Disconnect Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 The wisdom of mothers. Funny, mine said to always marry a rich guy because you can always have problems and while they are all bad rich or poor, it is easier to be rich and have problems, but make sure the rich guy is homely, because a rich and gorgeous guy will cheat, etc. ''I was young and determined to be wined and dined and ermined and I worked at it all around the clock... I learnt an awful lot in Little Rock, And here's some advice I'd like to share: Find a gentleman who is shy or bold, Or short or tall, or young or old... As long as the guy's a millionaire.'' (Marilyn Monroe) Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 This thread is of the same thinking: If you want to be happy for the rest of your life Never make a pretty woman your wife From my personal point of view Get an ugly girl to marry you Who in the heck wants to marry someone they do not find attractive? Who wants to marry someone that loves you more than you love them? That's a recipe for an affair when a man comes along that you really fall in love with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 This statement isn't really about love. It's about not losing YOURSELF in a relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 It should not BUT... In relationships there is always one that loves more than the other. I can't even wrap my mind around that as a statement of truth. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I'm not sure it can be measured. I do know I couldn't bear to actually marry someone I did not really really love. however, I did marry someone who, while he loved me, didn't love me as much or in the same way. In fact, his biggest confession was usually that he "needed" me. That was a very lonely, empty, frustrating life. So while I don't care if he loves me more, if I ever marry, I will make darn sure he absolutely loves me. Link to post Share on other sites
40 Fonzarelli Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I completely agree. I couldn't imagine not giving a damn if my husband walks out of my life or not. Not giving a damn means you weren't in love. People say what they would do if something were to happen. But you really don't know until it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
40 Fonzarelli Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 How does one measure that? Exactly. And people show their feelings in so many different ways. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Since you can't necessarily measure love, go with what you can measure, and which has been studied and found statistically valid. Women who marry men who are one or two points uglier on a ten point scale tend to have more stable marriages, because the man feels he got lucky and will make more effort to preserve the marriage. The woman is lucky too, because she has an attentive, loving husband who is less likely to cheat or be a jerk - unless she takes him for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Seems to me that a level of resentment would have built up if I were to remain with someone whom I didn't love as much as he loved me... that would be something I could never stand before God and agree to do, aside from the fact of being quite unfair to him because he deserves the love of a woman in equal measure to what he is giving. I do not believe in living a life of quiet desperation and being married to a man I didn't love as much as he loved me would be a quick route to getting to that life of quiet desperation. No. Life's too short for that kind of BS. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Reading this thread is a little depressing. I honestly can not get into a mindset that would sacrifice being with someone you really love with making do with someone you can control better as they have less options. Threads like this make be more resolute in my desire to avoid any future LTRs! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pillow Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Gisele Buchanan and Tom Brady look good and well-matched. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are working it out. George Clooney and Amal are both hot. Will Smith and Jada are equally hot. The only one this could work for is Beyonce and Jay-Z. But I feel Beyonce loves Jay-z more than he loves her. Sometimes in her music you can hear her sadness about "mistakes" he's made. She really really loves him, and has for the vast majority of her life. Literally since she was 18; he was 30 years old at the time. I would rather be equally in love or more in love with my husband than he is me. I feel like I'd get too bored and I'm too damn independent. I'd feel suffocated and less sexually attracted if I didn't feel like I always have to be on my toes with a man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 That's not true Gaeta, not *always* .... it certainly is not true in mine. It was true in my two previous relationships, with them caring more, which is why I broke those relationships off, because there was an imbalance, which IMO is NOT healthy. In my current, we love equally, and care equally. He has my back and I have his. I care about his well being, health and safety, just as much as he cares about mine. If I didn't, I would not be marrying him! That said, we both would be okay if the relationship ended (god forbid). Not because we don't care, or care less than the other, but because we are both strong, independent people. To each his own but I don't think the type of imbalance being discussed in this thread is particularly healthy, nor does it make for a mutually-rewarding, loving, caring committed relationship....IMO. When I say one always love more than the other you assume that one loves less. No, it's not in that sense. It's in the sense that both love deeply, passionately, unconditionally BUT, one of the 2 will take it a notch further. Even in your current relationship one of you loves more. I loved my ex-husband, I would have given my life in a heart beat for him, even though I would have died for him I felt he loved me more. Link to post Share on other sites
Pillow Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 The wisdom of mothers. Funny, mine said to always marry a rich guy because you can always have problems and while they are all bad rich or poor, it is easier to be rich and have problems, but make sure the rich guy is homely, because a rich and gorgeous guy will cheat, etc. This is what my mom said. She's all about wealth/money. Not "who loves you more." That's not good enough for my mom. He needs to have money in the bank. Link to post Share on other sites
