grokcahsevol Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 This was my last post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/553013-ex-reached-out-after-3-months-we-met I got caught up with business and school so had no time to reply back but always appreciate the advice I get from here. So long story "short". We hung out a few more times, laughed, bantered, flirted and admired each other, everything was perfect. We went out a few times and had a few more lunches. While these two weeks were happening lots of kissing/making out/sex happened drunk and sober. She would also snapchat me pictures of her saying she misses me I met her at her new apartment slept there for two days. We had some lunch together, walks together and we did our own separate things as well. We hung out again with some mutual friends and she ended up coming back to my place as she wanted to go somewhere alone. Got back to my place had some drinks and had sex again. Yes, she is still with her partner, and no I don't feel guilty or bad about it as I'm single and just hung out, had fun and hook up. She initiated sex both times. She did end up telling her partner that we were talking and hanging out and of course her partner didn't take it well. I'm assuming she didn't tell her partner we had sex nor did I ask. Anyway, fast forward today which is what I'm somewhat lost about. They spent the weekend together and she called me today. She knows I will be going a way got a bit for the holidays as well. She told me she knows she wants to be with me, but thinks we should have some more time doing our own thing. She said she doesn't want to end it with her partner cause she doesn't want the stress as shes going to school. She further said she really wants to stay in touch and talk to each other whenever one of us wants to. Lastly, she said when I come back we should get back together. She also mentioned how every time we hung out how it was perfect and it's like how we first met and started dating. I didn't really go against anything but as I thought about it I'm thinking I should lay it down and tell her how I feel about it all. I would love to be with her and I really would love to talk to her still. I don't feel as if I have been set back at all by this, but I do miss her the same as I have. She said we should just be adults and not do the no contact. I'll admit.. I'm a bit lost with the situation, not my emotions, and this may be all over the place right now, so hopefully it makes some sense.. I know I can't take her word for it but I do believe she wants to be with me but doesn't want to jump into anything to quickly as we both have things to work on. However, I feel as I should call her back and let her know that it was great seeing and talking to her but I think it would be best for the both of us to do no contact as she is in a relationship and she knows that it's not gonna be easy to talk to each other when we both still love each other and want each other physically. Lastly, she did mention she didn't regret anything we did together and she knows I had sex with one other girl which she was very taken back by but understood I am single. P.S I know many of LS here told me not to pursue anything or even answer her back, however I just went with my gut. I do honestly appreciate the advice and help everyone gives here. As I mentioned, this hasn't set me back at all. Only thing I'm a bit weary of is if I should go NC and if they break up then we can work things out or just taking it as it is with limited contact.
louxor Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 This was my last post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/553013-ex-reached-out-after-3-months-we-met I got caught up with business and school so had no time to reply back but always appreciate the advice I get from here. So long story "short". We hung out a few more times, laughed, bantered, flirted and admired each other, everything was perfect. We went out a few times and had a few more lunches. While these two weeks were happening lots of kissing/making out/sex happened drunk and sober. She would also snapchat me pictures of her saying she misses me I met her at her new apartment slept there for two days. We had some lunch together, walks together and we did our own separate things as well. We hung out again with some mutual friends and she ended up coming back to my place as she wanted to go somewhere alone. Got back to my place had some drinks and had sex again. Yes, she is still with her partner, and no I don't feel guilty or bad about it as I'm single and just hung out, had fun and hook up. She initiated sex both times. She did end up telling her partner that we were talking and hanging out and of course her partner didn't take it well. I'm assuming she didn't tell her partner we had sex nor did I ask. Anyway, fast forward today which is what I'm somewhat lost about. They spent the weekend together and she called me today. She knows I will be going a way got a bit for the holidays as well. She told me she knows she wants to be with me, but thinks we should have some more time doing our own thing. She said she doesn't want to end it with her partner cause she doesn't want the stress as shes going to school. She further said she really wants to stay in touch and talk to each other whenever one of us wants to. Lastly, she said when I come back we should get back together. She also mentioned how every time we hung out how it was perfect and it's like how we first met and started dating. I didn't really go against anything but as I thought about it I'm thinking I should