StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I watched the movie. I think the movie was crap. The main actor was crap, the actress was even more crap. I dont know why it even famous. And your gf is a total wacko. U shouldnt get involved with her in the first place honestly... Ok ok we get it. I didn't read the books but know what they're about. It's a certain genre of sex ... And the gf apparently likes this genre. I truly think the gf is trying to implore her bf (who she likes) to get his spicy on in the bedroom and her immaturity and possibly inhibited personality doesn't allow her at this point to vocalize her deep desires. As someone on here said ...she is "topping down" (not heard that term before but it makes sense) possibly because she knows no other way to get her man to be a alpha freak in the sheets. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Bottom line....she wants to change you. She lives in fantasyland. She shows you disrespect by knocking over your boundaries. This isn't a healthy relationship. This is not ok since she keeps doing the same things over and over to belittle and disrespect you. If she wants a freak in the sheets, she should have thoughtfully asked and then explored that with you in trust, not by being cruel. Time to move on, she is unkind, Grumps 6 Link to post Share on other sites
chapter44 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 You inspire such discord I was complimenting you how was creating discord? Link to post Share on other sites
Author memento mori Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 It is really helping a man in need. The reason i apologized, even though i was hurt, was because i told her to shut up. I still regret it, and i almost cry when i think back to the moment i said does words to her. And to add some details: What triggered our argument yesterday was a conversation about how men should treat girls. And when i made a statement, out of context she said that "only mr.Grey can do that...". Not a really big deal, but again, it is because i told her not to mention his name like 10 times before. MORE DETAILS: we basically never engage sexually, her sex drive is close to zero, and i have told her i respect that. We have had intercourse twice in our almost year-long relationship. So i really dont think she is talking about the bedroom when reffering to mr.Grey. Thats whats confusing me, im hoping she is not trying to imply that i should become more like his PERSONALITY. any thoughts? (and thank you all so much for responses, really helped me out!) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I was complimenting you how was creating discord? Oops "Discourse" ...that's what happens when eating lunch and typing. And I thought I was good at multi tasking Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Then talk to her. Point blank say Mr. Grey was all about sex & power. You never want to have sex so I find it particularly disturbing that you are constantly comparing me to Mr. Grey. memento mori -- you do need to learn to stick up for yourself more. Sex 2x in a year long relationship & you practically being in tears over some harsh words doesn't sound healthy. This woman has you by the short hairs & is dragging you around but you don't seem to notice. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 MORE DETAILS: we basically never engage sexually, her sex drive is close to zero, and i have told her i respect that. We have had intercourse twice in our almost year-long relationship. So i really dont think she is talking about the bedroom when reffering to mr.Grey. Thats whats confusing me, im hoping she is not trying to imply that i should become more like his PERSONALITY. any thoughts? (and thank you all so much for responses, really helped me out!) Ok i'm invoking Guy Law here in saying: dude, that jacked up. Ya, can't really provide much more than that. Sorry OP 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 It is really helping a man in need. The reason i apologized, even though i was hurt, was because i told her to shut up. I still regret it, and i almost cry when i think back to the moment i said does words to her. And to add some details: What triggered our argument yesterday was a conversation about how men should treat girls. And when i made a statement, out of context she said that "only mr.Grey can do that...". Not a really big deal, but again, it is because i told her not to mention his name like 10 times before. MORE DETAILS: we basically never engage sexually, her sex drive is close to zero, and i have told her i respect that. We have had intercourse twice in our almost year-long relationship. So i really dont think she is talking about the bedroom when reffering to mr.Grey. Thats whats confusing me, im hoping she is not trying to imply that i should become more like his PERSONALITY. any thoughts? (and thank you all so much for responses, really helped me out!) i have heard lesbians/women who are attracted to girls love this movie (or what it is) because of its suggestions in that direction, and what you say about her sex-drive seems point in that direction just to understate it a little:( Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 OP ...has she apologized? Have you asked her why she pulls out the experienced fantasyland boyfriend when she feels you've disappointed you or other times? In any case ...you guys have so much good stuff on your plates with your schooling ... I don't know how you have time for the drama ... I'm really thinking along the lines of others on here who feel you would be better off moving on from this girl. If you were feeling more confident in yourself you'd walk away ... STAT Link to post Share on other sites
