Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 IMHO, this is the gold standard of online dating interaction. Maybe two message volleys before asking to meet, but two back-and-forths, tops. And obviously, OP, if someone is speaking to you in an abusive manner, you GTFO as soon as possible. We went on a few dates, lived an hour and half app. away, about 2 short months. A lot of games and convo in between. It just did my head in a little and I believe I have been trying to blank the experience out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 If you were in a relationship with a sociopath or any cluster B personality disordered person I would highly recommend not dating for awhile. Relationships with PD individuals are very damaging and can be very difficult to break free of. I think people in a healthy place can sense someone who is working through stuff and usually disappear pretty quick when the feel something is "off". I think taking a break from OL or any other dating for a bit is a wise choice. Just take care of yourself right now. God (excuse the blasphemy), it fits, you are SO CORRECT. Even within this short time...I feel mind bended! Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 How do you spect to meet people? What is your ideal scenario? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 How do you spect to meet people? What is your ideal scenario? When I started this convo I was not sure what I wanted or how I felt. I do now believe I am being jaded by this last experience. We both vividly hate each other, like really hate. I need to continue the NC and get over this before I can start anew and fresh. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 How do you spect to meet people? What is your ideal scenario? Great question. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Yeah, if you're generally not enthused about meeting someone, better to push away from the dating thing and do other stuff. This is where guys have an advantage, generally, and I've tested it for the last five years since my marriage ended. If I don't feel enthused, I simply don't pursue women and live alone. It works great. Women still have to deal with being pursued even if they aren't enthused in general. I could see how that could be annoying. IMO, it'll come back, especially if you're young. The drive to mate and pair bond is strong and the enthusiasm for it will return. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 But how do I know he is a great guy if we do not communicate more and go from there. I was picturing myself, as insert here, at concert, and looking over to stranger I barely know. Is it too much to ask to get to know someone better first? I suppose my dating style may not work for OLD. I think this is the pitfall of OLD. People want to communicate online until they are certain the date will go well and they will be compatible. Honestly, that is not how real life works. Before OLD, people met, had dinner, and figured out all the stuff WHILE DATING that the OLD generation seems to expect to know before the first coffee. If I were on OLD, I'd basically use it for initial screening and security, and then I'd meet for coffee or in the park or whatever as soon as possible. Regardless of how much we THINK the internet has changed emotional connection, you cannot really connect in the "I know this is the right person" without real, consistent, repeated face time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kpl Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 It is just not the right venue for some. I am selective and am not meeting a complete stranger after a few verses. I feel those that push too hard may have an agenda, afraid you may back out once you get a feel of them better through verbal exchange. I am attracted also to the brilliant mind types, so if I cannot get a feel for their ability to engage in deep convo...then my attraction wanes. Plus asking a few to speak further, led to the sex talk..and they were all about sex. had I not further instigated convos on those men, it would have been a bad date of a man only looking for sex. I get you are not comfortable but if what you are doing isn't working why not try something else and see what happens? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 I may try it differently when I reinitiate it later on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 How do you spect to meet people? What is your ideal scenario? I responded to your mail but I do not see where it says I sent anything. I am not sure how it works, and set up my profile. I did not know you could do that. Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I have experienced 'indifference' big time over the the last couple of months as well. What triggered that in me.... i would put my heart and genuine effort into my online communication and get half hearted responses. It kept happening repeatedly, then i just 'switched off'. If i was Mike Myers i would say i lost my dating 'Mojo' lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 I have experienced 'indifference' big time over the the last couple of months as well. What triggered that in me.... i would put my heart and genuine effort into my online communication and get half hearted responses. It kept happening repeatedly, then i just 'switched off'. If i was Mike Myers i would say i lost my dating 'Mojo' lol Yes, I am going through indifference and feel drained, bored. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Yes, I am going through indifference and feel drained, bored. Then don't be on there because you risk burning bridges you will regret. This summer I was pretty drained. I got on there and this man contacted me. I found every reasons under the sun to not meet him, I would not always reply to his messages, I took a long time to reply, eventually I deleted my profile. Now that I am back online and in a better frame of mind I regret treating him with so much indifference because he would have been a really good prospect for me but I was too 'blah' to give him attention. I've messaged him, he replied but he was just being polite. I can't recuperate this one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Wow everyone here is far too harsh. It's really difficult to go on a date with a complete stranger and just turn it all on. Like you, I like to give my brain time to get used what I'm doing when I meet someone I hardly know. I can't feel attracted to someone straight away, no wonder their amazing qualities. Saying that, I can see why the guy bailed as many people want the ultimate romantic experience, and why not, wouldn't you? Maybe you just haven't met the right person yet? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Yes, I am going through indifference and feel drained, bored. I know how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 Then don't be on there because you risk burning bridges you will regret. This summer I was pretty drained. I got on there and this man contacted me. I found every reasons under the sun to not meet him, I would not always reply to his messages, I took a long time to reply, eventually I deleted my profile. Now that I am back online and in a better frame of mind I regret treating him with so much indifference because he would have been a really good prospect for me but I was too 'blah' to give him attention. I've messaged him, he replied but he was just being polite. I can't recuperate this one. I have done this too! I had some perfect contacts (kicking myself) and my mind was hazy. I replied nicely but then some tic, not sure made my fingers type...,for them to be well, which most likely translated to bye. I took it down. I am not ready. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Yes, I am going through indifference and feel drained, bored. Then you dont' need to be trying to date anyone. That's being selfish and unfair to someone who doesn't know that you've got a lot you need to be working out from your last relationship instead of trying to tie up their time being bored with them. Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Then you dont' need to be trying to date anyone. That's being selfish and unfair to someone who doesn't know that you've got a lot you need to be working out from your last relationship instead of trying to tie up their time being bored with them. Yeah but you don't always have to date with a relationship in mind? As long as you know when to cut it off so you're not leading anyone on and you're making it clear to them what you want. I mean men date all the time without sorting out their issues. Everyone has an issue of some kind. But I know what you mean. If it's so ambivalent to the point where you can't even define to the other person what you are seeking, then that can make things complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I mean men date all the time without sorting out their issues. Everyone has an issue of some kind. Yes they do that's why I go from disappointment to disappointment. Meeting someone and then being told 'sorry I realize I am not ready to date' really sucks. They don't belong on dating sites. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Yes they do that's why I go from disappointment to disappointment. Meeting someone and then being told 'sorry I realize I am not ready to date' really sucks. They don't belong on dating sites. I agree. I'm just saying that if you're waiting to date until you're a perfect person with no issues, then may as well be alone the rest of your life But yeah I agree that at the very least there has to be a sincere desire to find something real and not just date for the hell of it or as a distraction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 I never led anyone on or spoke with many. I think the ones I did had plenty of options and were probably meh, moved on after a few verses. Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 I never led anyone on or spoke with many. I think the ones I did had plenty of options and were probably meh, moved on after a few verses. Yea, i guess you would have been like one of those women who gave me half hearted responses and made me eventually lose interest to online dating I was fairly quick to move on in the last couple of months... i even went so far as to mention in my profile that i prefer women who put a bit of effort into the conversation because i do not have the energy to carry the conversation on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 It's not hard to see why so many blokes complain about online dating on here reading this OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Celeste.Carol Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 It's not hard to see why so many blokes complain about online dating on here reading this OP. I honestly barely spoke but to a few and my intentions were for good, but then it quickly deescalated..into not feeling it. Link to post Share on other sites
Stage5Clinger Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I have been confused lately and am in the I have no idea what I want. Being in the ~I do not know what I want,~ is lonely because I cannot accept a date and no matter how perfect, gorgeous, have it together, I feel an indifference after a few conversations. Are you being too picky OR Are you just terribly uncommitted to ever meeting up in real life with anybody from the website? I find the latter to be true in nearly 99% of women online. They are just there to float about in an aimless manner confusing everyone they talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
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