lay it down and tell her how I feel about it all. I would love to be with her and I really would love to talk to her still. I don't feel as if I have been set back at all by this, but I do miss her the same as I have. She said we should just be adults and not do the no contact. I'll admit.. I'm a bit lost with the situation, not my emotions, and this may be all over the place right now, so hopefully it makes some sense.. I know I can't take her word for it but I do believe she wants to be with me but doesn't want to jump into anything to quickly as we both have things to work on. However, I feel as I should call her back and let her know that it was great seeing and talking to her but I think it would be best for the both of us to do no contact as she is in a relationship and she knows that it's not gonna be easy to talk to each other when we both still love each other and want each other physically. Lastly, she did mention she didn't regret anything we did together and she knows I had sex with one other girl which she was very taken back by but understood I am single. P.S I know many of LS here told me not to pursue anything or even answer her back, however I just went with my gut. I do honestly appreciate the advice and help everyone gives here. As I mentioned, this hasn't set me back at all. Only thing I'm a bit weary of is if I should go NC and if they break up then we can work things out or just taking it as it is with limited contact. If she really wanted do be with you right now, she would end things with this other person and be with you, regardless of the 'stress' . Actions are a true indication of what someone wants, words are just words. Personally, I don't mess around with girls who are in relationships, no matter how much they may tell me they like me. She gets either him or me, I'm never going to put myself in the position to be someone's #2. What I do in situations like this is I tell the girl something along the lines of: I really enjoy hanging out with you and would like to continue to see you - you're an awesome girl. However, I'm not going to keep seeing you while you're still with ____. You either pick me or you don't, it doesn't bother me either way, but I'm not down to be someone's number 2, so give me a call if it doesn't work out with you and this guy." Then I just turn around and don't look back, the ball is in her court. If she truly wants to be with me, she will leave the other guy and contact me, and if she doesn't want to be with me then I won't hear from her again. The key to this is that because you are indifferent to the outcome, you don't care what happens. It also shows her that you are a centred man who knows what he wants and if she can't give it to him he will find someone else who can. So if you are indifferent to the outcome, and you actually haven't been set back by this at all, then I suggest telling her something along the lines of what I have written. If the thought of never seeing her again is something that bothers you, then you are not indifferent to the outcome and I would suggest NC as you are still held up on her. Also, keep in mind that she is cheating on this guy for you, that shows extreme dishonesty which you have to recognise - dishonesty is not a good quality, and if shes willing to cheat on him, who's to say that she won't do the same to you if you end up getting back together?
Author grokcahsevol Posted October 20, 2015 Author Posted October 20, 2015 If she really wanted do be with you right now, she would end things with this other person and be with you, regardless of the 'stress' . Actions are a true indication of what someone wants, words are just words. Personally, I don't mess around with girls who are in relationships, no matter how much they may tell me they like me. She gets either him or me, I'm never going to put myself in the position to be someone's #2. What I do in situations like this is I tell the girl something along the lines of: I really enjoy hanging out with you and would like to continue to see you - you're an awesome girl. However, I'm not going to keep seeing you while you're still with ____. You either pick me or you don't, it doesn't bother me either way, but I'm not down to be someone's number 2, so give me a call if it doesn't work out with you and this guy." Then I just turn around and don't look back, the ball is in her court. If she truly wants to be with me, she will leave the other guy and contact me, and if she doesn't want to be with me then I won't hear from her again. The key to this is that because you are indifferent to the outcome, you don't care what happens. It also shows her that you are a centred man who knows what he wants and if she can't give it to him he will find someone else who can. So if you are indifferent to the outcome, and you actually haven't been set back by this at all, then I suggest telling her something along the lines of what I have written. If the thought of never seeing her again is something that bothers you, then you are not indifferent to the outcome and I would suggest NC as you are still held up on her. Also, keep in mind that she is cheating on this guy for you, that shows extreme dishonesty which you have to recognise - dishonesty is not a good quality, and if shes willing to cheat on him, who's to say that she won't do the same to you if you end up getting back together? Hey, This is very solid advice however, I'm assuming you don't know my entire background story. I'll do a quick recap. We were together for 9 years, she left me for a girl she really liked and I went NC for 3 months then she reached out to me.
