Shes not interested anymore - want to send her one last ditch message. Good idea?

[nickf100]

Hey,

 

Here's Quick summary of my situation:

 

27 m > new to online dating > met a girl i> talked online for a few months > met up a few times > She ignored my last text and was slowly taking longer to respond to texts before that.

 

I realize this means shes too nice to say its over, she clearly doesnt want to stay friends either. I definitely still have a big crush on her and want to send her one last message, especially since i put so much dam time into her.

 

I know some of you will say not to since she ignored my last message but my gut is telling me i have to. What should i say? I was thinking somewhere along the lines of:

 

I know youve been busy with work and everything recently. It was fun getting to know you the past few months. Good luck with everything in the future i see good things for you.

 

Does this make me seem like a huge dam puss? i want to basically acknowledge i know its off, come accross as the better person and also maybe impress her with my maturity (long shot haha).

[Satu]

Whats the point of sending a message to someone who has decided to ignore you?

[nickf100]

My goal is to: acknowledge i know its off, come accross as the better person (gain back some dignity) and also maybe impress her with my maturity. bad idea>?

[Gary S]

Yeah, it's a bad idea. The best things to do would be to mirror her....if she has no interest, that's means you have no interest, and don't contact.

 

Plus, by rejecting her openly, you invite her to reject you back......and he who rejects first feels better about the whole deal. This is all subconscious, on a intuitive level........and you are not listing to your intuition......you are rationalizing instead, and just setting yourself up for harsher rejection with your thinking. Only fools rush in.

[Qboro90]

Yes that makes you sound like a big puss, sorry. It will come off as needy and a last Hail Mary effort on your part.

 

Also what you wrote that you would text her is a terrible idea. All that really is, is a reverse psychology attempt to try and make her react and say something that explains her distance and interest level. Girls tend to do that. "Hey, I wish you best going forward, and think you're a great guy". Lol, no you don't, you want to see me and are angry I'm not answering you. I used to get those texts from girls when I pulled the disappearing act or pull back and would roll my eyes when reading it.

[angel.eyes]

Good idea, you ask? Dude, you already know the answer to this. Most definitely not!

 

Does this make me seem like a huge dam puss? i want to basically acknowledge i know its off, come accross as the better person and also maybe impress her with my maturity (long shot haha).

Wishing her good luck when she has pointedly gone silent is a pretty transparent way to show that you're desperate to keep any dribble of communication going. Groveling for a crumb impresses no one and isn't a display of maturity. Quite the opposite. Please save your dignity and let this go!

 

Next time don't waste a few months chatting before you meet. Just meet for the date as quickly as possible. Regardless of what your heart might think, dating starts when you first meet in person.

[Satu]

She knows its off. You know its off. She knows that you know its off.

 

The best way to preserve your dignity is to just leave it at that.

[nickf100]

if she ends up eventually responding to my last text message what should i do?

[Satu]

if she ends up eventually responding to my last text message what should i do?

 

Cross that bridge you come to it.

 

If you come to it.

[nickf100]

I've literally never been so wrapped up in a girl before, its crazy. So i guess you could say there is some desperation there. Would love to even just be friends with her. The way things are now it seems like that wont even be the case.

[Siquijor]

Let it go.

 

 

If she's not replying to your texts she'll most likely delete anymore you send to her without reading them, making it pointless.

 

 

She's made up her mind so don't waste any more time on her.

[bubbaganoosh]

You want to suffer more? The stick a fork in your arm and feel the pain but for the sake of almighty don't send a text to a woman who doesn't want to be bothered with you. All that will happen is you'll become a pest.

[J21]

Don't mean to knock ya man, but that kinda text is cringeworthy. I did it before too when I was 27, so I understand where you're coming from.

 

The mature side of me advises you not to go through with the text.

 

But I also understand if you want to, at least you'll live and learn.

[Siquijor]

I've literally never been so wrapped up in a girl before, its crazy. So i guess you could say there is some desperation there. Would love to even just be friends with her. The way things are now it seems like that wont even be the case.

 

 

You gotta realise that in this game not everyone who you are crazy about is going to feel the same way as you do. The sooner you learn that the less hurt you'll feel.

[Satu]

I've literally never been so wrapped up in a girl before, its crazy. So i guess you could say there is some desperation there. Would love to even just be friends with her. *The way things are now it seems like that wont even be the case.

 

If she wants to have any kind of connection with you she'll let you know.

[nickf100]

When she does send me a message shes super nice, smiley faces, asks questions. In her last fb message she said it was good to hear from me then asked me questions only to ignore my response. That was 5 days ago now.

