Research shows that people that have children are unhappier than those without

[Els]

IMO all the talk about women's bodies is missing the point. Frankly, if a woman actually wants children and her fear of bodily changes is extreme enough to be the sole motivator for her choosing to be child-free... firstly I feel sorry for her, and secondly I'm glad she isn't having kids. Imagine growing up with a mother who was that focused on women's bodies and living up to media stereotypes - she's likely to raise the girl with a whole lot of insecurity issues that the poor girl will need to untangle when she grows up.

 

For some of us, we choose not to have children not because we fear the bodily changes, but because we believe that isn't the right path in life for us. Boobs and stomach are really not anywhere among my top concerns in life. If things were reversed and NOT having a kid miraculously caused stretch marks whereas having a kid miraculously protected against them - guess what, I'm still leaning towards being child-free.

[RedRobin]

I'm not primarily motivated by media stereotypes at all. Heck, I don't even own a TV.

 

 

I have plenty of good reasons not to have kids out of my own body... mostly because the planet already has way too many kids without a good home... I don't really believe the world is in desperate need of my DNA.... AND... on top of all that... I get to keep my body too.

 

 

Add all those things up, and I don't see any need to have kids out of my body. That's a far cry from saying I'd be a bad mother, or that I'd pass on body issues to my kid. If having your own kid out of your own body is super important to you, then whatever happens to your body is probably not that big a deal. I get it.... and I'd be right with that woman on the firing line to lambaste the father of that child if he dissed her body afterwards. But, I'm also pretty happy not to be in that position. And my beliefs about global overpopulation make it much easier for me to personally take that stand.

 

 

I've had guys reject a future dates with me after I told them I wanted to adopt and not have my own children. Fine with me. It's not their body, so that's an easy choice for them to make. I always felt that someone who was vehemently opposed to adoption or would ONLY have kids if it were their biochild really didn't want to be a parent all that bad... I mean, I wonder about their desire to be a parent if it has to look like them, or they couldn't love a child that wasn't 'their own'...

[autumnnight]

I've had guys reject a future dates with me after I told them I wanted to adopt and not have my own children. Fine with me. It's not their body, so that's an easy choice for them to make. I always felt that someone who was vehemently opposed to adoption or would ONLY have kids if it were their biochild really didn't want to be a parent all that bad... I mean, I wonder about their desire to be a parent if it has to look like them, or they couldn't love a child that wasn't 'their own'...

 

Amen to this. DNA isn't everything.

[Got it]

Amen to this. DNA isn't everything.

 

Yep I agree with that part as well. I was not pushing to have kids, did not have this biological clock ticking like crazy and see the great things about life with them and without them. But when I became open to having a kid I was fine both ways, I see a lot of amazing things about adoption and we continue to consider doing that as well.

 

The child doesn't need to be tied genetically to me for me to love it. That is just silly (in my eyes).

[hotpotato]

I feel that if someone is so self conscious that they would choose not to have kids because of possible stretch marks or droopier boobs, then I would say this person is probably going to be unhappy whether they have kids or not. They will find faults in themselves and others instead of focusing on the positive, and that certainly affects their happiness.

 

Plus, if someone's happiness is all wrapped in their looks, they should work those issues out before having a kid anyway. They will just model that insecure and overly critical behavior and pass it on to their kids.

 

No way does the average mom body look 70! I also don't think most husbands expect their wives to look like porn stars.

 

Umforyunately, there are some peetty harsh husbands out there. Oooh i wish some women could hear how hubboes talk about them. Also, some women do come out with breasts and stretched skin commonly associated with older women. Sometimes its so bad when she leans over, her boobies turn into puddles. If i were a plastic surgeon, id operate on some moms for free.

[Imported]

Amen to this. DNA isn't everything.

 

Yes it is.

[kilgore]

Yep, that is really what this issue comes down to, I believe.

 

I must be a glass half full person, because I nursed for years and I think my breasts look great!

 

Totally. My wife's breasts look great. And if they are a little saggy, well I have my imperfections too

Edited September 12, 2015 by kilgore

[RecentChange]

Do some reason, this topic always ends up a big discussion where ever it is brought up it seems.

 

I don't want children. Never did. It's been this innate thing I have known since I was a child myself. It just never appealed to me in any way. I don't want to raise a human - I don't want that to be the center of my life. I don't enjoy interacting with babies or children.

 

Honestly - I never thought about the physical effects. That never crossed my mind (before the post above). Although growing a baby inside me sounds like something straight out of a horror movie.

 

I often get told "but you are so GOOD with kids". Perhaps, but that is only because I am fair and consistent (I am an even better horse trainer) - and I can hand them back to their parents.