louxor Posted October 20, 2015 Posted October 20, 2015 Hey, This is very solid advice however, I'm assuming you don't know my entire background story. I'll do a quick recap. We were together for 9 years, she left me for a girl she really liked and I went NC for 3 months then she reached out to me. guy girl, girl girl, guy guy, same things I've said still applies (sorry the mess up though ) Fact of the matter is she still is with someone else. It does not matter how much she says she wants to be with you or how much she enjoys hanging out with you, at the end of the day she is still not willing to leave this other person. She may say this is because she doesn't want the stress, but like I said before, if she really wanted to be with you, she would be. Read her level of interest based off her actions, not her words. As of now if I had to bet I'd say she see's you as more of a FWB - i.e she loves hanging out and hooking up, but at the end of the day she's not willing to leave this other person for you. This is why I believe you must become indifferent and not pursue her. You must show her that you're not willing to be her #2, that you will happily find someone else to give you what you need. The reason she reached out to you after 3 months was probably for this exact reason - She noticed that you were happy to move on and better your life without her and that made her want you - Self-direction, pride and happiness is a huge turn on for women. If you remain indifferent to her, chances are she will continue to reach out to you. Don't expect it to be regular or all the time, but I'd be willing to bet that there is a decent chance that it will happen based off her previous actions (Remember, we are judging her position based off actions only). If she does keep reaching out, do not talk to her for extended period, do not give the events of your life away (remember what attracted her back to you after 3 months? Most likely the fact that you were out of her life and she was wondering about you). All I would do if she contacts you is reinforce the fact that you would still love to see her, but you're not interested if she is still with this other person. Then you just go about your life as if you were never going to hear from her again - because you just don't care, you know what you want and you won't settle for anything less.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 Hey, This is very solid advice however, I'm assuming you don't know my entire background story. I'll do a quick recap. We were together for 9 years, she left me for a girl she really liked and I went NC for 3 months then she reached out to me. Doesn't matter. Everything he said still applies. Right now you're allowing her to have her cake and eat it too. Don't be that guy.
Author grokcahsevol Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 You're right, if she wanted to be with me as much as she says she does she would end it with her. I actually did ask her if she would like to be friends with benefits, and she said she could never do that with me, and that we would need to be together. I have been indifferent about everything. During the 3 months I was NC I started MMA and hitting the gym a lot, changed my hair and clothing style as well. She told me I look really good even our mutual girlfriends said I looked good (one of them kissed me the lips as well and my ex started crying) but the kiss was just more of a joke... they been best friends for 13 years. She also knows I had sex with another girl and she has been obsessing over that and tells me how pretty she is. Anyway, at this point should I tell her the terms or just not talk to her and let her reach out? guy girl, girl girl, guy guy, same things I've said still applies (sorry the mess up though ) Fact of the matter is she still is with someone else. It does not matter how much she says she wants to be with you or how much she enjoys hanging out with you, at the end of the day she is still not willing to leave this other person. She may say this is because she doesn't want the stress, but like I said before, if she really wanted to be with you, she would be. Read her level of interest based off her actions, not her words. As of now if I had to bet I'd say she see's you as more of a FWB - i.e she loves hanging out and hooking up, but at the end of the day she's not willing to leave this other person for you. This is why I believe you must become indifferent and not pursue her. You must show her that you're not willing to be her #2, that you will happily find someone else to give you what you need. The reason she reached out to you after 3 months was probably for this exact reason - She noticed that you were happy to move on and better your life without her and that made her want you - Self-direction, pride and happiness is a huge turn on for women. If you remain indifferent to her, chances are she will continue to reach out to you. Don't expect it to be regular or all the time, but I'd be willing to bet that there is a decent chance that it will happen based off her previous actions (Remember, we are judging her position based off actions only). If she does keep reaching out, do not talk to her for extended period, do not give the events of your life away (remember what attracted her back to you after 3 months? Most likely the fact that you were out of her life and she was wondering about you). All I would do if she contacts you is reinforce the fact that you would still love to see her, but you're not interested if she is still with this other person. Then you just go about your life as if you were never going to hear from her again - because you just don't care, you know what you want and you won't settle for anything less.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 I wouldn't say s--t until she initiates, but when she does, I would tell her what louxor said. But when you say that, you have to be willing to stick by it.
