Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 My annual "New Leaf distracts herself for a day accompanied by Brunelo and champagne" has started. My beauty therapist has been around and I've had a facial, and eyebrows threaded and tinted. Walked the dogs. Tried to eat a piece of toast with pressed coconut oil fake butter (don't bother!) cup of redbush tea, showered and put my hair on rollers. Will empty contents of all 3 wardrobes on my bed. Go get mani and pedi. Come back for wine o'clock (1pm) and try on every single thing I own, make an inventory of all keep items and put them away. All go items I give first dibs to friends except work outfits which go to a lovely charity for women returning to work who need interview or work clothing. My stylist has been abroad visiting family and she'll be coming soon to sort me out so handy to have the inventory. Please expect my posts to be less coherent as the day goes on. Off to nail salon! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 It's today. The 13th anniversary of my H's murder/attempted murder/ suicide shooting spree. My worst day of the year. I'm afraid to go to sleep Whoa! I knew about his suicide but missed the murder/attempted murder thing. Do you mind saying briefly what happened? This is terrible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dela Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 hei NL... i m sorry to hear about your day. i know u are strong and i hope u will have a better year.. i also had mani pedi and hair done but i m in no mood to party tonight... i pray for a better year, for healing and peace of mind. take care of u and have a wonderful day/night. Hugs :* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 Whoa! I knew about his suicide but missed the murder/attempted murder thing. Do you mind saying briefly what happened? This is terrible. hi it's in here somewhere. It's too much for me to write it today, I am already triggering all over the place. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/558834-anyone-happy-other-side-7.html#post6675160 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovetoohard Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 My annual "New Leaf distracts herself for a day accompanied by Brunelo and champagne" has started. My beauty therapist has been around and I've had a facial, and eyebrows threaded and tinted. Walked the dogs. Tried to eat a piece of toast with pressed coconut oil fake butter (don't bother!) cup of redbush tea, showered and put my hair on rollers. Will empty contents of all 3 wardrobes on my bed. Go get mani and pedi. Come back for wine o'clock (1pm) and try on every single thing I own, make an inventory of all keep items and put them away. All go items I give first dibs to friends except work outfits which go to a lovely charity for women returning to work who need interview or work clothing. My stylist has been abroad visiting family and she'll be coming soon to sort me out so handy to have the inventory. Please expect my posts to be less coherent as the day goes on. Off to nail salon! This sounds like a fabulous plan! I may just steal your idea for this weekend - I keep thinking my closet is too small, but it's the clothing and shoe collection that's grown! Also I'm in dire need for a facial and mani-pedi. I'm thinking a bright coral for nails as I'm dreaming about an upcoming beach vacation. Hope you're feeling better. Enjoy the wine and champagne! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 This sounds like a fabulous plan! I may just steal your idea for this weekend - I keep thinking my closet is too small, but it's the clothing and shoe collection that's grown! Also I'm in dire need for a facial and mani-pedi. I'm thinking a bright coral for nails as I'm dreaming about an upcoming beach vacation. Hope you're feeling better. Enjoy the wine and champagne! an orangey coral is a perfect accompaniment to a tan! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 hi it's in here somewhere. It's too much for me to write it today, I am already triggering all over the place. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/558834-anyone-happy-other-side-7.html#post6675160 I honestly think that's the worst thing I've ever read. I'm so sorry, NL. There are just no words. None at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 I honestly think that's the worst thing I've ever read. I'm so sorry, NL. There are just no words. None at all. Thanks for understanding. Most of the time I still can't believe it happened it's like a horrible bad dream you can't shake. It's one of those things that happens to "other people" and quite frankly more than a decade on I still don't know how to deal with it. That's probably why my A is so painful for me. ExMM knew and lived through that and then still tricked me?!?!?! Why would someone do that to me? I bought it all hook, line and sinker. ExMM was "safe". He was from "before". He remembers who I was and what I was like before the tragedy. I don't. It's a cruel thing he did. I'm not ashamed to admit I'm not doing well tonight. I'm in my bed with my dogs with tears rolling down my cheeks. There are many unanswered "why?'s" in my life and there always will be. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
