m.snow Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I would suggest seeing an attorney for an initial consultation as it is highly probable that H will file for divorce so he can marry his pregnant gf. It takes two to reconcile but only one to file for divorce You need to learn what your post divorce life will look like and that is the purpose for the lawyer consultation. If nothing else one element of uncertainty will be removed. Stay sober for your own sake. The reality is I believe the Husband is waiting for her to get back on her feet to divorce. In that He was willing to financially help her get back up. So the divorce would be clean break with out long term alimony. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 The reality is I believe the Husband is waiting for her to get back on her feet to divorce. In that He was willing to financially help her get back up. So the divorce would be clean break with out long term alimony. One could only hope... C Link to post Share on other sites
Itwasntme Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 I believe the OP is still married to him, so her desire is that he will dump the GF and come back to her and she is even willing to be a step mother to his child with the OW. Whether there's any chance of this ever occurring is another thing, but I've seen crazier things happen. Have you really seen crazier? We are talking about a man who was cheated on and treated like trash, finally moving on and having a kid but then end up leaving her and end back up with the Women who cheated. That's a little to crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Your husband is moving on with his life ,its time you did the same .Just learn from this and dont cheat in future relationships . Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Your husband is moving on with his life ,its time you did the same .Just learn from this and dont cheat in future relationships . yeah, and when the man you are cheating with you end up supporting with your husband's money....YOU are the one being taken advantage of. don't fall for that line of b.s. from a smooth talking man again. Link to post Share on other sites
jnel921 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 FS, I really don't know what kind of response you expect here. Understand that M is a partnership. Your H was in school trying to improve himself for the future of your M and you held down multiple jobs. You say he was a good man and obviously he was appreciative of what you were doing. I don't buy the bored or drink excuse for your behavior. You had sex with this guy when he came over for a quote, and you didn't know him from Adam at the time and continued to see him then financially support him? What the heck....I wouldn't forgive this either. There are certain things that are deal breakers. This is one of them. How can you dip into your M funds to support someone else. I am surprised your OM didn't even want you staying at the apt you were paying for yet demanded to know if and when you were paying for his truck payment?! He is ridiculous and so are you. That was a huge slap in the face from every side and I hope that woke you up from the fog you are in. However I do think you are being delusional. There is no second chance to be given here by your BH. You need to work on fixing yourself. I think it is normal that your BH wishes you well and has moved on. Leave him alone. His life has changed for the better. He has a new person and a baby on the way. What makes you believe he would push this woman away and share his child with you? Finalize your D and work on being the right person for the next guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 (edited) Ya know, it's annoying that you bring up supporting him in his education the way you do. Many spouses support the others' pursuit in higher education, because a marriage is a partnership and that is what partners do. You act like he owes you for being married while in school. I met my husband when he was a sophomore working on his Bachelor's. He now has his PhD. We moved in together the start of grad school, but combined our finances the summer before. I worked while he went to school: I worked overtime, took care of the home, did all the bills so he could fully invest in his education with no distractions. I did this because 1) it was his dream, and I love him and fully supported him in seeing that dream realized and 2) any financial benefits from his education would be both of ours to reap. The fact that you resent him for bettering himself and then used marital funds to finance a loser is an insult among many insults. Let this one go, and let him be happy. Find your own happiness, and learn from your lesson. I would also recommend speaking with a counselor about the best way to acknowledge and get a hold of your selfishness. It's quite staggering. Edited October 22, 2015 by Ms. Faust 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Horton Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 Have you really seen crazier? We are talking about a man who was cheated on and treated like trash, finally moving on and having a kid but then end up leaving her and end back up with the Women who cheated. That's a little to crazy. I read a story on another site where a wife treated her BH terribly, lied to her family claiming that he was abusive when he wasn't, tried to turn his kids against him, cheated on him with multiple guys, repeatedly lead him to go down on her after her and the OM had unprotected sex and not only are they reconciling but he's now caring for her since she's become deeply ill. If somebody can choke down that sh*t sandwich, then I have to believe that just about anything is possible. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Itwasntme Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I read a story on another site where a wife treated her BH terribly, lied to her family claiming that he was abusive when he wasn't, tried to turn his kids against him, cheated on him with multiple guys, repeatedly lead him to go down on her after her and the OM had unprotected sex and not only are they reconciling but he's now caring for her since she's become deeply ill. If somebody can choke down that sh*t sandwich, then I have to believe that just about anything is possible. I retract my statement because that's is crazy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I retract my statement because that's is crazy. Itwantme: I'm so amazed how you changed! few months ago you were willing to raise a kid of an OM who was screwing you ex!! this is a compliment by the way, I really like how you think now Link to post Share on other sites
Itwasntme Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 (edited) Itwantme: I'm so amazed how you changed! few months ago you were willing to raise a kid of an OM who was screwing you ex!! this is a compliment by the way, I really like how you think now oh no offense taken. Idk if it's such a thing but I feel as if I came out of the fog, I was so scared of being alone then that I was thinking of staying. But aye thanks, I appreciate the compliment. Edited October 25, 2015 by Itwasntme 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 25, 2015 Share Posted October 25, 2015 (edited) This woman is taking my life AND getting more than I had. You're selfish. You grow bored with a good man. You use things and people. You expect people to give you stuff. And you 'say' you understand you caused all this, yet in the same breath you complain because you aren't getting what you want. She isn't taking ANYTHING. You THREW AWAY that life. Life sucks when you get direct consequences for selfish acts, doesn't it? Selfish to the core. Nothing anyone here can say that will get through to you. But on the outside chance that you hit rock bottom and come to realize all this, you CAN have a good life again, as long as you can do the work to shed the selfishness. Just not with HIM. Edited October 25, 2015 by turnera Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 3, 2015 Share Posted November 3, 2015 (edited) If you truly love your Husband... I mean REALLY love him... the best thing you can do it make the divorce as easy as possible for him. Not fight for him. Not fight him over anything. Be fair and divorce as quickly as possible. Right now, I suspect you only love yourself and are worried about yourself. That's understandable given your current situation, but not love. It's selfish. When you love someone, you put their happiness first. His happiness is with his GF and his growing family. It seems like you are more upset that she got the life you wanted. You could have had it as well, but for your choices. It sucks, but it really may be for the best in the long run. Sorry your lesson is much tougher than others. Much luck to you on your continued sobriety. Well that is the conundrum isn't it? True if she really loved him she'd make the divorce as easy as possible. Of course we also run into problems with this logic since if she really loved him she wouldn't of been banging other dudes. Edited November 3, 2015 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
htmshsj Posted November 4, 2015 Share Posted November 4, 2015 Lol. You are experiencing the natural consequences of your actions. This is probably difficult for someone as self-centered as you to understand. PS your husband will live happily ever after with his younger wife and new baby. The child will grow up to be handsome and very successful. Link to post Share on other sites
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