows in a different city I usually pay for his gas and occasionally when were in town hell ask me for like 15 here or there for gas money. What do ya'll think?

Edited October 24, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs, merge threads and update title

[empresario]

I think you are a doormat.

 

 

No, that's not meant to be rude. But if I had to put money on this situation...my guess would be you've never, ever complain about taking care of him (let's face it, you're more of his mother than his girlfriend).

 

 

Do I think you deserve better? No. Not until you demand more from your partner. Because right now you're not getting anything. And you have been getting nothing for 2 years.

[basil67]

We all get whatever we accept in a relationship. If you want more, then leave him and go find more.

[mortensorchid]

Oi ... This was painful to read. But to answer your question, yes you can do better.

[rbrock2323]

That looked like a total pain in the ass to read...about breaking it up into paragraphs that make it easier for the reader?

 

I stopped at the "still pays for his ex" part. That was all I needed to tell you're being used.

[TunaCat]

You are being a doormat.

 

This guy is clearly showing you that you are not a priority to him. Your happiness is not a priority.

 

If you want to keep not being a priority, stay in this relationship. If you want to be someone's priority get out of this relationship.

[Guyouthere]

I think Taco Bell sucks, but the Duck DVD sounds cool.

 

I say you should buy him a private jet and fly to Hawaii on the weekends.

 

then you will know if he REALLY loves you. lol

 

Seriously though,,,,

 

Does the answer to your question even need to be asked????

 

I would ask yourself what you see in him at all. lol

 

Do you know what a REAL man does????

[Vintage79]

I wish I could say you deserve better, but it doesn't sound like you're really putting in any more effort than he is...it sounds like you both have lives that you're comfortable with, and are seemingly compatible...don't expect him to change, but if you don't try to improve yourself, you'll just end up in the same situation with a different guy. So if you don't plan on changing yourself, stay with him. If you plan on changing, you don't deserve better now, but you may when you make yourself a better person...

[Redhead14]

You are his sugar momma, plain and simple. AND, he called an ambulance because his other girlfriend tried to commit suicide over her other boyfriend and she is making him pay for the hospital costs???????? That's FUBAR!!!!!

He's a complete idiot for doing that . . . unless she is holding something over him . . .

 

Do yourself a favor and dump him. He's going nowhere fast.

Edited October 24, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted full quote of starting post

[starzstorm]

Ok. So I am now 21 and my bf is 20. We have been dating for almost 2 years. We started dating locally and then I had to go away for college 2 hours away. He dated his ex for 3 years, she left him for another guy, his "friend" whom he was in a band with. All 3 of them lived in an apartment together, but her new boyfriend stopped paying rent so now my boyfriend is stuck paying off collections because his name was on the lease in addition to her boyfriends.

 

The first 2 months in I went away to NY with my parents to go to a wedding. She got into a fight with her boyfriend, showed up crying at my boyfriends and he let her sleep over his apartment in the room with him. When I asked him why didn't she sleep on the couch like his other guests did when they came over (his roommates would have been ok with it) he tried to still justify it and said "I was sad this morning when I rolled over and realized it wasn't you". Before I left for school in August he would go do things with her like go to the Polish festival or go for a cup of coffee. Sometimes she would join us when we went to Waffle House or other eateries at 11:30 at night. One time he offered to pay for her orange juice but he didn't offer to pay for anything of mine. Once she made him a Facebook profile and she uploaded a picture of them as the default: it was when they were 15/16 and he had his arm around her. Another time I told him I wanted to watch The Mummy and The Mummy Returns with him because he hadn't seen it before and he ended up watching it with HER at her house after I left because she had the DVDs. When I came back from Christmas break to go see him, I cuddled with him. All of a sudden I started getting texts from her saying that I hang out with him too much, she also cursed me out so I told her I was going to break up with him. She started calling me so I hit ignore told him what was up and then he got upset with me. (This was after I made it clear I didn't like her anymore).

 

Then over xmas break: she tried to kill herself because of problems with her boyfriend (he tried to dump her) and my boyfriend called the ambulance so he took on paying the 1000 ambulance fee. I told him I wasn't ok with this and he was like maybe we should break up then. He told me that he had to pay for it because unlike my family she wasn't rich, which is bull because he only made 7.25 an hour as a pizza boy and her mom was a social worker and her dad was a firefighter so they were making ok money. A few days later behind my back when I was sick after I told him not to talk to her anymore he drove her to a mutual friends Christmas party and then took her home earlier when he was drunk, so risking getting a dui. He didn't tell me about this but his best friend told me this and I tried to break up with him but he kept calling me and showed up round the house.

 

 

When I was back at school in the Spring he called me on the day of his birthday (I couldn't make it because I had school) and he told me that he was going to invite his ex out to his family birthday dinner and he knew it would make me mad but he didn't want to break up. I tried breaking up with him yet again because all of my friends told me it was disrespectful and he drove 2 hours to my college, used a text app to pretend to be my friend Lauren and tricked me into coming outside to come see him. Then when I had to take time off when my father died I found out he cancelled plans with me to go take his ex and wait with her at the busstation so she could go see her new boyfriend and he also went to a mutual friends birthday party with her.

 

 

I went through his phone (I know it was wrong) because I had my suspicions and she texted him once "i love you, why don't you ever say it back? He deleted his response to it (probably because he was afraid I'd see it). I also saw numerous records of calls from her to him on there almost daily, even though she had a new boyfriend. His excuse was that she wasn't mentally well (she had been hospitalized 3x now).

 

She had also texted me from his phone once calling me [names] after I had texted snapshots of her saying I love you to my boyfriend to her boyfriend. At this point my boyfriend would be like why can't you two be friends and get along like you used to? Why can't we all hang out like we used to? He even texted her about our sex life once saying we don't have sex often, but when we do it's [] great. She had texted him once, I'm wearing a dress for our friends party, I look like a whore. And he also texted her once oh you smoke pot now? Now we can dick off like I've always wanted to.

 

 

I'm just at my wits end. He claims to have never cheated on me but 2 of his guyfriends have told me that I should dump him/deserve better, his drummer says that when he brings her around to band practice when I'm not there hes up her ass and his other guy friend says that I should have dumped him along time ago. His other band player says he thinks theres something going on too, but my boyfriend assures me that nothing is going on and that I am crazy for thinking that. Oh also, before we started going out I found out that when her and her other boyfriend split up temporarily he paid her for sex and I found out that ny boyfriend hit her at least 2x when they were together. What do you think about this situation? Is he cheating on me?

Edited October 24, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and some language.

[ExpatInItaly]

What in the....

 

Why are you participating in this []? You don't try to break up with someone. You just do it.

 

Yes, I think he is likely cheating on you and playing both of you like fiddles. I see zero redeeming qualities in this tool.

Edited October 24, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[William]

Folks, I merged a couple threads on a similar topic so there appears to be some duplicate content. Please continue the discussion on this particular issue here. Thanks!

[introverted1]

Is this the same guy from this thread, who you say you broke up with last April?

[starzstorm]

Is this the same guy from this thread, who you say you broke up with last April?

 

Same guy unfortunately.