One for the guys but all thoughts welcome

[Saracena]

Oh, five weeks... that's a pretty long time. I'd guess that his frustrations got the best of him and he's been working on detaching, maybe devaluing as well. People tend to devalue as a means of coping after breakups. Strange thing is that you're not even seeing it as a breakup... you seem to be characterizing it as a little tiff that you'd like to get past. But if he didn't make any effort to reengage after your overture, well, feels to me like he might be... gettin' laid.

 

This puts you in a particularly tough spot. I'm sure you don't want to give up your virginity in a desperate attempt to lure him back. Even if you've changed your mind and are considering having sex, you'd want it to be in the context of a good, functioning relationship that's heading somewhere. But he may not have any patience left at all, may not be willing to pursue for some number of additional months in hope that it would eventually get back on track and become the full relationship that failed to materialize before.

 

You could reach out to hime and see what he has to say, but be prepared to accept that it's too late to recover.

 

 

Thanks again, Salparadise.

 

Well, 4 weeks to be exact! I actually do recognize this as a break-up which, although I'd like us to reconcile and am working towards this, I'm strangely calm about, at least for now. I don't believe deep down he wants to split up permanently, but feels he's little choice in the circumstances. I think fear of being hurt is another element. In our circle, couples break up and get back together all the time. I'm not saying we'll be the same but I'll take things as they come. I'll cope. I've got important exams in next few months so will have to focus on those.

 

With this in mind I do wonder if I'd communicated with him (I simply hadn't pinpointed what I now believe was the trigger cause on this occasion-thanks to these boards I have- when he told me he didn't feel like coming over, or indeed when I called at work last week) apologized and discussed changes etc if things would have reached the point they have nowwith us? I feel it's up to me to put things right. There was no need to ask me to come for a drink-we had to drive to the pub in his car-and it was just me and him, away from his colleagues. Of course,I don't know-I've not been in this situation before-hence the need for perspectives!

 

Hmm..knowing him I doubt if he's already gotten laid. He's fairly quiet on the social front. He may be working towards one (he'd have a selection at work!) but he's fairly cautious about entering into relationships generally. Casual sex isn't really his style at all-more in the context of a relationship with someone he likes.

 

I wouldn't be a case of desperately luring him back- I would never do that. Being more 'active' participant in our physical relationship would be a start. Although I've never told him, (looking back so many things I haven't told him) I would love to have (had) sex with him-I nearly did once but stopped in time. Apart from that cloud (sex), we click well together as a couple, similar values background etc. I know he's always been proud of me as his girlfriend and vica versa.

 

Sorry this is so long but it helps me enormously having a means of pouring out my thoughts. I work in a highly specialised, environment and make important clinical decisions on a daily basis but relationships (and guys!) have never been my strong point!

 

 

*Hmmm.....maybe I could ask that nice new consultant to accompany me to the pub next time I go there! He seems interested!*