Like a guy at work alot, does he like me? **Updated**

[Qboro90]

This is why...he is obviously immature, a follower, selfish, and has a short attention span. Stop blaming her for everything, he is proving himself that he is a twit. You dodged a bullet, he turned out to be not suitable

for a relationship.

 

 

How did you come to the conclusion that he's a "twit" just because he liked a Facebook photo of a girl he works with who has a BF?

 

And just because the OP invited him to talk to her during her lunch break, doesn't mean that he's obligated to do so. And it also doesn't mean that he's not into her or is ignoring her either. He spoke to her that morning, the guys entitled to have lunch wherever he wants, with whoever he wants.

 

"Yea I ate with the group of guys last Friday because we had a fantasy football draft that weekend so we had to go over the league rules". (Just a random off the top of my head completely reasonable and harmless reason why he didn't go eat lunch with her that day). There can be a million reasons. Or no reason at all. Maybe he just wanted some time to himself.

 

Hes done nothing rude or inappropriate to her. There is no evidence about him badmouthing the OP.

 

If I was talking to a girl and 1-4 days passed and I found out she was thinking like the OP is, I'd run for the hills as fast a possible. This guy is just being a normal 24 year old.

[h0000]

If I was talking to a girl and 1-4 days passed and I found out she was thinking like the OP is, I'd run for the hills as fast a possible. This guy is just being a normal 24 year old.

 

Second it.

 

TBH I would never date a girl so obsessive and jealous like her.

[Versacehottie]

Second it.

 

TBH I would never date a girl so obsessive and jealous like her.

 

Yes, that is why I keep cautioning her to work on her internal issues. She thinks she is "hiding" her true nature from those around her and it is coloring everything she does and the interactions she has. She thinks she can somewhat "control" the situation by gathering information by analyzing every glance, every thought she thinks is going on in his head, in the temps head, every FB post. It's as if the gathering of info alleviates her anxiety for a moment and then creates more anxiety---not to mention in a somewhat twisted but common of pessimistic people, supports her theory about everything around her being unfair, bad to her and she will lose--these type of people get "some" gratification about being "right".

 

OP, you did the silver lining thing for two seconds and then followed by 5 paragraphs of your sh*t again. The same head stuff that is messing you up. I saw it last night and my point was so missed that I couldn't even respond. I realize that it's a process and it's not going to happen overnight. But as both of the guys on this thread said, if they knew this was what was going on in your head, they would not want to date you. Please re-read your posts on this thread and see if that is kind of stuff you would want people to know about you if this was not anonymous. I also encourage you to read others threads where they are having an issue (pretty much all threads on here). Fairly soon patterns emerge, where some people's problems are truly just a disagreement or not seeing eye to eye with a partner and are situational fairly focused on the one issue. Other people's "problems" are pervasive and actually not problems with others but with themselves. If you can remove yourself emotionally and read some other threads, perhaps comment if you feel helpful, you might see how "bad" your type of thinking is. You will not be able to escape it, unless you deal with it.

[ladyheartbroken]

This is why...he is obviously immature, a follower, selfish, and has a short attention span. Stop blaming her for everything, he is proving himself that he is a twit. You dodged a bullet, he turned out to be not suitable

for a relationship.

 

Agreed here even if the others disagree because he's just outwardly acknowledging the girl all the cool guys are talking about so that he won't get made fun of, like a school boy. Even my friends gathered this much from his actions when I asked them about it.

 

I want to really emphasize that idea that keeps coming up about "obligation" or "having to" do text, come see me, whatever. No one "has" to do anything so it's really a fouled logic to use that idea. I never once said he has to but in the world I'm from people make an effort on their own whether or be with a friend, lover, potential lover, etc.

 

Avoidance is not a nice thing to do for whatever reason. It takes literally two seconds to say hey to someone no matter how busy. According to the whole hes just not that into you philosophy... if he's not calling you, texting, etc he's not that into you. If he's thinking about and wants to see/talk to you he'll find a way.

