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Research shows that people that have children are unhappier than those without

Eternal Sunshine

By Eternal Sunshine
in General Relationship Discussion

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Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

If you want kids have them and if you don't want kids don't. In western society we have that choice.

  • Like 3
preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

I used to run a childfree board and many studies have concluded this same thing. That said, it's not by a wide margin. I think it comes down to whether you think you would mind losing your identity (especially women) and be willing to do that and happy doing that by taking up the identity of being a mom and living for your kids and them being the cog of your wheel. Many women are happy with that, many more say they are because what are they going to say "I love my kids, but if I'd know, I wouldn't have had them"? Motherhood gives many women a purpose and role they were floundering for before. But for those who already have a purpose and are driven toward that purpose in life, having kids may only hinder them and squash them down and leave them feeling trapped.

 

For most men, having kids is a life change certainly, but it's not giving up everything like it is for women.

 

And I'm with you. If I were really rich and could afford maids and nannies, I'd have more animals and I'd have a couple of adopted kids as well, but only because I wouldn't be tied to the chores associated with them and could, therefore, really enjoy them.

  • Like 1
hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

Posted
Posted (edited)
Totally false...and one of the most ridiculous arguments I hear..

 

I train in a gym with 40+ year old women(all moms) and some 50 year old(grannies) that all have tight asses, flat bellies and perky boobs...And I have seen fit women train hard right until the day of delivery and in barely a month look like they never had a kid..

 

Its all in what you do and how you take care of yourself, before, during and after pregnancy....Sure...If a woman decides to use the excuse of pregnancy to sit on her ass, gain dozens of unnecessary pounds eating french fries, pizza and ice cream..i'm sure its gonna be a burden to come back around..,

 

.I mean, I have been working hard manual labor for 30+ years, 60-70 hrs a week in all elements,stressed the hell out of myself owning and operating my own businesses, and yet I am built like a stud....With your theory I'd be dead already...:laugh:

 

Those grapes aren't so bad after all...:laugh:

 

TFY

Then please post workout that will make post baby boobs undroop and skin snap back. Thanks in advance. ;)

 

Oh and dont tell me its laughable. Ive been pregnant 3x...Now i have that boobcake/pancakes look. When your milk comes in, you boobs inflate then deflate. Its like popping a balloon. After youve popped it, it is different from before. Im actually pretty lucky-a lot of women come out with sad, floppy sacks of skin. Dont belueve me? Go on realself or look at plastic surgery befores and afters. :)

 

Even in super fit chics, they show you wear the baby made their abs separate...Imagine what happens to a woman who wasnt super fut to begin with...

 

How do you know all these women didnt have work done? Many women get work done in their 30s and 40s, in part because of childbearing. Many women have boob jobs that look real ie 350ccs instead of 1200ccs saline over the muscle. :) Getting work done is very common for fitness chics anyway bc of loss of body fat...

 

 

I guess women spend $$$$$$ for lifts, tucks, implants after baby for nothing....Right....

 

Youd be dead...What are you ralking about? No one is talking about your manual labor!!! We are talking about how childrearing can do wreak havoc on womems bodies. :confused:

 

Also, women can have flat abs but still have saggy skin. Sometimes if a womans boobs are saggy from breastfeeding she might even *fasp* wear a bra that lifts them.

 

Lets be real...youre panties are in a wad bc hotpotato said. You know your rebuttal us ridiculous.

Edited by hotpotato
  • Like 1
hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

Posted
Posted (edited)

Source: looking at naked post preg boobies and bellies on surgery sites :)

 

In fact, saggy post pregnancy boobs oftem push a woman who us against plastic surgery to get work done. :lmao:

 

All i can say is that youd have to be very naive to think tgat 50 year old with washboard abs and perky boobs who has spent years childbearing and hasnt had work done...

Edited by hotpotato
hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

Posted
Posted
Totally false...and one of the most ridiculous arguments I hear..

 

I train in a gym with 40+ year old women(all moms) and some 50 year old(grannies) that all have tight asses, flat bellies and perky boobs...And I have seen fit women train hard right until the day of delivery and in barely a month look like they never had a kid..

