Am I wrong for wanting a better ring?

[introverted1]

If OP were a gold digger she wouldn't be marrying a poor guy.

 

He's graduating in 7 years, which suggests he's going on to grad school, potentially in some lucrative field.

 

OP, yes, you are wrong for wanting a better ring. Marriage is a commitment of love, not an exhibition of money.

[Vercetti]

Well she said she makes good money so why would she even need a sugar daddy?

 

I'm not thinking sugar daddy, just when someone is in school let down by a 2.5$k ring and talking about cosmetic surgery procedures...Something is a bit off.

[joseb]

I'm not thinking sugar daddy, just when someone is in school let down by a 2.5$k ring and talking about cosmetic surgery procedures...Something is a bit off.

Yip something definitely off.

[ScienceGal]

A haiku for you:

 

love isn't enough

accent with gold, sparkles, greed

buy your own damn ring

[SoleMate]

The trope of "he should spend two months' salary on the ring to prove it's true love" is simple propaganda from the DeBeers diamond company dating to thr 1980s. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/05/fashion/weddings/how-americans-learned-to-love-diamonds.html I'd recommend ignoring it utterly.

[catlady11]

No, you're not wrong, just immature and don't have your priorities set correctly IMO.

 

When or if I ever find the person I want to spend the rest of my life with I wouldn't care if he gave me a ring from a cracker jack box. It's what it represents that's most important.

[Ami1uwant]

In watching the video (I knew this before watching too), many women equate the cost of the ring to how much a man loves her.

 

Some men get this, many don't.

 

It's just another form of social conditioning that many people buy into.

 

Sad, but that is reality.

 

Equating the size of the rock to how much a mans loves her is utterly materialistic BS....

 

I'd rather use money on other things.

[katiegrl]

Equating the size of the rock to how much a mans loves her is utterly materialistic BS....

 

I'd rather use money on other things.

 

Completely agree with you.

 

Just pointing out that that is the way many women feel ....sad reality.

 

Buying into the debeers crap and social conditioning.

 

Yah, it's bullshyt.

[joseb]

Equating the size of the rock to how much a mans loves her is utterly materialistic BS....

 

I'd rather use money on other things.

 

I have an a dream.

 

We can turn all this two months proving of love into something positive.

 

Instead of a worthless diamond whose extraction probably caused great suffering, why don't we use a simple cheap engagement band, but have it linked to the girls charity of choice where two months salary will be pledged (which could be paid now, or over time, depending on circumstance).

 

Instead of a stoopid rock, people could coo at pictures of the kids in Africa that are alive because of the clean water your fiance's generous display of affection gave them, or the nepalese villagers who now have a roof over their heads, or whatever greater good you want to do.

 

How else can two months salary last forever?

[ScienceGal]

^^^ no kidding! I'd rather have a less expensive lab-made jewel than a blood diamond.

[Ami1uwant]

Completely agree with you.

 

Just pointing out that that is the way many women feel ....sad reality.

 

Buying into the debeers crap and social conditioning.

 

Yah, it's bullshyt.

 

 

I also despise valentines day with it being commercial/corporate driven.

[preraph]

I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but your values need some work. There are way more important things in the world than trying to look like you have money you don't have. It's just a step up from guys who go out and buy $2000 wheels for their car when they don't even have the money to pay their child support or women who buy designer clothes when they can't pay the rent.

 

What worries me most is that he is marrying you and apparently doesn't even know this about you. Your marriage isn't going to work out because he is more practical minded about money and less entitled. Honestly, if you don't like his ring, you probably don't really love him. Even a simple gold band from someone you cherish should make you weep. I think you may have an unrealilstic idea of what marriage will be like. It's not about getting things. It's about compromising a lot.

[katiegrl]

After five years, my bf and I now seriously discussing marriage, and I told him I don't even want a diamond!

 

Pink amythst's are my favorite stone ....he knows that, and would be thrilled to get a beautiful pink amythst to represent our commitment- about $89 - $300 bucks tops!!.