 

On that note, I've been out sick all week thus far. He sent me a message today, it didn't say much, it was kinda masqued in the humour of the Russian accents conversation from last Tues. He apologized for having not been in contact over the weekend, he was on a secret KGB mission and that being that I have not been there I must be on one, too.

 

Much to your assumption I am not that eager to reply. We ended the week on Friday with an open ended plan to possibly get together if things align and left the ball in his court. I heard nothing from him until today and that's pretty weak.

 

If that's how you guys at 24 think it's ok to behave than maybe I should just be content to be single because that isn't "normal" behaviour, it's rude. Not in my my world. It literally takes 2 seconds to say hey, not going to be able to go this weekend after all.

 

Just saying. Given your impressions of me based on the stuff I say here it's not surprising that you won't find any validity in anything I say because you already think I am nuts.

 

And what makes you so sure you have never dated anyone who was obsessive and jealous? I have known plenty of women who were into covert activity to try and track their man's actions and it wasn't me. I was just an accomplice on their random drive by's, Facebook stalking, etc. Are you sure they weren't and you just never knew because they were good at hiding it?

 

All I am trying to do is keep from being hurt or humiliated by finding out as much as I can. If this was a more clear cut situation I wouldn't be feeling as distrusting towards it.

 

Either way, I am trying to decide still what I should say in response outside of telling him I am at home sick, thanks for asking.

[ladyheartbroken]

This is why...he is obviously immature, a follower, selfish, and has a short attention span. Stop blaming her for everything, he is proving himself that he is a twit. You dodged a bullet, he turned out to be not suitable

for a relationship.

 

Agreed here even if the others disagree because he's just outwardly acknowledging the girl all the cool guys are talking about so that he won't get made fun of, like a school boy. Even my friends gathered this much from his actions when I asked them about it.

 

I want to really emphasize that idea that keeps coming up about "obligation" or "having to" do text, come see me, whatever. No one "has" to do anything so it's really a fouled logic to use that idea. I never once said he has to but in the world I'm from people make an effort on their own whether or be with a friend, lover, potential lover, etc.

 

Avoidance is not a nice thing to do for whatever reason. It takes literally two seconds to say hey to someone no matter how busy. According to the whole hes just not that into you philosophy... if he's not calling you, texting, etc he's not that into you. If he's thinking about and wants to see/talk to you he'll find a way.

 

On that note, I've been out sick all week thus far. He sent me a message today, it didn't say much, it was kinda masqued in the humour of the Russian accents conversation from last Tues. He apologized for having not been in contact over the weekend, he was on a secret KGB mission and that being that I have not been there I must be on one, too.

 

Much to your assumption I am not that eager to reply. We ended the week on Friday with an open ended plan to possibly get together if things align and left the ball in his court. I heard nothing from him until today and that's pretty weak.

 

If that's how you guys at 24 think it's ok to behave than maybe I should just be content to be single because that isn't "normal" behaviour, it's rude. Not in my my world. It literally takes 2 seconds to say hey, not going to be able to go this weekend after all.

 

Just saying. Given your impressions of me based on the stuff I say here it's not surprising that you won't find any validity in anything I say because you already think I am nuts.

 

And what makes you so sure you have never dated anyone who was obsessive and jealous? I have known plenty of women who were into covert activity to try and track their man's actions and it wasn't me. I was just an accomplice on their random drive by's, Facebook stalking, etc. Are you sure they weren't and you just never knew because they were good at hiding it?

 

All I am trying to do is keep from being hurt or humiliated by finding out as much as I can. If this was a more clear cut situation I wouldn't be feeling as distrusting towards it.

 

Either way, I am trying to decide still what I should say in response outside of telling him I am at home sick, thanks for asking.

[Qboro90]

And what makes you so sure you have never dated anyone who was obsessive and jealous? I have known plenty of women who were into covert activity to try and track their man's actions and it wasn't me. I was just an accomplice on their random drive by's, Facebook stalking, etc. Are you sure they weren't and you just never knew because they were good at hiding it?