 

If people want to have children, more power to them, raising a kid is a monumental task.

 

I am happy with my career, time consuming hobbies, and relationship. There isn't any place for kids to fit in my life - it would need a major upheaval and I would have to give up things that bring me a lot of enjoyment.

[kilgore]

Do some reason, this topic always ends up a big discussion where ever it is brought up it seems.

 

I don't want children. Never did. It's been this innate thing I have known since I was a child myself. It just never appealed to me in any way. I don't want to raise a human - I don't want that to be the center of my life. I don't enjoy interacting with babies or children.

 

Honestly - I never thought about the physical effects. That never crossed my mind (before the post above). Although growing a baby inside me sounds like something straight out of a horror movie.

 

I often get told "but you are so GOOD with kids". Perhaps, but that is only because I am fair and consistent (I am an even better horse trainer) - and I can hand them back to their parents.

 

If people want to have children, more power to them, raising a kid is a monumental task.

 

I am happy with my career, time consuming hobbies, and relationship. There isn't any place for kids to fit in my life - it would need a major upheaval and I would have to give up things that bring me a lot of enjoyment.

 

If you don't want them then it's best you didn't have them. It sounds like you contribute to the world in other ways

[Els]

Oooh i wish some women could hear how hubboes talk about them.

 

 

Meh, this says more about the kind of men you socialize with than it does about anything else. IMO those dudes are not suited to be fathers as well.

[readynow]

 

I often get told "but you are so GOOD with kids". Perhaps, but that is only because I am fair and consistent (I am an even better horse trainer) - and I can hand them back to their parents.

 

You know, come to think of it, the best teachers and headteachers I know have never had kids. They know how to get the job done without getting emotional.

[hotpotato]

Meh, this says more about the kind of men you socialize with than it does about anything else. IMO those dudes are not suited to be fathers as well.

 

Well then a lot guys arent suited to be dads lol. Im sure they loved their wives and their kids, they are just not crazy about the changes.

 

One could think of it as extreme weight loss. No one would discourage a morbidly obese person from losing weight and changing their lifestyle bc of the risk of having loose skin, but loose skin is often a consequence of losing huge amounts of weight.

[BluEyeL]

It really depends how questions are asked in "studies" and how one defines "happiness". Of course, having children brings with it more stress. If measuring happiness you ask about that, you are "less happy" when you have kids. Having children puts strain on marriages too and everything else. But it does bring with it a kind of fulfillment that is difficult to explain. It is a job. It is hard. Sometimes it doesn't pay off and the results of your work are disappointing. There is risk in anything you do. you can't fail or be disappointed only when you do nothing!

 

It's like asking whether or not you'd be happier if you were independently wealthy and didn't work at all, would you be happier? Hell yeah! Working is difficult and going to work is more stressful than not going to work. But it is always fulfilling to build something.

 

Going on a tangent, being a career woman, that's the thing I say in mommy wars. It's not that staying home is not work, it's just not as stressful as having to navigate the stress of an out of the home job.

 

In a nutshel, not doing anything much is less stressful, laying on the beach all the time is the best, yet we still do things that are hard and stressful, be that raising children, or having a challenging career, or climbing Himalaya, because it does give us some type of satisfaction in exchange. Laying on the beach forever gets old after a while.

Edited September 12, 2015 by BluEyeL

[anduina]

Aren't children part of the metaphysical question of the meaning of life? It's inarguable that many people feel a sense of fulfilment from having a purpose to their existence. Children can help to fill this role for some of them. For others, it might be their careers, spirituality, pets, social justice, significant others, whatever or whomever they value.

 

If people want children, happiness must be derived from acts of service. If this isn't integral to them, they'll view the daily grind of parenting as drudgery which will lower their happiness quotient.

 

Not convinced that children are for me or not, so I remain ambivalent.

[xxoo]

If having your own kid out of your own body is super important to you, then whatever happens to your body is probably not that big a deal. I get it.... and I'd be right with that woman on the firing line to lambaste the father of that child if he dissed her body afterwards. But, I'm also pretty happy not to be in that position.

 

Having a kid out of my own body wasn't super important to me. It was an experience I wanted to have (pregnancy and birth), but it was also the cheapest, fastest, and easiest path to parenthood in our position. Adoption is expensive, and foster adopt is a long, uncertain process. I know, because we looked into both.

 

I, too, am pretty happy not to be in the position of having someone diss my body. I can't imagine being married to someone that shallow, baby or no baby. This shouldn't be a surprise after having a baby. I always knew my guy liked the mommies, haha.