is it really that hard for men to get dates?

[LilaMarie]

I think it's hard for ME to get dates. I would say I've met up with 5 people in the last year. Two of those people I got to on on an actual date with. I am on three OLD websites. On OKC I have 1k+ 'likes' but 99.9% just want one thing (which I'm not interested in because if I was I would post an ad on Craigslist personals, adult friend finder, etc.).

 

I don't even care if guys are even a bit overweight, don't care about money or position, etc. I am looking for (1) someone that believes communication is the key to any relationship and can actually communicate (2) looking for something long term (3) no kids. I feel like I'm looking for a unicorn.

 

I find that if I 'like' a guy or 'smile' at them first (keep in mind this is all online)...they rarely if ever message me (they only end up looking at my profile). So I've put in effort.

 

Guys easilydismiss women for one reason or another (and yes, women do the same). Mostly everyone seems to lack communication skills. Guys don't know how to close the deal (take it from online to meeting up).

 

One guy got upset or annoyed with me (he used "ugh" in his message) bc he sd he wasn't about to drive to where I live to meet up for 15 minutes and that was the end of the convo between us bc he blocked me....should he have expressed how he felt about meeting up for a longer period of time I would have agreed and I would have driven halfway to meet up with him but he didn't give me a chance.

 

That's OLD for ya....

[TunaInTheBrine]

Offline and online lots of men seem to complain that they struggle to find women who will go on dates with them whether through online dating or in their offline life. But is it really as hard as they say?

 

As a woman it can be hard to find a man you click with to the point where you want to enter into a long term serious relationship with them, but getting dates with guys in general is really easy. I'm not convinced it can be so much harder for men. After all, heterosexual women are not dating each other, we are dating men. So how can men truly be dateless when we women as a whole are dating them?

 

Because thanks to the media, pornography, and a blase attitude toward romance, women are becoming increasingly shallow and feeling entitled to partner with a ridiculously small percentage of men that most males simply don't measure up to. I once read an article that exclaimed something like less than 0.25% of all men were above 6 feet, athletic body, had +$80k incomes, were well traveled, never married, no kids, etc... but that a ridiculous percentage of women reported they would not settle for less than this. Do you see where this is heading?

 

There's an old saying that 20 percent of men mate with 80 percent of women, and while this is a generalization, there may be some truth to it when thinking about your question and what I just stated. Contemporary dating culture absolutely favors men who are callous players and/or fit the descriptions above, and they are loving every minute of it.

 

It might sound like I'm blaming women, but I'm not. I think it's hard to not act upon the forces that media ingrain into us. When you're constantly told how great you are, how you deserve the best, that you should date men who look and act like XYZ, that you're only beautiful if you outperform or successfully compete against these other women vouching for the same guys, and all the while most men are so horny that they will treat even the most average looking of women with admiration, then it is not hard to get why this is happening at all. Yes, many men have a hard time getting a date, and many women are limiting themselves only to men that the media and their girlfriend approve of.

 

People (men included) need to STOP dating and pursuing romance based on narcissistic reasons of gaining/proving status in our culture and START understanding at a deeper level what it is they are really attracted to. Once that happens for people, the world of love becomes a lot less mysterious and more accessible. Unfortunately, it often doesn't happen until we're quite old and regretful of all the lost years we could have spent with the person we now love. Mark my words LoveShackers, we are doing it to ourselves.

Edited October 4, 2015 by TunaInTheBrine

[JasmineJones]

An average looking girl becomes a hottie online. Gets flooded with messages and now has tons of options which equals pickyness. I refuse to date down. This is why I prefer real life dating. I do OLD as a supplement.

 

This is one of the things men tell themselves to make themselves feel better. In reality the man may not be that attractive for various reasons.

 

My women friends who are older or not especially attractive do not get many messages at all, aside from from men who are not dateable (ie just looking for sex, can barely articulate themselves, send stupid creepy messages etc)

[kilgore]

This is one of the things men tell themselves to make themselves feel better. In reality the man may not be that attractive for various reasons.

 

My women friends who are older or not especially attractive do not get many messages at all, aside from from men who are not dateable (ie just looking for sex, can barely articulate themselves, send stupid creepy messages etc)

 

How bleak that sounds

[JasmineJones]

Maybe their standards are too high? I would put good money down that they are ones ghosting on the guys after the first date rather than the other way around so the opportunities are there for them but they think they can do better.