GollumsNightmare Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 Look at all the new friends you have from all over the world (and even from both sides of the fence) here! You can face 2016 and OWN it - new job, new wardrobe, new life. There is no lousy MM holding you back. Rock on. Happy New Year. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 Look at all the new friends you have from all over the world (and even from both sides of the fence) here! You can face 2016 and OWN it - new job, new wardrobe, new life. There is no lousy MM holding you back. Rock on. Happy New Year. GN You are right. I am lucky I have lots of friends here, OW/OM, Waywards and Betrayed's alike. I hope that is because I am genuinely interested in the posters here. I have much to be thankful for. More than most. I shan't lose sight of that. Leafy x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 (edited) Hey lovely lady. I came to this site as a broken, 'shattered' bs & YOU warmed me to you immediately!! That speaks volumes about the kind of lady that you are. I've said it before...you are NOT an OW. You're not an abused BS. You are past that (ghosts are always haunting on their days) YOU are a truly lovely lady who has come out the other side with kindness, compassion & an open heart. .....as a true 'bread' English lady I stand proud & shout "Bollocks! F-em! Tomorrow's another day!". I'm on the Amaretto! :bunny: Edited December 31, 2015 by ShatteredLady 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted December 31, 2015 Author Share Posted December 31, 2015 Hey lovely lady. I came to this site as a broken, 'shattered' bs & YOU warmed me to you immediately!! That speaks volumes about the kind of lady that you are. I've said it before...you are NOT an OW. You're not an abused BS. You are past that (ghosts are always haunting on their days) YOU are a truly lovely lady who has come out the other side with kindness, compassion & an open heart. .....as a true 'bread' English lady I stand proud & shout "Bollocks! F-em! Tomorrow's another day!". I'm on the Amaretto! :bunny: Come back to Blighty and we will have a knees up and set the world to rights pet. Happy New Year Xx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dela Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Happy new year, darling ? God bless 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 "Come back to Blighty and we will have a knees up and set the world to rights pet." Beginning of June!!!!! Looking at the time difference I hope you're sleeping like a baby (My first NOT second!!) HAPPY NEW YEAR LOVELY LADY! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted January 1, 2016 Author Share Posted January 1, 2016 The dogs and I made it through the night with not much sleep and that was with my PTSD medicine working. Today I am wearing a disguise of jeans, tall uggs, a white long sleeve thermal shirt and over that a short sleeve orange "Holland" shirt, a French braid, a Yankees hat and blistex to head to the cinema to see "Star Wars 3D" with a godchild, his gf and her mum. This might not mean much because I have purposely never seen any of the other Star Wars movies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 (edited) Dang! I'm so sorry you had such a bad night. It understandable though. As far as your other question about how xMM could've done those things after having known you so long, knowing how you were then and now, I don't have an answer for you. My xMM knew specifics about my life, too, and I wonder how he could've been so callous knowing what he knew. I believe men just don't think; that they can be very self-centered. Or they know the situation and think they're doing you a favor by being with you. They just don't seem to have the capacity for long-term thinking when it comes to relationships. With money, that's a different story. I used to ask myself the questions you ask all the time. Now I don't even bother. I just don't care. Yesterday was my birthday and xMM sent me a bd text. There is nothing unusual about this. He said something silly about old age, in a sideways way, said I was beautiful and then wrote "always" at the end(a word I wrote to him once in an email, I think, and it apparently struck a cord with him because he has used it since). Next to "always" was an emoticon where the face is winking, lips puckered, and a heart. Now, two years ago, my mind and heart would've been all over the place trying to decipher that message. Now, I just laugh it off and carry on with my day because I know that, ultimately, it means nothing and that I'm actually the lucky one to be single and free. I hope you get to that place very soon. You're very special and you deserve a beautiful and happy life. Hugs and Happy New Year. Edited January 1, 2016 by bathtub-row 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted January 1, 2016 Author Share Posted January 1, 2016 Dang! I'm so sorry you had such a bad night. It understandable though. As far as your other question about how xMM could've done those things after having known you so long, knowing how you were then and now, I don't have an answer for you. My xMM knew specifics about my life, too, and I wonder how he could've been so callous knowing what he knew. I believe men just don't think; that they can be very self-centered. Or they know the situation and think they're doing you a favor by being with you. They just don't seem to have the capacity for long-term thinking when it comes to relationships. With money, that's a different story. I used to ask myself the questions you ask all the time. Now I don't even bother. I just don't care. Yesterday was my birthday and xMM sent me a bd text. There is nothing unusual about this. He said something silly about old age, in a sideways