hudson701 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Alpha fux beta bux alive and well in this thread. Really is depressing for any man reading this who understands women and the true reality of how they are. Basically go feral with the bad boys In your party year twenties then settle for a good provider in your thirties to bring up babies, never really being in lust with that person, but just growing to love him on some level, whilst he is besotted/deeply in love with you. How very depressing. As I enter my 33rd year and am fully aware of women's change in mating strategy during this period, and the entitlements they feel they are due, it frightens the **** out of me that I could be someone's 'settled for'. That I am seen as a 'good provider/wallet' and nothing more. Doesn't bear thinking about, I guess this is why men go full blown player mode and chase younger women who are only up for fun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 When I say one always love more than the other you assume that one loves less. No, it's not in that sense. It's in the sense that both love deeply, passionately, unconditionally BUT, one of the 2 will take it a notch further. Even in your current relationship one of you loves more. I loved my ex-husband, I would have given my life in a heart beat for him, even though I would have died for him I felt he loved me more. What basis do you have for this theory? To me, this is like saying that one of us loves our children more. Um, no. We both love our children entirely, just as we love each other entirely. With all our love to give. There is no "more". Link to post Share on other sites
mnchick Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 My husband and I kind of mutually chased each other around 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 What basis do you have for this theory? To me, this is like saying that one of us loves our children more. Um, no. We both love our children entirely, just as we love each other entirely. With all our love to give. There is no "more". What basis? My mother lol We're talking about what our mother taught us. We both love our children the same? No I don't believe it. We both love our children of course but not in the same way. Like we don't love all of our children the same. It's even scientifically proven people love a child more than other. I can even tell you which child my parents have loved the most, and it ain't me although they love me immensely. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 It's in the sense that both love deeply, passionately, unconditionally BUT, one of the 2 will take it a notch further. Even in your current relationship one of you loves more. Yes my fiancé is more demonstrative with his love, and in that sense, yes he does take it a notch a further.... but not the love itself, just how he expresses his love. It does not mean he loves me more, he just demonstrates it more, expresses it more. Not that I don't, again he just demonstrates it more openly than I do. My love for him is more quiet, but that does NOT mean it's any less than his! It's equal. It's reciprocal. I know what it feels like to have a man love me more than I love him, and I am not comfortable with it -- it's off balance, and out of whack. I remember when I was engaged to my second boyfriend, I was talking with my mom telling her I wanted to call it off because I felt he loved me more than I loved him.... and **I** wanted to have that feeling for him (or the man I marry) too! I did love him, but it wasn't enough. She said "Katie, you will learn to love him. As long as he loves you, THAT is all that matters." That did not fly with me, so I broke the engagement....and now I AM with a man whom I love and he loves me....equally. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 My husband and I kind of mutually chased each other around I hear ya on that one! :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Since you can't necessarily measure love, go with what you can measure, and which has been studied and found statistically valid. Women who marry men who are one or two points uglier on a ten point scale tend to have more stable marriages, because the man feels he got lucky and will make more effort to preserve the marriage. The woman is lucky too, because she has an attentive, loving husband who is less likely to cheat or be a jerk - unless she takes him for granted. As a woman I wouldn't feel lucky at all but a little desperate to have a husband. I love sex with my husband because I'm physically and sexually attracted to him. I need to feel that level of attraction towards my husband and he is still attentive, loving and has never cheated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 What basis? My mother lol We're talking about what our mother taught us. We both love our children the same? No I don't believe it. We both love our children of course but not in the same way. Like we don't love all of our children the same. It's even scientifically proven people love a child more than other. I can even tell you which child my parents have loved the most, and it ain't me although they love me immensely. My life experience has been different, in all regards. Thus, I disagree that all relationships have one partner who loves more. I have lots of examples that disprove it. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Yes my fiancé is more demonstrative with his love, and in that sense, yes he does take it a notch a further.... but not the love itself, just how he expresses his love. I think this is fine. And not unusual. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 I think this is fine. And not unusual. Thank you for saying that... Link to post Share on other sites
poofitsgone Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Wouldn't this means there would times when you shoudn't marry someone because you love them too much? Link to post Share on other sites
changchewsoon Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 (edited) The Universal Hot vs Crazy Matrix - a Man's Guide to Women The link above was just for amusement, in no way it represents my viewpoint. However, I do believe at the end of the day, I believe it is all about finding someone who loves you as much as you love them, it is hard to measure how equal it is though but the whole idea is to love someone with all your heart, and to make damn sure they know about it and they doing the same as well. Edited October 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Updated YouTube URL Link to post Share on other sites
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