dumbass2 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 The crazy thing is she will say I didn't try or I didn't chase her to rescue her from the pain. She put herself in this position. You owe her nothing. She knows how you feel. You do not chase someone like this. You chase at the beginning of a new relationship. You don't chase, ever, after you are dumped. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 I don't know how long since your breakup but I was guilty of sending such emotional emails within the 3-week time frame after my ex broke up with me (except my ex didn't ask me not to contact him and actually responded to every single one and even initiated some). I am 4 months NC and feel so much better. I do still think about my ex and have moments of weakness but I just keep pushing forward. I remember about 2 months ago, I was going through my emails trying to find an unrelated email and came across the messages I sent to my ex. OMG I was such a mess back then and really cringed at the emails I sent--couldn't bring myself to read some of them to the end and deleted them immediately. It was that bad! I really really regret it. I sounded pathetic and frankly that would have been a big turn off for me if I was in my ex's position. My emails essentially revealed to my ex he held all the cards in the situation and I had relinquished my power to him and was relying on him for my emotional well-being. I doubt any sane dumper who cares about a dumpee would want all the pressure. Try to go silent for your own sanity. As dumbass2 said, she knows how you feel. Reclaim your power and if she wants to be a part of the new, strong you, she will come forward. If she doesn't, you will be in a better position to find someone else. Easier said than done but you have to make the effort. Best wishes! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RIPolaris Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 People like her aren't worth it, don't even bother. Besides, silence speaks volumes. By saying nothing, you're saying a lot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusioncreepsin Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Thank you all. I deleted it and the only trace of it is here....so I can cringe after I get over all this. This is the second time of NC....the first I was so determined, but something happened when I decided to go back after the first episode of her lying. I must have fallen again emotionally hard this go around. I have never been in a state like this. It is one thing to miss them, but a completely different thing to obsess over them. I WILL remain silent. She might text in a few days, but it will normally happen when she has "alone" time with her thoughts...normally at night after kids are down. She will either says its is completely over OR she will not be specific and generalize things. I assume I need to not respond either way right? Or do I ask her "what are you saying, are you ready to try again or are we over?" and just stick to it and accept whatever she says? Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 "I assume I need to not respond either way right?" You are correct. She already said to never contact her, so do exactly as she wishes and yes that means if she contacts you as well. That would be when you take control...finally. You should not want to contact her even if she didn't text you that. You really are going to need to work hard to move past her. Come on, she is with a another guy. You have to regain your self respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusioncreepsin Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Ok. I am trying but one more thing. If she does contact me do I ask her if this means she wants to try again or we are over… no matter what she wants to discuss??? Do I ask her intentions in contacting me. I will not be friends and either want to know if she wants to move ahead or quit. Please let me know how I should respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusioncreepsin Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 Bumping for advice on my question above. Please help if you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusioncreepsin Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 Bump again Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 (edited) Ok. I am trying but one more thing. If she does contact me do I ask her if this means she wants to try again or we are over… no matter what she wants to discuss??? Do I ask her intentions in contacting me. I will not be friends and either want to know if she wants to move ahead or quit. Please let me know how I should respond. WTF is wrong with you? You start this great post which is true and is a great warning to others, you make us proud by saying you are going nc, then you start worrying us by thinking of sending a letter that makes you look like a wuss, and now you are thinking of getting back with her? She is toxic and a cheater and you know it. No contact silence will tell her more than any letter and will get you to heal. Go back and reread your first post on this thread. People have told you to go NC and I doubt you will get any more replies because you aren't taking anyone's advice. You just want someone to tell you to reply and give her anther chance. You should be blocking her on your phone and email so you won' be tempted to reply because she is playing you like a fiddle. Edited October 12, 2015 by Frank13 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusioncreepsin Posted October 12, 2015 Author Share Posted October 12, 2015 Thank you. I just wanted to do the right thing if she contacts me again, which she will. I have always been twisted in her mire of crazy, so it was not that I was going to contact her, but needed to get reassurance from others. You have do so, and I thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Shock148 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 Once a cheater always a cheater. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 If she contacts you again you ignore her and stay no contact. That's the right thing to do. The worst thing would be to get back with her. She lies and cheated on you twice. Going back again tells her you are a wuss and approve of her cheating because she can always get you back. She screwed you over twice. Don't for a second that she deserves anything other than silence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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