N C works even when we were friends after break?

[lost55]

Hi! Just wondering if No contact works (and YES I know that it is for your self recovering too...) when you after a break up from a relationship of 5 years and circumstances made us became in a kind of friendzone (yes he was in love with me long after but I had to struggle with me and death of familymembers pets etc ending up on therapy so I was just not into him). When every thing got back to normal two monts that is after all sorrows I started to get my feelings back for him. Mabye to late not sure... ? Ive gotten mixed signals sort of BEFORE NC. My question is: ive done No contact t for 4 weeks now and we usually were in contact at last after to to three weeks. Could this NC make him Wonder and miss me as miss him? Im going "crazy" and just to text (but I dont). Its a year since we broke up but as I said we had "a life" in some way, together. He was There thru all The sorrows too... Just hope NC Will make him miss me and make us come out from this Moment 22..

[Simon Phoenix]

There is no "too" -- No Contact is about healing and moving forward in your life. It's not about manipulating your ex to miss you. Sometimes your ex does miss you and reconsider, but if that's the reason you're going No Contact, it's not being used correctly and will not fulfill it's actual purpose, which is to help you move forward in your life and get back to 100 percent emotionally.

 

But yeah, the fact that you've been broken up a year and you are still at the early stage of recovery shows why you need No Contact in the worst way. You've basically spent a year as the orbiting "friend" hoping beyond hope that your ex will reconsider. You've wasted a year begging for table scraps. No more. You need to go No Contact so you can evolve and move forward. You've already wasted way too much time.

[lost55]

Thank you so so much it really make sence. I just fel so "stupid" and clingy of I hang my self out. But a letter was what I was thinking so he could read withput me There. Because Im not good at talong it would just come out wrong. I did it for weeks ago and it just became so wrong...Thank you for understand in exactly what I feel.

[Shock148]

Hi! Just wondering if No contact works (and YES I know that it is for your self recovering too...) when you after a break up from a relationship of 5 years and circumstances made us became in a kind of friendzone (yes he was in love with me long after but I had to struggle with me and death of familymembers pets etc ending up on therapy so I was just not into him). When every thing got back to normal two monts that is after all sorrows I started to get my feelings back for him. Mabye to late not sure... ? Ive gotten mixed signals sort of BEFORE NC. My question is: ive done No contact t for 4 weeks now and we usually were in contact at last after to to three weeks. Could this NC make him Wonder and miss me as miss him? Im going "crazy" and just to text (but I dont). Its a year since we broke up but as I said we had "a life" in some way, together. He was There thru all The sorrows too... Just hope NC Will make him miss me and make us come out from this Moment 22..

 

Sorry to say but NC doesn't work if your boyfriend does not want you back. It has been 4 weeks and still he hasn't reached out to you to say he wants you back especially after you said he was in love with you. Why do you think any longer will make him realize any different? NC is for you and only you to heal, not as a tool to make your ex feel like he is missing you and begs for you to come back. 1 year after being friends, I am sure he fell out of love and probably decided to move on.

[lost55]

i'm not bitter nor is this in any way similar to anything i went through in life.

listen, i've read the whole thing. maybe it's the language barrier or you just failed to elaborate properly the how's and when's.

i was talking about the time he was caring for you and helping you while you explicitly said you viewed him as a friend and you were broken up.i understand you were going through a rough patch in life and in no way am I saying you should feel guilty for anything.

 

nevertheless, the timeline is as follows:

 

you lost feelings and broke up with him -> you guys kept a friendship (while he obviously wanted more) -> you started warming up to him again but he was already halfway through giving up and detaching.

 

i know it might sound like you've put yourself out there, but if there is one thing that anyone who ever got dumped knows is - you don't go back to an ex unless the other side genuinely expresses their desire to go back together and work things out properly. so yeah what im saying here is if you indeed feel this guy might be the one for you write him a letter or give him a call and explain why you feel like you've changed and that you would really love to have a fresh start with him.say the words. say you wanna get back together.that's how the balance works i'm afraid. hiss ego has taken a blow when you broke up with him and now it's your turn to let go of yours. simple.

 

i'm sorry, it doesn't matter that you feel like you're the "dumpee". you dropped the guy, then, knowing he was still into you continued to have some sort of really close friendship. yeah, he's a grown up man responsible for his own actions and choices but don't pretend like you were not aware of the unfairness of the situation.

 

the guy kept on going, probably hoping he might change your mind, but you never let him really feel or know you might be interested in going back together.finally, the poor thing probably gave up, understanding he's better off pursuing other women and slowly cut contact with you.

