llgreen85 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 I would love to hear stories of people who found love after 30. As a 31 year old female, people treat me like I'm on my way to being an old maid. 1
Art_Critic Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 chin up, you will find love... I was in my mid 40's and my wife in her late 30's when we got married. you have your whole 30's in front of you yet.. it'll happen... 10
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 I have an Aunt who got married for the first time ever in her life being in her 50's now, her husband is the same age, they met each other at the age of 49, and they have said to each other that they wish they met each other 20 years ago
Leigh 87 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Well many people pope won't find love after 30. Not unless you're willing to settle.....Most decent people are taken. You will need to wait for the first rounds of divorcees with kids and tonnes of baggqge:sick: You will have to date at least ten years older too, if you're a woman. Men tend to feel " smitten " with the most beautiful women. And under 30 women can get the men your age so you're going to have to aim for 40 or above if you want a man to remain monogamous and not fall head over heels for some hotter younger model. Dating after 30 is hard for women. You have to date down if you want a man to worship you and feel smitten. And the men you feel a spark with are likely desirable to other women too, and won't consider you unless you're much younger and attractive. It sounds bleak because it is.. We have missed the boat. We may catch a nice divorcee with kids and tonnes of baggage. IF we're lucky and in ten years time perhaps. Eternal Sunshine would agree with me, LOL. Yes some people find love after 30..... But it's really uncommon in general even for younger and hotter 20s women, to find that immediate chemistry and true romantic passion as opposed to the slow burning spark and less intense attraction that basically bypasses much of a honeymoon period. The latter is what you'll get if you're lucky. A stable relationship with a good person. Minus the spark or naturally strong chemistry and passion. Although a tiiiiiiny portion of over 30, mostly the wildly beautiful women, find the fairytale chemistry and lust and bunnies at first site type deal and end up being compatible emotionally and mentally too. I opt to remain single to avoid the inevitable cheating ( them on me) 1
oberkeat Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 I think dating around that age is tuff for both genders. For guys, single women seem to disappear around age 26-27. Most women are married up before 30. That's why you see so many guys marrying down age-wise. My father was 39 and my mother was 24 when they married. And the women I have encountered who are still single in their 30s were single for a reason. They were leftovers, so to speak. Some were single mothers, or workaholics who really didn't have time for relationships, or flakey, etc. When I was doing online dating, if I noticed a woman was 31, 32, 33, it was a red flag. So my advice to OP is to think about what kind of barriers she has in her own life that might be preventing single men from approaching or wanting to continue a relationship with her.
LilaMarie Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Leigh 87 has some good points. Even then, the old 37+ men just want booty calls mostly and not want anything serious. Are you actively looking to date? I'm on eharmony and have met nothing but great men and they are not in their late thirties :-) (the guy I'm currently seeing is 8 years younger..scary but for some reason the younger ones always chase me...whyyyyy?) Don't give up hope. Stay positive :-) 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 met my H in 2004, when I was in my late 40's. He is 5 years younger than I. 7
bluefeather Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Well many people pope won't find love after 30. What the crap?! If I could dislike a comment, I would totally do so to yours. I have had relationships last years and a recent one was a horrible one that I won't go into detail, but will definitely say it had to happen. So I am here, single. Am I not decent? you're going to have to aim for 40 or above if you want a man to remain monogamous and not fall head over heels for some hotter younger model Are.you.serious? With the childish way I was treated, I have actually been considering someone who is older than I am. Even taller. I want to be smitten by a real woman who has her **** together. Gosh, I'm getting yummy feelings just thinking about being some lady's pet... Well think whatever you want, but I don't cheat. And I have had many chances when not single. I keep my promises. Slightly peeved, Male in 30s 14
