Ruby Slippers Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 ... and then another text that said "My life would be alot easier if you just talked to me." This encapsulates the heart of the problem. During the "crazy spell", you were telling him that he's responsible for your happiness and sense of security. But happiness and a sense of security come from within. A good partner can help support your happiness and security and will avoid compromising it. But they cannot and will not be the source of it. Let a man reveal to you how he feels about you over time. I read advice that said, "Let him do what he wants. If you like it, stay. If you don't like it, go." If you do this, you automatically remove any drama from your side of the interaction. If you start to feel anxious or "crazy", put down the phone and do what you need to do to resolve the feelings on your own. Life is full of ups, downs, and uncertainties. Learn to keep yourself calm and grounded. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 (edited) To be a bit clearer on the situation: he had been in harvest for two weeks so I had barely heard from him. These texts I sent were over a five day period (starting with the "hey what's up text" on wednesday and ending with the text asking if I could go to work with him because I wanted to "stay friendly" on Sunday night). The time he worked 40 hours was actually the time he talked to me most during the two weeks of harvest, but was like a week before I "blew up" his phone. He definitely had been tired, but he had also been on snapchat and Facebook and what really sent me over the edge (when I called him) he had posted a snap story of him drinking at a friends house. Maybe that had to do something work related there, but tired or not I feel like it's kind of rediculous he went from Facetiming me almost every day / texting me every day to not responding at all. Yes, I should have been more understanding but when someone just dissapears like that it feels like the one boyfriend I had that did the same (because realized he'd rather sleep with someone else than be in a LDR with me). I DO need to be more secure, but the situation wasn't great for me. No one said you have to be understanding. He behaved like an a** and you had every right to be hurt and upset, and, yes anxious. He was ignoring you, you felt abandoned, of course you felt anxious, anyone would under those same circumstances! What you're failing to realize though is that even when you feel anxious, insecure, upset...it serves NO purpose to continue texting seeking reassurance. All that did was make YOU feel more anxious.... and turn HIM off more than he already was and pushed him away for good. Everyone gets "relationship anxious," you are NOT alone there. It's too late for this one, but with the next guy, whenever you start to feel anxious and insecure, go for a run or something to alleviate the anxiety, DO NOT burden him with your neurosis. He is not your therapist and is under no obligation to reassure you. YOUR anxiety is not his issue to deal with, it's yours. Your texts were over the top and again, served NO purpose but to make you feel MORE anxious (because he was not responding).... and pushed him away for good. Re anxiety and insecurity, please learn to CONTAIN, CONTAIN, CONTAIN. Do something else to get your mind off it. Send him one text, if he doesn't respond, then leave it. When and if he wants to contact you, he knows where to find you. Good luck going forward..... Edited October 7, 2015 by katiegrl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JasmineJones Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I think that is a bit much Jasmine. She was not stalkerish and had some trouble handling her emotions and is seeking help for it. The guy went from 100 to zero with no communication of losing interest. I believe diagnosing others without truly knowing them is insane in itself. You come across as insecure, narcissistic, and extremely irritable and condescending in many posts, but I would refrain from diagnosing you as a possible NPD disorder. The guy seems quite callous and is not coming across as a good person really. But OP's behaviour was really alarming IMO. If somebody sent me a series of texts like that I'd definitely block them from my phone and assume they had mental health problems. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JasmineJones Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 No one said you have to be understanding. He behaved like an a** and you had every right to be hurt and upset, and, yes anxious. He was ignoring you, you felt abandoned, of course you felt anxious, anyone would under those same circumstances! What you're failing to realize though is that even when you feel anxious, insecure, upset...it serves NO purpose to continue texting seeking reassurance. All that did was make YOU feel more anxious.... and turn HIM off more than he already was and pushed him away for good. Everyone gets "relationship anxious," you are NOT alone there. It's too late for this one, but with the next guy, whenever you start to feel anxious and insecure, go for a run or something to alleviate the anxiety, DO NOT burden him with your neurosis. He is not your therapist and is under no obligation to reassure you. YOUR anxiety is not his issue to deal with, it's yours. Your texts were over the top and again, served NO purpose but to make you feel MORE anxious (because he was not responding).... and pushed him away for good. Re anxiety and insecurity, please learn to CONTAIN, CONTAIN, CONTAIN. Do something else to get your mind off it. Send him one text, if he doesn't respond, then leave it. When and if he wants to contact you, he knows where to find you. Good luck going forward..... Completely agree with this. All I would add is that OP may need professional support to learn to contain. Link to post Share on other sites
JasmineJones Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I think that is a bit much Jasmine. She was not stalkerish and had some trouble handling her emotions and is seeking help for it. The guy went from 100 to zero with no communication of losing interest. I believe diagnosing others without truly knowing them is insane in itself. You come across as insecure, narcissistic, and extremely irritable and condescending in many posts, but I would refrain from diagnosing you as a possible NPD disorder. Likewise I would refrain from diagnosing you as passive-aggressive and bitter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Just a quick read here indicates to me that moderation needs to take a look at this, hence I'll close it up and one of us should get to it later today. Thanks to those who remained on topic within our guidelines. Link to post Share on other sites
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