 

 

Face Palm....... Despite what you may think or who you've known that's done this..... It is not normal, nor healthy. Any girl who thinks they're being "covert" by doing drive bys and stalking social media are blinded by their own insecurities. I'm positive I've never dated anyone like that because the red flags that follow girls who do these things are apparent almost immediately and that's why guys pull Houdini disappearing acts.

 

Whether it's a sarcastic comment made that leads us to the conclusion that you've went through our social media activity, or a random attitude/sulking, we know when something is not right.

 

No matter how much stalking, info digging or background checking you do, if a guy is going to hurt or humiliate you, there's nothing you can do to prevent it. Prince Charming could come along who is the greatest man you've ever met and treats youlike gold.... And 6 months from now he could be cheating on you without any signs to warn you. If it happens, it happens. The only thing you can do is have faith in your judgement of people's character. If your judgement is solid, you'll date people who have moral standards and treat you right. If you have poor character judgement, you'll date guys who you'll always question of who hurt you. The sooner you realize this, the better off you'll be.

 

You said the last time you spoke to this guy was Friday. Today is Tuesday. So if he texted you to see how you were doing and where you were, that means he just didn't talk to you over the weekend???.... 3 days!?

 

You yourself said it takes 2 seconds to text someone. The rules go both ways. It would've taken you 2 seconds to text him Saturday morning/afternoon and say "hey, still down to hang out today or rain check?".

 

And I literally predicted exactly what this guy would say to you via text so isn't it possible that as a guy I'm actually giving you sound advise and insight into his mindset and behavior?

 

If you're expecting complete maturity and consideration then a 24 year old just isn't going to be able to live up to the standards you expect at this stage. Again, the simple facts are that nothing has changed between you two, the option to get together is still there if you cast aside your "he's just not that Into you" rule book to dating. It's a movie.... Not meant to be a step by step guide on how to read men's behavior and interest..... No matter how entertaining it is.

He's not ignoring you. He's actually keeping the line of communication and personal connection open despite your pessimistic view and probably actions towards him over the last week. Can't stress enough that this guy is not your boyfriend, he's not even a guy you hooked up with. No guy or girl will text someone daily or expect it at the current stage you and him are at.

[Versacehottie]

And what makes you so sure you have never dated anyone who was obsessive and jealous? I have known plenty of women who were into covert activity to try and track their man's actions and it wasn't me. I was just an accomplice on their random drive by's, Facebook stalking, etc. Are you sure they weren't and you just never knew because they were good at hiding it?

 

 

Face Palm....... Despite what you may think or who you've known that's done this..... It is not normal, nor healthy. Any girl who thinks they're being "covert" by doing drive bys and stalking social media are blinded by their own insecurities. I'm positive I've never dated anyone like that because the red flags that follow girls who do these things are apparent almost immediately and that's why guys pull Houdini disappearing acts.

 

Whether it's a sarcastic comment made that leads us to the conclusion that you've went through our social media activity, or a random attitude/sulking, we know when something is not right.

 

No matter how much stalking, info digging or background checking you do, if a guy is going to hurt or humiliate you, there's nothing you can do to prevent it. Prince Charming could come along who is the greatest man you've ever met and treats youlike gold.... And 6 months from now he could be cheating on you without any signs to warn you. If it happens, it happens. The only thing you can do is have faith in your judgement of people's character. If your judgement is solid, you'll date people who have moral standards and treat you right. If you have poor character judgement, you'll date guys who you'll always question of who hurt you. The sooner you realize this, the better off you'll be.

 

You said the last time you spoke to this guy was Friday. Today is Tuesday. So if he texted you to see how you were doing and where you were, that means he just didn't talk to you over the weekend???.... 3 days!?

 

You yourself said it takes 2 seconds to text someone. The rules go both ways. It would've taken you 2 seconds to text him Saturday morning/afternoon and say "hey, still down to hang out today or rain check?".