Author grokcahsevol Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 I wouldn't say s--t until she initiates, but when she does, I would tell her what louxor said. But when you say that, you have to be willing to stick by it. I'll be doing this starting.... now!
mightycpa Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 I actually did ask her if she would like to be friends with benefits, and she said she could never do that with me, and that we would need to be together. Anyway, at this point should I tell her the terms or just not talk to her and let her reach out? Slow down cowboy! A lot of this really depends on how emotionally invested in this you are. So, just a couple of things to consider: 1) It sounds like you already are an FWB. She has a boyfriend, and she's banging him and banging you on the side. Maybe she doesn't like the term, but that's what she is already. 2) Many times in my life, I've had this kind of relationship with a woman. What made it work for me was that I was not emotionally invested. I didn't care if she had a boyfriend, or what the state of their relationship was. All I really knew was that these women were my old reliables, they were fun, available on short notice, and no strings. It was nice when the dating funnel was low or when things got a little stale. It was all about me. There was no "us". 3) The only time the situation was intolerable was when I was emotionally involved. In those instances, I went total NC, with no hesitation. So I guess I'd have to ask what your intention is in this. Do you really, and I mean really want to have a girlfriend who is a proven cheater? Really? I mean, this is like wanting an embezzler to be your CFO. You think you won't just step into his shoes? Of course you will. Your current position is much stronger, because you have nothing to lose. Mr. Boyfriend is the one with the problem, and you don't owe him anything. He is her problem to deal with. But it seems the deal she's offered you is an enviable one, given that you can get your head on straight. Forget her future intentions. The future is now. Date other girls and see her every so often on the side until you've found someone you're willing to commit to. Then you go NC, until such time as you're in the market again. But don't look at this girl as if she's some kind of life partner. If you are, then you need to re-examine your motives, and stay away from her until you understand yourself a lot better. 1
louxor Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) You're right, if she wanted to be with me as much as she says she does she would end it with her. I actually did ask her if she would like to be friends with benefits, and she said she could never do that with me, and that we would need to be together. I have been indifferent about everything. During the 3 months I was NC I started MMA and hitting the gym a lot, changed my hair and clothing style as well. She told me I look really good even our mutual girlfriends said I looked good (one of them kissed me the lips as well and my ex started crying) but the kiss was just more of a joke... they been best friends for 13 years. She also knows I had sex with another girl and she has been obsessing over that and tells me how pretty she is. Anyway, at this point should I tell her the terms or just not talk to her and let her reach out? Do this. I wouldn't say s--t until she initiates, but when she does, I would tell her what louxor said. But when you say that, you have to be willing to stick by it. You don't owe her an explanation of the terms, she dumped you, she'll work it out. Keep working on yourself, keep up MMA and the gym, keep working at making yourself a better person inside and out, keep approaching other women. If you do this all right, if the time comes that does she approach you, you will have so much going on in your life with hobbies, other women etc that you may even realise that you can't be bothered to give her another go because you've found a much better life already. Edited October 21, 2015 by louxor
Author grokcahsevol Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 Haha I had to do some edits for you and for some laughs. I do have to say, it's hard to just be FWB as we were together for 9 years. I also told her that she is cheating right now and she said it's different but of course she felt very guilty and I further told her, if we did get back together you may cheat on me (I was bantering/being playful about it). Within our 9 year relationship none of us have ever cheated but people do change. Slow down cowboy! A lot of this really depends on how emotionally invested in this you are. So, just a couple of things to consider: 1) It sounds like you already are an FWB. She has a boyfriend girlfriend, and she's banging eating him her out and banging you on the side. Maybe she doesn't like the term, but that's what she is already. So I guess I'd have to ask what your intention is in this. Do you really, and I mean really want to have a girlfriend who is a proven cheater? Really? I mean, this is like wanting an embezzler to be your CFO. You think you won't just step into his her shoes? Of course you will. Your current position is much stronger, because you have nothing to lose. Mr. Boyfriend Ms. Girlfriend is the one with the problem, and you don't owe him her anything. He She is her problem to deal with. But it seems the deal she's offered you is an enviable one, given that you can get your head on straight. Forget her future intentions. The future is now. Date other girls and see her every so often on the side until you've found someone you're willing to commit to. Then you go NC, until such time as you're in the market again. But don't look at this girl as if she's some kind of life partner. If you are, then you need to re-examine your motives, and stay away from her until you understand yourself a lot better.