Intimidated by older men

[Stage5Clinger]

I'm always aware of their age in the back of my mind.

 

I'm 28 and I think our age makes it difficult. I would date someone my age in a heartbeat (wink wink) but girls a little younger like 24 are completely foolish and immature. Girls a little older are over 30 and that feels old and creepy to me as well. It might be easier when I hit 30 in both directions but right now I understand what you are going through.

 

I dated a girl who is significantly older than me and I found myself cringing sometimes thinking about it. If it were meant to be it wouldn't be a big deal but if it makes you uncomfortable then it can be a deal breaker!

[EricaH329]

Well, weirdly, you'll find that men will often date younger.

 

So the guys your age are probably trying to date girls who are 3-5 years younger than you. It's quite common.

 

Once you start building your new social circle, I'm sure you'll have no difficulty in attracting suitors

 

Thank you I hope so! I think I might stop using OLD, or at least not check it as often. Maybe I need to be redirecting my focus to actually making a life here and getting friends.

 

I'm 28 and I think our age makes it difficult. I would date someone my age in a heartbeat (wink wink) but girls a little younger like 24 are completely foolish and immature. Girls a little older are over 30 and that feels old and creepy to me as well. It might be easier when I hit 30 in both directions but right now I understand what you are going through.

 

I dated a girl who is significantly older than me and I found myself cringing sometimes thinking about it. If it were meant to be it wouldn't be a big deal but if it makes you uncomfortable then it can be a deal breaker!

 

Yeah, it's definitely an awkward age to be dating! Older seems almost too mature, and younger seems too immature. I think you're right. Once we hit 30 it won't be as difficult. Although, waiting 2 years to date seems a bit daunting!

[neowulf]

Thank you I hope so! I think I might stop using OLD, or at least not check it as often. Maybe I need to be redirecting my focus to actually making a life here and getting friends.

 

I would highly recommend this approach.

 

Spend your energy establishing yourself. Finding new friends, new interests. You may well find that the relationship takes care of itself!

 

Best of luck.

[kilgore]

Thank you I hope so! I think I might stop using OLD, or at least not check it as often. Maybe I need to be redirecting my focus to actually making a life here and getting friends.

 

 

 

Yeah, it's definitely an awkward age to be dating! Older seems almost too mature, and younger seems too immature. I think you're right. Once we hit 30 it won't be as difficult. Although, waiting 2 years to date seems a bit daunting!

 

Weird. Why do you think you are attracting older guys? Can't you filter that out by selecting a preferred age range??

[EricaH329]

Weird. Why do you think you are attracting older guys? Can't you filter that out by selecting a preferred age range??

 

I honestly have no idea why i'm attracting older men. I don't know if it's due to a lack of men my age in the area, or what.

 

I do have my preferences set to 27 - 33. I don't know why, or how, these men find my profile. I guess it just filters out who i'm able to see, and not who is able to see me.

 

Edit: I'm considering stating in my profile that i'd prefer men 27 - 33. I don't know if that would make a difference, though.

[kilgore]

I honestly have no idea why i'm attracting older men. I don't know if it's due to a lack of men my age in the area, or what.

 

I do have my preferences set to 27 - 33. I don't know why, or how, these men find my profile. I guess it just filters out who i'm able to see, and not who is able to see me.

 

Edit: I'm considering stating in my profile that i'd prefer men 27 - 33. I don't know if that would make a difference, though.

 

That's annoying.

 

Off topic, but noticed you are one of the few to use an actual picture of him/herself on here. Good for you

[EngnimaticResponse]

It really wouldn't hurt to go on a date. I could try it. I'd need to learn how to get out of my own head before hand though I can't imagine that i'd be much fun while feeling intimidated.

 

 

 

I suppose i'm just afraid that i'm not mature enough for them, or that they are in a different stage of life than I am.

 

You're absolutely right. There is a social stigma attached to fairly large age gaps between men and women. I do admit, I can't understand why a 40-something year old would want to be with me. It is a little bit creepy, especially the ones who are old enough to be my dad.

 

1. Stop equating Maturity with Age! There are men(and women) in their 40's and even into their 50's who still act very immature. Maturity does not come with age. Experience, yes. Wisdom, if one actually learns from their mistakes, yes. But maturity is a state of mind that is at the whim of the individual. You either are or you aren't.

 

2. For me, most of the women around my age (38), are devorcees w/kids, are well established in their careers, have paid their school loans, maybe bought a house, and looking for a man who is on the same track, ie. finacially stable (w/wo kids). While I can meet them on an intellectual/social level, I am still paying my loans and work 2 jobs to make enough money. On the flip side of this, I look (and sometimes act) like I am still in my 20's. Women your age(or younger), in your situation, might be more accepting of my financial burden (as many may still feel it themselves), but may not be able to connect with me on the other levels. Different generations, different interests.

[EricaH329]

1. Stop equating Maturity with Age! There are men(and women) in their 40's and even into their 50's who still act very immature. Maturity does not come with age. Experience, yes. Wisdom, if one actually learns from their mistakes, yes. But maturity is a state of mind that is at the whim of the individual. You either are or you aren't.

 

I know, I know You're right. I have to get it through my head that not all older men are mature in the way I seem to think they are. But even with all that extra experience that I have yet to go through, I can't see how we would be able to relate. I am, of course, jumping to conclusions, which I have to stop doing.