 

And I literally predicted exactly what this guy would say to you via text so isn't it possible that as a guy I'm actually giving you sound advise and insight into his mindset and behavior?

 

If you're expecting complete maturity and consideration then a 24 year old just isn't going to be able to live up to the standards you expect at this stage. Again, the simple facts are that nothing has changed between you two, the option to get together is still there if you cast aside your "he's just not that Into you" rule book to dating. It's a movie.... Not meant to be a step by step guide on how to read men's behavior and interest..... No matter how entertaining it is.

He's not ignoring you. He's actually keeping the line of communication and personal connection open despite your pessimistic view and probably actions towards him over the last week. Can't stress enough that this guy is not your boyfriend, he's not even a guy you hooked up with. No guy or girl will text someone daily or expect it at the current stage you and him are at.

 

Yeah, agreed. Why you fail to see that it is positive that he texted you with cute banter is besides me.

 

I will just say that all the guys that I know who have been in a relationship with a jealous/insecure and girl who stalks his moves, when they break up counts these as the biggest mistakes of their lives and a bunch of wasted time. And really look back unfondly on all that crap. I think you should worry about YOURSELF and making yourself the best and happiest, secure and thus a good pick for a girlfriend. You are never going to outmaneuver all those around you. All you can control is yourself. What is so so so simple that you are failing to see is that you are not presenting or being the best of yourself which is a fail on your part. I don't think you are nuts, btw--- I do think you are not in the best place to be actively pursuing a relationship. I wish you the best and am truly giving advice in the spirit of making your life better not tearing you down. Just trying to say SOMETHING to get through to you. If you want to stay in a dark, blame-y and unhappy place though, it's your prerogative.

[ladyheartbroken]

That unhappy blamey place is not a place I prefer to be. Trust me. Everything seems like such a struggle for me that it doesn't for others that I have to suspect it must be me even partially and as hard as I read into your posts about changing my attitude and stuff and understanding what you mean, knowing how to actively apply these ideas to my actions kinda just fades away when it's time to do it. But I'm going to carry these thoughts in my pocket wherever I go and do my best to redirect my thinking.

 

I told him in replying that I have been really sick the last few days (truth, I even have a dr. note). Now...if I was genuinely curious to know what was up with someone and they told me that they have been really sick, I'd express my sympathies in some way but maybe that's just me. Even on the most casual level it's a pretty normal response when someone tells you they are sick to say something along the lines of I hope you feel better or sorry to hear that.

 

Tomorrow I go back to work and it's my goal to mentally prepare myself to go in with a refreshed outlook and attitude, as if starting from scratch. I am there as a professional and thus I will do my job to the best of my ability, keep my mouth shut, expect nothing from anyone but be cordial and friendly when possible and get the hell out of there at the end of the day. Bottom line.

Edited September 23, 2015 by ladybeanandcats

[ladyheartbroken]

I don't know that anyone will read this. This is an old thread now but I wanted to just cap things off and give a condensed update. Since my last post here,

 

We began to communicate again and in that time, we went to the movies together last week to see Roger Water's The Wall. Kinda uneventful night. He invited me over to his house for the first time last Thurs evening, we hung out, played with his dogs, then his brother got home and we ordered food and ate while watching tv and it was late so I left.

 

The next day at work he kinda brushed me off but here and there there were text exchanges that were very nice. My first week back to doing my old job at my own desk, he called out that Mon so when he came to work the next day he replied when I notified him of this that he noticed and that he likes when he can see me from his bay. I replied about how he is in my line of vision too so it's all good. He had also asked if I could come give him a massage lol I joked about how when I get mine I'll come take care of him and he threw himself in there with the offer to demonstrate his skills that he'd be happy to give me one.

 

The other night we were talking about Judas Priest and he said how every time he hears them now he thinks of me. The next morning at work he texted me saying a cover of a JP song just came on the radio and he thought of me and our conversation the night before and that's when he invited me over. Friday and Sat night was really nasty out, cold and rainy, we were texting about wanting to cuddle, though no one actually suggested we cuddle together, I think it was implied.

