bolase Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 So I've been dating a great guy for about 4 months. Soon after we met I moved cities (8hr drive / 1hr flight) and we decided to keep it going. We've seen each other every 2-3 weeks so far with him making most of these efforts due to my work. He's extremely dedicated to me, treats me, let's me know he's thinking of me, and generally makes me feel good. We have a lot in common and I really like him. I haven't met any of his family or close friends yet, but I will soon. He met my parents a month ago which went well, and he's met a couple of my good friends on a double date where he was outgoing, made an effort etc. The only issue is that the last couple of times we've hung out, I've introduced him to two other groups of friends of mine. And on both occasions, I've noticed that when they've asked him about himself, he's gone on and on about his job, but he hasn't asked anyone anything about themselves in these conversations. It's made me feel a bit embarrassed, as I work in communications and I suppose I'm ultra aware of how to go about making new connections the right way. I feel he was a bit rude on both occasions and yet I haven't brought it up with him. Has anyone felt the same way? Does anyone have advice on whether or not to bring this up or to encourage him to get to know my friends? It's important to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Keep in mind that your bringing your BF into a setting where you are the only person he knows anything about and who also knows him. Some people feel like they need to share their life and career when meeting new people so that they're able to understand the kind of person they are along with the work/career they do. Also, have you given him any information about your friends and information he can use or bring up when he meets them the first few times? Or just letting him show up and wing it? Anytime I brought a gf around my friends I would let her know prior or at least on the way "John and Emily just got engaged, might be nice to congratulate them when I introduce you" or "my friend Matt who's going to be here just had a baby, or just got into the police department" . "Mary is the one I was close with in high school but drifted apart after". The more information you can give him, the more ammunition he has in his pocket to discuss and bring up confidently. If he's not confident about any of their backgrounds or relationship with you then of course the safest bet is to talk about himself until your friends open up and share more about their own lives. I also had girlfriends who would remind or give me tips during the events. Either in passing or quietly when she was next to me. Pointing out who is who so that I got to know their names. I'm awful with that so she helped by saying "so that's Matt right there, remember he's the one who lives in Hawaii, and his sister Becca is the one in the pink top". Really goes a long way and I'm sure once your BF knows more about your friends hell back off on the talk about himself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bolase Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 Thanks so much Qboro, yes I gave him a little info - just how I know these friends, what they are doing, etc. If it were me that would be plenty to run with for a first meeting. I will certainly keep doing this, I just felt he was making no effort at all... but I suppose talking about himself meant he wanted to be understood as you say. Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Talk to him on a one to one basis with no distractions, and explain to him how people connect and not just a one way channel. However that said. I dont think you can change the personality of a narcissist. I work next to one and he only talks about himself and that never changes. Some people just like talking about themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 Not everybody is a brilliant conversationalist. Failing to ask about others when nervous or in a new group doesn't automatically male him a narcissist. At an appropriate point you can facilitate. Jump in & say to your friend, "Hey that reminds me. Why don't you tell [bF] about the time you . . ?" You supply the lead in / connection & show BF how to do that in a conversation without embarrassing him by point out this teaching moment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kgcolonel Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 OP....If it were me, I know how much importance I would put on being accepted by your friends. The nerves would be peaked. Is it possible that he was nervous and simply did not think clearly enough to inquire about their lives? That would have been where I would be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bolase Posted September 20, 2015 Author Share Posted September 20, 2015 Yes it's definitely that he's a bit nervous, it doesn't seem it on the outside but I know him well enough to know that he's scared of novel social situations. Still, I felt he was trying to make up for this by talking in detail about his work to the point others couldn't take it all in, then sitting back and not trying to engage with others. When we first started dating he wouldn't ask me many personal questions either, so I pointed out to him that he tells me all about this day but doesn't ask about mine, and now he makes more on an effort. Also I think that as were long distance, it's making me weigh up the things I love and don't like so mch about the relationship rather than just breeze along and not overthink it. Link to post Share on other sites
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