Am I wrong for wanting a better ring?

[d0nnivain]

You have to wear the ring everyday & it can be very uncomfortable to have the conversation where you say you don't like the e-ring. However, the way you keep phrasing this it isn't about the style. You are annoyed because you don't think he spent enough money on you. Since it's money he doesn't really have (only $10k in the bank in advance of a wedding isn't a lot) you need to look at it as he's being smart with finances & not going broke over a symbol.

 

 

Since money issues are the # 1 cause of divorce, you need to discuss your respective relationships with money before getting married. That is waaaayyyy more important then the price tag of your ring.

 

 

I am also troubled by your expressed doubts that you don't trust him to upgrade your ring in 7 years as promised. Marrying somebody you don't trust is a recipe for disaster.

[Vercetti]

I see very little in here that has anything to do with love / balance / teamwork / respect / reality / values / sustainability. There lots in here for ego / entitlement / contradictions / selfish / delusional / hate / resentment / superiority / rejection / barriers / guilt / control.

[TunaCat]

edit he has given me gifts on holidays but the presents I gave him are equal or better

 

So? Maybe he puts more stock in the love that he puts into the gifts rather than the money he has to spend to keep you happy.

 

Just because you choose to spoil him, doesn't mean that he has to spoil you in the exact same way.

[PogoStick]

Just today I learned that everyday 5000 children under the age of 5 die from lack of clean drinking water.

[Leigh 87]

2500 is plenty for a ring...and my love language is gifting because I am an only child and grew up getting spoilt and pampered.

 

Even I would be pleased with an 800 dollar ring or above.

 

I am a very generous person and it is so ingrained in me that I do need to be a little spoilt in my relationships. I've tried dating a man who was tight with money and I could never feel good about the relationship.... Sure he cooked for me and paid for the groceries, but he'd also go out with my dad and I and not offer to pay his half much less treat me or my dad:sick:And I didn't like how he never suggested taking me out and treating me dinner. And how when we ate dinner in front of my friends, he'd ask me for my half and not offer to pay.....

 

Now let me explain, theres a marked difference between PREFERING a man who doesnt like to go Dutch and who at least buys a nice birthday and Christmas gift, versus a woman who is a full blown good digger.

 

The OP I'd definitely going over the top in wanting the man to pay for her plastic surgery..... and rejecting a 2000 ring is also low....

 

I mean, I am materialistic to an extent based on my up bringing and don't see it as a bad thing even because I still am willing to compromise for real love..... case in point, I'd prefer a man who spoils me and sounds hundreds, like at least 200 for my birthdays or Christmas.....and I'd like once a week dates out the man treats me too.....and occasional weekend get away that the man pays for..

 

Do I NEED everything I want? No. It's a want, not a need. I had men spoil me who weren't men I felt the spark for or the magic with or had q connection with. Now, I am dating a man who I feel GREAT about, but who isnt into taking me out to eat every week. However, I feel amazingly comfortable with him, unusually so, and I just love being around him so much and we share amazing chemistry too. I would not throw that away unless he turns out to be w total tight wad who doesn't even spoil me on birthdays or Christmas ( I do expect a nice gift all be it it doesn't have to be 100s)

 

So while some women like me inherently cannot date a tight @as, we don't need a 2k ring or anything extravagant, either.

 

I definately relate to the OP... I have a friend who is spoilt rotten and I admit, I would LOVE a guy to treat me to trips away and offer 200 in spending money for shopping. She gets hundreds of dollars worth for her Birthday's. He takes her out for dates weekly. Now sure, I would LOVE a man to take me out on dates weekly, spend a few hundred dollars for my birthdays and Christmas, and spend at least 2 k on an engagement ring.....

 

May I add - my friend NEVER expects to be spoilt..he just genuinly enjoys spoiling her rotten. She buys her own clothes and would never dream of asking him to pay for her shopping. He just so happens to be very generous with his money and he insisted on giving her shopping money on one or two occasions that he treated her to a trip away. She wouldn't date a guy that went Dutch, but she isn't a total princess either. And she's very very grateful and knows she is blessed to have not only a great guy as a bf, but a man who spoils her rotten!