 

Its all in what you do and how you take care of yourself, before, during and after pregnancy....Sure...If a woman decides to use the excuse of pregnancy to sit on her ass, gain dozens of unnecessary pounds eating french fries, pizza and ice cream..i'm sure its gonna be a burden to come back around..,

 

.I mean, I have been working hard manual labor for 30+ years, 60-70 hrs a week in all elements,stressed the hell out of myself owning and operating my own businesses, and yet I am built like a stud....With your theory I'd be dead already...:laugh:

 

Those grapes aren't so bad after all...:laugh:

 

TFY

Oh and what do asses have to do anything? They are mot affected by childbearing the way boobs and abs are. Theres no reason for the butt to get stretched out the way abs are. :confused:

Even girls who come out skinny can still have looser skin and not so pert boobs from the childbearing process.

  • Like 1
Quiet Storm Established Member

Quiet Storm

Posted
Posted

I'm 39 with three kids and have visible muscle definition in the upper part of my stomach from doing planks.. The lower part, yeah I do have a little pouch and it'll never be tight, but it's definitely not gross. My boobs don't look deflated and I nursed all three. Your body won't be flawless, so what? I know childless women with stretch marks due to weight loss. I work with a childless 30 YO marathon runner whose face and skin are sagging.

 

Unless you are very self conscious or make a living off of flawless looks, I don't think looks should be a major factor in choosing to have kids. We are all going to get old and saggy eventually.

 

When I'm an old granny smiling, sharing, enjoying my family...the last thing I'll be thinking about is stretch marks and saggy tits.

  • Like 3
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

I'm rocking my bikinis with my loose skin over my abs and my breasts in a supportive halter. As a woman in my 40s, I have zero insecurities about these small issues on the beach. I know I look great, and regardless, I'm busy throwing a football or surfing with my kids :)

hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

Posted
Posted
I'm 39 with three kids and have visible muscle definition in the upper part of my stomach from doing planks.. The lower part, yeah I do have a little pouch and it'll never be tight, but it's definitely not gross. My boobs don't look deflated and I nursed all three. Your body won't be flawless, so what? I know childless women with stretch marks due to weight loss. I work with a childless 30 YO marathon runner whose face and skin are sagging.

 

Unless you are very self conscious or make a living off of flawless looks, I don't think looks should be a major factor in choosing to have kids. We are all going to get old and saggy eventually.

 

When I'm an old granny smiling, sharing, enjoying my family...the last thing I'll be thinking about is stretch marks and saggy tits.

 

A lot of women are quite self conscious about it. I try to be nice to preggy ladies.

 

Im glad you said your body has changed bc of preg. If i say sometimes womens bodies change because of the nature of pregnancy, i get singled out...:) Anyway, im sure there are,many women who dont regret having kids but at the same time arent happy with their new bodies.

 

I made it to the 2nd tri...I think exercise did help, but it only does so much.

autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

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I guess I just consider the amazing people my kids became to be a bit more important than my own vanity. Different strokes and all that :)

  • Like 1
truncated Established Member

truncated

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I work at home and am also raising my kids, doing the best that I can.

 

 

I get quite ticked off when people assume that because I am a stay at home mom that I am poorly educated, on welfare, lazy or something else negative.

 

I have a couple of post secondary degrees, and worked up until the point when I had children. My ambitions were to make the world a better place, and to me, that had nothing to do with moving through the corporate ranks or anything like that.

 

I work every day, and do 99.99% of he housework, manage our finances, do the yard work, etc., while my husband works outside the home and is away a lot.

 

I raise my kids to be good citizens, care for the fellow human beings and the world around them. Due to the circumstance sin their lives, I can't see them ever having kids of their own, which for them, is probably for the best.