Ruby Slippers Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 I've read many stories on this forum from men and women who found their lifelong partner in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond. That's heartening, as I'm 39 and recently single again. As I go along, I keep getting closer and closer to a viable long-term match. The relationships in my late-30s were closer to what I need and want than any I've had yet, with the most marriage-minded, mature, stable men. So for me, while I'm realizing that I could run out of time to have children, I've still got plenty of time to find lasting love with a good man. I think it's very common in the West that people aren't really ready for anything serious in their 20s, and start looking for a lasting relationship in their 30s and beyond. 8
RedRobin Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Dating after 30 for both men and women who want a relationship means dating with more focus. Some life experience is handy at eliminating the time wasters and flakes. So, if you ask me, it is a great time to be a woman. No way in hell would I want to go back to my twenties. Not sure about the 'settling' part. Don't let anyone convince you that you need to settle for some old guy. I work around all men and have my entire life... Every man is different. Every person is different. There are plenty of old guys who aren't into commitment at all... They have just learned how to say the right things to get younger women to have NSA sex with them. Also not sure about the negative connotations about 'divorced + kids = baggage'. I don't have kids, but I find that men who have kids... most of them anyway... are obliged to get their shyte together as a result of having them. The other guys? Meh. A lot of them are still just messing around. OTOH, a lot of those same guys (the ones already with kids) won't want anymore, so if you want kids, then don't rule out younger, commitment minded men. Not all younger men are flaky. Just like all older men aren't more mature and commitment minded. Me personally, I'd rather be celibate than settle for anyone. So far, so good. All of my boyfriends I've had since my fiancée died a few years ago have been my age or younger. I've also never had a FWB and never will either. Lots of them will try to make you feel that way (that you need to settle) so that you will settle for THEM. Don't fall for it. 2
Ami1uwant Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 I would love to hear stories of people who found love after 30. As a 31 year old female, people treat me like I'm on my way to being an old maid. There is nothing wrong with you at 31. Does it get harder--generally yes. It depends on where you live. A large city like New York or San Francisco you will likely run into more available men 30-35 yr range. If you lived in a smaller area it could be harder because many people are married at 30 but then divorce 35-40. 1
casey.lives Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 ...............................don't worry about it. period.
Leigh 87 Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 It's really offensive when people assume nearly 30 women like me are " left overs " We aren't all ogres or plain Jane's who struggle for male attention. Maybe we want to find real love and a mutual spark rather than mild lukewarm excitement? It takes a lot of time in actuality. True romantic love takes a very looong tkme because mutual sparks and chemistry is very rare. It is almost always one sided or, even on the instances where two people are very mutually feeling the romantlr vibe, one person is often unavailable or just not compatible! We aren't all shreck look alikes became we are single at 30! 3
CarrieT Posted September 6, 2015 Posted September 6, 2015 Married at 20 and divorced before my 25th birthday (he preferred men). Lived with a guy for several years until I learned he preferred my wardrobe to his (and looked better in my clothes than I did). I spent my 30s living with a guy who was only qualified to be a night stock-clerk at Target. Finally broke up with him shortly after my 41st birthday. Spent my 40s sleeping around, dating, and getting involved with a toxic, narcissistic alcoholic. The ending of *that* relationship is what brought me to LS in 2008. Dated a lot and had lots of FWB/NSAs as I approached my 50th birthday. In October of 2011, I started a thread where I stated that I may have met Prince Charming. Sure enough, two years later (just shy of my 50th birthday), I married for the second and last time. It is never too late! 12
lino Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 I know many people who met their partners after 30. It isn't a bad thing. It's a problem when you find yourself in permanent dating mode. You have turned down guys who were good catches because you just don't feel a "spark", whatever that is. I saw this with online dating. The women were convinced that there is always someone better out there, so they date endlessly, never getting anywhere close to a long term relationship. It's a form of Self sabotage. Yes, the serial daters. They settle eventually and I feel bad for the guy as he's nothing but an arbitrary penis and wallet that's 'good enough' now that she realises the serial dating didn't pay off.
JustGettingBy Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 If it makes you feel any better, divorce rates are much lower for anyone who gets married post-30, meaning that when you find that special someone, you're more likely for it to last a lifetime, which I'm going to assume (could be wrong as I don't know your situation) is your 'endgame'.