 

Oh and I plan on getting HIM something too - a watch he's been eyeing.

 

I mean, why should the man buy the woman an engagement ring to represent their commitment, but not the woman buying the man something too?

 

Does not seem quite fair IMO - these *rules* need to change....so outdated!

[joseb]

Oh wow.

 

I'm stunned. Literally stunned... Had no idea people did so much tit for tat and if you get this I SHOULD get that.

 

You know, you should buy yourself a new ring. Pay for your cosmetic surgery too. That's what grown up women do.

 

Men aren't in this earth to buy us stuff. Poor guy.

 

I don't think you're ready for marriage.

 

This bolded. They only met a few months ago.

Sounds like way too soon to be jumping into that, especially reading the OPs other threads.

 

The annoyance at the ring expenditure is just the tip of the iceberg.

[h0000]

OP's priority should be marrying Hugh Hefner because he can pay her a big a** ring as well as her plastic surgery.

Why would you even bother eloping with a poor guy?

[katiegrl]

I also despise valentines day with it being commercial/corporate driven.

 

Me too!!

 

I have posted about that before as well....

 

We don't celebrate V-day ... my bf did at first because he thought that's what I wanted ....now that he knows me - he knows I don't give a rat's rear end about it!

 

Too contrived, and I can't stand anything contrived....ugh.

[cessna]

This has to be a joke, doesn't it?

 

If you are being serious, OP, then you are a terrible human being. I hope he kicks you to the curb.

[joseb]

This has to be a joke, doesn't it?

 

If you are being serious, OP, then you are a terrible human being. I hope he kicks you to the curb.

 

Well, I thought that initially, especially given some of the other postings.

 

But honestly, I know a lot of people who think like that about rings.

 

A couple of guys in work got married fairly recently and they had spent obscene amounts of money on the engagement rings (begrudgingly).

 

Another guy I know his GF straight out told him he needs to spend X on the ring - and X was a lot - and I've met her and she doesn't seem even that materialistic.

[jessiejae]

stalking isn't creepy at all yes he knows he just started helping me run my website

[jessiejae]

I'm clearly not a gold digger I have my own money and I spoil him in every way. He needs treat me equally. I was actually going to buy myself a 5000 ring before he proposed but I decided not to bc I didn't want the ring I purchased to overshadow the one he gave me. I even paid for half or our first date and all the dates after than. He's never really given me anything. it actually pisses me off bc he paid for dates for his exs Yes I can afford to buy what I want but he needs to make an investment in me. It seems like he's more concerned about his 10 day vacation than making me happy. I'm better than any of the other girls he has dated they were all unattractive and they cheated on him.

[cif]

Sounds like you can do better. Why waste any more time on him?

[jessiejae]

edit he has given me gifts on holidays but the presents I gave him are equal or better

[salparadise]

edit he has given me gifts on holidays but the presents I gave him are equal or better

 

Poor guy. I hope he's having a blast on his 10 day vacation.

[d0nnivain]

You have to wear the ring everyday & it can be very uncomfortable to have the conversation where you say you don't like the e-ring. However, the way you keep phrasing this it isn't about the style. You are annoyed because you don't think he spent enough money on you. Since it's money he doesn't really have (only $10k in the bank in advance of a wedding isn't a lot) you need to look at it as he's being smart with finances & not going broke over a symbol.

 

 

Since money issues are the # 1 cause of divorce, you need to discuss your respective relationships with money before getting married. That is waaaayyyy more important then the price tag of your ring.

 

 

I am also troubled by your expressed doubts that you don't trust him to upgrade your ring in 7 years as promised. Marrying somebody you don't trust is a recipe for disaster.

[Vercetti]

I see very little in here that has anything to do with love / balance / teamwork / respect / reality / values / sustainability. There lots in here for ego / entitlement / contradictions / selfish / delusional / hate / resentment / superiority / rejection / barriers / guilt / control.