 

But I would like to experience real love so I am realistic in that NOT all men are into, or they cannot afford, to spoil a girl.

 

I had a guy who threw money at me but he didn't love me and we weren't compatible.

 

Now, am dating a guy who I not only had amazing mutual attraction with but who I am also so comfortable around and he seems to feel the same. So because I want real love, I am willing to compromise on being spoilt. Sure, my friend won lotto and got a guy who spoils her. How many people win lotto? No one gets it all really. Not most people.........

 

Nor do many women need to be spoilt. Many women are happy to go Dutch even and they don't need to be treated to dates out, much less get jewelry and nice birthday gifts.

 

If you found a man who spoilt you the way my friends boyfriend does, do you think you can find a man with all the other amazing qualities your current boyfriend has and that ALSO spoils you? In my experience, you get one thing and lose out on another. With me, my current guy and I shared the instant magic and chemistry and are also unusually comfortable around one another. It also happens that he isn't into spoiling women the way my friends partner does...... Am I going to throw away this guy because I won't be getting 100's of dollars spent on my birthdays?

 

So I totally get that some girls strongly prefer to be one of the lucky woman who get partners who legitimately enjoy spoiling them. I get it. It's a love language.....but having too high limits is encroaching on gold digger Territory and ungrateful b* the Territory For me personally, I know I need to be a little spoilt so my bare minimum I would be happy with long term is: I need to be treated to a meal once a month, I need him to pay for my drinks when we are out with friends so as to not embarrass me when their partners all treat them, and I prefer at least 100 dollars to be spent on birthdays and Christmas.....

 

I don't need a Valentines day or anniversary gift.

 

So yeah. I am materialistic sure, but not over the top.. I still out real love ahead of my need to be spoilt to a large extent. I'd be happy with a 800 dollar ring although I would prefer a 2000 one, I'd still be over joyed with a ring that cost less than 1000. I'll never be the girl who is happy with a card or a very cheap gift for Birthdays and Christmas. And I'll never date a man who splits the bill on dates out. But I dont need a 2000 wedding ring either!

 

There is materialistic like me, and then the OP is in my opinion, too way that way inclined. I just need A birthday gift that isn't totally cheap. I would prefer a wedding ring that's over 200 dollars but it doesn't have to be 1000.... Especially if he spoils me in other ways...

[jessiejae]

clearly it isnt that big of a deal considering i would still marry him anyway even without a prenup given I would be the one to get screwed if we divorced. I know he did lots of nice things for his ex gf. She was broke just bc I'm not broke doesn't mean I should have to always go dutch or never have him do anything special for me. She isn't even 1/4 as attractive as I am and she was horrible to him. When I confronted him about being lazy he said he feels comfortable with me that's why he didn't try harder to impress me. We're not an old married couple who has been married for 20 yrs even then we should still try to impress each other. He has been better about trying to make me happy. I just think he should treat me 10x better than his ex bc I'm better than her.

[Grumpybutfun]

He will not...you will be divorced.

Edited September 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed rude remark

[Anderlie]

He hasn't mentioned anything about us having a nice honeymoon

 

So if I have this correct you won't even talk like an adult about your plans for a honeymoon let alone the rest of your lives together (because personal responsibility in a relationship is for ugly b**ches). You know that slinging a bit of money around doesn't absolve you of any of the work right?

 

just bc I'm not broke doesn't mean I should have to always go dutch or never have him do anything special for me.

 

He just spent $2500 on you and asked you to be his wife, on planet earth that's generally considered doing something special.

 

I just think he should treat me 10x better than his ex bc I'm better than her.

 

Oh well if this whole thing is just about you deserving better because you're prettier than some chick he used to date and who has nothing to do with you then carry on! You're doing everything right.