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 You're both over-complicating things. You're Plan B, #2, whatever you want to call it. She's a cheater and liar who doesn't respect you or her current partner. She doesn't love either of you all that much anymore. The time you were together isn't relevant, because the bottom line doesn't change. You're still NOT #1. And of course being FWB is hard, because it's a terrible idea in this situation. You're kidding yourself when you say you've been indifferent. Obviously that isn't true. I see no benefit in continuing any type of relationship with her, unless and until she becomes single. Otherwise, you're only participating in your own subjugation to her. She sounds extremely selfish and inconsiderate.
Author grokcahsevol Posted October 21, 2015 Author Posted October 21, 2015 (edited) You're both over-complicating things. You're Plan B, #2, whatever you want to call it. She's a cheater and liar who doesn't respect you or her current partner. She doesn't love either of you all that much anymore. The time you were together isn't relevant, because the bottom line doesn't change. You're still NOT #1. And of course being FWB is hard, because it's a terrible idea in this situation. You're kidding yourself when you say you've been indifferent. Obviously that isn't true. I see no benefit in continuing any type of relationship with her, unless and until she becomes single. Otherwise, you're only participating in your own subjugation to her. She sounds extremely selfish and inconsiderate. In a sense, I know I'm plan B. I'm not sure why... but in a way I don't care.. for now. I guess I'm not thinking about "us" getting back together and the thoughts of her cheating right now isn't much of my concern. I suppose if that time comes.. and we do get back together then I will handle it then and bring it up in a serious matter. When we talked yesterday, she started crying after I told her I'm not going to sit here and wait for you, their may come a time where I may find a new partner. I feel like I have these two options which I'm open with both but not quite sure which route to really take. 1) Do nothing, keep it neutral. If she reaches out I'll small talk and have her around when things get slow. 2) When she reaches out, lay it down that I'm not okay with these current terms and if she really wanted to be with me she would end it with her current and work on us. Not sure if I mentioned this, however, none of her friends like this girl. They don't see it as a good match at all and they all say it's lust. Even one of my exes new friend who I met said to her I haven't seen you this content with current partner in the past 3 months then I have seen you in these past two mins with him (me) All her friends say pretty much the same thing so not sure why she continues the relationship. The biggest thing is I'm so lost that she's lost. She badmouthed her so much and literally the only positive thing she said about her current partner was "The one thing I really like about her is she has no facial hair" She hates shopping with her. She hates her parents. She hates her attitude. Everything. She even told me she's with her because it was a past thing that she wants to close. I have read that it takes about 90 days to truly see the others true intentions when it comes to a new relationship. Oh wait, I forgot to mention the girl she is with... she also hangs out with her ex-girlfriend as well. I suppose it will be a learning experience for everyone. Anyway, thanks for all the advice! Edited October 21, 2015 by grokcahsevol
Simon Phoenix Posted October 21, 2015 Posted October 21, 2015 I mean, I just don't get the point of willingly wanting to be the No. 2 option. If your eventual goal is to get back together, why are you considering having discussions and small talk with her that doesn't put you anywhere in range of that goal? All you are doing by talking to her is giving her a safety blanket to do whatever she wants, with this new girl or with whoever else. You seem like you're considering willingly staying in limbo, which is just not a very good idea. Don't overthink this -- just tell her what was said above. I really enjoy hanging out with you and would like to continue to see you - you're an awesome girl. However, I'm not going to keep seeing you while you're still with ____. You either pick me or you don't, it doesn't bother me either way, but I'm not down to be someone's number 2, so give me a call if it doesn't work out with you and this guy." Then stick to it.
