losangelena Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Pretty sure the theme of the thread is the exact opposite. Okay, okay ...
Author rainrhonda Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 I understand if it worries him about future performance or something,.and guys don't realize that its not all that big a deal to us,...well unless it's an ongoing problem...lol...I get that. But if he still likes me I need him to let me know somehow or another, and he is not doing that now. So I am really frustrated.
fitnessfan365 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I have a VERY difficult time cumming during sex. So I asked my GF once if she'd ever had the opposite experience w/guys that finished way too fast. She said plenty of times and I asked her if that left her unsatisfied. She said that she actually felt really flattered by how turned on the guy got. To me, this seems like the perfect way to handle that type of situation. He's probably embarrassed b/c he feels like he let you down. So if you tell him how good it made you feel to turn him on that much, it would probably put his mind at ease. The best way to help a guy get over performance anxiety is to make him feel like his faults are things that turn you on. 3
losangelena Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Well, it's also been a day, so try and cut him a little bit of slack.
sid3 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Well, it's also been a day, so try and cut him a little bit of slack. Agreed. The poor guy is probably still cringing.
Oregon_Dude Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 This "poor guy" shot a load off! Near/on a female! We should all be so lucky! 1
Author rainrhonda Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 I have a VERY difficult time cumming during sex. So I asked my GF once if she'd ever had the opposite experience w/guys that finished way too fast. She said plenty of times and I asked her if that left her unsatisfied. She said that she actually felt really flattered by how turned on the guy got. To me, this seems like the perfect way to handle that type of situation. He's probably embarrassed b/c he feels like he let you down. So if you tell him how good it made you feel to turn him on that much, it would probably put his mind at ease. The best way to help a guy get over performance anxiety is to make him feel like his faults are things that turn you on. That makes sense. So what do I do..text him and say I had an awesome time the other night? Say I was really turned on? If I wanted to approach it this way, then how and when? I did have fun, it isn't like this little,incident made it bad for me...
losangelena Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 No, don't send it in a text. Try and get on the same page for Saturday, and go from there. Incidentally, is this the same guy from this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/546489-why-do-men-do
Celeste.Carol Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 That makes sense. So what do I do..text him and say I had an awesome time the other night? Say I was really turned on? If I wanted to approach it this way, then how and when? I did have fun, it isn't like this little,incident made it bad for me... Do not say turned on unless he directs a convo that way. Text him positives, words that you enjoyed yourself and are wowed. Make him feel like a man. Last night was so Yum...had a great time! Simple. If he does not take that and go with it, there are other 'issues.'
Author rainrhonda Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 No, don't send it in a text. Try and get on the same page for Saturday, and go from there. Incidentally, is this the same guy from this thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/546489-why-do-men-do Yes. And that all turned out to be a total misunderstanding on my part. As this might be too. This may have nothing to do with messing around and more to do with he just lost interest. That time we both misinterpreted that we were dumping the other, and learned we were both way off. So it was all great again...now this.
sid3 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 This "poor guy" shot a load off! Near/on a female! We should all be so lucky! On, yes. Near, not so much!
losangelena Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Yes. And that all turned out to be a total misunderstanding on my part. As this might be too. This may have nothing to do with messing around and more to do with he just lost interest. That time we both misinterpreted that we were dumping the other, and learned we were both way off. So it was all great again...now this. Do you think this is going to be a problem for you during every single hiccup? That I think is the bigger issue. All this anxiety and bad feeling over ... just a little thing. If you can, I would try and get help for that. If that was a misunderstanding, then what makes you think this may not also be a misunderstanding? Why jump to the worst case scenario? At what point will you not assume the worst when a little something gets awkward or goes wrong? I feel for you, I do. But I think you will have a much more positive dating experience if you can get on top of those negative emotions.
Author rainrhonda Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 On, yes. Near, not so much! Oh boy do I have to get more Rated R here...it was oral sex when it happened!! Seconds. I'm talking only seconds. But he did it for me first, and he sordof made it clear he wanted the favor returned. So I did. And this is what I get for it...
sid3 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Oh boy do I have to get more Rated R here...it was oral sex when it happened!! Seconds. I'm talking only seconds. But he did it for me first, and he sordof made it clear he wanted the favor returned. So I did. And this is what I get for it... I'm sorry for making light of your situation.
Author rainrhonda Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 I'm sorry for making light of your situation. Haha, no prob I just wanted to clear up exactly how it happened because I was vague at first and people were assuming it other ways
sid3 Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I think it ultimately comes down to he's embarrassed and its up to him to man up. It only took seconds? Wow! Lol 1
Author rainrhonda Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 Angelena..I do think it could be a misunderstanding. In then sense that he is not just embarrassed, but turned off, or smothered, or something. There has to be a reason why he isn't showing as much interest me the last 2 days. And coincidentally, right after this happens. So I have a bad feeling about it. I have been blown off by guys for so many small, insignificant things, one thing and they drop me. I feel like I am walking,on broken glass with every guy I date. Its so easy to mess up without even knowing that you mess up. I know men feel like that, too. But I am just really tired of getting hurt over things that are not even important. I don't get dumped because I cheat or anything like that..all it takes is one text too many or one misunderstood comment, and I get dumped. I'm so exhausted from it. Ready to just say f&&&k this guy because he will probably do it too.
