Jump to content

my mother's alway said you should marry a man who loves you more than you love him

JasmineJones

By JasmineJones
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

MoreAmore Established Member

MoreAmore

Posted
Posted

I've heard that too.

 

I do think in many cases it's hard to measure.

I am far more demonstrative in how I feel than my reserved boyfriend but I am 98% sure I would handle a breakup better were it to come as much as I don't want that.

  • Author
JasmineJones Established Member

JasmineJones

Posted
  • Author
Posted

in my mother's case she thinks he is a wonderful, kind, caring man. She feels comfortable with him. She says she married him because he was stable, kind and madly in love with her. She says she never felt madly in love with him.

joseb Established Member

joseb

Posted
Posted
in my mother's case she thinks he is a wonderful, kind, caring man. She feels comfortable with him. She says she married him because he was stable, kind and madly in love with her. She says she never felt madly in love with him.

 

Wow. To me that sounds really sad.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

Posted
Posted

The love you give should equal the love you receive. If what she says is true, it's a one-sided relationship. The Dad is settling and giving all of himself to her while getting a "muted" level of what he deserves. He's "driving Miss Daisy".

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)

More thoughts on this ..... as I've been thinking about it.

 

As I said yesterday, my fiance is more demonstrative than I in how he expresses his love. It goes with his personality really, he is extremely gregarious, outgoing, a huge extrovert. And as such, when he loves, he loves big, and expresses it big. It has been like that from the get go.

 

As a result, I rarely if EVER have felt insecure or anxious about him or our RL.

 

In contrast, my love is more of a "quiet" love ...but DEEP. Think "still waters run deep."

 

Last night he brought home a huge bouquet of flowers, and then grilled up some steaks. This after getting up at 5:00 a.m., working reg job till 3:00, then off to finish renovating the kitchen for a client (he just started up his own contracting business). Got home around 7:00. Checks in with me constantly.

 

So after all this, which is pretty much par for the course for him, while eating dinner, I felt so much emotion, I just broke out in tears. Not unhappy tears but emotional tears.

 

I just feel so lucky and love him so much. After years of feeling ambivalent about marrying him, we are now engaged, and both of us could not be any more happy than we are.

 

I got to thinking about what Gaeta said, and while he is soooooooo giving to me outwardly, always demonstrating through actions and words how much he loves me, while my love for him is quiet, but SO deep, causing me to just cry sometimes from the deep emotions I feel, I am thinking now it is quite possible that *I* might love HIM more!

 

So Gaeta. You may be right after all!

 

As others have said though, since love is impossible to truly measure, it is hard to know for sure. But it's possible..... :):bunny:

Edited by katiegrl
Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

Posted
Posted
Alpha fux beta bux alive and well in this thread. Really is depressing for any man reading this who understands women and the true reality of how they are. Basically go feral with the bad boys In your party year twenties then settle for a good provider in your thirties to bring up babies, never really being in lust with that person, but just growing to love him on some level, whilst he is besotted/deeply in love with you. How very depressing.

I've always gone for a healthy mix of alpha and beta qualities. You want a guy who has a sense of purpose and self-esteem, but not one who's so arrogant and selfish that he's going to maintain a harem alongside his main girl.

 

I think the key is for women not to get involved with men who are better-looking than they are. In general, men's love is more dependent on physical attraction. So if he's dating "up" a little, you'll both feel a lot better about things than if the woman is the one dating "up".

  • Like 1
Smokey24 New Member

Smokey24

Posted
Posted
Alpha fux beta bux alive and well in this thread. Really is depressing for any man reading this who understands women and the true reality of how they are. Basically go feral with the bad boys In your party year twenties then settle for a good provider in your thirties to bring up babies, never really being in lust with that person, but just growing to love him on some level, whilst he is besotted/deeply in love with you. How very depressing. As I enter my 33rd year and am fully aware of women's change in mating strategy during this period, and the entitlements they feel they are due, it frightens the **** out of me that I could be someone's 'settled for'. That I am seen as a 'good provider/wallet' and nothing more. Doesn't bear thinking about, I guess this is why men go full blown player mode and chase younger women who are only up for fun.