Author grokcahsevol Posted November 3, 2015 Author Posted November 3, 2015 I won't say I regretted anything but I had to do what my gut told me, but most of you guys were right. I met with my ex and we had some fun, while she's in her new relationship. We last saw each other about 2 weeks ago and the last time I saw her we were kissing, holding hands, talking about getting back together and everything. She mentioned how it felt so amazing seeing each other. She then told me she wanted a few days to think about everything. She called me a few days after and said we should take it slow and go back into this slowly, which I agreed. A few days ago I asked her we should meet and have dinner and she was all for it and so happy about it and couldn't wait to see me. Then Yesterday, I get a text from her saying something along the lines of Hey, I don't think we should get dinner together. I don't feel right doing this behind her back and not telling her we are seeing each other. I'm happy with where I'm at with her and school. I truly meant what I said and I want to be friends with you and I have A LOT of love for you. Told her we couldn't be friends and she replied something along the lines of I understand it would be hard to be friends but maybe we just need this time to each other to grow. I don't know what the future holds. If you want to talk on the phone I could call you Told her theirs nothing to talk about and not to reach out to me, not by email, text, facebook, social media, mail. Even if she misses me, sad, or feels guilt don't reach out. The only time she could reach out to me is if she wants to reconcile and single. Anyway, back to NC felt like $hit for 2 days but feeling better now. I have ZERO intentions on getting back with her. Imagine if her partner knew she cheater on her. Thanks LS!
Author grokcahsevol Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 tl;dr on the bottom, if anything read the text message part. So about 3-4 weeks ago we were talking and she wanted to meet again. A few days after that, I asked her if she would like to meet for dinner and she was all for it. two days later, she said she didn't feel it was right going behind her new partners back, which I truly respect. So I said take care. one week ago, she asked me If we can grab lunch or dinner before I leave the country. I told her I will think about it but it's probably not the best for any parties. She said "maybe you're right, but I'd like to see you" I told her I'll keep her updated on that. 4 days ago, she reached out again about something very random but of a concern about me, which was thoughtful. We exchanged a few texts back and forth and she said she wanted to come with me to the doctors incase I needed a shoulder to cry on (her being funny). And this is what happened after I'll highly consider it, but I think we need to make things clear on something before you start coming with me to doctors your the ex gf not ex wife with kids who need to stay in touch with me Her: wow Her: i was kinda hoping i can come to you as friends Her: first and for most and should i mention that you snapped me out of the blue, first? Me: Don't wow me miss and first and for most you did text me about wanting to get lunch before I leave Her: yes i know i did Her: because i do Her: And that's kinda what I want to talk about the entire friends thing Her: i understand we aren’t together and that we don’t have kids but we were together for a very long time Her: i understand if you can’t be friends because of our history but I’m not trying to keep it as friends. you know i want to be with you but I’m enjoying our space and growing separately right now. Her: first and foremost is me finishing this semester Me: I get it well let's not get carried away I prefer to talk like humans and adults which means in person cause texting is not the best idea to talk about these situations Her: yeah i know Her: well thats why i wanted to see you before you go away That was the jist of it, I'm hoping to see if someone else catches what I did. Okay, so around midnight, her best friend texted me asking what I was doing for thanksgiving eve and joking around I said "seeing you" and she gave me the place where all of our mutual friends are going.. including the ex. She did say her new partner won't be there. I'm not sure if this is some sort of set-up or not as in our entire friendship of 9 years we never had a thanksgiving eve dinner, but ever since, her best friend (also a good friend of mine) keeps snap chatting me messages. Then we face timed and talked about random stuff and she told me my ex keeps saying that "I love him" (meaning me). All her mutual friends think she's just lost. However, her best friend is also going through a breakup now and seems like as shes coming on to me. I'd never cross that line. This was more of a vent as it's been a bit since I have been here. I do want to clear something up, our breakup wasn't terrible, I think she is just still exploring her sexuality, which in the end is why I wouldn't mind trying to get back together if it came to it, as none of us cheated on each other or hurt anyone. Our relationship was 9 years. tl;dr - I set up dinner, ex didn't want to go behind her partners back. 2 weeks later Ex reached out, wants to see me before I leave the country and mentions that she doesn't want to keep it as just friends. She's currently in a relationship. Her best friend and my good friend invited me to a thanksgiving eve dinner with mutual friends.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 The way I see it, everyone is kind of playing with fire here. Your ex has no business asking you if she can come to your Doctor's appointment, especially if she has a new partner. So good for you for calling her out on that. Her best friend is apparently in need of some attention right now, and if she's hitting you, you both need to shut it down. Don't jokingly tell her you will see her on Thanksgiving. It sounds flirty and sends the wrong message, you know? It sounds like it's really time to cut the cord with the ex. Are you leaving the country for good? I did the same after a break-up of a years-long, live-in relationship. My ex and I bid our farewells on the phone, which was sufficient. You might want to consider doing the same and forgoing this party. I understand there are mutual friends there, but it sounds as though there's still tension with the ex.