Author memento mori Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 Ok i'm invoking Guy Law here in saying: dude, that jacked up. Ya, can't really provide much more than that. Sorry OP What do you mean by that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author memento mori Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 OP ...has she apologized? Have you asked her why she pulls out the experienced fantasyland boyfriend when she feels you've disappointed you or other times? In any case ...you guys have so much good stuff on your plates with your schooling ... I don't know how you have time for the drama ... I'm really thinking along the lines of others on here who feel you would be better off moving on from this girl. If you were feeling more confident in yourself you'd walk away ... STAT She has not apologized yet, and she probably wont do it either, she never does. She mentions the fantasyland boyfriend because she likes the book, apperently its mysterious and she likes that. I wrote to her today, wanting to solve the stupid arguement. I told her i could be more confident in myself if she supported me. She replied "i dont support pathetic things like that". Followed by "i dont have time for this, have a good evening". im a mess right now. We were supposed to go to school-prom this weekend...Yepp im a mess Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 What do you mean by that? I guess there isn't anything more to say. That's really jacked up. What you're describing isn't a relationship. It is some other sort of thing. As a fellow dude, all I can say it is that it isn't right. If i knew you better I'd probably take you out, get you drunk and tell you to drop her like a bad habit. Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Instead of telling her to shut up next time, put a ball gag in her mouth. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 She has not apologized yet, and she probably wont do it either, she never does. She mentions the fantasyland boyfriend because she likes the book, apperently its mysterious and she likes that. I wrote to her today, wanting to solve the stupid arguement. I told her i could be more confident in myself if she supported me. She replied "i dont support pathetic things like that". Followed by "i dont have time for this, have a good evening". im a mess right now. We were supposed to go to school-prom this weekend...Yepp im a mess I'm really sorry ... She's very curt bordering on cruel. While I'll agree that your confidence comes from within ...having a supportive gf who builds you up is one of the cornerstones of a relationship ... instead she almost takes delight in needling you re: what she perceives as any inadequacy you currently possess ... And this is all coming to a head at an awful time. Can you go with a friend to the prom ...maybe a group of friends? I want you to know that you've obviously got a good caring heart ...and you deserve someone who'll take good care of that heart. Mostly you have to ensure you're taking care of it ... This girl is not part of that balanced equation. It's like you're triple bonded to nitrogen which is very electronegative ...she's a taker ...break the bond (I tutor ochem and thought you'd appeciate the reference:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 You know when I read the thread title, I thought I'd dump a BF who told me to shut up, but when I read through your post. ....I'm suprised you didn't dump her before now yourself. You've told her enough times to stop talking about Mr. Grey and if I said that to a partner, I'd expect them to respect that. I'm not suprised you lost it. Your clear both intelligent from the courses you're studying and I'd honestly leave someone who repeatedly ignored my request to keep quiet about their crush. If she wants BDSM then she needs to say so.....maybe that's what she's getting at....wanting to spice up your love life. .....but it would piss me off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author memento mori Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 I'm really sorry ... She's very curt bordering on cruel. While I'll agree that your confidence comes from within ...having a supportive gf who builds you up is one of the cornerstones of a relationship ... instead she almost takes delight in needling you re: what she perceives as any inadequacy you currently possess ... And this is all coming to a head at an awful time. Can you go with a friend to the prom ...maybe a group of friends? I want you to know that you've obviously got a good caring heart ...and you deserve someone who'll take good care of that heart. Mostly you have to ensure you're taking care of it ... This girl is not part of that balanced equation. It's like you're triple bonded to nitrogen which is very electronegative ...she's a taker ...break the bond (I tutor ochem and thought you'd appeciate the reference:) thank you for the supportive response. From your responses you seem like a wonderful personality. Most of the time we really love each other and enjoy each others company. Its just that when we do fight(which all couples do), things get unneccecary harsh(mostly from her side). She is my first love, and we have been though so much together. If we fix our issues and dont come in arguements, i figured everything would be perfect between us. All the responses have hinted its time to let go, but i really cant do that, i still love the person she is when we dont fight. Of all women ive known, she is the only one i could imagine a relationship with. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 She has not apologized yet, and she probably wont do it either, she never does. She mentions the fantasyland boyfriend because she likes the book, apperently its mysterious and she likes that. I wrote to her today, wanting to solve the stupid arguement. I told her i could be more confident in myself if she supported me. She replied "i dont support pathetic things like that". Followed by "i dont have time for this, have a good evening". im a mess right now. We were supposed to go to school-prom this weekend...Yepp im a mess She does this because she knows how much you're into her. Girls like this will simply use you and hurt you and because you are so in love with her, you'll put up with her nonsense. Her behaviour is tantamount to abuse to be honest. The love seems one sided and all too often I hear of low sex drives and the person is cheating. She knows you lack confidence and can be insecure, yet she still carries on about Mr. Grey. Don't allow yourself to be treated like this. She doesn't care about you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 thank you for the supportive response. From your responses you seem like a wonderful personality. Most of the time we really love each other and enjoy each others company. Its just that when we do fight(which all couples do), things get unneccecary harsh(mostly from her side). She is my first love, and we have been though so much together. If we fix our issues and dont come in arguements, i figured everything would be perfect between us. All the responses have hinted its time to let go, but i really cant do that, i still love the person she is when we dont fight. Of all women ive known, she is the only one i could imagine a relationship with. Well if you stay you'll have to manage this very electronegative gf of yours ...please look at my other posts about being assertive and stand your ground like you're Fluorine! (Which as you know is the most electronegative element on the chart:) you may find ...as you grow in confidence and if your gf doesn't change ...that you are better suited for someone to whom you'll bond covalently Do not let her affect your studies!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 FYI OP ...I thought the guy I dated in college was the only one for me, too. I outgrew him. It may be for you and her and it may not be. Thank you for the sweet compliment 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author memento mori Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 FYI OP ...I thought the guy I dated in college was the only one for me, too. I outgrew him. It may be for you and her and it may not be. Thank you for the sweet compliment no need to thank me, you deserve it . I honestly cant end it. I guess time will tell, but i choose to be optimistic Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) Ok Sir Optimist ...how are you going to go about letting her know you want to go to this prom with her? Leave a card for her? Send her flowers? Show up with "go to prom with me" written on your chest and lift up your shirt? Maybe a tie in to something in the pharmacy or medical area? Be playful creative ...ask for suggestions here maybe? If you're going for it ...go big or go home And if she starts drama grab her and kiss her! Edited October 21, 2015 by StBreton Link to post Share on other sites
Author memento mori Posted October 21, 2015 Author Share Posted October 21, 2015 Ok Sir Optimist ...how are you going to go about letting her know you want to go to this prom with her? Leave a card for her? Send her flowers? Show up with "go to prom with me" written on your chest and lift up your shirt? Maybe a tie in to something in the pharmacy or medical area? Be playful creative ...ask for suggestions here maybe? If you're going for it ...go big or go home And if she starts drama grab her and kiss her! The prom is on saturday, so i was planning on giving her some alone-time to think tomorrow, and then talk to her face2face on the day before the prom. I am going to tell her why i acted the way i did, and tell her that it was wrong of me to tell her to shut up. After sencierly apologizing, i will politely say that i expect her to respect my feelings from now on, as i will be setting clear boundaries. And i will never speak to her in a rude fashon again This i will promise her, and kiss her on the forehead before hugging her ever so tightly and ask if she would like to go the prom with me. Will probably finish off with a rose and a original poem, a quiet "i love you" and a soft kiss. Honestly this is the best i can do right now, so wish me luck Link to post Share on other sites
StBreton Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 The prom is on saturday, so i was planning on giving her some alone-time to think tomorrow, and then talk to her face2face on the day before the prom. I am going to tell her why i acted the way i did, and tell her that it was wrong of me to tell her to shut up. After sencierly apologizing, i will politely say that i expect her to respect my feelings from now on, as i will be setting clear boundaries. And i will never speak to her in a rude fashon again This i will promise her, and kiss her on the forehead before hugging her ever so tightly and ask if she would like to go the prom with me. Will probably finish off with a rose and a original poem, a quiet "i love you" and a soft kiss. Honestly this is the best i can do right now, so wish me luck Sir optimist... I like your style:) if she isn't swooning by the second kiss I recommend getting your stethoscope out... checking for signs of life... bradycardia ...dyspnea or low blood pressure lol. We'll be looking for an update. Have fun!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveflower Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 wow...I never known a guy could love a girl so much nowadays. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 The prom is on saturday, so i was planning on giving her some alone-time to think tomorrow, and then talk to her face2face on the day before the prom. I am going to tell her why i acted the way i did, and tell her that it was wrong of me to tell her to shut up. After sencierly apologizing, i will politely say that i expect her to respect my feelings from now on, as i will be setting clear boundaries. And i will never speak to her in a rude fashon again This i will promise her, and kiss her on the forehead before hugging her ever so tightly and ask if she would like to go the prom with me. Will probably finish off with a rose and a original poem, a quiet "i love you" and a soft kiss. Honestly this is the best i can do right now, so wish me luck "The best laid schemes o' mice an' men gang aft agley" (Rabbie Burns). I sadly suspect none of your 'best-laid schemes' will come to fruition.... But let us hope for the best, yet fear the worst.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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