JasmineJones Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Have you dated a single dad before? What were your experiences? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I did once. I was more nervous about meeting his then 13 year old son then I have ever been about meeting someone's parents. When I met the son, I had to spend about an hour alone with him because my BF was registering for an event. We went to a nearby arcade. After playing some of his games, I made the kid play some of my old school favorites. Years later the son told me that endeared me to him because I didn't let him win nor did I simply acquiesce to what he wanted but I did make an effort to engage him on his level without talking down to him. Throughout our dating, the dad & I would often plan things that included the son -- bowling, movies, amusement parks etc. Sadly my EX passed away but I still have a relationship with the son. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I tended to avoid single dads like the plague. The drama, the constant schedule changes, the constant drama between he and the ex-wife. The whole thing is just so distasteful. And quite honestly, I didn't want a ready-made family. Be prepared to always come in dead last. If the kid decides one minute before your date that daddy needs to stay home and play video games with him instead of taking you to dinner, you'll get a call from him to cancel your date. If you have kids, then you're more evenly matched. Otherwise, I wouldn't do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 No. Dated 2 men with kids but they were not single dads. Link to post Share on other sites
menyou Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 No. Dated 2 men with kids but they were not single dads. they were married dads? Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 they were married dads? I took OP's "single dads" to mean "fathers with primary custody", which is why I didn't respond. I've dated plenty of divorced [weekend] dads, with absolutely NO problems. Married one of 'em, even, and successfully co-parented two of his kids, with their mom and his ex-wife, too. It can be done. Everyone involved just has to truly want what's best for the kids, rather than simply paying lip-service to the idea of it. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yes, my son's father had a child when I met him. It was never an issue for me. I liked his son and we got along well. My biggest issue was that he didn't spend enough time with him, not the other way around. That should have been my first clue that he wasn't a good man honestly. If you do date a man who has a child and he doesn't make an effort to be a good father to his kids then I wouldn't recommend dating him. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 I took OP's "single dads" to mean "fathers with primary custody", which is why I didn't respond. I've dated plenty of divorced [weekend] dads, with absolutely NO problems. Married one of 'em, even, and successfully co-parented two of his kids, with their mom and his ex-wife, too. It can be done. Everyone involved just has to truly want what's best for the kids, rather than simply paying lip-service to the idea of it. I mean dads with joint custody (50-50) or sole custody Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I mean dads with joint custody (50-50) or sole custody What is your experience? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I don't know; categorically ruling things it seems kim a recipe for limited experiences. I am a married dad. But if I were single and a dad, I understand why people would have reservations but I would hope they would be willing to see what i had to offer Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 What is your experience? Dated a dad who had 50-50 custody of his young son (aged 8). I found the fact he was in constant contact with his ex wife, lived on the same street as her etc really off putting after a while. I liked that he was a responsible dad. But the setup meant we could never go on holiday together (unless his son came as well) or do anything spontaneous. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I'm a guy, so I have (hopefully) obviously never dated a single dad. I think there are factors to consider, namely, how often does he have his kid(s), do you want kids of your own, does HE want more kids, etc? I think for most women, the ideal situation in terms of dating a man with kids would be if he only had them overnight sparingly. However, I think it's important for these women to gauge how eager the guy is to be involved in his kids' lives. In threads like this, I've read women complain that they couldn't handle the kid being priority over them, but I think that's precisely how it SHOULD be. I mean, what kind of guy is this if he's willing to mold his schedule around a new girlfriend rather than the schedule of his own offspring? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 As a single dad (not the primary career), i have dated women who try to be 'politically correct' about me having a child. But in the background, it is a significant negative, and the first second things get a bit tough, there gone! So my point is ladies, it is better to be honest up front that this it is a problem for you rather than making some hapless single dad develop feelings for you and then you piss off..... honestly, we don't need that! Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Single dad here with 50/50 custody of his 8 year old daughter. 1) When you are a parent, your child will always come first. They are an undeveloped human being who is literally 100% dependent on you for the necessities of life. That is a responsibility no reasonable adult can shirk. An adult who cannot grasp that concept should not enter into a relationship with a single father...period. 