turnera Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 What are you filling your life with? Are you volunteering somewhere? The single best way to help you move on. Are you exercising? Are you into a hobby that fills your time? Are you taking classes to learn new stuff? Are you going to events to meet up with other people (meetup.com is great for that if you have it there)? Are you going camping or wherever else you can get close to nature? Lots of things you COULD be doing to reprogram your brain away from her. But it takes actual choice and action. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ralfgarnett Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 Hi mate answers below in bold, many thanks for your continued input . What are you filling your life with? Are you volunteering somewhere? The single best way to help you move on. I am self employed and that takes up a lot of my time, I tried volunteering my time on Saturdays for a while but it didn't work out, I haven't ruled out doing something again just not sure what. Are you exercising? Yes the best I can, but I have quite severe rheumatoid arthritis in my right knee which can often be quite prohibitive sometimes especially during a flare up when I sometimes just cant walk, but I always make the effort to do all I can I don't and wont let it beat me everyone says that about me. Are you into a hobby that fills your time? No, due to the R-A, most of my hobbies were sports orientated and my specialist has told me not to do them apart from walking and swimming, I also have history related hobbies that I shared with her but I have to get to France , Gallipoli & Flanders to do them, obviously I cant do that frequently unless of course I move there, and believe me if I could I would, I need a new hobby. Are you taking classes to learn new stuff? No but been considering it, just don't know what though. Are you going to events to meet up with other people (meetup.com is great for that if you have it there)? Not often, I get out for a pint once or twice a week with friends, yes been to a few meet ups, I have never been shy or unable to make friends but I have felt awkward at some of them so not been for a while now. Are you going camping or wherever else you can get close to nature? No, not even been to our local park since last year, reminds me of her too much at the moment. Lots of things you COULD be doing to reprogram your brain away from her. But it takes actual choice and action. Totally agree, but my motivation has been very low, at the moment I just get through day by day and look forward to getting in to bed and escaping for a few hours. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Well, you know what they say...fake it til you make it. If you don't FEEL like going out and doing those things, then those things are exactly what you SHOULD be doing - you have to PUSH yourself out of your miserable comfort zone. Makes sense, doesn't it? How can you expect to just wake up and be over it, if you aren't changing your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ralfgarnett Posted October 8, 2015 Author Share Posted October 8, 2015 Well, you know what they say...fake it til you make it. If you don't FEEL like going out and doing those things, then those things are exactly what you SHOULD be doing - you have to PUSH yourself out of your miserable comfort zone. Makes sense, doesn't it? How can you expect to just wake up and be over it, if you aren't changing your life? Hi mate, I do want to do things but the physical problems sometimes make it very difficult to do so, I always feel like going out I love going out if even for a walk round the block, I am trying ways to change my life I have tried numerous things with more to come, I was in the mediteranian this time last week, not the sea the geographical area, I don't just expect to wake up and be over it I know it takes effort, just sometimes the motivation is weak but I guess that's depression for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ralfgarnett Posted October 11, 2015 Author Share Posted October 11, 2015 Above are the take away points from your post. ALL show that you are in unhealthy fixation mode. You are actually imaging thoughts for her. Read my prior points in this thread. You seemed to have done just what I said. I had a friend like you. For nearly 20 years he would ask about this woman he tried to date. She rebuffed him, CLEARLY. Still, he pined away for her for nearly 20 years. Every conversation we'd have, EVERY FREAKING ONE, he would bring her up ask for updates on her and tell me how great they'd be as a couple. Nothing helped him, but time. He stopped bringing her up after 20 years! He stopped comparing other women to her after 20 years. He's single. Her kids are in college. Sadly, for guys like you, reason, logic, facts, words, actions, or anything that contradicts your needed reality is rejected. Good luck to you. I see no need to keep posting on your thread. Go see a psychiatrist that has experience with stalkers and those with complex grief. I am not saying you are a stalker. I am saying that your words and reasoning show clear similarities to people with unhealthy fixations that have progressed to stalking. I'm serious and I don't mean it to insult or demean you. If they clear you, then great. Good luck. Hi Bigman, if your reading this i have sent you a PM. Link to post Share on other sites
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