shet Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Men feel it too. For this you can ask any men in my circles, or myself. We don't have the same biological expiry date, true, but our singles pool is ever shrinking all the same, and life stops being fun and games in your thirties so you do get lonely, and we do want to be fathers, and we don't want to be too old to physically engage with children. At nearly 32 I feel it keenly, very keenly indeed. My responsibilities mount, my free time is ever shorter, my energy ever lower, my chances to meet someone ebb and I can foresee them slipping from my grasp entirely within the decade. And of course my looks fade, although I suppose fortunately I had little to lose. I never expected this in my youth nor did anyone warn me, and would not have wished it on my worst enemy. I really don't think it's any different for women or men in the end. My experience of trying to find love after 30 I would describe as artificial. By which I mean, instead of coworkers or parties or social circles where I'd have met people organically in the past, I'm now forced to do online dating or dances or meetup groups, intending to meet women. It's not necessarily a bad thing, just different. 1
Gus Grimly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 This thread has some encouraging points of view. Maybe there's a chance for me after all! 7
bluefeather Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 My experience of trying to find love after 30 I would describe as artificial. By which I mean, instead of coworkers or parties or social circles where I'd have met people organically in the past, I'm now forced to do online dating or dances or meetup groups, intending to meet women. It's not necessarily a bad thing, just different. Please don't bum me out, man... lol
bluefeather Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Sometimes it's better to settle with someone who will love you more than you love them to avoid heartbreak, as they will always care for you and look after you. Please forgive me, but that sounds incredibly cowardly and not what I would call love at all. Just to avoid heartbreak? No thank you. A loving relationship is not something for security and it is not for the protection of your wounded ego. Well you know what, maybe it is for you. But you can keep that definition. 5
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Please forgive me, but that sounds incredibly cowardly and not what I would call love at all. Just to avoid heartbreak? No thank you. A loving relationship is not something for security and it is not for the protection of your wounded ego. Well you know what, maybe it is for you. But you can keep that definition. Some of us have never experienced what it's like to be loved. We may have a warped definition but I've worked out, that total emotional investment is really dangerous. 1
Gus Grimly Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Sometimes it's better to settle with someone who will love you more than you love them to avoid heartbreak, as they will always care for you and look after you. That doesn't work. Trust me it doesn't. It's a fallacy. 5
bluefeather Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Some of us have never experienced what it's like to be loved. We may have a warped definition but I've worked out, that total emotional investment is really dangerous. I'm not going to debate that with you. It would take a very long time. But I will say that I can see your point. If you don't know what it's like, and/or you don't want to risk being hurt, then it can make sense to take that road. But I will not.
Lady2163 Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Wow. 31 and you feel that way? I'm in my late 40s, divorced for over 15 years with no kids and I don't feel that my time has passed. Am I as attractive as a 25 year old? Nope. Do I bring a whole lot more in the long run to the table. Oh, yeah. My friends are all drama free. I have a lot more disposable income now. I can travel, enjoy expensive hobbies if I desire, go months barely looking at my bank account. I'm a better cook, I'm a better time manager. While I may come on here to complain about different issues, I honestly don't sweat the small stuff. I had a friend who was very single until she was 41. She had more baggage than samsonite and more issues than Time magazine. She had always liked Star Trek and Renassance Fairs and dressing up at Halloween. That was fun for her. She went to a meeting of the local Rennassance group and got involved with committees and planning their big yearly bash. She met the man of her dreams and now they go to lots of different conventions and win prizes with their costumes and such. They are annoyingly happy ten years later. And married. What hobbies or causes interest you? Is it possible to meet men participating in these types of hobbies? Is there anything you'd like to learn more about? It doesn't matter if everyone else thinks it's a little dorky, if you like it, then go for it. I don't think you have to dive head first into your local sports scene to find a man, but whatever activity interests you, it is probably going to help if men might be interested in it as well. Your success rate probably decreases if you are looking at taking a crochet class or learning to decorate a cake. I was also around when women started divorcing their husband in droves after the kids were grown, happy and healthy. The women had put up with whatever crap for a lot of years. I'm not exaggerating, I know at least 20 women (and men) who found real love after 50. Sadly, a huge number of them are now gone, but they always said words to the effect that the last 20 years of their life were the best years of their entire lives. 8
Ruby Slippers Posted September 7, 2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Lady, I love your whole post! You can decide at any age that the rest of your romantic life is going to be good or it's going to be bad. I'm thinking of that scene in "Grumpy Old Men" when the single (widowed?) character played by 52-year-old actress Ann-Margret moves in and catches the attention of both of her grumpy old neighbors as she laughs and frolics around her yard in the snow like a teenager. 3
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