 

Um... my parents went away this week and when I had mentioned looking forward to being able to blast my music and stuff he said if I wouldn't mind he'd like to join me or partake in the rocking out. So... the plan was to come over (this last) Sunday. He did, I was totally psyched. When he got here there wasn't really anything to do. I had planned to order food and I bought beers and stuff so we could party a little but he had already eaten and didn't want anything, not even a drink. We walked to the store so I could get dinner for me and I ate that while we turned on a movie and got engrossed in it. That movie ended and we picked another to watch. We were sitting next to eachother, I was drinking wine, as we relaxed a little I kinda melted in to his direction but it was like I wasn't even there. He made no attempt to talk or anything nor initiate any cuddling. It was awkward because I wanted to and he probably did too but to go from totally not interacting or ever touching beyond hugs how could i just like reach out and start doing whatever???? When he was ready to leave I was like I'm sorry, this wasn't very exciting was it. He was like no, it 'wasnt actually. We had a rather awkward parting sort of trying to make amewasnnds for the fact that it was boring. He admitted that he should have warned me beforehand that he's usually pretty boring and I don't mind that, I told him so and that just so long as he didn't think I was boring and that the idea of rocking out sounded good initially but he was having a kinda lazy day so when he got here he kinda just wanted to continue it. I could deal with just chilling and watching movies together, so long as he wasn't expecting something really crazy and fun but he made absolutely no effort to try and do something more interesting. It felt like he just wanted to sit there and being that we got involved in the film like... what??

 

So I invited him to come by another night if he wanted once i got my stereo in order to listen to music or whatever, try again, while I still have the house to myself and he said he probably won't be around during the week, that at the end of the day that's pretty much it.

 

So... he was in work yesterday and nothing. No texts, he didn't talk to me and at the end of the day he left. I texted him after much forethought just to say how I had wanted to cuddle when he was over but wasn't sure how he felt about it.

 

After like three hours he finally texted me back saying that would have sounded really good but that it was probably better that we didn't because he would have fallen asleep and also that he just realized his coat still smells like my house (my house is very scenty with max melts). I replied back about how there are times other (you know basically we can always cuddle some other time) and that he left without giving me that massage he promised so now what to do with the bottle of massage oil I bought and a winky face. He never replied.

 

He didn't text me all day and I didn't see him in my dept really. He almost came out into my work area once and I swear he saw me and went away so as to avoid me. i passed through the little office and he was doing his paperwork there so that he wouldn't have to see me or whatever. At the end of the day i was walking to the bosses office with finished paperwork and he was standing there in his work area so we talked a little, i asked how he was, he said he was really tired. I came back out shortly after to drop off more stuff and he was in my direction so I said to him with a smile, you look like you need a hug and he chuckled and just said he needed his 5 oclock appointment to show up (so he could get it done and go home) and walked away.

 

When I was clocking out and leaving my desk he was standing at the counter behind where I sit and we looked at each other and all so I stopped beside him and just tapped his I and whispered to text me later and he nodded and said ok but guess what? Nothing.

 

He's straight up cutting me off. I am pissed and confused and most of all very disappointed. I was really really in the mood for him on Sunday but I had no clue as to whether or not the feeling was mutual. I was trying to make myself available by inching closer, laying back with my legs resting on the coffee table and our knees together. When he went home my cat smelled like him and it smelled so good all I wanted was him in my bed with me. It's not fair.

 

I didn't even get a good shot at this and now he's pulling away. I am trying to make it gently clear that I am still interested but apparently that's it. One night hanging out together that wasn't mind blowing and he's out. It's not like we have even spent that much time together, we still don't know each other that well. He finally mentioned his ex in the middle of a conversation and I was curious to know more about that later in a more timely conversation since he finally brought it up.

 

I am not sure if he has just been leading me on and playing games to try and get in my pants but he didn't even try to get in my pants! How do we go from wanting to cuddle and massage and I smell good and songs are reminding him of me andhe is looking forward to hanging out and then when we are finally alone together he acts like I am not even there and then turns around and shuts me off as if I did something wrong?

