kilgore Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 What you're describing sounds fine to me as long as you actually make yourself make the move eventually, even if it feels awkward. Well I am married now. But before that I would fumble but usually find my way to make a move, even if not super suave. I just want to stick up for introverts. I think we rock. It's harder to get to know us, but that makes it worth it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I dislike extroverts and am repelled by very confident and loud guys. In most cases they are just full of $hit. I have strong preference to dating introverts. The problem with them is that most are attracted to super bubbly and talkative girls which I'm not. Also there is a limit to how quiet. If he is unable to communicate and express himself to me 1-1 it won't work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I dislike extroverts and am repelled by very confident and loud guys. In most cases they are just full of $hit. I have strong preference to dating introverts. The problem with them is that most are attracted to super bubbly and talkative girls which I'm not. Also there is a limit to how quiet. If he is unable to communicate and express himself to me 1-1 it won't work. Of course it has to be a balance. I am an introvert who likes introverts. I married one! Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I just want to stick up for introverts. I think we rock. It's harder to get to know us, but that makes it worth it Oh, I agree. My SO and I are both introverts too. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I will add - while I talk to / flirt with "quiet" guys - the guy I fell for / am with is loud, out going... Not quiet or reserved (but perhaps a bit shy when it came to "making a move") 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Guess you have to change. Men are supposed to be 'hunters', so shy and quite don't go well with that. damn! nowadays, even women can't be shy and quite, either it be in career or relationship. I want to be shy and quite...but apparently they don't get me anywhere even as a woman. I wonder why I don't have the hunter Instinct Link to post Share on other sites
Author Philosopher Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 Reading the replies, it seems to be that being introverted and quiet can be quite attractive for quite a few people, however being shy and lacking in confidence generally is not. This is pretty much what I expected. One further question. If a guy is obviously shy and lacking in confidence but they are able to make the "moves", such as asking a women out and the first kiss, does that make them any more attractive? Or is that the fact they come off as shy, regardless of their actions make them less attractive? Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I do. I actually like quiet guys who are calm, I love this kind of energy and it makes me feel very at ease. And I like quiet guys with a killer sense of humor. Yes, these two traits can go together. I also feel less threatened around this kind of people for some reason, I think it's because they don't come off as aggressive, they actually leave me mental space to truly enjoy their company. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I would think women would prefer quiet guys because they love to talk so much and just have someone there to listen. I'm pretty quiet but when I just wake up, I am extra quiet. And my girlfriend is at her peak speech all the time. So generally all I have to do sometimes is grunt Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I think being quiet and shy is fine, but the ability or inability to be "normal" is the big deal. If you cannot be "normal", then that is often the deal breaker. Being normal means you can go to events and social gatherings, be relaxed and confident when speaking to strangers, you can organise your affairs well, and you can communicate effectively with your partner. If you hate social events and will not even go, refuse to meet her friends, act weird at any events she does persuade you to go to, refuse to tell her how you feel, even about trivial issues, get panicky and highly stressed or even angry over normal interactions, and at the least little thing you withdraw to your "cave", literally or metaphorically, then she may take you on as a "project", but will soon get bored, if you then do not improve. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 One further question. If a guy is obviously shy and lacking in confidence but they are able to make the "moves", such as asking a women out and the first kiss, does that make them any more attractive? Or is that the fact they come off as shy, regardless of their actions make them less attractive? It can help if you make moves. Because it shows that you actually have courage. Heck, you could even look more courageous than others BECAUSE you are shy. If you are so attracted to a girl that you would leave your comfort zone for her, that can really say something good about her... and you. Is she THAT pretty, that her beauty just broke through your shyness and you had to approach her? Or... does looking into her eyes give you courage to be stronger? Braver? This all depends on the situation though, and how you handle it, as well as the kind of person she would be. For example, if you tried to express a heartfelt gesture like that to say, a party-girl who walks all over boys and enjoys it... she might not appreciate it as much as someone who is genuinely looking for love. Go get'em, tiger. Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I'm fairly quiet and I've never had a problem attracting women even without saying a word so it's a myth that a man has to have an outgoing confident personality Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 (edited) 1) Ever heard of quiet confidence? It exists, and plenty of women are attracted to that kind of guy. These are guys who aren't the life of the party and don't care about being the center of attention. They don't thump their own chests. They are unassuming, and don't really give a damn about status. They may be men of few words (i.e. laconic) and don't blabber incessantly about the weather or the Tom Brady Deflategate or bananas or other petty topics. BUT...they're not afraid of the spotlight either...they are the type of guys who will step up and take charge when needed (including socially), and they will do their part to make others feel at ease and keep the mood light and positive...including small talk, jokes and what-have-you. For most of them, their social awareness and communication skills are just fine; they just don't speak 100,000 words a day. They are doers; they know when to get sh*t done and not moan-n-groan. They have genuine leadership qualities. They are OK with not knowing everything, and won't hesitate to ask for help and/or depend on others if needed, and are comfortable being vulnerable around the right people. Lastly, they don't point fingers, they take responsibility, AND they don't beat themselves up. If they make a mistake, they deal with it in an appropriate manner and then promptly turn the page. Life is too short to dwell on minor screwups. 2) Human beings (barring the 1% or so who are antisocial) are a social species that values companionship in various forms...friendships, romantically, pets, and so on. Therefore in order to get ahead in many aspects of life, including dating, career, etc...you MUST be able to interact comfortably with others. And in order to do that, you MUST be sociable, you must be willing to make a move (e.g. asking a woman out on a date), and open yourself up to give others an opportunity to get to know you. You need to be able to be comfortable being yourself AND expressing yourself emotionally around others. You need to be able to, without fear, "let loose" while around others. It is better to crack a dumb joke once or twice than to be stone-faced and serious 100% of the time. People are generally more comfortable around folks who show off a fun side and are willing to laugh and live a little. It is possible to be all of that while still being an introvert and/or a guy on the quiet side. Even mild shyness isn't a big deal; neither is the occasional social awkwardness (which happens to almost everyone...nobody is flawless socially). Severe shyness or social anxiety are serious problems though, and likely to be a turnoff for many women. Being antisocial is an even more serious problem. In short: "Good actions" >> "Bad actions" >>>>>>>>>> "No actions". In other words, you're guaranteed to lose out if you don't try at all, because you're not giving yourself a chance. And sometimes you succeed in the long run by first failing and then learning from your errors and misjudgments. People in the "no actions" group are usually boring to most people who like to do things with their lives. I think one of the biggest reasons for shyness and/or insecurity is that the person spends too much time comparing himself to others, is unnecessarily worried that everyone else is "judging" them (when in reality 95% of them are in their own little worlds), and in general cares too much about what others think. (Side note: "caring too much" is also the reason why some people are too hard on themselves.) As a result, their feet become stuck in mud due to their own fear. If they would stop caring so much about what others are doing and thinking, their happiness and self-esteem will improve a lot. There's a decent chance that under that insecurity and fear lies a pretty cool personality...the fear needs to be washed away in order for the cool stuff to shine through. Edited September 5, 2015 by GravityMan 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 1) Ever heard of quiet confidence? It exists, and plenty of women are attracted to that kind of guy. These are guys who aren't the life of the party and don't care about being the center of attention. They don't thump their own chests. They are unassuming, and don't really give a damn about status. They may be men of few words (i.e. laconic) and don't blabber incessantly about the weather or the Tom Brady Deflategate or bananas or other petty topics. BUT...they're not afraid of the spotlight either...they are the type of guys who will step up and take charge when needed (including socially), and they will do their part to make others feel at ease and keep the mood light and positive...including small talk, jokes and what-have-you. For most of them, their social awareness and communication skills are just fine; they just don't speak 100,000 words a day. They are doers; they know when to get sh*t done and not moan-n-groan. They have genuine leadership qualities. They are OK with not knowing everything, and won't hesitate to ask for help and/or depend on others if needed, and are comfortable being vulnerable around the right people. Lastly, they don't point fingers, they take responsibility, AND they don't beat themselves up. If they make a mistake, they deal with it in an appropriate manner and then promptly turn the page. Life is too short to dwell on minor screwups. Excellent point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Reading the replies, it seems to be that being introverted and quiet can be quite attractive for quite a few people, however being shy and lacking in confidence generally is not. This is pretty much what I expected. One further question. If a guy is obviously shy and lacking in confidence but they are able to make the "moves", such as asking a women out and the first kiss, does that make them any more attractive? Or is that the fact they come off as shy, regardless of their actions make them less attractive? if a guy is really shy but can still make 'moves' that's good, cuz that shows confidence. a guy who is shy + can't get moving. ugh. seriously, awfully unattractive. horrible. but i guess some women will like it all the same... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Siquijor Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 One thing that some people fail to understand is that a person can be shy and quiet initially but once they get to know someone and feel more comfortable in their company, their personality/confidence starts to emerge. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I do. I actually like quiet guys who are calm, I love this kind of energy and it makes me feel very at ease. And I like quiet guys with a killer sense of humor. Yes, these two traits can go together. I also feel less threatened around this kind of people for some reason, I think it's because they don't come off as aggressive, they actually leave me mental space to truly enjoy their company. i feel the same way........and i know it stems from how my grandfather was with me .....he always made me feel listened to understood...and safe.....deb. Link to post Share on other sites
E-Squared Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 Okay, I am just curious as to why being quiet equates to lacking confidence. I consider myself confident enough in some areas, though I still am shy in other areas. Now I am aware that I have my own flaws in expressing how I feel towards a woman and I try to tell myself not to be. One thing that I will say is that I have this voice in the back of my mind that contradicts what I do. For example, if I am in a situation that involves taking risks and I initially feel that it's not a good idea to go forth, I tell myself to try to push myself into that situation. Being that I am a reporter, I have to push myself to interview people for quotes about the situation that is going on at that moment. If someone rejects me to interview them, I am on my way with no worry. I am quiet, but I will talk if I get comfortable with someone. I do try making conversation with people who I don't know sometimes, so that is a sign that I am a little outgoing. However, I have seen people who are shy that when I try to talk to talk, they don't seem like they want to talk. Though I will never understand why when I am in a working environment, people tend to look down on those who are quiet. I am quiet BECAUSE I am TRYING to work. Is that not a positive thing? Link to post Share on other sites
popcornpuff Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I'm super quiet and introverted, and it's never been a problem for me. It definitely helps to be confident though. I used to struggle with this a lot, and it always looked something like this when I tried to ask someone out: Me before: "Would you...uh...like to...umm...maybe...go see a movie...or something...if you're not busy?" Her: *checks behind me to see if someone is forcing me at gunpoint* 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 True confidence really comes from within....no(or very little) words really need to be spoken...Those that have it don't need to wear it on their backs...and those guys generally move to the front of the line.. I do think though, that if you are a 5'3" 130 lb guy, then its gonna be really hard to pull that off.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I think "shy" gets a bad rap. One of my kids is shy (yeah, I know, I have Mom bias), but they are thoughtful, intelligent, and hysterically dryly funny once they open up a bit. I think people who are quiet sometimes end up with an observer's advantage as well. Those of us who tend to talk and flit don't always have the best observational skills, and sadly, sometimes we aren't the best judges of character. I like a man who can talk with ME and converse about things, but the whole like of the party aka Nathan Lane on Birdcage or the muscle flexer when he enters a room types are just plain annoying to me. So are the guys who have learned "lines" and pattern their lives after old men in commercials. Give me a REAL guy who is shy at first over a playbook guy any day. Link to post Share on other sites
AD1980 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 (edited) there is nothing worse, imho, than a shy, reserved guy. i don't even want a quiet guy. i just think they're complete losers who make excuses for why they are socially inept. if you can't get up the nerve to even talk to people or be confident, what type of skills are you going to have in a relationship. seeing as how communication within a relationship is vital i don't know why anyone would gravitate to these men. an initial bout of shyness/nervousness is ok, but it better pass right quick. dating is hard enough without dragging someone out of their shell... i'm not getting paid to be a therapist for shy introverts. i think of women as typically shy and quiet and expect my man to be a leader and be outgoing. That's pretty harsh..sounds like these shy guys might have dodged a bullet.. Edited September 9, 2015 by AD1980 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 That's pretty harsh..sounds like these shy guys might have dodged a bullet.. A .44 Magnum no less.... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
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