Going on a man-free diet! Become happy alone! Join me in the journey!

[Empyrea]

My coping is a constant rollercoaster of emotions - up one minute, down the next; anxiety, anger, sadness, frustration, then sudden bouts of inspiration and energy. This needs to stop! I need to get my sh*t together and stop using men as distractions in my life.

 

So.

 

Starting today, I'm going on a man-free diet. I've had some man in the back of my mind at all times since.. gosh, 2007? So basically puberty I've always used them as a form of validation to build my self esteem - but you know what that means? That they also have the power to break it down at the blink of an eye. This is unacceptable. I know my self worth, I know I deserve someone great one day, but I need to start believing that I can be happy alone. That's the only true test for your self worth.

 

Therefore I now vouch: I choose to not let myself get involved emotionally or physically with any man for at least the next four months. I will celebrate on February 13th, Galentine's Day, and be free and proud and happy alone. Only then will I open myself up for the possibility to find love again, IF I have met my target. Who's with me??

[Helz87]

Me! I've been in a relationship for 8 years and on and off for the past two, I'm the same always had a man in the back of my mind thinking I need to be part of a relationship to live a fulfilled life and it's suddenly dawned on me what about me!?

 

It's an amazing thing to finally make this discovery because it's the time in your life you can become your true self I've discovered a lot about myself the past few weeks and what I want to change and after feeling like something is missing for so long I've realised what's missing is me! I'm not going to put a time frame on my journey because we never know what will happen in life but wether it takes me a month or a year I'm fully prepared to accept myself and love myself fully!

 

Xx

[Stage5Clinger]

Who's with me??

 

I am!!! Want to meet up for a coffee and talk about it?

[carhill]

Haha, I haven't dated, by choice, since before you joined LS in 2010. One marriage cured all that apparently afflicted me in that regard.

 

You're still real young so enjoy your goal and the guys will still be around when you go off your diet. Good luck!

[Oregon_Dude]

Change the title to partner-free diet and I'm in

 

I really need to become my own best friend again. No more people dictating who I am and am not.

[sportygirl89]

I've been man free for three years! Doesn't mean I haven't been on dates. But actually haven't been on a date date in an actual year. My ex walking out when I was sick nearly destroyed me and severely bruised my ego. I swore no more men until he makes me weak between the knees So far that hasn't happened!!

[Empyrea]

Haha, sadly I can't edit my post, but I officially retitle it to partner-free diet

 

I think it's interesting to see how people can have very different reasons for choosing to be alone. For me specifically, it's because I've been using men as distractions instead of dealing with what's really important - growing into the kind of person that I have the potential to become. I've been following this one career path for 6 years and I'm just not sure if it's the right one for me.. so I need to either stick it out and truly commit to it, or choose a different one. In any case, this will take all of my energy. Instead, when I hit a roadblock I have this habit of hiding from the real issue and distracting myself with insignificant boy troubles. This needs to stop. Also, I kind of believe in the law of attraction and that you attract the kind of people that match the energy you're putting out. And I've truly experienced that the times when I have met some lovely people, I have been energetic and happy with myself. Whereas right now my energy is probably be spelling insecurity, discontent, loneliness and frustration... which is really not the type of person anyone would enjoy to be around. I have so much to be grateful for, but I just get stuck in these small challenges that break me down. Also, my ex whom I'm still friends with recently revealed to me that one of the reasons he left me was because he thought I was unhappy and hadn't found myself yet.. ouch. So yeah, definitely need to work on that. Clock is ticking!

 

So how do you learn to like yourself again? What are your experiences? What are some of the things you most enjoy doing alone?

 

I love to work out and stay in shape. Gives me great energy and makes me feel better about myself. I go to different classes as often as I can and it's always something I prefer to do alone.

[Empyrea]

I started reading the Bitch book (whatever it's called) and it's really enjoyable! Puts you in a good powerful mood. Except for the sexist bullcrap, I skipped that part. But I must say, never thought I'd be recommending self help books, but it works well as a quick mood-boost!

[Chronograph]

So how do you learn to like yourself again? What are your experiences? What are some of the things you most enjoy doing alone?

 

Good thread! I'm with you! Self-prescribed partner-free diet, at least two more months for me (I already started a month ago). So. What helps? Meditation ... forgiving yourself. Going on dates with yourself, take time out and do whatever you want to do, but be alone. No friends involved.

 

I recently read the sentence "when we take risks we fall in love with ourselves again". So ... take risks.

 

I find going to exhibitions and to the cinema quiet nice on my own. Or taking walks. I don't know.

[craw]

Inspiring thread! I didn't last longer than a month. So reading other people's stories on here will be awesome!

[Tayla]

men are not the problem.

 

With that said, a time to re-invent and regroup some old methods and ideals can be positive.