 

Trying not to blame myself here but I can't help but be frustrated. I am very attracted to him, even briefly talking to him as I was leaving work I my underarms were soaked that's how excited I get by him. Back to sitting here crying, lonely, single, house to myself, horny and the guy I want to make love to is no longer available just as I am getting turned on. I'm sick of this **** and sick of head games.

[Leigh 87]

Look, he definitely isn't that into you.

 

Sorry.

 

Even the most shy guy would have likely made a move if you agreed to lie next to him on a bed for " movies":rolleyes: It sounds to me that he thought he may have felt potential with you but when it came down to it, he just wasn't feeling a romantic connection

 

He either wanted to get laid or, worst case scenario, aquire a booty call ( which is like friends with benefits without the friends part )

 

Again --the best case scenario here is that he did think he was into you at one stage but has since changed his mind.

WORST case scenario : he was never actually into you and he thought you could be a potential casualty candidate, but thought better of it because his level of attraction for you didn't warrant the risk of people at work finding out.

 

Some people will tell you that men can be shy. Well, my boyfriend is very very shy with women. Yet he had noooo issue at all with pursuing me..he waited an hour in his car where he wanted to kiss me and took the hour to get the guts to dk it. .and I had to be very friendly and open, I gave him a lot to work with and I made my interest and attraction to him known from the get go. ......

 

This guy definitely sounds ashamed of his fledging thing with you. You did make a point of saying you're not exactly popular at work and you're not considered attractive compared to the silly bimbos at your work. He sounds shallow to me. ..

The good news? I am never the most popular person and I am never the prettiest person in the room. Yet I found a boyfriend who is so proud to show me off !

 

Men are horny. If he was attracted to you he would have made a move. ....

 

Sorry. Please forget him and find a guy who wants to shout his enthusiasm for you from the roof tops !

[ladyheartbroken]

Well not to nit pick but to slightly disagree on a couple points knowing you are going only on what is here... he hasn't tried to hide talking to me at work at all, he even invited me to come over to chat at his work area anytime I want. Last week he came over to where I work and sat down in the extra chair to chill and bull****. I was done my work and there wasn't much else to do and he was waiting for the ok to continue what he was doing and we were hanging around until my boss got annoyed and sent him on his way. The other people we work with were right there so...

 

and also, there are some guys who really are the awkward or shy or whatever you want to call it. I happen to know one and his older brother has been sort of coaching me through this situation for weeks. I liked his brother and at one point people tried to fix us up but he's totally clueless and shy and barely talks. He is in his late 30s and never had a girlfriend. He's not a bad guy and he's terribly intelligent but he is just a geek. He was at the party I was at over the summer and he kinda just followed me around. Like he wanted to be around me but doesn't know how to go after it, he doesn't know how to close the deal.

 

I am pretty introverted myself so put two people together who aren't sure what the next move is and hoping the other person will make a move and this is what happens. I am not saying you are wrong but not necessarily right, not entirely.

 

My friend said to give it a few days and see which way it goes. I went through this a few weeks ago if anyone remembers, we didn't talk for days and he was ignoring me at work and then when I saw he had friended the girl from work I assumed it was over and he wasn't interested. I have low self esteem but I don't think I am ugly. The two girls at work aren't all that attractive either, they are just more social. The way the flirty one presents herself on her Fb profile is different from how she looks in person. She has very bad skin. Some of her better pics on her profile are clearly photoshopped professional images.

 

Also in regards to being shallow... his last girlfriend... the one he had gone Fb official with last year was not pretty. I think I am prettier than she was and he even made a comment when he mentioned his ex that she was heavier. In the context of the conversation he didn't mean this in a negative way, it was relevant to the topic, but he was obviously not ashamed of her. I have no idea still why they broke up but...