way, said I was beautiful and then wrote "always" at the end(a word I wrote to him once in an email, I think, and it apparently struck a cord with him because he has used it since). Next to "always" was an emoticon where the face is winking, lips puckered, and a heart. Now, two years ago, my mind and heart would've been all over the place trying to decipher that message. Now, I just laugh it off and carry on with my day because I know that, ultimately, it means nothing and that I'm actually the lucky one to be single and free. I hope you get to that place very soon. You're very special and you deserve a beautiful and happy life. Hugs and Happy New Year. Happy Belated Birthday!! I'm asking myself a lot fewer questions. (Hard to believe but true) it's easier when there is radio silence as there is nothing to question. There are things that I know that make my mind more at ease. I'm a lovely woman, probably the kindest he's ever known. I am considered very pretty, if not beautiful, and I know I am the most beautiful woman he has ever known (inside and out) and that is enough to know. What did you do for your birthday? How did you spend it? Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 Happy Belated Birthday!! I'm asking myself a lot fewer questions. (Hard to believe but true) it's easier when there is radio silence as there is nothing to question. There are things that I know that make my mind more at ease. I'm a lovely woman, probably the kindest he's ever known. I am considered very pretty, if not beautiful, and I know I am the most beautiful woman he has ever known (inside and out) and that is enough to know. What did you do for your birthday? How did you spend it? Thank you! I had a lot of fun. Went shopping for several hours, bought some tiger-print heels and a few other things. Then went to dinner with my sister and a gf. Then we went to my house, blabbed for hours, and watched the fireworks. I always get emotional when I see the fireworks because they make me think about my life, when I was born, etc. I really like my birthday being on Dec 31. For many years, my birthday wasn't celebrated because my family was in a religion that doesn't celebrate birthdays. On New Year's, I used to lay in bed and feel sad. I left the religion when I was in my mid-20's but, in leaving, I lost my whole family except for one of my sisters. That's what I mean about xMM knowing my history, how broken my life has been. Just give yourself time. Unfortunately it takes way more than we would want. I still say the way MM handled things was completely horrible and that's another milestone to your healing. I still think of xMM every now and then but I no longer have hope for us. That's the difference. I don't believe in us anymore and I don't believe in him. It took a long time for me to get there. Ta! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted January 4, 2016 Author Share Posted January 4, 2016 Just an update on my hand. The injury is worse than originally thought. Hand therapy 3x a week for the next month and dressing change 3x a week. Then first week of February see the consultant again to see if I need a second surgery. They think the nail may grow back but whether I have feeling/function will be revealed over time. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Hi NL. Wow that sounds like some injury. I hope your healing goes well. I'm sorry you've gone through that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Ugh! I am so sorry to hear about the severity of the injury! And on top of everything else . Best wishes for your recovery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 Do your therapy!! As a chronic painer I assure you it can make a lot of difference to nerve recovery. Thank you for saying what you were wearing....I was getting a bit bored so I dressed my little lovely in the same (similar) outfit!! Hahaha! Little things amuse me. Hope you're ok where you live & the water isn't rising. Ugh!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NewLeaf512 Posted January 5, 2016 Author Share Posted January 5, 2016 Do your therapy!! As a chronic painer I assure you it can make a lot of difference to nerve recovery. Thank you for saying what you were wearing....I was getting a bit bored so I dressed my little lovely in the same (similar) outfit!! Hahaha! Little things amuse me. Hope you're ok where you live & the water isn't rising. Ugh!! Can't sleep with pain. No water here in W1 pet. Rock on June x Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 So sorry to hear about what you're going through. Please keep us posted on things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
yodelwithyu Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 NL, this is so sad to hear =/ I'm so sorry it has been a few really rough weeks for you. I really hope you are ok and keeping up with your health. You have come so far, my dear! Not just with the whole exMM debacle, but in life. I remember telling you when I first read your whole story what an inspiration you are. So I just wanted to tell you that again. I think you are remarkable and unbreakable, and could only dream to deal with bad situations with as much grace as you have. BTW, I am sure you knocked 'em dead in the Tom Ford. Me thinks that Bond Street might have some more retail therapy for you while you recover with your injury. Sending you lots and lots of hugs and good vibes! Xoxo, Yodel 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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