Gloria25 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 If your marriage was fine & you were in love with your husband, you would be upset that your boss is attracted to you, not be thrilled about it & hoping it goes further. I disagree... For some people, their marriage can be solid but they get hooked on the Xtra attention. It's an ego boost, it's fun, "new/different", exciting, and sure makes going into work a heck lot better. For some people, even "if" there's cracks in their marriage - the flirting allows them to get their "fill" w/o having to step away from "home base" (the marriage). That's why people flirt - cuz they can get the gooddies of attention w/o having to risk anything. So no, not all flirting can evolve into a full blown affair (physical and/or emotional). How do I know this? Ask me...One year of a lot of hot air and nothing came of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I disagree... For some people, their marriage can be solid but they get hooked on the Xtra attention. It's an ego boost, it's fun, "new/different", exciting, and sure makes going into work a heck lot better. For some people, even "if" there's cracks in their marriage - the flirting allows them to get their "fill" w/o having to step away from "home base" (the marriage). That's why people flirt - cuz they can get the gooddies of attention w/o having to risk anything. So no, not all flirting can evolve into a full blown affair (physical and/or emotional). How do I know this? Ask me...One year of a lot of hot air and nothing came of it. I'm not sure treading the dangerous line with a MM is the best example of how to keep one's marriage safe OR how to conduct oneself with actual character in regard to another person's marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I disagree... For some people, their marriage can be solid but they get hooked on the Xtra attention. It's an ego boost, it's fun, "new/different", exciting, and sure makes going into work a heck lot better. For some people, even "if" there's cracks in their marriage - the flirting allows them to get their "fill" w/o having to step away from "home base" (the marriage). That's why people flirt - cuz they can get the gooddies of attention w/o having to risk anything. So no, not all flirting can evolve into a full blown affair (physical and/or emotional). How do I know this? Ask me...One year of a lot of hot air and nothing came of it. Maybe, maybe not. However I think we can all agree there will be no affair if one doesn't seek out or accept flirting and "extra" attention. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 (edited) yes, two people working together in close proximity every day WILL often become attracted to each other. ESPECIALLY if the romance has died at home, or the sex life has fallen off. It is VERY thrilling to have a new man complimenting you, and hinting at how much he thinks about you. Others have mentioned that it could be bad news for your career and marriage, so I will not drone on about that. IS there any way you can keep this just at the "sexual tension" level of involvement. I mean, make it clear that you are VERY married, but that you like to flirt too. You might be able to pull that off, and never go over the line of actually hooking up in some hotel room. Unless you are one of those that have an open marriage, or a hubby who might give you a hall pass to have some fun....cheating with this guy will have psychological impacts on you and your marriage. you might really enjoy an affair for a month or so, then spend the next 30 years, every minute of your waking life, regretting this! So really think it thru and make a reasoned decision on how to proceed. Do not just let yourself get drunk and get seduced, really think thru the consequences first and plan out your course. A SAFER thing to do would be to flirt/have sexual tension at work, then come home, and rip off your husbands clothes and have hot wild married sex. i.e. use the flirting to your marriage's advantage. Edited October 6, 2015 by spanz1 Link to post Share on other sites
Threwmyselfintowork Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 If you love your husband ask him what he thinks the key to any relationship is communication instead of asking us you should be talking to you husband or you just don't care but I feel sorry for your husband you may end up killing his emotions 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nightmare01 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Maybe, maybe not. However I think we can all agree there will be no affair if one doesn't seek out or accept flirting and "extra" attention. If she actually cared about her husband and wanted to keep her marriage, she would have shut this guy down the first time he crossed the line with a complement. spanz said: IS there any way you can keep this just at the "sexual tension" level of involvement. I mean, make it clear that you are VERY married, but that you like to flirt too. You might be able to pull that off, and never go over the line of actually hooking up in some hotel room. My WW's LTA started off with friendship and "innocent" flirting. She told OM she was VERY married. But then he turned their conversations to their marriages, manipulated these talks toward talking about the negative aspects of their marriages - and he actually played the role of trying to help her solve our (made up) marriage issues. Yeah. His help didn't work out too well for our marriage. OP needs to just shut this guy down. No friendship. Business only. Hard and high walls around her marriage and her husband. Won't happen of course. You can tell from what she writes that she's already infatuated with this POS. Well - LS will be here when you need to pick up the pieces of what you are in the process of breaking. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 If you really care enough to delve into this subject before you end up making a series of decisions you regret, get the book, Not Just Friends, by Shirley Glass. My wife said that if she had read that book before her affair, it never would have happened. Well, my exwife, that is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Your married boss is flirting with you and your eating it up with a spoon. It's unbelievable to me that so many women fall for this crap over and over again. You are nothing to him but a sexual conquest. He want's to have no-strings sex with you and nothing more. You like male attention and your husband doesn't give you enough anymore? Welcome to real life. Romantic love is like a drug that get's you high and it feels so damn good. When it wears off - and it always does - you hope the person you were so crazy about is kind and loving and respectful. But you certainly don't expect him to try to charm your panties off every day/night of your married life do you? Because that's just little-girl fantasy. Decide if you want to have an adult relationship with your husband. If you do then do some things to spice things up. Walks in the park, date nights, naked day, oral in the car - do wild and crazy things with the man you married. If he doesn't do his part and you can't make it work then talk to him about it before looking for it elsewhere. Do everything you can to save yourself and your husband from the horrible pain of infidelity. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 If my boss said these things to me, I'd be rather uncomfortable. He says I'm good at my job, he may complement me on occasion, but all this thinking about you over the weekend is a bit much. If it was just once...like " I thought of you when I saw xyz on TV" -that would be okay, but it's pretty regular. I get that it's nice to be complemented and get attention, but it's not worth the risk. Think of what you have to loose. People often accuse women of sleeping their way up.....don't let it be said about you in the future. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Horton Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 So what's wrong with your husband? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 You can bet after the emotional attachment grows and it bevomes physical he will come at you then with hot cold behavior and some bs story about feeling guilty and wanting to focus on his family. Ewe. Im still stuck on all his cheesy lines. These guys are getting the same attention and affection at home likely because they're @ssholes and not fun to live with so they pick their pray and fake it to feel like they still got it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I believe that a person in a position of authority...a boss, a teacher, a coach, a minister...etc......that abuses that power by flirting with or talking to a subordinate with sexual innuendos....should be reported and fired. Do what i did not do....TELL YOUR HUSBAND. I know you may be flattered...I know it may boost your ego....but i can tell you from experience....the only thing this man wants from you is sex. He does not want a relationship with you...he has a wife In reality...he is being disrespectful to both you and your husband. Please take my advice .....tell your husband...and then tell your boss you TOLD your husband. If you lose your job....you will find another one....it is not worth losing your husband...or your self respect... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
spanz1 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 My WW's LTA started off with friendship and "innocent" flirting. She told OM she was VERY married. But then he turned their conversations to their marriages, manipulated these talks toward talking about the negative aspects of their marriages - and he actually played the role of trying to help her solve our (made up) marriage issues. . well yeah, that IS the classic "way to seduce a married woman". I think there are courses on it on youtube. I was more thinking if SHE had the temptation to cheat, but was mentally strong enough to resist those blatant seduction methods. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Your married boss is flirting with you and your eating it up with a spoon. It's unbelievable to me that so many women fall for this crap over and over again. You are nothing to him but a sexual conquest. He want's to have no-strings sex with you and nothing more. You like male attention and your husband doesn't give you enough anymore? Welcome to real life. Romantic love is like a drug that get's you high and it feels so damn good. When it wears off - and it always does - you hope the person you were so crazy about is kind and loving and respectful. But you certainly don't expect him to try to charm your panties off every day/night of your married life do you? Because that's just little-girl fantasy. Decide if you want to have an adult relationship with your husband. If you do then do some things to spice things up. Walks in the park, date nights, naked day, oral in the car - do wild and crazy things with the man you married. If he doesn't do his part and you can't make it work then talk to him about it before looking for it elsewhere. Do everything you can to save yourself and your husband from the horrible pain of infidelity. Best advice I've read in a while. The grass isn't greener on the other side. It's greener where you water it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 By Gothamboots My marriage is perfectly fine and I know his is also, I think this is just an attraction thing where we don't want anyone to get hurt in the end. If your marriage is perfectly fine then are you willing to give up your ego treats to ensure that your marriage remains “perfectly fine”? You do not want anyone to get hurt in the end? Show your husband your posts and ask him if he is already hurt. You are chancing harming your commitment and your vow of forsaking all others for your ego spikes. Will you show your husband your posts? Your decision to show your husband your posts will tell you and everyone else a LOT!! By Gothamboots I want to make it clear that no EA has started. What I am assuming is happening is casual flirting . We know