Clay Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I agree if your not going to tell then you should do the right thing and end things with him. Being in a relationship is a 100% committed. Its not when you feel you can be 10% and 90% with someone else. Your either all in or your out. He deserves to know so he can choose if he wants to stay with you. You holding all the cards only points one more way of you selfish. Its only about you. The comment about keeping your legs close does apply to anyone that steps out just like for men its keeping it in there pants. If you don't want people to say those things or think that way then you should not do those things. I doubt your going to tell him. Keep in mind if he does find out on his own nothing you still will hold any value. Nothing you do will hold anything in his eyes. So if things are not all that perfect for you at that moment in time it could end poorly for you. Good luck with that. C Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 If he didn't contact you again after sex it must not have been very good for him. If the sex is good they will contact you again no matter what. If it's just okay he will move on because I'm sure he has many more students to try out. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I'm not trying to be judgmental, but the reason to tell him is for your benefit, if you want to become a decent, genuine & good person. What you're doing is like being a parent that discovers their kid has stolen a candy bar while you are loading up groceries in the parking lot. You don't tell them: "Oh, it's all right they don't know you took it, enjoy." The proper thing is to take the kid into the store and have them tell the manager what they did, while handing the candy bar over. Then accept the punishment they deserve. You have stolen from your boyfriend & worse for your personal growth, you are stealing from yourself. You don't need another thing to feel bad about yourself. Mark this day down as they day you will change. Do the right thing and be totally honest with him. That pain you see on his face is part of your punishment. If you feel nothing, you have no business dating. You need to learn that actions have consequences. You may seem to think a relationship without children is meaningless, but I bet he doesn't feel that way. You have an opportunity to grow & start on your path on being a better person. Don't miss it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 (edited) That coming about finding it "hard to keep your legs closed" is just disgusting, and not just in reference to me...just in general. It makes me sick to hear women talking about other women like this- you sound just like my mother. She was born in the 60's and has had very little education, so she has an excuse for making derogatory/sexist comments. Regardless of how disrespectful I have been towards my partner, let's not make this a slut-shamming thread please. This sentence right here if you pay attention to it summarizes the whole entirety of why what happened...well...happened. On top of this; lying, playing keep away, cheating, self imposed 'martyrdom', continuing a relationship without telling them the truth and allowing them the personal autonomy to continue in that relationship. I feel so sorry for your boyfriend. I wonder if when he tells you he loves you and goes to kiss you and you kiss him back, if you'll even flinch knowing you used those same lips to betray him. Edited September 15, 2015 by PaperCrane Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I am not telling my partner. What good would that do for anyone? It would devastate him. I have chosen to live with the guilt instead. Unless I decide to marry him and have his children- I don't feel like now is a good time to tell him. Thanks for all of the insight. Some of it was really supportive and genuine. Others were a bit judgmental. But it was helpful. Thanks again. Another unsatisfied customer? LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I am not telling my partner. What good would that do for anyone? It would devastate him. I have chosen to live with the guilt instead. Unless I decide to marry him and have his children- I don't feel like now is a good time to tell him. Thanks for all of the insight. Some of it was really supportive and genuine. Others were a bit judgmental. But it was helpful. Thanks again. So if you marry him when are you going to tell? After he proposes? Or is that not the right time to get him upset? How about the night before the wedding? After the Honeymoon? After you get pregnant with his first child? It seems you will never have a good time to tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 So if you marry him when are you going to tell? After he proposes? Or is that not the right time to get him upset? How about the night before the wedding? After the Honeymoon? After you get pregnant with his first child? It seems you will never have a good time to tell him. LOL another one of these boneheads that will claim to take it to their grave. That will work until she watches a couple Lifetime Movies and has some come to Jesus moment. By then it will be too late. I have a feeling this one will end up on the 6 pm news with her neighbors all saying how they just thought she was a normal girl and stunned she turned up missing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted September 16, 2015 Share Posted September 16, 2015 So you feel betrayed because he's (arguably) as lousy of a person as you are? It's like the old Hole song says, when they get what they want, well they never want it again. He got everything he wanted from you... maybe it was just a challenge for himself, or maybe you weren't as good at it as he thought you'd be. You should break up with your bf though... because obviously if you were going to break up with him for this guy, you truly believe you can do better. And it's only fair to him. Then you need to evaluate who you are, what your morals are. And what you want in a guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted September 18, 2015 Share Posted September 18, 2015 You need to break up with your boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
dignifiedgirl Posted September 19, 2015 Share Posted September 19, 2015 I asked if you were abused as a kid. 75% of people with BPD have been according to stats. Therein lies your work and where you need to focus. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted September 21, 2015 Share Posted September 21, 2015 So admit that you cheated so he can take steps to remove you from his life. Don't you dare keep this from someone, it's selfish and disgusting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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