rainrhonda Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 2 weeks ago, very nice date with a nice guy, who called me beautiful all night, with a good night kiss...then disappeared and stopped returning messages. This week, really awesome date, heavy attraction/affection, and asking when he will see me again the next day. We agreed we both had fun. Went out again last. To a movie and drinks. Again lots of kissing and affection. We discussed going to a ballgame Sunday. Afterward, agreed we had fun. I said good morning today and he asked how I slept. Then I mentioned our plans for Sunday, and invited him over for dinner tonight. That was early today. And nothing. He has fallen off the earth and now its 10pm and tomorrow is Sunday. So tired of getting heart broken. These guys are nice and make me very happy on dates, then poof, their gone, and I am so hurt. I don't get it. I told him I like him. We made out, it isnt like I,am hopping into bed with them. Why is this happening to me?
TheBathWater Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 It's hard to say without knowing more. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions that there is something 'wrong' with you. Maybe he wanted sex and you withheld it, maybe he met someone else, maybe he got scared, maybe etc... One thing I sometimes find helpful is to follow up with a phone call and leave a voicemail (better if I get them to answer the phone) and say "you know, it seemed like things were going well, and while I completely respect if you're not interested anymore, I'm curious as to what shifted or changed so that we were there and now we're here". Something like that. About half the time I get a response. Sometimes, they even suggest we get together again. Strange. 2
preraph Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 He pulled out all the stops and said what you wanted to hear just to get laid. That's it. Not worth another minute of your time. 3
Author rainrhonda Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 He pulled out all the stops and said what you wanted to hear just to get laid. That's it. Not worth another minute of your time. Um, no one got laid on these dates.
Ami1uwant Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 First part...you have a first date then he disappears....he was dating someone else that probably went nowhere after a few dates. Then he came back to option 2. The sex is not the reason here. You inviting him over for dinner on a Saturday night implies you may get sex.. I am wondering if there was some miscommunication happening. If you are to see him tomorrow you can find out what happened
Gus Grimly Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 It's hard to say without knowing more. It's truly hard to give you any advice as the subject matter is far too vague. You guys were kissing on the first date? Perhaps you should play a little hard to get. I never kiss a woman on the first date. But I'm old school, so there's that. 2
Author rainrhonda Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 First part...you have a first date then he disappears....he was dating someone else that probably went nowhere after a few dates. Then he came back to option 2. The sex is not the reason here. You inviting him over for dinner on a Saturday night implies you may get sex.. I am wondering if there was some miscommunication happening. If you are to see him tomorrow you can find out what happened I think the first guy probably had someone else already. But its ok because I,was just semi into him. But the 2nd guy I really liked alot. I wasnt inviting him for sex but maybe he took it that way? I dont know, and I don't think I will see him tomorrow because he hasn"t even texted me back. I am sad
Author rainrhonda Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 It's truly hard to give you any advice as the subject matter is far too vague. You guys were kissing on the first date? Perhaps you should play a little hard to get. I never kiss a woman on the first date. But I'm old school, so there's that. Well, he leaned in to kiss me so I didn't want to turn him down. But I never did let it go further than making out. 1
Gus Grimly Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Well, he leaned in to kiss me so I didn't want to turn him down. But I never did let it go further than making out. I didn't mean to come off as a prude or anything. hehe Some guys, sex is always first and foremost on the mind. Me? It's far behind. I know, that's rare, but I truly like getting to know someone before all the physical stuff gets in the way. I'm as attracted to personalities as I am to physical appearance. Anyway, I'm sorry this guy went MIA. That's a shame. You sound lovely, it's his loss. If I were into someone and they invited me to dinner, you can be sure I wouldn't let that invitation slip away. Actually, I'd ask her if I could prepare the meal. 'Wow' her with my mad culinary skills. 2
Marc878 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 In case you hadn't noticed there are a lot of stupid men out there. When the right one comes along hang onto him. Guard your heart a little more maybe you're coming across as too needy. Make them work for your attention. 1
scooby-philly Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 I hate when replies jump to so many conclusions.....you're not describing a relationship....just two first dates..... With the second guy you seemed to describe you hit it off. If there's anything I know is that people are all over the place with expectations and understanding of how dating should work. If the second guy doesn't respond, just move on. I know it hurts. I just started using OLD again and I got two numbers in the first two weeks. the first woman didn't seem to talk too much on the phone and never seemed to want to stop and talk. the second one gave me her number, I told her I was away last weekend and might not be able to call but if I didn't I would definitely call Monday night. I texted her Monday night and said is now a good time to talk.....no response. Emailed her 30 minutes later to say I texted and was free the rest of the night....nothing....then emailed the next day too....nothing. Moving on I think for nice people it's tough beceause we always want to know why...and with dating there's not always going to be an answer....just focus on yourself and finding a nice guy. 1
xcupid Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 He's either not into you or he's dating someone else. It's not your fault. He did you a favor - now you can keep looking for a good guy. You're hurt because you're expecting too much from these dates.