[Vercetti]

2500 is plenty for a ring...and my love language is gifting because I am an only child and grew up getting spoilt and pampered.

 

Even I would be pleased with an 800 dollar ring or above.

 

I am a very generous person and it is so ingrained in me that I do need to be a little spoilt in my relationships. I've tried dating a man who was tight with money and I could never feel good about the relationship.... Sure he cooked for me and paid for the groceries, but he'd also go out with my dad and I and not offer to pay his half much less treat me or my dad:sick:And I didn't like how he never suggested taking me out and treating me dinner. And how when we ate dinner in front of my friends, he'd ask me for my half and not offer to pay.....

 

Now let me explain, theres a marked difference between PREFERING a man who doesnt like to go Dutch and who at least buys a nice birthday and Christmas gift, versus a woman who is a full blown good digger.

 

The OP I'd definitely going over the top in wanting the man to pay for her plastic surgery..... and rejecting a 2000 ring is also low....

 

I mean, I am materialistic to an extent based on my up bringing and don't see it as a bad thing even because I still am willing to compromise for real love..... case in point, I'd prefer a man who spoils me and sounds hundreds, like at least 200 for my birthdays or Christmas.....and I'd like once a week dates out the man treats me too.....and occasional weekend get away that the man pays for..

 

Do I NEED everything I want? No. It's a want, not a need. I had men spoil me who weren't men I felt the spark for or the magic with or had q connection with. Now, I am dating a man who I feel GREAT about, but who isnt into taking me out to eat every week. However, I feel amazingly comfortable with him, unusually so, and I just love being around him so much and we share amazing chemistry too. I would not throw that away unless he turns out to be w total tight wad who doesn't even spoil me on birthdays or Christmas ( I do expect a nice gift all be it it doesn't have to be 100s)

 

So while some women like me inherently cannot date a tight @as, we don't need a 2k ring or anything extravagant, either.

 

I definately relate to the OP... I have a friend who is spoilt rotten and I admit, I would LOVE a guy to treat me to trips away and offer 200 in spending money for shopping. She gets hundreds of dollars worth for her Birthday's. He takes her out for dates weekly. Now sure, I would LOVE a man to take me out on dates weekly, spend a few hundred dollars for my birthdays and Christmas, and spend at least 2 k on an engagement ring.....

 

May I add - my friend NEVER expects to be spoilt..he just genuinly enjoys spoiling her rotten. She buys her own clothes and would never dream of asking him to pay for her shopping. He just so happens to be very generous with his money and he insisted on giving her shopping money on one or two occasions that he treated her to a trip away. She wouldn't date a guy that went Dutch, but she isn't a total princess either. And she's very very grateful and knows she is blessed to have not only a great guy as a bf, but a man who spoils her rotten!

 

But I would like to experience real love so I am realistic in that NOT all men are into, or they cannot afford, to spoil a girl.

 

I had a guy who threw money at me but he didn't love me and we weren't compatible.

 

Now, am dating a guy who I not only had amazing mutual attraction with but who I am also so comfortable around and he seems to feel the same. So because I want real love, I am willing to compromise on being spoilt. Sure, my friend won lotto and got a guy who spoils her. How many people win lotto? No one gets it all really. Not most people.........

 

Nor do many women need to be spoilt. Many women are happy to go Dutch even and they don't need to be treated to dates out, much less get jewelry and nice birthday gifts.

 

If you found a man who spoilt you the way my friends boyfriend does, do you think you can find a man with all the other amazing qualities your current boyfriend has and that ALSO spoils you? In my experience, you get one thing and lose out on another. With me, my current guy and I shared the instant magic and chemistry and are also unusually comfortable around one another. It also happens that he isn't into spoiling women the way my friends partner does...... Am I going to throw away this guy because I won't be getting 100's of dollars spent on my birthdays?

