Should I think anything of this?

[fray5]

With this caretaker mentality, does this mean that she will compliment me and not really mean it but instead it's a way of getting validation back from me? -- I doubt she doesn't mean it and, it's possible she does it to get some back from you.

 

I think you should accept her compliments and only compliment her back if there is actually something going on at the time that warrants a compliment back. I would not feed her need for validation by just throwing a compliment back. Don't feed that bear every time. She needs to be able to focus on other things that help her feel good in the relationship as well.

 

OR is that mentality a good thing and she would be a very loving and caring partner I could trust? -- Yes and no. Yes, she would be a loving and caring partner, but don't let her do that to the extend of compromising her own needs or the needs of the relationship.

 

Having that mentality and whether you can trust her are two different things. She needs to earn your trust. They are not intertwined in anyway.

 

If she is so controlled by the need to be a caretaker -- you'll need to observe to what lengths she will go to do that for someone. If she is compromising things in your relationship in order to care for you, you'll have to pay attention. What I mean by that is, for instance, if she is taking care of the household finances and there is a problem, she may try to handle things herself, rather than involve you because she thinks it will upset you and cause you angst -- see what I mean? She's doing the wrong thing with good intentions, but that kinda undermines trust as well. It's a catch-22. Caretakers tend to minimize problems and deal with them on their own or hide problems even when the other person really should be involved. She thinks she's protecting them. You just need to observe carefully how she deals with things and interacts with you over time.

 

As far as you making her feel the way she did in the beginning? -- Just be the guy she's falling in love with now, less the anxiety

 

 

Thanks again Redhead.

 

I was worried that the anxiety i was showing would run her off but luckily most of that is gone now and I'm getting back to myself which should be great for her falling more in love with me and allowing the relationship to grow.

 

I'll tell ya, I had some family issues and just quit taking my medicine and went into this horrible depression type thing. I thought I'd be fine without the medicine but things got bad. It hurt my self esteem honestly thinking my gf saw me go through it and i hope she doesn't see me as that guy. i explained it all to her and she seems to understand. I guess I'm just wired that way but when I'm on the medicine, I'm carefree, fun to be around, and responsible.

 

Do you think she will think differently of me bc of this? I was thinking it was a good thing bc she really earned some of my trust seeing as to how she handled things while i went through it.

 

I'm sure MidWest can comment too seeing as to how she went through medications to get herself sorted out.

[Redhead14]

Thanks again Redhead.

 

I was worried that the anxiety i was showing would run her off but luckily most of that is gone now and I'm getting back to myself which should be great for her falling more in love with me and allowing the relationship to grow.

 

I'll tell ya, I had some family issues and just quit taking my medicine and went into this horrible depression type thing. I thought I'd be fine without the medicine but things got bad. It hurt my self esteem honestly thinking my gf saw me go through it and i hope she doesn't see me as that guy. i explained it all to her and she seems to understand. I guess I'm just wired that way but when I'm on the medicine, I'm carefree, fun to be around, and responsible.

 

Do you think she will think differently of me bc of this? I was thinking it was a good thing bc she really earned some of my trust seeing as to how she handled things while i went through it.

 

I'm sure MidWest can comment too seeing as to how she went through medications to get herself sorted out.

 

Frankly, if she is that much of a nurturer/caretaker, it will draw her to you even more. And, you need to be careful that you are not developing a co-dependent relationship . . .

[fray5]

Frankly, if she is that much of a nurturer/caretaker, it will draw her to you even more. And, you need to be careful that you are not developing a co-dependent relationship . . .

 

Oh believe me I won't fall into that trap again. I have a hypersensitivty to detecting codependency. However, I do think that a good relationship becomes dependent to a degree and helps make it meaningful having someone. and that is the balance I'm trying to find.

[Gary S]

As long as it stays on Spacebook and the phone, nothing is ever going to happen.....they have yet to invent a kissing app! As long as they don't go on dates, what can they do?

 

People love to make mountains out of molehills.

 

By the way, if she's the caretaker type, she's a keeper.

Edited September 2, 2015 by Gary S