Conflicting thoughts towards ex and breakup

[Jc396]

my first relationship of 5 years ended about a month ago when he left me. We had our ups and downs throughout but problems started to arise right at 3 years and he ended up cheating on me. I decided to continue on with the relationship despite how betrayed I felt. I made all these crazy demands to him which he met. He changed but It still felt hard to trust him and forgive him. I had self confidence issues and tortured myself with his betrayal instead of acknowledging that he was bettering himself. He started to resent me and we fought frequently for a year. He shipped off to bmt for 3 months while I wrote to him everyday. During this time I worked on improving my self. When he got back things seemed to be better. We got along better and I was happier with myself and everything around me.

 

I ended up falling on hard times. I thought the only thing going right was our relationship. This was until we ended up getting into a fight over him misunderstanding a statement I made when I loaned him money. He berated me and made me feel like I made no effort to improve myself. He went on about him not getting what he wants from relationship when I was trying my best. This led to me feeling discouraged for about a week and started to doubt myself. I decided to talk to him about it and tell him how he has made me feel and he got upset and ended it saying I need to love myself before I can love anyone else. After me begging him back for a week, he blocked me on everything and completely cut me out of his life.

 

Last I heard he is partying and flirting with other girls and even began contacting some of the girls I made him stop talking to after the cheating.(due to him flirting with them). I was the only one there for him multiple times in the relationship and I feel like he couldn't be there for me when I needed him to be. I loved him enough to not give up on him when he gave me a reason to but I couldn't get the same back from him. I'm confused cause I feel like my issues with my self confidence doesn't warrant how cold he acting towards me. I'm also curious how I am supposed to be happy with myself in a relationship with someone who didn't appreciate me. He is acting like I betrayed him which I feel like I didn't do. I tried my hardest to make him happy yet I feel like a bad person for failing at it.

 

I have conflicting thoughts a side of me wants him back and I blame myself for him leaving and another part of me feels like he was jerk who abandoned me. I have been in no contact for a month and yet I'm still angry/depressed about everything. I feel like until I make sense of the breakup I will not be able to move on. What do I do?

[Qboro90]

The relationship ended when he cheated on you. You don't have the personality or self confidence to push through something like that and still have a healthy relationship. Sounds like you made him jump through hoops and make changes to his life in order to prove his devotion to you, which he did, yet you still had that nagging insecurity in the back of your mind that you were unable to let go of.

 

That probably are away slowly at the two of you and little things became big things. He was probably tired of being questioned and not trusted all the time and you felt that you just wanted someone to appreciate the love you were showing him.

 

The only thing you can do now is to realize it's over and it's not your fault, not his fault, nothing could've been done to change it and you're not going to fix it now. It sucks, I know but it's part of life.

 

His behavior and actions now are in now way an indicator of how he feels or felt about you during your relationship. Don't over think things like that. Don't monitor his activities through social media, it will drive you crazy.

[quattrob]

When he cheated on you and you decided to keep the relationship with him going, I can tell you that was the beginning of the end. You see first he didn't love you otherwise cheating wouldn't have happened but when you gave him that second chance, he viewed you as a pushover, someone that he could keep around, perhaps use. You lost all respect and power from him, based on your post it seems you had done and sacrificed a lot for him while he didn't seem like he did as much. He just did enough to keep you hooked.

 

 

Like you said you loved him but he couldn't give that love to you back. So why would you even consider wanting him back? He is right about one thing though, you don't even know how to love yourself so how can you love somebody else? He looks down on you and doesn't respect you.

 

 

What do you do? Move on and forget about him. Learn to love yourself and treat yourself right. If someone cheats on you and you put in the effort but you still feel it's not enough, don't be afraid to call it quits and move on.