 

 

Well a woman is not going to continue dating a man who is "just OK" or not very attractive to her. Why would she?

[joseb]

This is one of the things men tell themselves to make themselves feel better. In reality the man may not be that attractive for various reasons.

 

No its a fact. Which is why i dont waste my time now with OLD. In real life, you get a fair go.

[kilgore]

Well a woman is not going to continue dating a man who is "just OK" or not very attractive to her. Why would she?

 

And vice versa

 

But people will ride out ok for a while if lonely. Not advisable but we've all done it

[JasmineJones]

I think geography is definitely a factor. In addition, I do think most people go through slumps. I also think that when the new generation of daters come up and the rules change, it can be difficult. For example, I cannot imagine using a mode of dating where the deciding factor is, for the most part, which way to swipe.

 

However, I think that most of the people who have never had success dating, who lament their lack of success at dating, and who become bitter, jaded, and angry at the opposite sex over dating....I think they have several traits in common that make dating difficult for THEM, and not simply their gender. And the toughest part is that it becomes a vicious cycle. The less success they have, the angrier they get and the more they blame the opposite gender, which in turn makes them even LESS attractive and dateable.

 

In OLD I've noticed many men are angry and also seem to think they are entitled to get a woman. It's a very strange attitude. If they have had an unsatisfactory love life or are desperate for sex, that is not my fault!

[JasmineJones]

Three things that effects a man's ability to date. He has strengths and weaknesses. They average out to how marketable he is.

 

 

Income/wealth

 

 

Social skills

 

 

Appearance

 

 

In the dating pool whether a man is in the bottom tier, middle tier, or top tier, he wants the best woman he can get.

 

 

Women want the same. So when the top tier women will not date down and with many of the middle tier trying to date up to the next level. It leaves a shortage of equally matched women to go around for all of the men in the mid and bottom tiers of men.

 

 

Men think income and wealth is the main factor but it is so not. As long as the man is solvent and gainfully employed most women are happy with that. Social skills are very important though. One of the main reasons men are unsuccessful with women is that they have a poor attitude or are boring.

[JasmineJones]

Genuinly desirable men and women get dates without OLD.

 

Most attractive women with good style I know didn't meet their partners online.

 

Life is full of variations. Some women find the loves of their lives without looking and without OLD. Conversely, there are men who not only can't find women in real life, but who send hundreds of messages per week without a single reply.

 

It'd brutal but if you want dates and you're not the type to just meet people in social settings and online doesn't yield any results, then your just not desirable enough to get the outcome you want. Hit the gym, gp back to school, be the type of man that gets the dates.

 

The OP started in her previous thread that she was a fashion model. So duh, obviously it's easy for HER to get dates....... It amazes me that she is perplexed that some people are genuinely not desirable enough to attract people for dates....... Like hello, not everyone hit the genetic lotto like you!

 

If you actually read my thread you will note that I'm not writing just about my own dating experiences. Rather I am saying that it seems women find it easy to get dates in general.

[JasmineJones]

The men I met online, decent men with normal jobs and nothing wrong with their appearance ( some were very cute), they were so dejected from getting turned down by average girls thst they thought they hit jackpot with me ( I above average but no beauty either)

 

The guys I acted into genuinly thought they were so lucky..... In reality, I was just a cute girl asking to see them again. I am not a gorgeous girl but the constant rejection from average girls made me appear to be a lot better than I KNOW I really am.

 

It's rarher sad that a merely cute girl like myself is treated like they're gorgeous babes just because average women have so many options thst they now think they are better than they truly are.

 

well maybe they also thought you were a cool, intelligent person. Everything is not always about looks

[lino]

It's because women are more likely to share a man than vice versa. Read this message board for all the 'we had sex and now he won't call amymore' now how many do you hear of genders reversed? I thought so.

 

This is yet another thing that debunks the sleeping around double standard. Women want men who are in demand and men want women who don't sleep around hence the illusion of a double standard. It's all about what one desire prefers differently to the other.

 

Women like guys with money too yet men don't care about that, does that mean there's a financial double standard? No, not in this sense it's just a difference to what is attractive to the different genders.

 

I suspect as our population continues to grow this disparity of a small percentage of men getting most of the women will widen too.

