flexxy Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) backstory: dated for 2 years, she left me 3 months ago, she has messaged me a couple times since with usual breadcrumb bs (misses and cares for me) Anyways no msgs for about 4 weeks then yesterday her: "Hi, how have you been?" me: ive been good thanks her: do you not want to talk to me? me: It just seems a bit out of the blue her: You've been on my mind and I've wanted to talk to you, I just didn't know whether you would want to talk to me me: what do you want to talk about? her: do you still care about me? me: you didnt answer my question her: i didnt have a specific "topic" i wanted to discuss with you i just want you in my life her (4 hours later with no response from me): life is empty without you I havnt responded to the last two msgs which were tonight, ive pretty much reached a point of indifference, however i feel like i have changed my ways and i would possibly givd it another chance. i did struggle a lot in the early days of the BU. i also made sure she knew i could never be just "friends" with her Does this sound like she is trying to just get an ego boost? Edited October 8, 2015 by flexxy
singme2sleep Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 backstory: dated for 2 years, she left me 3 months ago, she has messaged me a couple times since with usual breadcrumb bs (misses and cares for me) Anyways no msgs for about 4 weeks then yesterday her: "Hi, how have you been?" me: ive been good thanks her: do you not want to talk to me? me: It just seems a bit out of the blue her: You've been on my mind and I've wanted to talk to you, I just didn't know whether you would want to talk to me me: what do you want to talk about? her: do you still care about me? me: you didnt answer my question her: i didnt have a specific "topic" i wanted to discuss with you i just want you in my life her (4 hours later with no response from me): life is empty without you I havnt responded to the last two msgs which were tonight, ive pretty much reached a point of indifference, however i feel like i have changed my ways and i would possibly givd it another chance. i did struggle a lot in the early days of the BU. i also made sure she knew i could never be just "friends" with her Does this sound like she is trying to just get an ego boost? I would respond and ask her what she wants...
Simon Phoenix Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 I would respond and ask her what she wants... He already did that, she avoided the question. As for the OP, yes, it just sounds like she wants a bit of an ego boost or support from you. The fact that she was evasive when you asked her what she wanted makes me think she was just bored/lonely and fishing. Honestly, until you are recovered you shouldn't be engaging her in this way UNLESS she specifically says she has reconsidered and wants to be with you. There wasn't much substance in that conversation. 2
Oregon_Dude Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 She's just testing the waters, man. She wants you to not hate her so she can prance about her day guilt-free. She doesn't want you back, so don't put any thought into this interaction. 3
Author flexxy Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 She's just testing the waters, man. She wants you to not hate her so she can prance about her day guilt-free. She doesn't want you back, so don't put any thought into this interaction. she already knows i dont "hate" her... she may be worried that i dont care for her anymore and shes just fishing for that? i think i replied fairly well? interms of sounding indifferent? like i said i am not really stressed about this interaction and it doesnt really effect me
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Your biggest mistake was round about..... backstory: dated for 2 years, she left me 3 months ago, she has messaged me a couple times since with usual breadcrumb bs (misses and cares for me) Anyways no msgs for about 4 weeks then yesterday her: "Hi, how have you been?" ....here. me: ive been good thanks Responding was a big mistake. here's how the discussion SHOULD have gone: her: do you not want to talk to me? me: Not really. What on earth would make you believe I do? her: You've been on my mind and I've wanted to talk to you, I just didn't know whether you would want to talk to me me: No.I don't. You dumped me, now you want to talk? Are you nuts?? her: do you still care about me? me: What, you want me to stroke your ego too? You ARE Nuts.... her: i didnt have a specific "topic" i wanted to discuss with you i just want you in my life her (4 hours later with no response from me): life is empty without you me: (to myself) yeah, good. Suck it up. I havnt responded to the last two msgs which were tonight, ive pretty much reached a point of indifference, however i feel like i have changed my ways and i would possibly givd it another chance. i did struggle a lot in the early days of the BU. i also made sure she knew i could never be just "friends" with her Does this sound like she is trying to just get an ego boost? Is the North Pole cold? 1
Oregon_Dude Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Yeah man you did fine. Next time I just simply wouldn't respond to her at all. Glad this didn't stress you or set you back.