 

I work my butt off every day, and I am happy. To me, my life has meaning and purpose, and I am quite satisfied with that.

hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

Posted
Posted (edited)
I guess I just consider the amazing people my kids became to be a bit more important than my own vanity. Different strokes and all that :)

 

Well... if i ever make it out of 2nd tri, im getting a mommy makeover. Plus, there are plenty of kids already on this planet who need homes. ;)

I am pro-mommy makeover 100000%. *nods*

Edited by hotpotato
autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

Posted
Posted
Well... if i ever make it out of 2nd tri, im getting a mommy makeover. Plus, there are plenty of kids already on this planet who need homes. ;)

I am pro-mommy makeover 100000%. *nods*

 

I'll amend my earlier post.

 

If someone wants to foot the bill, I'd be glad to have a mommy makeover. :D

hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

Posted
Posted
I'll amend my earlier post.

 

If someone wants to foot the bill, I'd be glad to have a mommy makeover. :D

 

Thats what husbands are for. :D

hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

Posted
Posted

For those of you who cant comprehend that some moms dislike their kids, theres a lot of literature around this. Mean Mothers is a good one as well as books about narcissistic parents.

  • Like 1
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

I am pro-mommy makeover 100000%. *nods*

 

I am pro-changing women's ideas about their post pregnancy bodies. It's one reason I proudly wear a bikini, even with my tiger stripes :)

  • Like 3
hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

Posted
Posted
I am pro-changing women's ideas about their post pregnancy bodies. It's one reason I proudly wear a bikini, even with my tiger stripes :)

 

Well good for you. :)

If a woman wants a niptuck, i full support it. :)

preraph Established Member

preraph

Posted
Posted

Don't let baby body be the deciding factor. Listen guys, I'm 62, never had any kids or been pregnant, and I look like I'm about to drop triplets. Saggy everything except lower legs! Aging happens whether you have kids or not.

Robert Z Established Member

Robert Z

Posted
Posted
One badly performed research study does not a rule make. Some people will be happier, some won't.

 

However, I fully expect certain types of people to cling to this as some sign of superiority.

 

 

They cited five studies, not one. And no one said anything about superiority. It does speak to the grand lie that getting married and having kids the only or best path to happiness.

mrnova Member

mrnova

Posted
Posted (edited)
I don't think there would be a "problem" if no one wanted to reproduce. A species doesn't care whether or not it survives. A species is a concept.

 

Regardless, there are over 7 billion of us. No one needs to be thankful that people are reproducing themselves like crazy, in fact, they ought to be encouraged to curb it. We live on a finite planet.

I agree 100% with this post. I read some where that there will be 14 billion people by 2125. This will never happen. WHY? We can barely have the resources for 7 billion people. More less 14 billion. I would wager to say within the next 10 years there will be a total collaspe. Probably a economic will be first. Then resources. this earth will not stand 14 billion people. Hell will freeze over before that happens. Personsonaly i can thank my lucky stars i have no kids. I could not do that to somebody to live on this earth. Things are changing rapidly. And it is not pretty.

Edited by mrnova
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thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
Posted
Then please post workout that will make post baby boobs undroop and skin snap back. Thanks in advance. ;)

 

Oh and dont tell me its laughable. Ive been pregnant 3x...Now i have that boobcake/pancakes look. When your milk comes in, you boobs inflate then deflate. Its like popping a balloon. After youve popped it, it is different from before. Im actually pretty lucky-a lot of women come out with sad, floppy sacks of skin. Dont belueve me? Go on realself or look at plastic surgery befores and afters. :)

 

Even in super fit chics, they show you wear the baby made their abs separate...Imagine what happens to a woman who wasnt super fut to begin with...

 

How do you know all these women didnt have work done? Many women get work done in their 30s and 40s, in part because of childbearing. Many women have boob jobs that look real ie 350ccs instead of 1200ccs saline over the muscle. :) Getting work done is very common for fitness chics anyway bc of loss of body fat...

 

 

I guess women spend $$$$$$ for lifts, tucks, implants after baby for nothing....Right....

 

Youd be dead...What are you ralking about? No one is talking about your manual labor!!! We are talking about how childrearing can do wreak havoc on womems bodies. :confused:

 

Also, women can have flat abs but still have saggy skin. Sometimes if a womans boobs are saggy from breastfeeding she might even *fasp* wear a bra that lifts them.

 

Lets be real...youre panties are in a wad bc hotpotato said. You know your rebuttal us ridiculous.

