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my mother's alway said you should marry a man who loves you more than you love him

JasmineJones

By JasmineJones
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Disconnect Member

Disconnect

Posted
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The wisdom of mothers. Funny, mine said to always marry a rich guy because you can always have problems and while they are all bad rich or poor, it is easier to be rich and have problems, but make sure the rich guy is homely, because a rich and gorgeous guy will cheat, etc. :rolleyes::laugh:

 

 

''I was young and determined to be wined and dined and ermined

and I worked at it all around the clock...

 

I learnt an awful lot in Little Rock,

And here's some advice I'd like to share:

Find a gentleman who is shy or bold,

Or short or tall, or young or old...

As long as the guy's a millionaire.''

 

(Marilyn Monroe)

 

:p

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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This thread is of the same thinking:

 

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life

Never make a pretty woman your wife

From my personal point of view

Get an ugly girl to marry you

 

Who in the heck wants to marry someone they do not find attractive?

 

Who wants to marry someone that loves you more than you love them?

 

That's a recipe for an affair when a man comes along that you really fall in love with.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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This statement isn't really about love. It's about not losing YOURSELF in a relationship.

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xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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It should not BUT...

 

In relationships there is always one that loves more than the other.

 

I can't even wrap my mind around that as a statement of truth.

autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

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I'm not sure it can be measured. I do know I couldn't bear to actually marry someone I did not really really love.

 

however, I did marry someone who, while he loved me, didn't love me as much or in the same way. In fact, his biggest confession was usually that he "needed" me.

 

That was a very lonely, empty, frustrating life.

 

So while I don't care if he loves me more, if I ever marry, I will make darn sure he absolutely loves me.

40 Fonzarelli Established Member

40 Fonzarelli

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I completely agree. I couldn't imagine not giving a damn if my husband walks out of my life or not.

 

Not giving a damn means you weren't in love. People say what they would do if something were to happen. But you really don't know until it happens.

40 Fonzarelli Established Member

40 Fonzarelli

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How does one measure that?

 

Exactly. And people show their feelings in so many different ways.

central Established Member

central

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Since you can't necessarily measure love, go with what you can measure, and which has been studied and found statistically valid. Women who marry men who are one or two points uglier on a ten point scale tend to have more stable marriages, because the man feels he got lucky and will make more effort to preserve the marriage. The woman is lucky too, because she has an attentive, loving husband who is less likely to cheat or be a jerk - unless she takes him for granted.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Seems to me that a level of resentment would have built up if I were to remain with someone whom I didn't love as much as he loved me... that would be something I could never stand before God and agree to do, aside from the fact of being quite unfair to him because he deserves the love of a woman in equal measure to what he is giving.

 

I do not believe in living a life of quiet desperation and being married to a man I didn't love as much as he loved me would be a quick route to getting to that life of quiet desperation. No. Life's too short for that kind of BS.

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joseb Established Member

joseb

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Reading this thread is a little depressing. I honestly can not get into a mindset that would sacrifice being with someone you really love with making do with someone you can control better as they have less options.

Threads like this make be more resolute in my desire to avoid any future LTRs!

  • Like 2
Pillow Established Member

Pillow

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Gisele Buchanan and Tom Brady look good and well-matched. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are working it out. George Clooney and Amal are both hot. Will Smith and Jada are equally hot.

 

The only one this could work for is Beyonce and Jay-Z.

 

But I feel Beyonce loves Jay-z more than he loves her. Sometimes in her music you can hear her sadness about "mistakes" he's made. She really really loves him, and has for the vast majority of her life. Literally since she was 18; he was 30 years old at the time.

 

I would rather be equally in love or more in love with my husband than he is me. I feel like I'd get too bored and I'm too damn independent. I'd feel suffocated and less sexually attracted if I didn't feel like I always have to be on my toes with a man.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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That's not true Gaeta, not *always* .... it certainly is not true in mine.

 

It was true in my two previous relationships, with them caring more, which is why I broke those relationships off, because there was an imbalance, which IMO is NOT healthy.

 

In my current, we love equally, and care equally.

 

He has my back and I have his. I care about his well being, health and safety, just as much as he cares about mine.

 

If I didn't, I would not be marrying him!

 

That said, we both would be okay if the relationship ended (god forbid). Not because we don't care, or care less than the other, but because we are both strong, independent people.

 

To each his own but I don't think the type of imbalance being discussed in this thread is particularly healthy, nor does it make for a mutually-rewarding, loving, caring committed relationship....IMO.

 

When I say one always love more than the other you assume that one loves less.

 

No, it's not in that sense.

 

It's in the sense that both love deeply, passionately, unconditionally BUT, one of the 2 will take it a notch further.

 

Even in your current relationship one of you loves more.

 

I loved my ex-husband, I would have given my life in a heart beat for him, even though I would have died for him I felt he loved me more.