Ajax Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 her: i didnt have a specific "topic" i wanted to discuss with you i just want you in my life her (4 hours later with no response from me): life is empty without you You: Guess you should have though of that. Does this sound like she is trying to just get an ego boost? Yuuuup!
Oregon_Dude Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Well, you have "hand" now. Enjoy it. Most of us never get such an indication that an ex misses us, even if it is for her own selfish reasons. F*ck that b*tch, man, let her suffer. 2
jonesey0 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 Such bitterness in some of the responses. People make mistakes all time, and then its really hard to turn them around. If the OP cares about this girl and wants her back, he shouldnt be worried about having the upper hand or making her suffer. Love isnt about ego or pride. 7
Oregon_Dude Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 If the OP cares about this girl and wants her back, he shouldnt be worried about having the upper hand or making her suffer.Unfortunately, she does not want HIM back, or has done zero to express wanting him back. All she wants is to be "cared" about by someone she doesn't want in her life. Listen, if you want to be used by others, by all means. Just don't advocate other people digging their own graves. 2
bathtub-row Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) I don't know the backstory here but why would you assume that she's just toying with you, opposed to really wanting you back? Btw, when you asked what she wanted to talk about, I think she did answer your question. Edited October 8, 2015 by bathtub-row 1
dumbass2 Posted October 8, 2015 Posted October 8, 2015 backstory: dated for 2 years, she left me 3 months ago, she has messaged me a couple times since with usual breadcrumb bs (misses and cares for me) Anyways no msgs for about 4 weeks then yesterday her: "Hi, how have you been?" me: ive been good thanks her: do you not want to talk to me? me: It just seems a bit out of the blue her: You've been on my mind and I've wanted to talk to you, I just didn't know whether you would want to talk to me me: what do you want to talk about? her: do you still care about me? me: you didnt answer my question her: i didnt have a specific "topic" i wanted to discuss with you i just want you in my life her (4 hours later with no response from me): life is empty without you IF you reply, ask her "and just how do you want me in your life?" If she replies "Um...I don't know" or something to that effect, then you say "good bye and please don't contact me again" then be done You can only do so much. you're giving her her shot to say something significant IF she really wants to. If she avoids that one too, then stop replying. She'll get the message that you are strong and not messing around. You could just stop right now and she'll get that, but I am interested to know if and how she would respond to my question. 5
Author flexxy Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 Such bitterness in some of the responses. People make mistakes all time, and then its really hard to turn them around. If the OP cares about this girl and wants her back, he shouldnt be worried about having the upper hand or making her suffer. Love isnt about ego or pride. I agree, infact I don't really disagree completely in the reasons for her breaking it off, however it still affected me obviously, i do believe people can change... i never hated the girl and i feel like lots of people on here have such disgust for their exs for whatever reason. I didn't plead or beg aftet the breakup, but i made sure she knew we could never be just friends as stated above 2
Author flexxy Posted October 8, 2015 Author Posted October 8, 2015 (edited) IF you reply, ask her "and just how do you want me in your life?" If she replies "Um...I don't know" or something to that effect, then you say "good bye and please don't contact me again" then be done You can only do so much. you're giving her her shot to say something significant IF she really wants to. If she avoids that one too, then stop replying. She'll get the message that you are strong and not messing around. You could just stop right now and she'll get that, but I am interested to know if and how she would respond to my question. yeah that sounds reasonable if i decide to respond, which i dont know yet. any response a long those lines kinda puts myself out there which i really wanted to avoid the other avenue is just not responding and then if she actually wanted to get back that strongly she would expand.. Edited October 8, 2015 by flexxy
Ryan_XD Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 I honestly wouldn't give her the time of day. If she was my ex - As mentioned it looks like she's wanting a guilt free life either that or she's been blown off by a guy and she doesn't like being lonely and probably thinks you'll take her back. Just my opinion.
bathtub-row Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 yeah that sounds reasonable if i decide to respond, which i dont know yet. any response a long those lines kinda puts myself out there which i really wanted to avoid the other avenue is just not responding and then if she actually wanted to get back that strongly she would expand.. It's not reasonable at all to ask her a question like that in a text. I wouldn't get hung up on analyzing her response. I would think that meeting her and judging in general how the meeting goes would be most important.