losangelena Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 I think it ultimately comes down to he's embarrassed and its up to him to man up. It only took seconds? Wow! Lol I agree! And it was their first physical experience. Talk about embarrassing, sheesh. OP, I think it'd really behoove you to just take a deep breathe, cut him some slack, and just ride it out. You've only been seeing each other for a few weeks and this you've already posted twice thinking that he was over you! The stress of that must be awful, first of all, and secondly, you're going to end up sabotaging things. Remember, above all, early dating should be FUN. Not this worrisome. 1
losangelena Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Angelena..I do think it could be a misunderstanding. In then sense that he is not just embarrassed, but turned off, or smothered, or something. There has to be a reason why he isn't showing as much interest me the last 2 days. And coincidentally, right after this happens. So I have a bad feeling about it. I have been blown off by guys for so many small, insignificant things, one thing and they drop me. I feel like I am walking,on broken glass with every guy I date. Its so easy to mess up without even knowing that you mess up. I know men feel like that, too. But I am just really tired of getting hurt over things that are not even important. I don't get dumped because I cheat or anything like that..all it takes is one text too many or one misunderstood comment, and I get dumped. I'm so exhausted from it. Ready to just say f&&&k this guy because he will probably do it too. I totally get it. I completely understand what you're saying. However. I feel like you're turning the blame on yourself when you have no reason to. Think about it. A guy gets scared off by unimportant, superficial things. One text too many? Premature ejaculation? Please, no. These are NORMAL things that happen. Men (and women) who have the capacity for a LASTING relationship will not get hung up on these kinds of things. You don't WANT to be in a relationship with someone like that. If they peace out for something so trivial, they are paving the way for someone BETTER. Let's say that he IS embarrassed and turned off by what happened the other night. How, in ANY WAY, is that your fault? What did you do? You didn't do anything to cause it. You didn't laugh at him, you didn't belittle him, you didn't say, "boy you must be so bad in bed." You literally did NOTHING wrong. So why are you trying to find ways to blame yourself? That's got to stop. I didn't read the whole previous thread, but it sounds like are still dealing with some past hurts. Not to sound cliched, but have you considered getting therapy for these things? You just seem to be left with a lot of misappropriated negative thoughts and unhealthy assumptions about yourself. Also, try not to get so emotionally attached so soon. You've been seeing him just a few weeks. I understand that you like him, but that's not enough time to be able to hold such sway over someone. As it is, you approach every new relationship with the assumption that they're going to just bolt, but if you act that way each time, guess what, it's a self-fulfilling prophesy. I think you should reach out to him about the concert. Remind him of it and then tell him how excited you are to see him. Encourage him. He's probably feeling very low about his incident the other night, so some enthusiasm from you could turn the ship right around. Flip the script. Inject this with some positivity, even if you're not convinced. 1
Author rainrhonda Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 I would like to do that Angelena, really would, say I had fun the other night, say I can't wait to see him, but it's not a welcoming idea while he is acting not-into me right now. Because if he's already done, then all these happy thoughts will just make me look like a fool. I'm experienced enough with being the fool that I am too afraid to be all giddy that way right now. If i knew for certain that's what he needs, I would, but it could be he doesn't want that at all. So I just feel like being in distant mode the same way he is.
Ami1uwant Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 This is something very embarrassing for a guy just like not being able to get it up. A key is when it happened how find you react? Did you seem to him--supportive or laughing?
losangelena Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 Well, take it from me. Distance + distance just equals more distance and then eventually nothing. So, be mindful of that, especially since I think you know that you're possibly overreacting to his behavior the past couple of days. I honestly feel like you have nothing to lose in coming off enthusiastic. So what if he doesn't respond or doesn't respond the way you want him to? If he's already fading he's gone. If not, you have the opportunity to make him feel better, and possibly yourself. I'm serious about the therapy thing, by the way.
Author rainrhonda Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 Oh I have done therapy stuff before. It helps to get it all out but, in the end I felt like it never changed anything. My issues stay the same, outcomes stay the same. Professionals are there to listen and empathize, not much different than this forum. In fact the forum is even more informative and helpful, I think. It's just rare for me to like someone alot. So if one is a loss, I know it will be a long time before I get that again. I think that is the part that brings me way down. I like this guy, and willing to keep it going, but for every rare time I feel that way, I end up disappointed. So everything matters to me, everything that happens, because it will be at least a year or 2 before I am even this happy or interested again, and for once, I just want it to stay that way.
Candice Luna Posted September 18, 2015 Posted September 18, 2015 (edited) I have the impression that OP doesn't expect "the fade" because they didn't go all the way... You did have his organ in your mouth and he ejaculated, it WAS sex. He could be embarrassed like the others say, but if he is a jerk, he did get the sex and may be pulling a fade on you. edited to add: He is the jerk, you did nothing wrong. And I hope I'm just a pessimist and he is only embarrassed Edited September 18, 2015 by Candice Luna 3
Author rainrhonda Posted September 18, 2015 Author Posted September 18, 2015 I have the impression that OP doesn't expect "the fade" because they didn't go all the way... You did have his organ in your mouth and he ejaculated, it WAS sex. He could be embarrassed like the others say, but if he is a jerk, he did get the sex and may be pulling a fade on you. edited to add: He is the jerk, you did nothing wrong. And I hope I'm just a pessimist and he is only embarrassed I agree. Right now I think this is not about embarrasment, but because he is just done with me. I am such an idiot for letting it get this far too soon
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