Pillow Established Member

Pillow

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The wisdom of mothers. Funny, mine said to always marry a rich guy because you can always have problems and while they are all bad rich or poor, it is easier to be rich and have problems, but make sure the rich guy is homely, because a rich and gorgeous guy will cheat, etc. :rolleyes::laugh:

 

This is what my mom said. She's all about wealth/money. Not "who loves you more." That's not good enough for my mom. He needs to have money in the bank.

hudson701 Established Member

hudson701

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Alpha fux beta bux alive and well in this thread. Really is depressing for any man reading this who understands women and the true reality of how they are. Basically go feral with the bad boys In your party year twenties then settle for a good provider in your thirties to bring up babies, never really being in lust with that person, but just growing to love him on some level, whilst he is besotted/deeply in love with you. How very depressing. As I enter my 33rd year and am fully aware of women's change in mating strategy during this period, and the entitlements they feel they are due, it frightens the **** out of me that I could be someone's 'settled for'. That I am seen as a 'good provider/wallet' and nothing more. Doesn't bear thinking about, I guess this is why men go full blown player mode and chase younger women who are only up for fun.

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xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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When I say one always love more than the other you assume that one loves less.

 

No, it's not in that sense.

 

It's in the sense that both love deeply, passionately, unconditionally BUT, one of the 2 will take it a notch further.

 

Even in your current relationship one of you loves more.

 

I loved my ex-husband, I would have given my life in a heart beat for him, even though I would have died for him I felt he loved me more.

 

What basis do you have for this theory?

 

To me, this is like saying that one of us loves our children more. Um, no. We both love our children entirely, just as we love each other entirely. With all our love to give. There is no "more".

mnchick Member

mnchick

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My husband and I kind of mutually chased each other around

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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What basis do you have for this theory?

 

To me, this is like saying that one of us loves our children more. Um, no. We both love our children entirely, just as we love each other entirely. With all our love to give. There is no "more".

 

 

What basis? My mother lol

 

We're talking about what our mother taught us.

 

We both love our children the same? No I don't believe it. We both love our children of course but not in the same way. Like we don't love all of our children the same. It's even scientifically proven people love a child more than other. I can even tell you which child my parents have loved the most, and it ain't me although they love me immensely.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
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It's in the sense that both love deeply, passionately, unconditionally BUT, one of the 2 will take it a notch further.

 

Even in your current relationship one of you loves more.

 

 

 

Yes my fiancé is more demonstrative with his love, and in that sense, yes he does take it a notch a further.... but not the love itself, just how he expresses his love.

 

 

It does not mean he loves me more, he just demonstrates it more, expresses it more.

 

 

Not that I don't, again he just demonstrates it more openly than I do.

 

 

My love for him is more quiet, but that does NOT mean it's any less than his!

 

 

It's equal. It's reciprocal.

 

 

I know what it feels like to have a man love me more than I love him, and I am not comfortable with it -- it's off balance, and out of whack.

 

 

I remember when I was engaged to my second boyfriend, I was talking with my mom telling her I wanted to call it off because I felt he loved me more than I loved him.... and **I** wanted to have that feeling for him (or the man I marry) too! I did love him, but it wasn't enough.

 

 

She said "Katie, you will learn to love him. As long as he loves you, THAT is all that matters."

 

 

That did not fly with me, so I broke the engagement....and now I AM with a man whom I love and he loves me....equally.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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My husband and I kind of mutually chased each other around

 

I hear ya on that one! :bunny::bunny:

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Since you can't necessarily measure love, go with what you can measure, and which has been studied and found statistically valid. Women who marry men who are one or two points uglier on a ten point scale tend to have more stable marriages, because the man feels he got lucky and will make more effort to preserve the marriage. The woman is lucky too, because she has an attentive, loving husband who is less likely to cheat or be a jerk - unless she takes him for granted.

 

As a woman I wouldn't feel lucky at all but a little desperate to have a husband. I love sex with my husband because I'm physically and sexually attracted to him. I need to feel that level of attraction towards my husband and he is still attentive, loving and has never cheated.

  • Like 1
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

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What basis? My mother lol

 

We're talking about what our mother taught us.

 

We both love our children the same? No I don't believe it. We both love our children of course but not in the same way. Like we don't love all of our children the same. It's even scientifically proven people love a child more than other. I can even tell you which child my parents have loved the most, and it ain't me although they love me immensely.

 

My life experience has been different, in all regards. Thus, I disagree that all relationships have one partner who loves more. I have lots of examples that disprove it.

joseb Established Member

joseb

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Yes my fiancé is more demonstrative with his love, and in that sense, yes he does take it a notch a further.... but not the love itself, just how he expresses his love.

 

I think this is fine. And not unusual.

  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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I think this is fine. And not unusual.

 

Thank you for saying that... ;)

poofitsgone Member

poofitsgone

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Wouldn't this means there would times when you shoudn't marry someone because you love them too much?

changchewsoon Established Member

changchewsoon

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The Universal Hot vs Crazy Matrix - a Man's Guide to Women

The link above was just for amusement, in no way it represents my viewpoint.

 

However, I do believe at the end of the day, I believe it is all about finding someone who loves you as much as you love them, it is hard to measure how equal it is though but the whole idea is to love someone with all your heart, and to make damn sure they know about it and they doing the same as well.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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