Lonely73 Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 Angel, our OMM cod be twins . Back in May of this year mine went suddenly, unexplainedly silent for almost 3 weeks. Wouldn't answer a text or phone call. Finally answered and said he needed time to think because he was so confused. Never had an affair before, 16 year marriage, religious, pillar of community, younger kids, etc. things slowly got back to normal and I was going to be out of state for August. Right before I left, told me he has never felt this way, loves me, yada yada. Some future talk. The week before I get back he's less responsive than usual. Tells me he's been trying to figure out who he is. Feeling guilty be his wife has never hurt him, but then there's me. I ask if he's ending us and he says no that I was misinterpreting. He answered a few more general texts but has now ignored me for a week and a half. I am going crazy. I am determined not to contact him but it's only day 2 and I feel like I can't breathe. I know how you feel when you say your chest literally hurts. I would give anything not to feel this. In all other areas I am so strong but I feel so weak and pitiful when it comes to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imperfectangel Posted September 29, 2015 Author Share Posted September 29, 2015 I feel your pain. I am dying to message him and go crazy for him not replying to me. But he is expecting that. I don't like playing games over who has the power and/or control, I like to be open and honest. It's a shame he cannot do the same for me. I actually think that they enjoy doing this to us. My MM has admitted to me he think that I am sat around my house feeling sad. I am. I pine for him. I ache for him. But also for myself. It's too hard now it's not fun anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely73 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Agreed. Mine KNOWS how awful it makes me feel and is doing it for a second time. Sure, you need time to figure you out, but what about what I need? And then we are expected to just talk to them when they are ready. Why, why, why do we do this to ourselves???? Link to post Share on other sites
Adoraxx Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Lonely and Angel, I know exactly how you feel. My (x)MM is just like yours. Going silent on me whenever it pleases HIM and then after a while he returns without giving me any explanation whatsoever or IF he gives an explanation , it's something lame that I'm supposed to accept. He has told me often how I shouldn't have any expectations from him yet at the same moment he tells me every now and then that he misses me/ thinks about me/ will come to see me soon... How can you NOT have any hope when someone tells you this?? Anyway, I just hate it that I still miss him so very much and that I wish things were different Link to post Share on other sites
Author imperfectangel Posted September 30, 2015 Author Share Posted September 30, 2015 I don't understand the disappearing act at all or how they can't feel bad knowing how bad it makes us feel. I could never do that to someone I'm still NC with him even though it kills me Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Great job Angel...I'm 15 days NC It hurts and I have the back and forth negotiations with myself of contacting him/not contacting him. But he did tell me to leave him and alone and to just forget, that doesn't sound like someone who would want to hear from me anyway LOL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I think they don't feel bad because it doesn't hurt them . They disappear because it's what they need for themselves at that time. Your feelings don't figure in the equation. They never really have. I find it fascinating that when we speak truth to that, we are criticized for being "mean" or "not nice." There are words and there actions. We all know which one we should believe. I implore you all...keep NC. There is a better life out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author imperfectangel Posted September 30, 2015 Author Share Posted September 30, 2015 You're right. It is always about their feelings and what they need/want. Always has been. He'll reappear I know he will maybe not this week but he will come back when he needs a ego boost again. And I'm hoping I'm strong enough by then to just ignore him myself but at the same time I feel like that makes me as bad as him. Can't win Link to post Share on other sites
Lonely73 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I feel like I can't win either. I have only ever loved my husband and was never in the dating game. I'm pretty protected when it comes to my feelings and most people consider me kind of cold. But when it cones to MOM I am a weak mess! Wtf? I would pay any amount of money to be able to not love him. Hurts way too much. Link to post Share on other sites
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