 

It still hurts all the same rather it's very disappointing because I don't deserve this. Even if we could just talk as friends I'd like that. I have received a lot of feedback along the lines of part of the problem maybe being him not being happy about his not knowing how to initiate stuff. He never tells me stuff in person, neither of us do, those thoughts come from somewhere. He even said he would have liked to have cuddled when he was here so... make of that what you will.

 

I just felt the need to vent and share and get it off my chest because I am starting to wonder if I will ever meet anyone.

 

Just for the record the first responder IS pretty, prettier than me, almost a prettier version of me actually and judging by her rather seductive profile pic men would notice you first. You are likely less shy than I am and more proficient at this than I am. I shared your response with my guy friend who disagrees with the idea about even shy guys making a move or trying that you have never met his brother lol.

 

I am not making any more efforts at this point. His loss. I wanted to rock his world and would have but he missed out. I am not a slut, I don't chase men and won't make the first move. I was willing to try if he was willing to make an effort to try again and maybe he still will, I have no idea, but it doesn't look like it so all assumptions about what he may or may not be thinking which I will never know. It helps to try and cope with the rejection trying to rationalize.

[h0000]

So, you say this is a case of two people together who aren't sure what the next move is and hoping the other person will make a move. Yet you get angry he didn't make the move and you decided you will never make the move. .. Why does he have to make the move? Why can't you?

 

 

Anyway. I don't think he is that shy, or he wouldn't have initiated conversation or asked to hang out at the first place.

 

 

I feel he had some sort of feelings but wasn't that strong. Then he decided to try and see how it goes. Then you acted rather passive/shy/awkward/withholding or whatever. Not exactly fun. So he lost interest.

 

 

If you really like this guy, make some move and be FUN this time. You may still get a chance.

[Versacehottie]

whoa! I'm only going to comment a bit of it not the whole thing. "it's not fair" and several of the other things you say and blaming him for not making the night fun is ridiculous. He came to your house. I think it's more on you to make it fun as you are the host and it's your space. By your own admission you had nothing really planned. I don't see anything that he's done to act like a jerk. You need to get your expectations in line. I think he has a life besides you and you are expecting too much at work. It's both of your workplace! You cannot get bent out of shape at every imagined slight--when he is probably just trying to attend to his job, co-workers and other things.

 

I think he keeps coming back to you in a hopeful way and obviously some attraction and shared interest. And then when he spends time with you realizes it is a potential minefield because of your expectations, vibe and just not being 100% sure that it'd be smart to proceed with you. He could be scared because of those things (my thought) or just scared and hoping you make a move. But the aftermath of after night at your place, makes me think he doesn't think it would be a good idea to get together with you. This is what dating is about gathering information to see if you think there's enough there to start something or continue going if you are dating already. He hasn't been leading you on. He's exploring and maybe deciding that he's not interested. Nothing wrong with that. I don't want to hurt your feelings but I go back to the fact that you need to work on yourself so that you are really ready to date. I'm not talking about looks or stuff like that. I talking about your thought process. I'm almost sure this is why a guy who was attracted to you and you have common interests is having second thoughts. I'm sorry but saying that for your own benefit. Good luck

[ladyheartbroken]

One thing I need to add, is that last night after midnight and after I last posted on here I went to look at my phone and saw that he had finally messaged me at 10:36 and he didn't say much and likely replied just because I had asked.

 

this was the message:

 

Hey what's up? Well I suppose you could use that bottle for practicing your Greco-Roman wrestling moves hahaha

 

It's very smart ass very generic and definitely backed off cause previously we were talking about cuddling and massages, he saying how he would love to demonstrate his handy skills and stuff but that was like I am not interested in that anymore, we have taken a step back.

 

I saw him briefly in work since I have to pass where he works to get to the office he was right there working on a car and I went to say hey and at first he ignored me but then when he saw me he stood up to face me and took his headphones out so we could talk... but otherwise no communication on his end. He looked miserable as hell all day.

