OM here need tips approach

[Dylon]

Im just afraid that might make her think im less into her, getting tired of her, etc. And thats what she is afraid of (And have expressed to me). She thinks i will get tired, find someone better, etc

 

She needs your attention so of course she will have her reason. I doubt it though that if you expressed that you don't approve of the situation, she will think you don't want her. I'm sure all this time, you have expressed your interest clearly already. Just make it clear. She said she doesn't believe you and that's her insecurity, not your lack of devotion. She needs your attention. If you are gone, and she needs to find someone else to replace you as the "extra" guy, then let it be. Certainly continuing this route make you more weak subconsciously in her mind. If you are just having fun and not let your heart sink deep, that's a whole different story. And hey, if she thinks you will find someone else if she's gone, great! That's the idea. She needs to know that you will not just accept the current situaiton and just wait around. It will make her think. For the moment, nothing for her to think about. She has you as a side lover, and her bf as a security.

 

 

Yes his age plays a big role, especially at this age. I was in a similar situaiton when I was a little younger than you, and the girl finally chose the older guy who can give her the security and comfort she needed. He was a jerk, fat and ugly, but she would do anything for her and can take care of her. Girls like that need this comfort and future security, and it's hard to get them to see their flaws. Of course as expected, one day this girl had the strength to move on.

 

Be mature about the situation and be strong. She will see that as a strength. Don't be wishy washy with let's take a break for a day, two, ect. Tell her.....I love you but it's killing me everyday to see you in this situation. I want to be with you but I can't be your side friend with a benefit, lover, ect., when you are living with a guy. You can tell her sometimes you have to take a chance in life to discover something better. You don't know what we can be unless you try. You said you love me so give it a chance. How many opportunities do we bypass in life because we fear change, and then one day we wake up wondering why didn't we. You get the picture. Don't degrade her or point to her weakness. It's true though girl like this one day when they are older, wonder why they married so early and why they are unhappy with the marriage, ect.

Edited November 3, 2015 by Dylon

[AShyguy]

She needs your attention so of course she will have her reason. I doubt it though that if you expressed that you don't approve of the situation, she will think you don't want her. I'm sure all this time, you have expressed your interest clearly already. Just make it clear. She said she doesn't believe you and that's her insecurity, not your lack of devotion. She needs your attention. If you are gone, and she needs to find someone else to replace you as the "extra" guy, then let it be. Certainly continuing this route make you more weak subconsciously in her mind. If you are just having fun and not let your heart sink deep, that's a whole different story. And hey, if she thinks you will find someone else if she's gone, great! That's the idea. She needs to know that you will not just accept the current situaiton and just wait around. It will make her think. For the moment, nothing for her to think about. She has you as a side lover, and her bf as a security.

 

 

Yes his age plays a big role, especially at this age. I was in a similar situaiton when I was a little younger than you, and the girl finally chose the older guy who can give her the security and comfort she needed. He was a jerk, fat and ugly, but she would do anything for her and can take care of her. Girls like that need this comfort and future security, and it's hard to get them to see their flaws. Of course as expected, one day this girl had the strength to move on.

 

Be mature about the situation and be strong. She will see that as a strength. Don't be wishy washy with let's take a break for a day, two, ect. Tell her.....I love you but it's killing me everyday to see you in this situation. I want to be with you but I can't be your side friend with a benefit, lover, ect., when you are living with a guy. You can tell her sometimes you have to take a chance in life to discover something better. You don't know what we can be unless you try. You said you love me so give it a chance. How many opportunities do we bypass in life because we fear change, and then one day we wake up wondering why didn't we. You get the picture. Don't degrade her or point to her weakness. It's true though girl like this one day when they are older, wonder why they married so early and why they are unhappy with the marriage, ect.

 

Ive kinda tried this "take a chance" move before. It en

ded with a huge argument, and she started talking about the bf. How he doesnt deserve this, how much it would hurt him, so on. The guilt is a big factor here..But ill do as u advice here, idk how long i can hold on like this..

[OneLov]

I'm not going to go into how unhealthy this situation is, not because I don't agree, but if you really want to play this game (that is what it is) here are the rules.

 

Object: Which guy will do the most humiliating act(s) for me is the winner. Does two things: Objectively proves her control over people (powerful stuff) and gives her one hell of a hard laugh along the way. Im going to spend time with him means; on your mark, get, set, go! You must up the ante each time and demonstrate even less selfrespect each time and more commitment to her.

 

But you're playing this sick game wrong. When she says, "Jump!" Instead of asking, "how high?" You need to put on your game face and act like this thing between you two never happened and treat her like you would any other person. Don't show anger. Don't show desire (no matter how much you want to). And you will see how the game works. She will come running back.

 

But my friend please accept you're wanting something she cannot give you. She doesn't want what you want. You're reading the evidence unreasonably in favor of her demonstrating love when the reality is it points to her just bringing the carrot a little closer to your face. I think you're way better than that and to be honest, I'm kind of disappointed you refuse to believe that.

 

But at any rate, game on! Next time you see her tell her that after thinking you belief it is better she resolve the relationship with her boyfriend first because it is the right thing to do, smile and act like there's "no hard feelings." Whatever you do, do NOT indicate you will wait for her or you won't. This will cause a turnover in the offensive zone. At that point you will have to decide if you want to break toward the net or set up in the offensive zone. But I still think you should just quit this game. The only certain outcome is there will be two losers.

 

Please stop bud,

I care because I spent time using satire as a way to help you to see the situation for what it really is.

 

OneLov

[Dylon]

She said it will hurt him too much. You don't believe that do you? Sure her bf will be hurt but it's not the whole story. It just sounds better. She's making herself the unselfish one when in fact she's the needy one and trying to get a little here and there to complete her insecurity and needs. The bf sounds very needy too but it's hard to tell what he knows about you two. Maybe if he knows you two had sex, he would kick her out. Good luck with the effort. Just remember, if she really loves you and like you, she will come around. If she doesn't, you don't want her anyway. Being in this situation is not going to make you a better man.