StocksnBlondes Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 Lol I've only had 2 dates in the past 3 months. Tinder and okc have proven virtually useless for me..... Idk maybe I'm ugly or something, cause I'm in great shape and am very friendly. I haven't used either of those sites. Are they geared toward a certain age group? How old are you? Have you utilized other sites?
Villainous Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 I haven't read every post so I don't know if this has been mentioned, but have you considered maybe dating women from a different country? My girlfriend is from Baja California (Mexico) and she is much different than the women I have dated here in America. I haven't had much problem getting dates, but I agree with the post that talked about getting a quality date. This woman I am with now is very warm and sweet. When we went on the first date I felt like it was a 50/50 effort. In fact, when we met she hit on me first and was pretty blatant about it. She and her friends were blowing kisses at me and saying, "Hey boy" and winking. I thought they were just messing with me or talking to someone else as I've never had any women do that to me before. No subtle signals or "playing hard to get" or any of those games. She was just interested in me and made it known, and was really flirty. Not like in a trampy way, though. More like in a sweet way. That's how I would describe her - very warm and sweet, but flirty. I don't know how many women from other countries are like this. It's possible I just lucked into a good one, but it's something to consider if you're frustrated trying to find a decent local woman.
Jkerr3 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 I'm 21, and yes I'd say their both geard towards teens or early-mid twenties. I've been in 2 dates in the past 3 months and I met both of them in real life. I literally get ZERO replies on okc or tender.
Jkerr3 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 I haven't used either of those sites. Are they geared toward a certain age group? How old are you? Have you utilized other sites? I'm 21, and yes I'd say their both geard towards teens or early-mid twenties. I've been in 2 dates in the past 3 months and I met both of them in real life. I literally get ZERO replies on okc or tender.
thecrucible Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 I use online dating sites but I haven't bothered responding to any messages for about 6 months. I'll delete soon but I keep it up there and can't be bothered at the moment. I'm like a ghost profile haha
40 Fonzarelli Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 That person you described is certainly a catch, I'm sure. And your typical average, overweight, single mom on POF or Tinder is holding out for him. That's my point. Exactly. The number of messages to their inbox inflates their egos and they hold out for mr. perfect who never comes. 2
40 Fonzarelli Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 This is one of the things men tell themselves to make themselves feel better. In reality the man may not be that attractive for various reasons. My women friends who are older or not especially attractive do not get many messages at all, aside from from men who are not dateable (ie just looking for sex, can barely articulate themselves, send stupid creepy messages etc) The reality is that when a woman makes an account, her inbox gets flooded. Can't say the same for a guy, even if he had model looks. We are the "hunters" after all. At least ugly women get messages that lead to possible dates, hookups, which may lead to eventually finding someone. Ugly men get zero response, no sex, nothing. Not to mention it hurts their confidence.
SoftViolin Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 Ugly men get zero response, no sex, nothing. Not to mention it hurts their confidence. I think what may be hurting their confidence is that they think about themselves as ugly. C'mon, you know that there are all sorts of different cups of tea out there and there are people who like just those blends. IMO it's much more about presenting yourself/your character and yes, having some confidence, sense of humor/intelligence, than it is about looks.
alphamale Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 Exactly. The number of messages to their inbox inflates their egos and they hold out for mr. perfect who never comes. bingo Fonz
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted October 4, 2015 Posted October 4, 2015 I haven't read every post so I don't know if this has been mentioned, but have you considered maybe dating women from a different country? My girlfriend is from Baja California (Mexico) and she is much different than the women I have dated here in America. I haven't had much problem getting dates, but I agree with the post that talked about getting a quality date. This woman I am with now is very warm and sweet. When we went on the first date I felt like it was a 50/50 effort. In fact, when we met she hit on me first and was pretty blatant about it. She and her friends were blowing kisses at me and saying, "Hey boy" and winking. I thought they were just messing with me or talking to someone else as I've never had any women do that to me before. No subtle signals or "playing hard to get" or any of those games. She was just interested in me and made it known, and was really flirty. Not like in a trampy way, though. More like in a sweet way. That's how I would describe her - very warm and sweet, but flirty. I don't know how many women from other countries are like this. It's possible I just lucked into a good one, but it's something to consider if you're frustrated trying to find a decent local woman. awesome, if only more women were like that, nice story!