 

So I totally get that some girls strongly prefer to be one of the lucky woman who get partners who legitimately enjoy spoiling them. I get it. It's a love language.....but having too high limits is encroaching on gold digger Territory and ungrateful b* the Territory For me personally, I know I need to be a little spoilt so my bare minimum I would be happy with long term is: I need to be treated to a meal once a month, I need him to pay for my drinks when we are out with friends so as to not embarrass me when their partners all treat them, and I prefer at least 100 dollars to be spent on birthdays and Christmas.....

 

I don't need a Valentines day or anniversary gift.

 

So yeah. I am materialistic sure, but not over the top.. I still out real love ahead of my need to be spoilt to a large extent. I'd be happy with a 800 dollar ring although I would prefer a 2000 one, I'd still be over joyed with a ring that cost less than 1000. I'll never be the girl who is happy with a card or a very cheap gift for Birthdays and Christmas. And I'll never date a man who splits the bill on dates out. But I dont need a 2000 wedding ring either!

 

There is materialistic like me, and then the OP is in my opinion, too way that way inclined. I just need A birthday gift that isn't totally cheap. I would prefer a wedding ring that's over 200 dollars but it doesn't have to be 1000.... Especially if he spoils me in other ways...

 

Said early in topic. I deal in metels and gemstones. Honestly if know how to shop even 800$ can be overkill. Can put some mass produced chain store 10$k ring to shame EASY. I can't even go to a chain for laughs, go find some 18k gold at a chain, you won't. Sometimes it's so sad they don't list the content as not even worthy of dental gold. Non lab any precious gemstone earing stud about 600$ 800$ average....can find better for 60$. They are a complete scam. 2000$ is overkill, could get a troy ounce of gold, twenty ounces of silver and a ring that would dazzle. Not gonna find art deco at Kay's...lol will find 50 cents of silver with a gaudy bubblegum machine pendant for 100$+.

 

Anyhow love. If love is there two people will give everything to each other. So if relationship is real, everyone gets everything they want. I got my wife land house car cloths jewelry dates books random gifts candy even made music for her...do I run a tab or use for leverage, no. I wouldn't be motivated to build create expand as I do if not with her.

 

Beyond that, nice jewelry, estate sales, coin shops, pawn shops, networking. Estate sales can have wonderful things, cost is higher then melt value but powers of ten under m c Donalds ugly crap. Coin shops are usually just 10-20% over melt value as not focused on jewelry just thier buy sale spread for metal content. Pawn shops combo of the formers...lol where you think those divorce diamonds go...the ops will be in a pawn shop one day for around 300_400$.

[cif]

clearly it isnt that big of a deal considering i would still marry him anyway even without a prenup given I would be the one to get screwed if we divorced. I know he did lots of nice things for his ex gf. She was broke just bc I'm not broke doesn't mean I should have to always go dutch or never have him do anything special for me. She isn't even 1/4 as attractive as I am and she was horrible to him. When I confronted him about being lazy he said he feels comfortable with me that's why he didn't try harder to impress me. We're not an old married couple who has been married for 20 yrs even then we should still try to impress each other. He has been better about trying to make me happy. I just think he should treat me 10x better than his ex bc I'm better than her.

 

Why no prenup? That's not very smart. Actually I don't understand why you're getting married. It doesn't sound like he cherishes you or the relationship.. Just using you for the next 7 years then he might upgrade YOU not the ring.

 

Don't waste your time and potentially lose your own $$$. Find a real man who is ready to start a family and can adequately take care of you.

[sandylee1]

Is it the cost or how much you actually like the ring?

 

Are you sure you are ready for marriage?

 

At this rate you'll be very lucky to last 5 years, you sound rather immature.

[wb1988]

Its quite refreshing to see all the replies on here who havent bought into the whole debeers bullshyte advertising and commercial brainwashing.

 

I think a lot of the materialistic elements of marriage are being pointed on a mainstream level now, it's something we can actually thank reality shows and celeb divorces for.

[Robert]

I trust the thread starter has gotten what she needed from this thread, thread closed