 

so now, you're telling me he should be the one contacting you asking to get back together? i'm sorry for the bluntness: but are you OUT of your mind? if you actually care and have a rekindled love for this guy, which at this point im a bit skeptical about, LET HIM KNOW! this should be obvious to you. and if it isn't you should really ask yourself if you are not just missing him caring about you or feeling lonely. all of which are not good enough reasons to string this guy along. AGAIN.

And he have really get me mixed signals. When he came with roses on my birthday in june I thougt he was into me. But when I said I miss you in a hug, and "do you miss me" He said "the good things I miss. ... He have given me mixed signals so to speak

[lost55]

i'm not bitter nor is this in any way similar to anything i went through in life.

listen, i've read the whole thing. maybe it's the language barrier or you just failed to elaborate properly the how's and when's.

i was talking about the time he was caring for you and helping you while you explicitly said you viewed him as a friend and you were broken up.i understand you were going through a rough patch in life and in no way am I saying you should feel guilty for anything.

 

nevertheless, the timeline is as follows:

 

you lost feelings and broke up with him -> you guys kept a friendship (while he obviously wanted more) -> you started warming up to him again but he was already halfway through giving up and detaching.

 

i know it might sound like you've put yourself out there, but if there is one thing that anyone who ever got dumped knows is - you don't go back to an ex unless the other side genuinely expresses their desire to go back together and work things out properly. so yeah what im saying here is if you indeed feel this guy might be the one for you write him a letter or give him a call and explain why you feel like you've changed and that you would really love to have a fresh start with him.say the words. say you wanna get back together.that's how the balance works i'm afraid. hiss ego has taken a blow when you broke up with him and now it's your turn to let go of yours. simple.

 

I did say i miss him I did say that and I did take his hand walking to the car and guess what? I felt so stupid because he didnt responded. When I said on the phone one week after that he said he didnt have "those feelings" I daid Thank ypu for letting me know now I will not try anymore. BUT one week later he came to help with a lamp and he was teasing me like he use to. So I got more confused... because he didnt have to do that IF he didnt have any feelings. Sorry for writing swinglish!

[Mrlovahlovah]

hey lost,

 

i do think a well written letter is your best bet right now. but you have to be clear about your intentions and fully express them in it.

 

as to where he stands exactly it's a bit hard to tell. i had this one ex which i kept seeing as a friend with benefits a month or two after the breakup and while i still had strong feelings for her i was doing my best to distance myself when needed and play it "cool". it's a defence mechanism. so this could be the case here.

 

this letter will give you the answers you need, so it's a win-win situation.

good luck.

[lost55]

Sorry to say but NC doesn't work if your boyfriend does not want you back. It has been 4 weeks and still he hasn't reached out to you to say he wants you back especially after you said he was in love with you. Why do you think any longer will make him realize any different? NC is for you and only you to heal, not as a tool to make your ex feel like he is missing you and begs for you to come back. 1 year after being friends, I am sure he fell out of love and probably decided to move on.

 

 

NO thats not all the fact. He was atleast in love with me untill june, when I got roses, and there have been other signs. After my therapy, and when Everything got better ( as I had a lot to misery in Death of family pets etc and HE was by my side all the time, took my Crying hugging me helped me etc). So NOW is the first two months that Ifeel "normal". And there have been "hints" that he is no totally "not into me" sorry for the words, as they incorrect, because of tha language.... And the last meeting he was teasing me, that he hadnt done for month, ligthly slap my behind, and lay down on my sofa, as If I should ( IF i would) lay down next to him! BUT as he didnt ask I didnt. .. And that was Three weeks ago. YES I curtain he has moved on in someway, but I ve recieved mixed signals. So no matter what the NC meens, im sure that its the best way to make them wonder about you. So no matter what NC stands for MY healing will take a while, but my intention is that I hope to get him back. Ive change since one year of therapy. And I Think we can works things out. And to do so I Think its important, that times goes by, with no me in it. NC is also when I read SEVERAL coaches, psykologi, and as wrote above...

[Simon Phoenix]

NO thats not all the fact. He was atleast in love with me untill june, when I got roses, and there have been other signs. After my therapy, and when Everything got better ( as I had a lot to misery in Death of family pets etc and HE was by my side all the time, took my Crying hugging me helped me etc). So NOW is the first two months that Ifeel "normal". And there have been "hints" that he is no totally "not into me" sorry for the words, as they incorrect, because of tha language.... And the last meeting he was teasing me, that he hadnt done for month, ligthly slap my behind, and lay down on my sofa, as If I should ( IF i would) lay down next to him! BUT as he didnt ask I didnt. .. And that was Three weeks ago. YES I curtain he has moved on in someway, but I ve recieved mixed signals. So no matter what the NC meens, im sure that its the best way to make them wonder about you. So no matter what NC stands for MY healing will take a while, but my intention is that I hope to get him back. Ive change since one year of therapy. And I Think we can works things out. And to do so I Think its important, that times goes by, with no me in it. NC is also when I read SEVERAL coaches, psykologi, and as wrote above...

