Trimmer Posted August 8, 2005 Share Posted August 8, 2005 Hey, Blackfrost - How's the midlife crisis going? I came to this thread late, but in looking at what you've writtten, it sounds like you need a new and possibly different goal to strive for. You've got a comfortable job and financial situation, a marriage worth keeping, a great kid (one of the most precious gifts in my own life...) - don't pick something that will screw any of those things up (e.g. your "one last wild ride" as a fling...) This is going to sound real Jimmy Stewart, but how about undertaking some kind of goal that's community or service or civic-based? Now that you are at a comfortable point in your life, this might be the perfect time to "give back" some of your admirable energy and ability to scrap and claw to achieve difficult goals. And maybe this is a new and different enough direction for you that it might both satisfy your desire for a new goal to work towards, and also the desire to go do something new, without actually going out and doing someone new. This may not work for you, but I couldn't resist the suggestion - you sound like you have a lot to offer. Who knows to what good use your energy could be put, and what feelings of self-worth you could get from it (which is really what a lot of midlife-crisis affairs are about, aren't they?) Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 9, 2005 Share Posted August 9, 2005 I think Trimmer had a great idea. The second half of life is the point where people find meaning by giving back, as it were. Which will be much more fulfilling than a roll in the hay with some chickie. Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted August 10, 2005 Share Posted August 10, 2005 I agree that women get it too. It's called 'getting old'. I am not adverse to longing for an 18-year honey but it's not the person you are yearning for, it's the feeling of what it felt like to be young. As we get old, we make choices and doors slam shut. Such is life I'm afraid. All of us remember what it was like to be a teenager when the world was exciting and you could be anything or anyone. As we get older it becomes apparent that certain doors are shut, locked and the key has been lost! We are never going to become rock stars or the next president or whatever. This is what happened to the guy in American Rose remember? He fantasised about the 18-year but when it came down to it, he realised that was really still a child and it freaked him out (and remember what happened to him in the end, he got his brains blown out). Also, most 18-year olds think that guys over 30 are ancient. They're going to be clocking every wrinkle and spare tyre. What did you used to dream about when you were young? Is there anyway that you could partly realise any of it? What sort of things did you like to do? Could you take any of them up now? Sylvia Link to post Share on other sites
wtfhtml Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 I totally respect your decision to involve your wife. My wife went through exactly what you are going through and decided to hide it from me for over a year. Until she could take it no longer and hooked up with a younger guy and walked out on aN INCREDIBLE 20 year incredible, two children, financial security, her family and friends. Her dishonesty has left her a pariah with everyone who knew her. Whether she's happy or not remains to be seen but she has lost everything she once had. Had she done what you have and still left me I would have entertained the thought of reclaiming the magic that we once had if she tried to come back - people make mistakes. As it is her dishonesty has closed that door. So you've done the right thing. As to your satisfaction, you need to squeeze every bit of excitement and joy out of your current life. You need to convince yourself that what you've become is as exciting and enjoyable as the path that led you there. Not many people can do this. The odds are that if you start all over the excitement and feelings of achievement in something totally new will still be there but will be less intense than the rise that got you to where you are now. If that's the case then the further odds are that you will start the cycle again at age 50 or 60 with even less satisfaction. Take it from someone on the other side. You have the capability to bring great joy to your family - even if it requires sacrificing your desires. Succumb to your desires and you will feel fleeting euphoria and joy but you will risk emotionally devasting your family. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Blackfrost: I'm real interested to hear an update from you. How's it going? Another thought I had - is your wife also a member of your health club? Maybe you guys can arrange someone to take care of your daughter some time while you are working out, and your wife can come to the gym and you guys can "meet" anonymously and start something. Once you meet, focus on her - it could be a real kick for her to be "picked" by you over the other gym-kittens. Like wtfhtml, I believe my wife hid from me - or at least was unable to express - the increasing depth of her dissatisfaction over the last couple years. When she finally told me "I'm unhappy and I want to do something about it", it was pretty much followed by "but it's so bad that it can't be fixed and I'm getting out." End of discussion, end of marriage. So I'm really happy and hopeful for you, and like others have said in this thread, I respect the thoughtful and feeling way you're approaching this. For now, I'm going to live vicariously through your experience (which is why I want to hear how you're doing), and hope that you're on your way to something good. Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 The more you have, the more you want. It`s not having what you want in life, it`s wanting what you have. In essence your problem is spiritual. You are seeking God. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Heh, heh, Neptune, you talkin' to me, or Blackfrost? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackfrost Posted August 30, 2005 Author Share Posted August 30, 2005 So I'm really happy and hopeful for you, and like others have said in this thread, I respect the thoughtful and feeling way you're approaching this. For now, I'm going to live vicariously through your experience (which is why I want to hear how you're doing), and hope that you're on your way to something good. Everything going really well for me now. I started working out really really hard 6 days a week on the bodyforlife.com program, dropped 46 lbs so far and just feel like a completely new person. Granted, I used my frustration and mental crisis as my fuel to obliterate myself in the gym every morning - and this really helped me forget about the confusion I was going through. Being in constant body pain - and seeing my hard physical work start to pay off, really helped me get over about 50% of my mental pain. The other 50% has really started to wittle away, as I feel good about my physical image - which gets loads and loads of comments from my wife and her friends - and that really helped me understand that what I have is good, and I should not throw it all away to start over again. I think that finding something as challenging as the fitness goal I'm working towards, has definitely given me something to really put all my effort and thought into. This is what I was lacking: any real goals to go after (at this) that I felt would give me a serious sense of accomplishment. My avatar picture now, was taken this last weekend, as I was sitting by the pool I'm getting close to my goal Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 My avatar picture now, was taken this last weekend, as I was sitting by the pool I'm getting close to my goal I think you have already achieved your goal. Further "achieving" may make you look like the Californian governor. Muscles are like boobs; too big are not too good. With an avatar like that, don't be surprised if from now on all the advice you get from women is: "I think you should divorce your wife!" Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 Trimmer, `Scuz me! I`m talking to BlackFrost:o Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackfrost Posted August 30, 2005 Author Share Posted August 30, 2005 With an avatar like that, don't be surprised if from now on all the advice you get from women is: "I think you should divorce your wife!" BWAHAHAHAHA awesome!! that is one thing I've enjoyed noticing again - is that I'm actually getting noticed again when I go out around town!! I have absolutely no issues with being viewed as a sex object Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 With an avatar like that, don't be surprised if from now on all the advice you get from women is: "I think you should divorce your wife!" BWAHAHAHAHA awesome!! that is one thing I've enjoyed noticing again - is that I'm actually getting noticed again when I go out around town!! I have absolutely no issues with being viewed as a sex object Well if you want to be noticed again, it means you have a problem in your marriage and my advice is: you should divorce your wife! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackfrost Posted August 30, 2005 Author Share Posted August 30, 2005 OMG I almost spit coffee all over my lapotop I laughed so hard at your reply RP !!! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 OMG I almost spit coffee all over my lapotop I laughed so hard at your reply RP !!! Why didn't you? That would be a great opportunity for your female co-worker to wipe up the coffee from your lap... top. Link to post Share on other sites
FataMorgana Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 Everything going really well for me now. I started working out really really hard 6 days a week on the bodyforlife.com program, dropped 46 lbs so far and just feel like a completely new person. My avatar picture now, was taken this last weekend, as I was sitting by the pool I'm getting close to my goal Glad things are going well for you now. ....And also appreciate your new avatar. Thanks for all that good work you've done on your body, increased our viewing pleasure significantly. Much rather this than the really dark ones you've had for the last few weeks Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blackfrost Posted August 31, 2005 Author Share Posted August 31, 2005 Ah yes, the dark avatars. As I've explained to a couple people here in pm's - the dark avatars are definitely representative of my occasionally darker personality side that comes up from time to time. It can't always be sunshine in my world - sometimes the darkness is comforting as well It's the remnants of the years of bad boy in me, refusing to entirely convert to being a nice guy haha Link to post Share on other sites
FataMorgana Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 Ah yes, the dark avatars. the dark avatars are definitely representative of my occasionally darker personality side that comes up from time to time. It can't always be sunshine in my world - sometimes the darkness is comforting as well Is that a warning? When we see the black avatar replacing the "nice" ones we'd better beware of the darkness I guess that's what we're here for ...more for the darkness side than the sunshine, your family is hopefully getting that. And I did read what your memeber name stands for .... guess shouldn't be surprised. Hey what about you being the sunshine of our world allowing us to droll over a body one can only dream of Link to post Share on other sites
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