Maggie4 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Second guy sounds normal to me, cos tonight is Saturday night. The ballgame you discussed was for Sunday afternoon. Why would you invite him to dinner tonight, when you already saw him yesterday, and you're gonna see him tomorrow? This guy probably had plans tonight. Good for him! Maybe with the guys, or with family, or even dating another woman. (you haven't gone exclusive) As for the first guy, you said he "stopped returning messages". There should never be a plural on "message". Leave ONE message only, when this early on in dating. 1
mortensorchid Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 I now follow this rule upon the first dates, which is the 24-48 hour rule. Not knowing how you met either of these guys, of course, but many of them have been internet dates. I'm not sure if that makes a difference to you or not, but if it's an internet date it tends to not go anywhere, but I digress ... If you have not heard from him within the first 24-48 hours (phone call, text, IM, etc.) after your first encounter, you will not hear from him again. Why? He's not that interested in you. I've been out on some where I felt like the guy didn't have anything else to do. Fact. If he's interested in you, he'll contact you again. You may be saying "he's unsure of how he feels", or "he's shy", etc. But he's probably not shy about other things in life and does not hesitate to do the necessary work in order to make these things happen. As for your second man in question? You said that you had made plans to go to a ballgame two days afterward, and that was rather rude of him to tell you that he doesn't want to take you to the game if you had made plans for it. And also, with the two situations, it sounds like you were being too available for them. Men like a challenge. They say they like it when women chase them, but they really don't. 1
Author rainrhonda Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 He agreed to Sunday plans last night. But when I mentioned it today, I got nothin. Far as the 24 hour rule, he texted me very next morning after the first night, asking when I want to see him again. So we made plans. And last night, I asked what,his plans were for Saturday...and said he didn't have any. So I partly invited over for dinner as a polite gesture. It would have been fine if he had to decline. I don't know, I am so confused. I think he just decided he doesnt like me anymore.
Mz. Pixie Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Men or real men anyway are pretty quick to go after what they really want. If they are not serious they will play. Text when they are bored etc. I tell my single friends to stop texting. Require a guy puts in phone calls. Other poster was right. No contact within 24 hours after a first date they are just not into you. And that's ok. 1
Author rainrhonda Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 Men or real men anyway are pretty quick to go after what they really want. If they are not serious they will play. Text when they are bored etc. I tell my single friends to stop texting. Require a guy puts in phone calls. Other poster was right. No contact within 24 hours after a first date they are just not into you. And that's ok. Yes well again, he texted me very next morning after our 1st date. Saying he wants to see me again. After our date last night, texted me soon as he got home. Then we said good morning today, and boom...he was gone.
joseb Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Yes well again, he texted me very next morning after our 1st date. Saying he wants to see me again. After our date last night, texted me soon as he got home. Then we said good morning today, and boom...he was gone. So you had arranged a date for two days later, and then you invited him over the next day? Why not leave it at the date you arranged. Expecting to have 3 dates in 3 days seems a bit over eager, and might have scared him off. 2
Versacehottie Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 So you had arranged a date for two days later, and then you invited him over the next day? Why not leave it at the date you arranged. Expecting to have 3 dates in 3 days seems a bit over eager, and might have scared him off. joseb is so right. Doing the "polite" thing (not necessary btw) was not smart dating-wise. Too available. He knows he has you in palm of his hand. Too available and he worries he is going to be in a full blown relationship tomorrow. I don't know because you didn't point it out specifically but it sounds as if with the first guy for sure and this one today, you are initiating with them. Too early to do that. You want to know how a guy really feels for you and let him have a chance to get his heart involved, then let him do those steps. I still think sunday baseball guy could contact you. but now he's on notice that you are eager to rush things so pull back (not on the date if you go--make the best of that WHILE THERE) but let him do any follow up.