 

The number of players will decrease and the number of dateless men at 30 will increase.

[lino]

Men think income and wealth is the main factor but it is so not. As long as the man is solvent and gainfully employed most women are happy with that. Social skills are very important though. One of the main reasons men are unsuccessful with women is that they have a poor attitude or are boring.

 

 

This isn't true. How many couples do you know where the woman out earns the man? Yes, thought so.

 

My options greatly increased as well once I started my own business. A man with more money is a much brighter prospect than one with less. This has been the case for centuries now.

[JasmineJones]

This isn't true. How many couples do you know where the woman out earns the man? Yes, thought so.

 

My options greatly increased as well once I started my own business. A man with more money is a much brighter prospect than one with less. This has been the case for centuries now.

 

If you want to believe this then go ahead.

[JasmineJones]

Guys who are older, and not especially attractive get almost zero messages online. They would be happy if women would message them at all. Read on here a bit about the guys who send hundreds of emails and get nothing in return. See the difference?

 

I used to follow the OLD journeys of all of my friends just to compare them. I learned so much by comparing their experiences to my own. Even the fattest, least desirable woman with a ton of baggage got more dates online that I did.

 

I know of two guys that actually had any luck online, and both are douchebag players that are just out to get laid. My one friend I just talked to the other day about this. He brings so many women to his place that he meets online that he is in trouble with the owner the the place he is renting from. This dude has a crap job, treats women like dirt, and has to rent a room from a friend, yet he has a new date every week, and all of my other single guy friends go dateless.

 

 

 

The problem is in why she is only attracted to certain guys. Honestly, if a man was that picky about what women he was physically attracted to, I would suggest he get his hormone levels checked. There is definitely a problem there.

 

 

 

I wouldn't say income and wealth are the main factor, but they are up there. Like others have said, I don't know many women who end up dating guys who make less than they do, especially if that woman is attractive. I haven't dated a woman who made more than me since I was 22 and dating older chicks.

 

Yes, I see the difference. Older unattractive women may be spammed by creeps whereas older unattractive men are left alone in peace.

[JasmineJones]

Guys who are older, and not especially attractive get almost zero messages online. They would be happy if women would message them at all. Read on here a bit about the guys who send hundreds of emails and get nothing in return. See the difference?

 

I used to follow the OLD journeys of all of my friends just to compare them. I learned so much by comparing their experiences to my own. Even the fattest, least desirable woman with a ton of baggage got more dates online that I did.

 

I know of two guys that actually had any luck online, and both are douchebag players that are just out to get laid. My one friend I just talked to the other day about this. He brings so many women to his place that he meets online that he is in trouble with the owner the the place he is renting from. This dude has a crap job, treats women like dirt, and has to rent a room from a friend, yet he has a new date every week, and all of my other single guy friends go dateless.

 

 

 

The problem is in why she is only attracted to certain guys. Honestly, if a man was that picky about what women he was physically attracted to, I would suggest he get his hormone levels checked. There is definitely a problem there.

 

 

 

I wouldn't say income and wealth are the main factor, but they are up there. Like others have said, I don't know many women who end up dating guys who make less than they do, especially if that woman is attractive. I haven't dated a woman who made more than me since I was 22 and dating older chicks.

 

I wouldn't be particularly keen to date a man who makes a lot less than me. But that is not the same thing as only being interested in men who are very wealthy and on a super high income. I'm happy to date somebody on a similar salary to me. Or if the guy is perhaps in grad school and temporarily broke, that is OK too if I really like him. Most women I know feel the same way. We're educated and gainfully employed -- we don't need men to pay our bills, we do that ourselves. The wealth thing is often an excuse men make to make themselves feel better about rejection. A man who is healthy, takes care of his body, is kind, intelligent and interesting is far more desirable than an ******* whose wealth is the main thing he has going for him.

[JasmineJones]

That person you described is certainly a catch, I'm sure. And your typical average, overweight, single mom on POF or Tinder is holding out for him. That's my point.

 

Well that is the sort of guy I am dating right now and I am not an overweight, average single mom. I dumped a doctor on a six-figure salary for this guy. Because he is simply a better (as in nicer, more thoughtful) person.

[JustGettingBy]

Simple:

 

Attraction happens fast, and the manipulative men work hard at achieving that attraction, putting them miles ahead of the men who actually better themselves as people.