 

Surprised no one has debated this point.

Smokey24 New Member

Smokey24

Posted
Posted
I've always gone for a healthy mix of alpha and beta qualities. You want a guy who has a sense of purpose and self-esteem, but not one who's so arrogant and selfish that he's going to maintain a harem alongside his main girl.

 

I think the key is for women not to get involved with men who are better-looking than they are. In general, men's love is more dependent on physical attraction. So if he's dating "up" a little, you'll both feel a lot better about things than if the woman is the one dating "up".

 

I've heard this before. It makes sense when you think about it. Generally speaking, women value committment and loyalty. Men value physical appearance probably more than most women do. So if you have a man who feels like he really hit the jackpot with a beautiful woman - he will commit to her, never stray, and give her everything he needs to give her in order to keep her.

  • Like 1
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

I absolutely must be with a man that completely adores me. From past experience, those are the relationships that worked the best. Ideally, I would feel exactly the same but I have known to have my feelings grow when a man is completely smitten by me.

 

Since I know this about me now, I am out at the first sign that man is not that besotted. It's not that I am afraid of getting hurt if I stay or even that relationship will necessearily fail, I just know I would be miserable in the dynamic where a man doesn't feel he has hit a jackpot.

 

That's why I don't pursue and don't tolerate any flaking whatsoever. When a man is crazy about you, there will be absolutely no doubt. Men are straight forward like that.

 

I also laugh when I read on here all the "play it cool" tactics or don't call for 3 days so that her interest will increase. Anything like that and I have already lost all the interest by the time a man decides to get warm again.

  • Like 3
Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

Posted
Posted
I've heard this before. It makes sense when you think about it. Generally speaking, women value committment and loyalty. Men value physical appearance probably more than most women do. So if you have a man who feels like he really hit the jackpot with a beautiful woman - he will commit to her, never stray, and give her everything he needs to give her in order to keep her.

In general. Some men (and women) will stray no matter what. But odds are better when the man is smitten and feels he landed a catch. When a guy feels this way about you, he gets lit up with a special kind of magic that I don't think anything else can conjure up. I've been in a relationship where I was the smitten one and he was not. It felt great to be all revved up about this mesmerizing man, but it never felt right that he didn't feel the same way.

 

Then again, if you're a man punching above your weight, you have to worry more about her being stolen away by an admirer. No guarantees.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

Yep, and since we can't read minds, we'll never know until the house is empty and a can of beans is sitting on the table saying 'eat me'. Ha, ha.

  • Like 1
hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

Posted
Posted
I absolutely must be with a man that completely adores me. From past experience, those are the relationships that worked the best. Ideally, I would feel exactly the same but I have known to have my feelings grow when a man is completely smitten by me.

 

Since I know this about me now, I am out at the first sign that man is not that besotted. It's not that I am afraid of getting hurt if I stay or even that relationship will necessearily fail, I just know I would be miserable in the dynamic where a man doesn't feel he has hit a jackpot.

 

That's why I don't pursue and don't tolerate any flaking whatsoever. When a man is crazy about you, there will be absolutely no doubt. Men are straight forward like that.

 

I also laugh when I read on here all the "play it cool" tactics or don't call for 3 days so that her interest will increase. Anything like that and I have already lost all the interest by the time a man decides to get warm again.

 

This is 100% my philosophy too!

  • Like 3
poofitsgone Member

poofitsgone

Posted
Posted

As a man...the idea is sort sad. The idea that, to my wife, I'm would not be the love of her life...but someone stable who she loves well enough...

Thats just how it comes across to me.

Trane Established Member

Trane

Posted
Posted
Is there any truth at all to this? She herself married a man who loves her more than she loves him. They've been together 29 years now.

 

Your mother comes from a time when a man who showed interest and loves a woman more than she loves him would be rewarded for his focus and attention to her.

 

Nowadays if you show a woman more love than she can handle, she'll get creeped out and run away.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...