 

i was around 30 when the reality sunk in that I had a misguided concept of relationships . After a bit of self actualization and behavior modification... life took on an entirely different scope. Fast forward 20 years.. and lo and behold i got so caught up in being single and loving it, that its not a priority, but rather a priveldge if a chap comes along to compliment the lifestyle .

 

Four months is a nice little reprieve... yet a life journey to maintain such changes. Best to you.

[Itspointless]

I never believed in hunting love. Four months makes me giggle, not very manly I know.

[lino]

A whole four months? wow, life must be tough!

[Empyrea]

Hey, it's a start Well, actually I don't intend to be single for the rest of my life.. or for the rest of what's left of my twenties actually, so this 4 months is just to regain some focus and quit obsessing over fleeting male companionship. The goal is to be able to balance your own personal goals and sense of self worth while possibly having/looking for another person to share that with, but without them becoming the centre of your whole world. You have to be able to sincerely believe that you'll also be okay if you stay single and that making yourself happy is more valuable than settling for someone who will only hold you back. It's simply about breaking a habit - for me. We all have slightly different goals in mind, I'm sure. But hey, that bitterness in your tone sounds like you should be joining my journey towards self love I've never met anyone that was absolutely content with themselves and happy with their life - that DIDN'T attract a lot of other happy people into their lives. You have to love yourself first for others to love you!

[Empyrea]

It sounds so clichee, but your attitude reaaaally makes a difference. I've been quite motivated recently with all my silly self help books and fresh goals in mind, so I wake up with a positive attitude, smile on my way to work - and people smile back! Including cute guys! I can't imagine that someone who managed to maintain this kind of a positive attitude would not be beating guys off with a stick on a daily basis... and this is where the four month goal comes in handy - you become aware of the fact that there's plenty of fish in the sea and that there's no point in getting attached to every single one that gives you a little attention.

[circlesinfinity]

My coping is a constant rollercoaster of emotions - up one minute, down the next; anxiety, anger, sadness, frustration, then sudden bouts of inspiration and energy. This needs to stop! I need to get my sh*t together and stop using men as distractions in my life.

 

So.

 

Starting today, I'm going on a man-free diet. I've had some man in the back of my mind at all times since.. gosh, 2007? So basically puberty I've always used them as a form of validation to build my self esteem - but you know what that means? That they also have the power to break it down at the blink of an eye. This is unacceptable. I know my self worth, I know I deserve someone great one day, but I need to start believing that I can be happy alone. That's the only true test for your self worth.

 

Therefore I now vouch: I choose to not let myself get involved emotionally or physically with any man for at least the next four months. I will celebrate on February 13th, Galentine's Day, and be free and proud and happy alone. Only then will I open myself up for the possibility to find love again, IF I have met my target. Who's with me??

 

I am with you! I will no longer be dating and just become friends! ☺ I have concluded that love just won't happen for me.

[Itspointless]

Breaking a habit can be a good thing. The way you write thought makes me think you should try to not think about men at all right now. For now you should not care if you will be single for the rest of your life or not.

[Empyrea]

Breaking a habit can be a good thing. The way you write thought makes me think you should try to not think about men at all right now. For now you should not care if you will be single for the rest of your life or not.

 

Babysteps! I don't think I can sincerely feel like that at this point, so I prefer to acknowledge those thoughts and learn to live with them with my focus clearly set elsewhere, rather than suppress them completely. I do know that I would rather be single forever than settle for a relationship that doesn't give me anything, but I would be less content than I would be in a happy relationship, because I thrive on human interaction, it inspires me. I have friends whose company I enjoy, but they're rarely as invested to play along with all of my musings like maybe a new flavour-of-the-month hunk would be. And although often they don't even have anything of value to add, it's the way they hang on to your every word when they want to get into your pants that's so lovely I need to find a legitimate substitute for that.

[Itspointless]

Babysteps! I don't think I can sincerely feel like that at this point, so I prefer to acknowledge those thoughts and learn to live with them with my focus clearly set elsewhere, rather than suppress them completely. I do know that I would rather be single forever than settle for a relationship that doesn't give me anything, but I would be less content than I would be in a happy relationship, because I thrive on human interaction, it inspires me. I have friends whose company I enjoy, but they're rarely as invested to play along with all of my musings like maybe a new flavour-of-the-month hunk would be. And although often they don't even have anything of value to add, it's the way they hang on to your every word when they want to get into your pants that's so lovely I need to find a legitimate substitute for that.

I think I understand you. The only substitute for that is going to the core (the why question) of why you need that kind of attention and work on the things you find. Everybody needs love, me too and when alone we have to find ways to compensate. But it is important to know that overdependency is one of the two forms of the fear of abandonment. I think it is important for you to experience that you do not need some-else to feel OK too - another kind of OK - and learn ways to do that without the need for external stimulation to reach that. I am sure that you can find answers in your past (parents and partners) as to why you feel like this.