that he is flirting and we know that you like it. Be honest and ask yourself if you would like it if your husband was having an attractive lady flirting with him without you knowing? If you really wanted to nip this in the bud you would ask you husband and the boss's wife the questions you are asking us. That will be a test to see if you are thinking of your husband and others or just having your ego fed by a man that is not your husband By Gothamboots Another poster stated something about how he could just be saying nice things to me and knows he can say certain things because I am a woman, and those things might come off differently if I were a man. Would I be thinking now he's flirting with me if I were a man? He could just be really nice to me and I'm taking it the wrong way. He is being nice to you but that is a very good way you can get into betrayal. Betrayal does not happen too often when someone is NOT nice to you. You are playing with fire! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 This woman wants advice on how to facilitate an affair, not advice on how to avoid one. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy43 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Then she is looking in the wrong place. Most people here are BS's and WS's we generally do not offer encouragement to cheat. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Furious Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I've been working at my new job for almost a year now. I work closely with my boss and I report directly to him. A few months ago I started getting a feeling that he has been flirting with me. We are both married. Some examples are, he mentions if he likes something that I'm wearing. He will fist bump with me. He mentions how he "loves" when I say something (once he said he loved that I said his name in a certain way during a meeting) or "loves that" I think a certain way. He also likes to tell me that he thought about me over the weekend and will tell me why or in what context- which is always appropriate- it's usually something I've said that he'll be reminded about over the weekend but every Monday he tells me how he thought about me over the weekend. He also always tells me how great I am at my job, how amazing it's been since I've been apart of the team And how much he likes me. Is he just a nice guy? Or are these signs that he might be interested? We do have a lot in common and spend a lot of time together, so maybe in these past few months he has grown not only a work admiration towards me but an intimate admiration towards me as well. I am actually liking the attention and might be interested, I am wondering if these signs suggest that he is interested in me so I can let him know in subtle ways that I'm interested. My marriage is perfectly fine and I know his is also, I think this is just an attraction thing where we don't want anyone to get hurt in the end. I am not looking for advice on how to get over this, I am looking to find out if the signs that I think are there, are actually that of someone who is being flirtatious with me. I can always control what happens and what doesn't in the end. Take the time to truly reflect on how compliments seems to be something you crave and how that is your focus with your boss. Instead of trying to figure your boss out, try to figure yourself out. You seem to be in denial and speaking out of both sides of your mouth. You say you're not looking for advice to get over this. It's like saying I don't want to wear a seat belt but like speeding. Your marriage, your life, your career, your integrity is worth more than gambling it for flirtatious compliments. Is that a good trade off? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
troubadour Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 (edited) Guys, why try forestalling the inevitable? This woman is on the path to destroying her family. She will not stop - the decision to continue is written in the title to this post - "She Likes It". In a few months or years there will be another post by this individual looking for sympathy, "I threw away a beautiful marriage and destroyed my life. And my boss fired me to cover his ass with his own woman". Boo Hoo.... followed by a dozen pages of misery. Sometimes, just telling the child to not touch the stove isn't enough. You have to actually let them touch it. I really feel in my bones that this is the case with this one... I agree 100% with Poutrew.... she's already given herself a green light to have an affair with her boss and all these posts in this thread are simply a waste of time. Sooner or later she will start banging him. Edited October 7, 2015 by troubadour 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I agree 100% with Poutrew.... she's already given herself a green light to have an affair with her boss and all these posts in this thread are simply a waste of time. Sooner or later she will start banging him. Agreed....very sad.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Randomnameacb Posted October 7, 2015 Author Share Posted October 7, 2015 He just wanted sex. But I'm ok with that. So that's what we did. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 He just wanted sex. But I'm ok with that. So that's what we did. If this is not a complete wind-up, you better start preparing your CV and looking for a new job... This is not going to end well for you, OP. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 He just wanted sex. But I'm ok with that. So that's what we did. Good luck with that. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I'm curious... Will your husband also be granted the freedom to play single while he's married? Or will you give him the opportunity to make an informed decision about staying in this marriage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 (edited) OP, does it bother you that your actions would likely devastate your husband? Edited October 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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