 

No Contact is not for manipulation. And if you are getting mixed signals, then you aren't getting the right signals. And honestly, it doesn't matter if you think things can be worked out. It's up to him to be on the same page and you can't trick him into doing that. You need to back off for the right reasons -- to work on yourself, not to try to fool him into feeling something for you.

[TaraMaiden2]

lost55, you have been advised by many members, both here and in your other threads, that this is basically not going to work, and that you need to establish complete No Contact for you to be able to heal, move on and get over this guy.

Yet you keep mentioning these 'roses in July' (some time ago now, don't you think - ?!) and refusing our counsel.

 

What do you want to hear?

because it seems you want to hear certain things but refuse to listen to the majority good advice you are receiving....

[Hope87]

Hi! Just wondering if No contact works (and YES I know that it is for your self recovering too...) when you after a break up from a relationship of 5 years and circumstances made us became in a kind of friendzone (yes he was in love with me long after but I had to struggle with me and death of familymembers pets etc ending up on therapy so I was just not into him). When every thing got back to normal two monts that is after all sorrows I started to get my feelings back for him. Mabye to late not sure... ? Ive gotten mixed signals sort of BEFORE NC. My question is: ive done No contact t for 4 weeks now and we usually were in contact at last after to to three weeks. Could this NC make him Wonder and miss me as miss him? Im going "crazy" and just to text (but I dont). Its a year since we broke up but as I said we had "a life" in some way, together. He was There thru all The sorrows too... Just hope NC Will make him miss me and make us come out from this Moment 22..

 

 

Hi Lost,

 

The advice on this thread is immensely helpful and beneficial. This website has become one of my strongest support systems so you'd benefit a great deal by applying the advice. But I must also explain that the main objective of the posters on this site is to facilitate the healing and progress of those who have been hurt. The main priority is to set the recovery process in motion and to sustain it, as opposed to helping you get your ex back.

 

 

As a result, you're unlikely to receive much encouragement or an assessment regarding the prospects or likelihood of getting your ex back via No Contact. Do not be offended or frustrated by this and try to understand that their priority and your priority should be healing and regaining your composure above anything else. Your wellbeing is far more important than anything else.

 

That said, I will directly address your points. Yes, although the goal of NC is to speed up the recovery process, it can also have the effect of fostering reconciliation, eventually. Yes, NC can make your ex miss you ( especially if you created good memories with him). And yes, speaking from personal experience the distance and space that accompanies NC can bring an ex back. It's happened to me several times and to people I know. But what I've also observed is that if they do come back, it usually happens when you're no longer desperate for them and when you've moved or are in the process of moving on.

 

So the answer to your question is yes. There is no guarantee, as with everything else in this world except taxes and death, that NC will bring hik.bacj but it's undoubtedly the best option available in terms of creating the opportunity of reconciliation.

 

Your ex sounds like a truly special person. Unlike many of the subjects of this forum where the revered exes are truly not very great people, your ex sounds like a gem. I understand why you'd want him back. You took him for granted and he probably got fed up. I'm sure he still cares about you but not to a sufficient degree to continue the relationship as things presently stand. I suggest you go NC, focus on developing yourself and getting rid of all the issues you were dealing with and if your ex returns, then you can decide whether you want to get back to him. But don't make his return the sole basis of going NC and remember always that healing is your first priority.

Edited October 3, 2015 by Hope87

[TaraMaiden2]

^^^ This ^^^ Is probably the best response you could ever hope to get regarding your situation, lost55 and I would recommend you take it very much to heart.

 

[lost55]

Hi Lost,

 

The advice on this thread is immensely helpful and beneficial. This website has become one of my strongest support systems so you'd benefit a great deal by applying the advice. But I must also explain that the main objective of the posters on this site is to facilitate the healing and progress of those who have been hurt. The main priority is to set the recovery process in motion and to sustain it, as opposed to helping you get your ex back.

 

 

As a result, you're unlikely to receive much encouragement or an assessment regarding the prospects or likelihood of getting your ex back via No Contact. Do not be offended or frustrated by this and try to understand that their priority and your priority should be healing and regaining your composure above anything else. Your wellbeing is far more important than anything else.