2) When my daughter is with her mother, that is ME time. I go where I please, do what I want, and spend time with whoever I choose. While I take my responsibilities as a father seriously, I have no interest in sitting at home alone in perpetuity until she comes back. 3) My ex wife has no place in my life whatsoever. She's remarried and has known for years that I will never have any interest in rekindling anything with her, and that I am not on her leash and will not alter my life according to her whims in any way. 4) I will also go out on dates during my week with my daughter. I don't do that every week, but I believe it's important for her to see me living MY life, in addition to spending that time with her grandparents or older cousin (who she adores). I try very hard to strike a life balance between fatherhood and pursuing my interests. Yes, sometimes fatherhood will win; that's life. And any woman who expects me to drop everything for her, including my own child, is not in MY best interests, or the best interests of my daughter. But I also make my relationships a priority. My experience has demonstrated that I'm the one with the free time, money, and wherewithal to actively participate in said relationships. Sadly, the women, some of whom were childless, were not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I'm a guy, so I have (hopefully) obviously never dated a single dad. I think there are factors to consider, namely, how often does he have his kid(s), do you want kids of your own, does HE want more kids, etc? I think for most women, the ideal situation in terms of dating a man with kids would be if he only had them overnight sparingly. However, I think it's important for these women to gauge how eager the guy is to be involved in his kids' lives. In threads like this, I've read women complain that they couldn't handle the kid being priority over them, but I think that's precisely how it SHOULD be. I mean, what kind of guy is this if he's willing to mold his schedule around a new girlfriend rather than the schedule of his own offspring? Bingo. I've seen an uncounted number of single mothers say, "My kids are my life. If you can't handle that, don't even bother." They get applauded for that mentality. But if a father has that same mentality, he's not worth dating. A woman has to prove to me that she's worthy of not just being in my life, but in my daughter's as well. And that has been an excellent gauge for me, because if they're not worthy of her, they're certainly not worthy of me. My daughter has raised my standards considerably. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I tended to avoid single dads like the plague. The drama, the constant schedule changes, the constant drama between he and the ex-wife. The whole thing is just so distasteful. And quite honestly, I didn't want a ready-made family. Be prepared to always come in dead last. If the kid decides one minute before your date that daddy needs to stay home and play video games with him instead of taking you to dinner, you'll get a call from him to cancel your date. If you have kids, then you're more evenly matched. Otherwise, I wouldn't do it. How exactly is this different from dating single mom's???? Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 How exactly is this different from dating single mom's???? It's not. My most recent ex girlfriend was a single mother of two. The drama from her kids was enough to drive any man insane, and was one of the primary factors of us breaking up. So I've instituted a new policy: Any woman I date will have either no kids, or no more than one. If it's good for the goose... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JasmineJones Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 Bingo. I've seen an uncounted number of single mothers say, "My kids are my life. If you can't handle that, don't even bother." They get applauded for that mentality. But if a father has that same mentality, he's not worth dating. A woman has to prove to me that she's worthy of not just being in my life, but in my daughter's as well. And that has been an excellent gauge for me, because if they're not worthy of her, they're certainly not worthy of me. My daughter has raised my standards considerably. That's not necessarily a particularly attractive prospect for a single woman without children who just wants to date a man and be a priority to him (as he is to her) Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 That's not necessarily a particularly attractive prospect for a single woman without children who just wants to date a man and be a priority to him (as he is to her) In your case, it sounds like you are better off not dating single dads then. I dated a single mum, and there are definitely a lot of compromises. The practalities of holidays (vacations) for me was probably the most off putting, along with the bickering between her and the childs dad over childcare issues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 My last girlfriend had two young children, so it was certainly an adjustment to go from being a single guy who wasn't sure he even wanted kids to dating someone with children and eventually help raising them. Unfortunately, I don't think she ever grasped or appreciated just what a radical shift in lifestyle this was for me, so even while I embraced a lot of aspects of it, it often felt like it wasn't enough for her. I think that's part of what appeals to her about her current "boy"friend. He's got two kids of his own, so the children thing is old hat. He's part of the club, whereas I was just the guy with a guest pass. In some ways, it seems like it would help for a woman to have a child of her own to successfully date a single dad. They "get" it. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Unfortunately, I don't think she ever grasped or appreciated just what a radical shift in lifestyle this was for me, so even while I embraced a lot of aspects of it, it often felt like it wasn't enough for her. Yes, this is exactly how i felt. Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 It's a strange dichotomy. In a lot of ways, I felt she was more appreciative of anything I did for or with her kids before we lived together. It was only after we moved in together and I assumed basically all of the male parental responsibilities that there seemed to be a shift from being appreciative to a sort of unspoken "Well, it's what you signed up for" mentality. She was still appreciative of certain things from time to time, but my efforts felt much more marginalized when we upped the stakes and I had to be more involved in the day-to-day efforts that come with children. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 (edited) I believe it depends on the goals/expectations of the individual. First off, if you are looking to finding a life partner, you obviously would have to have the goal in mind to making the kids a part of your life as much as them wanting you to be a part of theirs. But if you want to be the focus of said guy/girl, and have the expectation of being able to see them most of the time, then the responsibilities of the kids will be a hindrance to the relationship because obviously they will take priority. And that is why I never nor would I date a single dad. I don't have an interest in kids, definitely not partaking in help raising them...I like the freedom what can I say. Edited October 2, 2015 by smackie9 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yes, this is exactly how i felt. And this is probably one of the reasons why they ended up separated from the kid's father. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I would love to meet a weekend dad, or a man with no kids or older kids . I have kids myself but they are older and I am enjoying the freedom. Link to post Share on other sites
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