Author flexxy Posted October 9, 2015 Author Posted October 9, 2015 It's not reasonable at all to ask her a question like that in a text. I wouldn't get hung up on analyzing her response. I would think that meeting her and judging in general how the meeting goes would be most important. what meeting?
bluefeather Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 her: "Hi, how have you been?" me: ive been good thanks her: do you not want to talk to me? me: It just seems a bit out of the blue her: You've been on my mind and I've wanted to talk to you, I just didn't know whether you would want to talk to me me: what do you want to talk about? her: do you still care about me? me: you didnt answer my question her: i didnt have a specific "topic" i wanted to discuss with you i just want you in my life her (4 hours later with no response from me): life is empty without you That sounds like you handled it pretty well, actually. I like that "you didn't answer my question part." haha - nice. This is the way I would treat it, if she's vague but then says stuff like "life is empty without you," it might not be breadcrumbs, but she still seems too scared to say exactly what she wants. And that wouldn't be good enough for me. When my ex came around, I basically said, "spit it out, what exactly do you want?" From there came something I could understand and decide if I cared to work with. I wouldn't settle for this "I want you in my life," for as sweet as that sounds, it is way too vague. Either tell me straight out that you want to come back to a relationship with me or stop wasting my time. That is how I approached it. 3
Author flexxy Posted October 9, 2015 Author Posted October 9, 2015 That sounds like you handled it pretty well, actually. I like that "you didn't answer my question part." haha - nice. This is the way I would treat it, if she's vague but then says stuff like "life is empty without you," it might not be breadcrumbs, but she still seems too scared to say exactly what she wants. And that wouldn't be good enough for me. When my ex came around, I basically said, "spit it out, what exactly do you want?" From there came something I could understand and decide if I cared to work with. I wouldn't settle for this "I want you in my life," for as sweet as that sounds, it is way too vague. Either tell me straight out that you want to come back to a relationship with me or stop wasting my time. That is how I approached it. so you responded to something like this? im confused with what you are saying bluefeather
bluefeather Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 so you responded to something like this? I responded to an ex coming back, but it was nothing like that. It was more than text. I'm just telling you the mindset I had at that time.
greenleaves54 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Yeah, be nice and chill but make her come forward with what it is she actually wants. "You want me in your life you say? Well you broke up with me, and as I've already told you being friends doesn't work for me." I was never a big fan of complete ignorance when they contact you, unless the break-up was toxic. If the break-up was friendly why not reply with confidence and politeness? Of course one should keep the conversations very short. If she's not interested in getting back together then obviously we aren't interested in small-talking. This could just be some silly breadcrumbs because she has a lonely moment, or maybe it could be something more. Would be nice if you kept us updated :-)
goldway90 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 Ask her to meet you and talk face to face, texting leads to misunderstanding. If she say " i want you in my life as a friend" you say No thanks and move on.
Author flexxy Posted October 9, 2015 Author Posted October 9, 2015 update: responded with the line asking what she wants? she responded asking what im actually thinking i said "You want me in your life you say? Well you broke up with me, and as I've already told you being friends doesn't work for me" she said " are you saying you dont want to be in my life? i said " I thought I'd already made myself clear" she said "I've never wanted to be your friend " went out with some friends so not sure how to respond to that one but yeah..
goldway90 Posted October 9, 2015 Posted October 9, 2015 update: responded with the line asking what she wants? she responded asking what im actually thinking i said "You want me in your life you say? Well you broke up with me, and as I've already told you being friends doesn't work for me" she said " are you saying you dont want to be in my life? i said " I thought I'd already made myself clear" she said "I've never wanted to be your friend " went out with some friends so not sure how to respond to that one but yeah.. Dude you respond by asking for a date and discuss this face to face! You are wasting so much time by texting and asking random questions. isn't her answer obvious! Come on. 1
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