Author rainrhonda Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 joseb is so right. Doing the "polite" thing (not necessary btw) was not smart dating-wise. Too available. He knows he has you in palm of his hand. Too available and he worries he is going to be in a full blown relationship tomorrow. I don't know because you didn't point it out specifically but it sounds as if with the first guy for sure and this one today, you are initiating with them. Too early to do that. You want to know how a guy really feels for you and let him have a chance to get his heart involved, then let him do those steps. I still think sunday baseball guy could contact you. but now he's on notice that you are eager to rush things so pull back (not on the date if you go--make the best of that WHILE THERE) but let him do any follow up. Oh I think something scared him off before I invited him over. His replies stopped when I mentioned Sunday. But I figured it wasn't something we had iron out details on right then and there, so no big deal. It wasn't til after the invite that I realized something was wrong. But then I had girlfriends ask me to dinner, so I,did go ahead and let em know my plans changed anyway. I mean wasn't trying to wait around for em. It was a last minute idea that I should have just blown off. 1
Jules Dash Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Is this a common theme of occurrence for you with men? If so then you may want to try to figure out what you are doing wrong but if this is behavior just with this guy, resist twisting your mind to figure out someone's personal quirks. It will get you nowhere.
Author rainrhonda Posted September 6, 2015 Author Posted September 6, 2015 Is this a common theme of occurrence for you with men? If so then you may want to try to figure out what you are doing wrong but if this is behavior just with this guy, resist twisting your mind to figure out someone's personal quirks. It will get you nowhere. Common theme no not really. Except for the guy 1st I described. Me and a friend that know him, had a suspicion that he fresh from a serious relationship, and think he got back together with her, so he was looking around while single for a minute. Things were different with him, 2 days after our date I asked how he was doing, and just never heard back. But during the date he was all over me. Even though I like the other guy too much too fast, well he was quick to ask about seeing me again after the first date himself, so I find it odd that he just blew off our Sunday plans. It would be ok for him to at least say he can't go because something came up. Then I wouldn't feel so rejected like I do now.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 So you had arranged a date for two days later, and then you invited him over the next day? Why not leave it at the date you arranged. Expecting to have 3 dates in 3 days seems a bit over eager, and might have scared him off. This was my initial thought too. Let him come to you, OP. 1
Jules Dash Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Common theme no not really. Except for the guy 1st I described. Me and a friend that know him, had a suspicion that he fresh from a serious relationship, and think he got back together with her, so he was looking around while single for a minute. Things were different with him, 2 days after our date I asked how he was doing, and just never heard back. But during the date he was all over me. Even though I like the other guy too much too fast, well he was quick to ask about seeing me again after the first date himself, so I find it odd that he just blew off our Sunday plans. It would be ok for him to at least say he can't go because something came up. Then I wouldn't feel so rejected like I do now. It's not specific to a gender but in general, some people are so quick to mend a broken heart or try to get over an ex that they will meet someone else and tend to move real quick but are often conflicted by feelings for their ex so their behavior is wishy washy. No matter who you are or how good you look, it is almost impossible to win over a person going through something like this. Their heart is in a bullet proof window. You can see it but it is not really available for the taking. I am not sure if this is the case with this guy but it is a common scenario but there are millions of others. You can try to figure it out but I don't think it will help you in any way.
Versacehottie Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Oh I think something scared him off before I invited him over. His replies stopped when I mentioned Sunday. But I figured it wasn't something we had iron out details on right then and there, so no big deal. It wasn't til after the invite that I realized something was wrong. But then I had girlfriends ask me to dinner, so I,did go ahead and let em know my plans changed anyway. I mean wasn't trying to wait around for em. It was a last minute idea that I should have just blown off. Well letting him come to you and being too available was probably presenting itself in the form of you initiating texts, the content of those texts and being overeager about the details of sunday. You just have to trust that he is going to follow thru with the date. Let him follow through with the details of a date he asked for; it helps their thought process. Plus sometimes people use "needing to iron out details" of sunday as an excuse to be in contact as often as they want and it comes off as neediness. You want to convey a bit cooler, less accessible. I would add even if a guy is all over you on a date that doesn't exactly equate to how much he wants to "date" you. Just giving his all physically in the moment. I would treat that as a non-indicator. It's nice, it's fun but don't think beyond that. ok, good luck 1
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