[Siquijor]

Rule number one, Nick.

 

 

Respect yourself first and foremost, regardless of how beautiful she is to you.

 

 

Start as you mean to go on.

[xcupid]

There is no point in sending her a final text. Bad bad idea. Forget about it and move on.

[highseas]

maybe I'll be a dissenting voice here...

 

Depending on how often you communicated before, 5 days are not super, super long. Maybe not ground enough for letting a months-long dating relationship die. If you communicated multiple times daily before, then it's long.

 

Is she busy? Has she mentioned what she might be busy with? Has she denied you when you asked her out?

 

I tend to be of the opinion that if it's "basically" done, there is nothing to lose already, might as well get a definitive answer (even if in the form of silence) and move on. You won't wonder in the future what if you had just given it one more shot.

 

I think it's good that she did ask you questions about 5-6 days ago. You responded and she didn't respond. Well, that's not good, but I don't think it is necessarily the end of the whole thing just yet. She might be interested in some other guys at the moment and you're not the top priority guy for now.

 

Even if you write something to her, don't make it sound like it's a farewell message. She may come back to you if other guys don't work out. Then, of course, it's up to you decide if you still are ok with her.

[h0000]

I don't see a problem of sending her a text but I don't like the idea of "final text". How is one supposed to reply to messages like "was nice to meet you. take care. bye"?

Wouldnt it hurt you if she doesnt even reply to your final text?

Wouldnt it hurt you more if she replied "bye too"?

[angel.eyes]

She had been fading for a while, and finally just outright ignored him. Since it's only been a few dates...not months...it seems she lost interest relatively soon after they first dated. That's why some of us are so pessimistic. OP himself admits that she had lost interest and it would be a last ditch effort to try and salvage anything out of this. I've been on the receiving end of this behavior, and the only thing it did was kill any possibility of me ever changing my mind.

 

Hence the advice to keep a modicum of self-respect and let this go!

[angel.eyes]

I've literally never been so wrapped up in a girl before, its crazy. So i guess you could say there is some desperation there. Would love to even just be friends with her. The way things are now it seems like that wont even be the case.

Let's be honest. You don't really want to be her friend. You want an opportunity to remain in her life so that you can impress her with your maturity and niceness. Then she'll come to her senses and fall in love with you. Sorry, but that's not going to happen. You aren't the first guy to consider the "just friends" maneuver.

 

She doesn't want to be "friends." That's why she's ignoring you. Rude behavior preempts anyone with self-respect from trying to keep the interaction going. Be thankful for that. The alternative would be watching her excitedly date other guys while you became mired in the friend zone, pretending to be the understanding BFF.

 

A lesson for next time: Don't spend a few months chit chatting online before you meet! You built this up and got attached before either of you even had a chance to figure out if you might like each other in real life.

[fitnessfan365]

I'd give it a week and then try calling her on the phone. If she answers you call or returns the voice mail, just act w-full confidence and say "I'd love to see you, when are you free to get together this week?" Then make plans and get off the phone.

 

If she doesn't answer and doesn't return your voice mail, then walk away for good. But at the very least, one thing you can learn from your mistakes is that you shouldn't talk for so long before meeting! In all honesty man, you should have a woman's number within the first few days of meeting her, get her on the phone ASAP, and make plans to meet up within the week. That way you don't get wrapped up in online/text communication w-a stranger. I mean it all starts over when you meet in person right? So you're essentially doing double the work.

Edited September 1, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[nickf100]

She was sick for a few weeks and just started a new job last week so she is busy but I know she's ignoring my message because fb tells you if theyve read your message she's also always online.

 

I've never spoken to her on the phone , just through texts / fb so it would be weird to all of a sudden call her up now.

 

At this time i know for sure shes not interested in going on a date because of the ignore, but when she does message me its always super friendly like shes happy to talk to me and i just get sucked back in. Its never one word answers or anything .

 

I suppose its possible im the back up, better than her losing complete interest i guess. Angel eyes you're right i dont actually want to be her friend, but if we were friends there would be a small chance of her being my backup. I think i could grow on her if we spend more time together.

 

This is the first girl i've gotten to know through online dating and yes i realize now not to wait that long before meeting . In real life i would become friends with a girl before asking them out but online is much faster paced i've realized.

 

It's pretty clear that the 'final message' thing isnt recommended. What would be a better way to approach a message if i do?

[Siquijor]

Ignoring you one minute and being super friendly the next? Sounds to me she's just playing mind games with you and getting a thrill out of it.