 

2. For me, most of the women around my age (38), are devorcees w/kids, are well established in their careers, have paid their school loans, maybe bought a house, and looking for a man who is on the same track, ie. finacially stable (w/wo kids). While I can meet them on an intellectual/social level, I am still paying my loans and work 2 jobs to make enough money. On the flip side of this, I look (and sometimes act) like I am still in my 20's. Women your age(or younger), in your situation, might be more accepting of my financial burden (as many may still feel it themselves), but may not be able to connect with me on the other levels. Different generations, different interests.

 

Different generations, different interests. That's kind of where i'm stuck. I don't think my interests would be the same as those much older than I am. While I may be able to have something in common with an older man, I believe my interests would be different. I find that common interests and experiences are an important way to bond.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

 

I didn't mean any offense by my comment, and I really hope no one took it as such!

 

 

Uh, that wasn't sarcasm!! (which drew this response from you)

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I honestly have no idea why i'm attracting older men.

 

 

A study done in the early 1990's asked men what would be the ideal age in a woman, for them, and the answer (after being adjusted for the age of the male respondent) was "Half his own age, plus seven years".

 

And that surely explains the answer.

[EricaH329]

Uh, that wasn't sarcasm!! (which drew this response from you)

 

Oh ok, I couldn't tell Thank you!! :bunny:

 

A study done in the early 1990's asked men what would be the ideal age in a woman, for them, and the answer (after being adjusted for the age of the male respondent) was "Half his own age, plus seven years".

 

And that surely explains the answer.

 

Ahhh, that does explain things! Although, i'm not sure why that's the case, but it's probably best not to speculate on such things.

[stillafool]

If older men intimidate you there are always younger guys to date as well. You're pretty and I don't think you'd have problems attracting them.

[ManyDissapoint]

There is no substitute for age.

[Celeste.Carol]

Older men, younger men, same aged men may be great and mature or not so great and immature.

[GunslingerRoland]

A study done in the early 1990's asked men what would be the ideal age in a woman, for them, and the answer (after being adjusted for the age of the male respondent) was "Half his own age, plus seven years".

 

And that surely explains the answer.

 

That isn't true. That is a formula for how young of a person you can date without being creepy...

 

ie: if you are 20 you can date a 17 year old. If you are 30 you can date a 22 year old.

 

Not necessarily accurate but often quoted since at least the mid 90's I've seen it mentioned online.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

That isn't true. That is a formula for how young of a person you can date without being creepy...

 

ie: if you are 20 you can date a 17 year old. If you are 30 you can date a 22 year old.

 

 

 

 

Uh, you don't have a clue.

[RedRobin]

Welcome to the east coast... Where there are more women than men... And lots of older guys online doing a bit of trophy hunting.... Um, that would be you.

 

No need to force yourself to get over the ick factor. Simply create a filter that puts their emails in a separate folder. That's what I did... Along with the smokers and long distance.

 

... I agree with the others... Spend less time online. It is a pretty warped place.

[EricaH329]

If older men intimidate you there are always younger guys to date as well. You're pretty and I don't think you'd have problems attracting them.

 

Thank you I wish I could find a guy my age, but it doesn't look like it's happening. Oh well, I can be patient!

 

Welcome to the east coast... Where there are more women than men... And lots of older guys online doing a bit of trophy hunting.... Um, that would be you.

 

No need to force yourself to get over the ick factor. Simply create a filter that puts their emails in a separate folder. That's what I did... Along with the smokers and long distance.

 

... I agree with the others... Spend less time online. It is a pretty warped place.

 

I'd love to get out and meet people IRL. Being so far away from everything really limits what I can do. I was thinking about joining some clubs or hobbies, but most of what I like to do is pretty girly Maybe i'll find a nice man at a book club

[kilgore]

Thank you I wish I could find a guy my age, but it doesn't look like it's happening. Oh well, I can be patient!

 

 

 

I'd love to get out and meet people IRL. Being so far away from everything really limits what I can do. I was thinking about joining some clubs or hobbies, but most of what I like to do is pretty girly Maybe i'll find a nice man at a book club

 

Activities are a great way to meet people

[Empyrea]

I'm the same, I've never dated anyone older than me, so just my age or a couple years younger. Mainly because I fear we wouldn't match in terms of life stage or that they'd start guilt tripping me or judging me for not acting/living like a proper "adult" yet. I don't think I'm super mature and frankly, I don't want to be yet. Well, that's the rational diagnosis anyway, but what happens is that I automatically don't even feel attracted to older men. So there might be some other issues there I'm not fully aware of.

Anyway, I think that's totally legitimate to choose partners not based on their biological age, but the stage of life they're at or their maturity level. You can find very mature 25 year olds and seriously immature 35 year olds, so it doesn't really matter. But generally speaking, once you become ready to settle down and think about making a home and having kids, then you won't be able to date "boys" your own age (unless you don't feel like that until you're, say, 35). I'm slowly getting there, in that I'm starting to feel like dating young men is exhausting, because they're more selfish and immature and as I'm slowly starting to grow up, I feel an increasing desire to have someone stable and reliable and mature next to me. Slowly, though. Couple more years of dating young hunks!