If I can’t remind her of the good, I’ll lose her. How would you go about this?

[Guyouthere]

Maybe a topic for another time. I don't wish for the opening poster's thread to get derailed.

 

yes, agree.

 

Train wrecks can be disastrous.

 

 

Best to have insurance when traveling by rail hehehe

[Guyouthere]

Thanks a lot for your input. I guess that's where I'm struggling, whether to push or pull so to speak. The con of giving her space is that, well, maybe she'll get used to life without me.

 

If she gets used to life without you, better to find this out before you marry her (if you ever wanted that).

 

No woman who wants you will ignore you. They ail always make time for you. The same goes for a guy and his view of a woman.

[StBreton]

OP ...after reading these forums I've become aware of a phenomenon called "anxious attachment". It appears you may have this and what is driving your behavior. Maybe look into because your triggers will be there with this person ...you can't fix your anxiety by spending more time with her ...you've got to look into the root cause of why you behave anxiously. You're behavior is triggering this girl's alarm bells so work on the cause of your behavior. Fill that hole in your heart first ...you seem like a really nice guy.

[GemmaUK]

Thanks a lot for your input. I guess that's where I'm struggling, whether to push or pull so to speak. The con of giving her space is that, well, maybe she'll get used to life without me.

 

But if she is feeling that way and considering how you have been trying to hard she very likely might then any further pushing from you will make her back off more.

 

If you want to 'get a grip and control your actions' as you say then surely the first action would be to take a big step back and let her figure things out one way or another.

 

What descriptive words and phrases has she used about what was bothering her?

[justtrying]

But if she is feeling that way and considering how you have been trying to hard she very likely might then any further pushing from you will make her back off more.

 

If you want to 'get a grip and control your actions' as you say then surely the first action would be to take a big step back and let her figure things out one way or another.

 

What descriptive words and phrases has she used about what was bothering her?

 

Maybe you're right, I guess by trying hard and letting someone know something they already know (that you love them and just want your relationship to be great) it doesn't have all that much impact while they're doubting their feelings.

 

'I want to feel normal but I can't, I don't know what's wrong with me'. 'I'm not angry, I just can't feel normal'. 'I don't want this to sound terrible, but I don't have the urge to kiss you'. She also said things like she's been thinking and realising 'I'm not sure If I could be with you long term and buy you a house with you because of the nervous actions' mostly in reference to me being irritating to be around when I'm like that, which was a lot of the time. Of course, she's got all the bad at the front of her mind because we have just been through an awful spell.

 

Do you think it says a lot that she hasn't broken up with me? She's had plenty of chance to, and instead has said all of these things but specifically said she's not giving up and she's willing to try her hardest.

[justtrying]

OP ...after reading these forums I've become aware of a phenomenon called "anxious attachment". It appears you may have this and what is driving your behavior. Maybe look into because your triggers will be there with this person ...you can't fix your anxiety by spending more time with her ...you've got to look into the root cause of why you behave anxiously. You're behavior is triggering this girl's alarm bells so work on the cause of your behavior. Fill that hole in your heart first ...you seem like a really nice guy.

 

Thanks a lot for your reply. My anxiety was mostly down to trying to please her whilst having no communication about it. Now that she's finally told me how much it bothers her I know I can completely get it out my system, I just hope she gets back to a stage where she can give me the chance to show all of this. Maybe it's too late.

[Guyouthere]

Maybe you're right, I guess by trying hard and letting someone know something they already know (that you love them and just want your relationship to be great) it doesn't have all that much impact while they're doubting their feelings.

 

'I want to feel normal but I can't, I don't know what's wrong with me'. 'I'm not angry, I just can't feel normal'. 'I don't want this to sound terrible, but I don't have the urge to kiss you'. She also said things like she's been thinking and realising 'I'm not sure If I could be with you long term and buy you a house with you because of the nervous actions' mostly in reference to me being irritating to be around when I'm like that, which was a lot of the time. Of course, she's got all the bad at the front of her mind because we have just been through an awful spell.

 

Do you think it says a lot that she hasn't broken up with me? She's had plenty of chance to, and instead has said all of these things but specifically said she's not giving up and she's willing to try her hardest.

 

She has already broken up with you. She is only wrestling with the lingering emotions.

 

Women don't return to logic, they will often concentrate on the bad of the relationship, because it helps they justify their decision to leave you.

 

They all say these same things,,,, and when they do, its too late.

 

And I'll ask you the same question I was asked many times on here..

 

WHy do you want to put up with this mess?

 

Fact is, if you have what it takes to have a good woman, you will eventually.