 

Baby steps can be a good thing. Take care.

[Michelle ma Belle]

men are not the problem.

 

With that said, a time to re-invent and regroup some old methods and ideals can be positive.

 

i was around 30 when the reality sunk in that I had a misguided concept of relationships . After a bit of self actualization and behavior modification... life took on an entirely different scope. Fast forward 20 years.. and lo and behold i got so caught up in being single and loving it, that its not a priority, but rather a priveldge if a chap comes along to compliment the lifestyle .

 

Four months is a nice little reprieve... yet a life journey to maintain such changes. Best to you.

 

I've never been someone who felt I "needed" a man to feel whole or complete. I adore men and love being in a relationship but as many suitors as I have or prospects I may have my eyes on at all times, I have always been and still remain quite discerning about the company I keep, particularly at this stage of my life.

 

I see great value in allowing for time and space between each relationship. I've never understood how people can jump from one relationship into another without so much as a heartbeat between them. For ME, the alone time is often self imposed and very cathartic and being someone who is on a lifelong journey of self discovery and enlightenment, it is especially precious to me to use that time to grow as a human being and as a woman and inch my way closer to becoming a better version of myself.

 

The closer one gets to being their authentic self, the better their relationships will be.

 

I commend you OP. Good luck to you.

[Mystique01]

Hmmm....Great idea OP!

 

I'm thinking I might sort of join myself. I feel like there are some things I would like to work on myself, and I feel like taking a bit of a break from "looking" for "the one" or worrying about my "single status" right now would do me wonders.

 

I have some goals I would like to accomplish, and I feel like I also would like to work on self-improvement, self-love and just general contentment regardless of what is going on in my life at the moment.

 

I've done a "break" before in the past, and I did find that I felt much happier....but I think my "break" stemmed from past heartbreak, a fear of getting hurt again, and (at the time) a slight resentment towards men in general.

 

But NOW, even though I recently had a mild loss of hope from a potential romance that never happened, I haven't gone through any recent heartbreak or turmoil...So I feel like I'm in a MUCH better place to take a brief "Break", but with a GOOD, happy, and loving heart. I don't have anymore resentment, and I'm slowly getting over my fear of another heartbreak in the future.

 

I think this would be a good time for me to focus on myself, better myself, and open my heart to a potential love in the future.

[sportygirl89]

I promised myself no man until I get a job offer or graduate from second degree. Knowing my luck that's when I'll meet someone is when I say never. haha! No man is going to help me pass my boards!!

[Heatherknows]

I've never been someone who felt I "needed" a man to feel whole or complete.

 

I will be the first to admit. I am.

[Empyrea]

I promised myself no man until I get a job offer or graduate from second degree. Knowing my luck that's when I'll meet someone is when I say never. haha! No man is going to help me pass my boards!!

 

Haha, good luck! That's a great mindset, though. If you have a goal you're working towards and maybe you even love what you do, then when you have that in your life, you know you will also be okay single. But also, if you're happy and accomplished and are passionate about something - you will ultimately attract someone who fits that lifestyle. I wish I had such set career goals!

[Empyrea]

Hmmm....Great idea OP!

 

I'm thinking I might sort of join myself. I feel like there are some things I would like to work on myself, and I feel like taking a bit of a break from "looking" for "the one" or worrying about my "single status" right now would do me wonders.

 

I have some goals I would like to accomplish, and I feel like I also would like to work on self-improvement, self-love and just general contentment regardless of what is going on in my life at the moment.

 

I've done a "break" before in the past, and I did find that I felt much happier....but I think my "break" stemmed from past heartbreak, a fear of getting hurt again, and (at the time) a slight resentment towards men in general.

 

But NOW, even though I recently had a mild loss of hope from a potential romance that never happened, I haven't gone through any recent heartbreak or turmoil...So I feel like I'm in a MUCH better place to take a brief "Break", but with a GOOD, happy, and loving heart. I don't have anymore resentment, and I'm slowly getting over my fear of another heartbreak in the future.

 

I think this would be a good time for me to focus on myself, better myself, and open my heart to a potential love in the future.

 

Yay! I think it's so easy to get lost if you've come across a certain number of setbacks or disappointments in relationships, that taking a break might help get your focus back. To truly discover what YOU like and what YOU're passionate about, so that when it comes down to picking a partner, you'll be less focused on trying to get him to like you, and more focused on really asking yourself - is this a person that has something to offer and is an attribute to MY life? And when you're happy and confident and passionate, you attract that kind of person into your life as well. Who wouldn't want that?