[GoodOnPaper]

By far, the most difficult part of dating/relationships was getting that first date, and I also think that as time goes on and short-term attraction qualities in men continue to become the stronger measuring stick for relationship potential, there will be greater disparity between the haves and have-nots among men in the dating world.

[chumble]

After all, heterosexual women are not dating each other, we are dating men. So how can men truly be dateless when we women as a whole are dating them?

 

You assume because it takes 1 man and 1 woman in equal proportions to have "a date," that it must be even. But a date is not a long-term exclusive relationship. It takes just one day. It's possible for a man to go on dates with dozens or hundreds of women, and others none. Same for women, some can line up dates any day of the week, others not. People have different exposures and velocities to their interactions. It's entirely possible for a sizable percentage at the bottom to be ignored.

 

Then consider relationships- suppose just for the sake of argument, that on average 50% of non-married people are locked down in relationships. Then if an above-average "decent" guy manages to be locked down 80% of the time, he effectively takes up 1.6 women because his rate is higher.

 

Add in age demographics, and guys in their 20s looking for women in their 20s are also competing with men in their 30s, etc.

 

This is a gross generalization, but just following the premise of the thread.

[JGirl83]

How I wishe it was switch for 6 months where women have to take the lead when it comes to getting dates. Only then will they truly understand east it's like.

 

 

I think plenty of women have no problem with messaging a guy first. I message guys on tinder and okcupid. When it comes to asking for a date i find that if i have to be the one who suggests then the date never materialises. Not because it is off putting for a guy but more so because if a guy wants to take me out he will ask me out pretty quickly while guys who just want a text buddy will never ask anyway and when i get impatient and suggest meeting up they get all vague about their availability.

I am not saying it is not harder for guys but it is not as easy for girls either.

I can sit back and wait and will of course get date offers but even when i do agree sometimes they disappear or change their mind which makes me wonder..if it is really that hard to get dates then while not follow up when a girl is willing.

[StocksnBlondes]

Thank you for proving to me that women are on there rating people on their looks in a 1-10 scale and responding according to that rating. Shallow. The most attractive people I've ever known are hollow in between their ears.

 

It's the whole package I rate ...and because it's online I only have the what's in front of me to make a decision on. I look for things like lifestyle, hobbies/interests, geography within my area, education, kids/no kids, well spoke , good bio ..I have a 10 point checklist ... Attractiveness/looks is on the list but certainly doesn't get an automatic pass if I think they're handsome...there are many very handsome guys I would not go out with because of other items on my list ... And I've dated guys who some people think are just average looking. This past summer, I dated this one guy for a month ...he and I met a few friends to listen to a band. My girlfriend whispered to me that I was my dates "eye candy" ...I think the guy was gorgeous! But many might think he's average ...it's all in the eyes of the beholder. So just can't offer any encouragement on your line of thinking. It sounds like you've had some negative experiences with the OLD thing ... Just keep trying

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Well because normally typically whoever does the approaching or asking out, initiating/escalating, is NOT in the position of power of saying Yes or No to things

[Jkerr3]

Tinder makes it extremely easy to get dates.

 

Men who have jobs, don't live at home and have a pleasant personality and aren't awful looking gets loads of dates.

 

All you have to do is swipe left or right. If you're at least average looking and have good style and a genuine smile, you will get women who also swipe you. That's so easy. In the comfort of your own home, you can get dates.

 

For men who cannot get dates, it's either the area in which you live, your unrealistic expectations in women ot the sad fact that you're just not what the majority of women find appealing.

 

Average looking folks in an area with plenty of single women will get dates online, providing they're confident and enjoy cultivating their own identity ( having a zest for some thjngs in life, an affable personality even introverts can learn how to get along well with most people)

 

Lol I've only had 2 dates in the past 3 months. Tinder and okc have proven virtually useless for me..... Idk maybe I'm ugly or something, cause I'm in great shape and am very friendly.

[StocksnBlondes]

By far, the most difficult part of dating/relationships was getting that first date, and I also think that as time goes on and short-term attraction qualities in men continue to become the stronger measuring stick for relationship potential, there will be greater disparity between the haves and have-nots among men in the dating world.

 

The "swipe" method of mate selection that is now de rigueur on many OLD sites (and likely to continue btw) only serves to advance your very valid premise. Sigh?