Chi townD Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 First, she likes her space and like growing separately right now? Dude, she has another guy in her life. You are not friends. I'm pretty sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the ultimate outcome is that you are nothing more than a really good friend. So, why her instance that she meet with you for lunch? because, you are going away and you won't be available. She would have no way to reach her "back up" plan. She has no idea when she'll see you again (anything can change when you're gone. You could decide to stay longer there). So, she wants her "fix" before you leave. Dude, ignore it and just go!
Author grokcahsevol Posted November 23, 2015 Author Posted November 23, 2015 The way I see it, everyone is kind of playing with fire here. Your ex has no business asking you if she can come to your Doctor's appointment, especially if she has a new partner. So good for you for calling her out on that. Yeah. The thing is she's the one that brought it up and recommend I go see a doctor. However, I saw no reason why she would really want to come. Her best friend is apparently in need of some attention right now, and if she's hitting you, you both need to shut it down. Don't jokingly tell her you will see her on Thanksgiving. It sounds flirty and sends the wrong message, you know? Definitely understand how it sounds flirty, we just always had that joking flirty thing going on, I mean shes even see my junk and Ive seen her naked It sounds like it's really time to cut the cord with the ex. Are you leaving the country for good? I did the same after a break-up of a years-long, live-in relationship. My ex and I bid our farewells on the phone, which was sufficient. You might want to consider doing the same and forgoing this party. I understand there are mutual friends there, but it sounds as though there's still tension with the ex. I don't ever reach out to my ex or anything like that, she's always the one to take the first step. As I said, I am open to the possibility of us getting back together if that does come around as the break up was about her sexuality and nothing extremely major. I have no set plans on how long I will be going for, I brought a one way ticket which she knows about (I Never told her...). First, she likes her space and like growing separately right now? Dude, she has another guy in her life. You are not friends. I'm pretty sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the ultimate outcome is that you are nothing more than a really good friend. Yeah, not really sure what she meant by that. One thing that popped out was how she mentioned she wanted to come to me as a friend, then she says I'm not trying to be just friends. I'd hate to toot my own horns but I do think shes feeling as she may loose me forever as she knows I won't be just friends with her and I'm going away. So, why her instance that she meet with you for lunch? because, you are going away and you won't be available. She would have no way to reach her "back up" plan. She has no idea when she'll see you again (anything can change when you're gone. You could decide to stay longer there). So, she wants her "fix" before you leave. Dude, ignore it and just go! Yeah, pretty much what I was thinking. Anything could change. I don't even have the slightest clue how long I am going for... If their is even a coming back part My replies are in bold. I really would love to see all of our mutual friends though. Haven't seen many of them in a while since school, business and obviously the breakup. Thanks for the replies!
Simon Phoenix Posted November 23, 2015 Posted November 23, 2015 Just bad news all around. You need to stop enabling your ex's contact. She wants to have the cake and eat it too, and your responses are allowing her to do that.
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