 

You really don't know what you are talking about...

 

 

This woman posted a pic of herself in a very small bikini, literally days after giving birth...All I can tell is a very small amount of lower belly fat....I suspect in less than a month that will be gone..But Im sure you'll contend that she had a boob job and tummy tuck directly after giving birth, right?

 

Also, I am sure you have seen the "21 day fix" infomercials? Another mom...Oh how her body has been devastated...:laugh:

 

Meet Autumn - Autumn Calabrese

 

 

Oh well.....

 

 

TFY

truncated Established Member

truncated

Posted
Posted
I agree 100% with this post. I read some where that there will be 14 billion people by 2125. This will never happen. WHY? We can barely have the resources for 7 billion people. More less 14 billion. I would wager to say within the next 10 years there will be a total collaspe. Probably a economic will be first. Then resources. this earth will not stand 14 billion people. Hell will freeze over before that happens. Personsonaly i can thank my lucky stars i have no kids. I could not do that to somebody to live on this earth. Things are changing rapidly. And it is not pretty.

 

Personally, I can predict another world war breaking out, and you are right, it's going to be really horrible.

 

The thing is that in many western countries, people aren't having enough children to replace the elderly that pass on. As the population ages and the boomer generation begins to pass away, there will be fewer people left there. Whether that's good or not depends upon who you ask.

 

The countries where there's a cultural tradition of having huge families, where they will keep on trying until the have a boy, or where the women ( and men) don't have easy access to birth control are at a high risk of a lot of awful scenarios. Too many people, not enough food or clean water.

Grumpybutfun Established Member

Grumpybutfun

Posted
Posted

Hi ES,

I don't know if my viewpoint is welcomed here since I'm an old poppy.....

 

My wife told me on our second date she didn't want to have kids. I was on board with that. A life with her would have been remarkable regardless of whether we had a bog family or not. I liked the idea of she and I against the world...

Then life happened and her sisters children were in trouble...needing a home....needing to get away from her drug addled sister so we adopted them...all three of them and I learned what it means to be selfless and paternal and though it wasn't always easy....my kids are like a little pocket of happiness I didn't know I needed. We are better for having them. I think the problem comes when people ignore their marriages for years while concentrating on kids and careers and then think they should be just as shiny as when they left them. My wife and I came first to one another because we needed to be our kid's port, a united port, in the storm.

However, if we had not had them....if life had been different...we would have been gloriously happy because we choose to be that way.

You are amazing just the way you are...as I have always said,

Grumps

  • Like 5
kilgore Established Member

kilgore

Posted
Posted
I am pro-changing women's ideas about their post pregnancy bodies. It's one reason I proudly wear a bikini, even with my tiger stripes :)

 

Go you!! That is excellent. I hope it works in changing a couple of minds

  • Like 1
kilgore Established Member

kilgore

Posted
Posted
Oh and what do asses have to do anything? They are mot affected by childbearing the way boobs and abs are. Theres no reason for the butt to get stretched out the way abs are. :confused:

Even girls who come out skinny can still have looser skin and not so pert boobs from the childbearing process.

 

To your point it is kind of unfair because women's bodies are very affected by having babies but men's are not. That said I don't advocate the surgery route; I think it's better for people just to appreciate women for the life they have actually lived

  • Like 1
hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

Posted
Posted
You really don't know what you are talking about...

 

 

This woman posted a pic of herself in a very small bikini, literally days after giving birth...All I can tell is a very small amount of lower belly fat....I suspect in less than a month that will be gone..But Im sure you'll contend that she had a boob job and tummy tuck directly after giving birth, right?

 

Also, I am sure you have seen the "21 day fix" infomercials? Another mom...Oh how her body has been devastated...:laugh:

 

Meet Autumn - Autumn Calabrese

 

 

Oh well.....

 

 

TFY

Maybe you dont know what youre talking about. Maybe age xame out without obviohs signs of childrearing, but many women arent that lucky. Do you understand that women gave different experiences? Hell, i even said that *i* was lucky enough not to come out like ive seen other women. I got lucky.

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