Mendalore Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Didn't read the entire thread, but glossed over most of it. As a 31yo man, I do find it difficult to find dates. I have active profiles on Match, OKC, and Tinder. I probably have the largest amount of time sunk into OKC because of the questions. I've sent probably 40 missives over the past two months. I've gotten two replies(three if you count a "sorry, I just met someone"), one which went on for more than one round back and forth, and zero dates. I always read their dossiers, identify common interests, ask open-ended questions, etc, but even if I see it as a "HOLY COW she's like the female version of me" I don't hear back. I don't know if it's something in my wording, or if I'm physically unattractive...(I don't think I'm that bad. 5'11", size L shirts, 34x32 pants, slight receding hairline, but a great smile!) I almost wish they implemented a system where you could reject someone and give a reason. Like "Why didn't you respond to this person? A)Not physically attractive? B)Creep? C)Boring D)No Spark" That'd be *FANTASTIC*. Match is a huge waste, in my experience, and I doubt I'll be renewing when my subscription expires. 90% of the profiles are either "Hi, I'm Jenn. I like horses and yoga. If you want to know more, just ask!!!" Er...how do I know if I'm interested when you've provided almost nothing on which to go? On the off-chance they've provided more info, they either A) Don't actually have a subscription and can't reply or B) Show as "active over three weeks," which I take as "Not looking anymore." Tinder is more just for shiggles. I'll do it if I'm bored. The only times I've matched have been spam bots. I much prefer meeting people organically, but it's indeed difficult. Walking up to someone with no lead-in is very intimidating and it can cause unneeded defenses to go up. I can talk to anyone, really. At the grocery store, at Starbucks, but it never seems like a good idea to ask someone out in those venues. It just seems...I don't know, creepy. I'm not really a bar guy. I like going to bars, but in groups of friends. I do things on my own a lot, but nothing really conducive to groups. My group of friends is pretty tight-knit and, though i wouldn't trade any of them for the world, they're not really the type of people you meet other people through since we're all friends with the same 20 people. There I go getting all verbose, again. I have a nasty habit of doing that... TL;DR - Yeah, it's pretty difficult.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 I am a pre/non op transgender woman. I mostly date men and have dated a few women too. Men are whores and will try to date anyone they can. That is a good approximation of the truth. Women are not so much pickier to me. IRL dating I go out interact with people and react to whoever acts attracted to me. Which is a good number of people. OLD is a bit harder because people search and filter based on labels and categories and what they "should" like. OLD has resulted in a fair number of dates and online pen pals for me. IRL dating is where I have found actual relationships based on common interest, common background, and a slowly built sexual chemistry. These days everyone I meet is either off limits (coworker or student of mine.) or just not interesting to me. My big problem is mustering the interest in others it would take to date.
Mendalore Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 My big problem is mustering the interest in others it would take to date. There's a lot of validity to this statement. I find myself doing this too. It's a bad habit to get into where you go "eh, they're cute, but they probably lack substance, wouldn't like me back, are too basic, etc."
shet Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Enough's been said about the 80/20 idea, which I absolutely believe is the root cause. I know for a fact that 1 in 5 men are the ones dating all the women - some of whom will not know he's a player, some of whom will know and not care. Mostly, it's looks that put them in that position - but also hard work, development of the skillset of meeting and dating women. It isn't wealth - the wealthiest man I know, who isn't even bad looking, can't get a date and has been single for 5+ years. In my own case, I am not handsome. Mainly on superficial basis, I'm balding rather early, I have kinda bad teeth. It's apparently enough. I can see the disappointment (or outright disgust) in a dates eyes. I have been on enough dates by now to know this, indeed, I've dated more in the last year than all of my friends, in their whole lives, combined - though they are nearly all married now. I know I'm a good person, I have a good sense of humour, blah blahblah, it doesn't matter. I can just about scrape together dates, but it's always a one time thing. The only women who actually go for me are quite unattractive ones who haven't received any interest themselves for a long time. Two ugly people finding hope in each other. Not how I imagined my love life to be, as an eager teen. It's quite hard to be enthusiastic, but what choice do I have. These days I rather prefer spending time with women as friends. It scratches the same itch, since my libido is on life support, and I spend my time in women's company, which has started to be more enjoyable for me than the company of men. Anyway, yes it is hard to get dates. I manage both online and IRL, barely, and only for the time being while I am able to be socially active. To be good at getting dates as a man requires you to have had an upbringing and lifestyle that taught you how to get dates, which many do not. It's nothing to do with confidence and everything to do with personal philosophy, lifestyle, an individuals idea how to live their life. As a woman, you don't need any of this, you'll get asked out wherever you are whatever you do, because that's how our bull**** patriarchy makes both you and men think. The pattern is there wherever you go. In retail, female staff are hit on by the public, male aren't. Go to a dance, doesn't matter if it's 75% women; they'll stand around and the men have to ask them to dance. Go to a club, the women can be sloshed, they'll still wait for a man they may have been watching all night to come over. Use OLD, men never get messaged, women have 100 messages a day. That women like you can't see this is the sign of an unexamined life and one of the stumbling blocks for real gender equality and progressive society.
Hopeful30 Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 It is impossible. I go months in between dates. I'm on 3 different dating websites and talk to women in real life when afforded the opportunity. I've been single for nearly 3 years. I'm a good looking guy with a good job. I go crazy thinking about it and the harder I try to meet new women the harder I fail. Maybe that's not because you don't get dates. You just don't get the dates you want. So technically you are meeting women, but none that tickle your fancy. After all, if you're good looking with a good job...
ManyDissapoint Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 As a business owner in a rural area...having dated the only eligible woman in my village here in southern, things are looking pretty bleak despite having pretty much everything women are looking for on paper. I used to live in a great city for dating. It was still hard because I worked shift work 60-80 hours a week. I think outside factors are a big thing. It's really sad that the majority of attractive women insist on living in big cities.
SymphonyX7 Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Not getting the question. The answer to the question IS in the post of mine that you'd quoted which prompted it. My point is - EVEN as a woman (who, as such 'can get dates whenever want') - if I, too, choose to sit alone in my home waiting for "a date" to show up at my front door, and expend NO energy to making it happen, not doing anything to even attempt to make myself more attractive, not making myself try something different ('cuz the Ben-and-Jerry pillow-munching is NOT working) I'm not going to have any dates, either. The problem usually is 'Insanity': doing the same thing over and over and over, and expecting different results. ESPECIALLY in this day and age, each of our worlds is as small and as limited as we [choose to] make it. I work out 6 days a week with heavy weights I wear the latest and greatest in fashion I'm impeccable in my grooming - overall physically, I'm maybe a 7.5/10 I go out 2 times a week - go to concerts/restaurants/events/etc... I make friends everywhere I go I still find dating to impossible 1
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted October 7, 2015 Posted October 7, 2015 And men outnumber women on every online dating site
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