 

That said, I will directly address your points. Yes, although the goal of NC is to speed up the recovery process, it can also have the effect of fostering reconciliation, eventually. Yes, NC can make your ex miss you ( especially if you created good memories with him). And yes, speaking from personal experience the distance and space that accompanies NC can bring an ex back. It's happened to me several times and to people I know. But what I've also observed is that if they do come back, it usually happens when you're no longer desperate for them and when you've moved or are in the process of moving on.

 

So the answer to your question is yes. There is no guarantee, as with everything else in this world except taxes and death, that NC will bring hik.bacj but it's undoubtedly the best option available in terms of creating the opportunity of reconciliation.

 

Your ex sounds like a truly special person. Unlike many of the subjects of this forum where the revered exes are truly not very great people, your ex sounds like a gem. I understand why you'd want him back. You took him for granted and he probably got fed up. I'm sure he still cares about you but not to a sufficient degree to continue the relationship as things presently stand. I suggest you go NC, focus on developing yourself and getting rid of all the issues you were dealing with and if your ex returns, then you can decide whether you want to get back to him. But don't make his return the sole basis of going NC and remember always that healing is your first priority.

Thank yoy very much Tara. Im so so not use to this site ( or others) so I guess I make a fool of myself! I m not a needy person, and ofcourse there are reasons why I left. Im a fan of Corey Wayne, a coach and you find him on You Tube. I really recon´mend som of the Posting peopel" to take a look at his videos... Im sorry if I ve posted more than one but Í dont take the critizism, I red in this thread. Sorry. Think I have to find som more adult sites. But thank you Tara, you were really kind to me! Sorry for my swinglish.GUess I will find a Swedish site, so I dónt look like an "idiot..."

[lost55]

lost55, you have been advised by many members, both here and in your other threads, that this is basically not going to work, and that you need to establish complete No Contact for you to be able to heal, move on and get over this guy.

Yet you keep mentioning these 'roses in July' (some time ago now, don't you think - ?!) and refusing our counsel.

 

What do you want to hear?

because it seems you want to hear certain things but refuse to listen to the majority good advice you are receiving....

 

 

OKEY Tara! So YOU got roses from your ex, and that didnt meen anything that what you have felt I see.... Dont Think so! I dont expect anything here. I was just confused, as he was so into me for a long time. Have some sympathy, thats my advice FOR YOU. So you dont Think Ive been doing things during NC? Wrong! But I still feel we have a chance, and do you know what? Your answer made more sure of that. Thanks.

[TaraMaiden2]

Yeah, good luck with that.....

 

Anyway, I will leave you to it.

I will pop in now and then to read updates.

Hope it goes well for you.

If not, you have my sympathies, but I'm afraid I think it's a lost cause.

 

Sorry.

 

Good luck.

[lost55]

Yeah, good luck with that.....

 

Anyway, I will leave you to it.

I will pop in now and then to read updates.

Hope it goes well for you.

If not, you have my sympathies, but I'm afraid I think it's a lost cause.

 

Sorry.

 

Good luck.

You want heara tining PROMISE... I did a stupid thing leaving comments here, and that was because I so so much did like the comment about the dumper being the dumpee, dont rember his alias now. But I NOW see that its so many different people, and that they who where heere then is not anymore. So I just got bad luck , and got a hard time from some posters. Not all ofcourse but some, and I meen that was some really stupid answers I got. And thank you again Tara for your sarcastics

[TaraMaiden2]

You want heara tining PROMISE... I did a stupid thing leaving comments here, and that was because I so so much did like the comment about the dumper being the dumpee, dont rember his alias now. But I NOW see that its so many different people, and that they who where heere then is not anymore. So I just got bad luck , and got a hard time from some posters. Not all ofcourse but some, and I meen that was some really stupid answers I got. And thank you again Tara for your sarcastics

 

You're mistaken about the sarcasm.

Much gets lost when it is merely black and white on a forum.

Be happy.

 

[Speirling]

I'm really sorry that you feel you have had some bad reactions here lost- I feel like this has been a very supportive and honest thread. Perhaps some of the issue is the language barrier, but I think you have had some excellent advice.

 

I won't engage on the point of NC because you have made your view clear on that and I can't agree.

 

As someone who's been hurt, as many of us are, I would strongly advise you to be absolutely sure before you try to rekindle anything with this man. I am concerned that you are on a forum trying to guess how he feels - if you are certain you love him and want him back then write that letter or ask him in person. But prepare yourself for an answer you won't want, and be ready to respect his feelings if they don't match yours - and then leave him alone for good. As noted by other posters it seems like you had a very good person - if you truly care about him you will be certain you are not going to hurt him again before you ask him to open his heart to you once more.

 

Sxxx