 

I think he really thought he is so great and attractive and whatever that he would come over after building me up for weeks with all the flattery and compliments through texting and sit back like a bum while I entertain him and he make absolutely no effort. Or he lacks the confidence to make an effort. We had plans and he admittedly was having a lazy day and didn't mind just chilling once he got here. I offered him food, drink, and we ended up getting involved in a movie. He yawned mPost of the time, he didn't talk to me, I inched closer to him, he's the guy, I'm sorry but if he's interested it's his job to make a move. put an arm around me, whatever. He gave me nothing to work with. Which again is fine, i don't mind just hanging out and doing nothing but don't want to be blamed for being boring when he admitted right off the bat that he's usually boring.

 

Either way I don't know why we can't be friends still since for all I know in his mind that's all we were doing so what then would be his problem?? No one made a move so if it wasn't about sex and he wasn't interested in sex since we work together, still doesn't add up.

 

The funny thing is that I was getting compliments out the ass from other men at work all day. One guy went out of his way to compliment my dress twice even saying he rarely compliments people. The other guy stopping in the middle of our conversation to tell me that I have really beautiful eyes. Do they know something happened and they feel bad? Do they know that he was after me and because of boy code they backed off but maybe they know now that it's a no go so they are safe to flirt with me? I have no idea. He backs off and walks around like the living dead all day not talking to anyone and suddenly everyone else warms up more.

 

I didn't do anything wrong and I don't regret in some ways NOT making the first move. This is why I didn't make the first move because I realize if a guy likes me enough he will. Making the move will just make it easier for a lazy guy to get what he wants without any trouble.

 

I'd like for this all to be in my head and that like before when I was devastated thinking it wasn't going any further but eventually did that maybe he's just going through some **** in his head or whatever and this will pass and we will talk or hang out. There were often times when for days he ignored me at work but there's no reason why he can't text me if he wants to talk. He doesn't HAVE to text me at all, that's not what I am saying, but if he really wanted to talk to me, he would find time.

 

The only person who really knows is him unfortunately, what is going on. Even my mom said (who just got home today and asked if he had come over while they were gone) that it sounds like he just wanted to come over and expected me to jump his bones and that I didn't do anything wrong that nothing happened to warrant not talking after. It was awkward but I still felt like we left on good terms that we would just like normal in work the next day, he gave me a really intense hug, etc.

Edited October 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ladyheartbroken]

Do you really think that everyone is "fun"? That anyone who is in a relationship with someone is a fun outgoing person? Just something I am thinking more about. I know plenty of people who are socially awkward and introverted or just plain serious and boring who still have successful relationships. Not to mention when he invited me over to his house last week and I went, HE was the host, I was the guest, it was HIS turf, and it was pretty much the same deal. We sat there facing each other, he on the floor me in a chair while we played with and cuddled his dogs. We drove together to get food, we came back, we ate while watching football and that was it. I hear a lot of blame on my part for things not going well. I have to ask why he isn't expected to do anything?? Mind you most of our conversations that led to something were started by me. I texted him first in most cases and kept the conversations going. Otherwise they ended. Just saying. I just want to know what my next move ought to be. Does silence on his end mean no more interest? I thought that before many times but eventually we hung out again or talked again and each time it got progressively better. Nothing changed, I am always quiet and passive around him. From day one.

[ladyheartbroken]

I am browsing through other threads on here to get an idea of what other people are going through, how their paces with new people are, what they do together and how soon after, etc. To compare.

 

I am really wishing I was getting more constructive advice from users on here. There aren't many replies in the way of the pace of this as a new relationship, playing it cool or not, what is normal pace, etc.

 

Most of what is being said here seems to center around me and having personal problems and less so about the actual situation as it is as a relationship compared to other relationships. For every sentence of useful dating advice there are like ten paragraphs highlighting why I am messing everything up and I really think it's because there is such an established sense throughout this thread of my having an issue that can't be overlooked so that the topic at hand gets addressed objectively. I wish we could please focus more on what happened Sunday, how things should have gone in comparison to most other relationships, how both of us should have acted, how we should be acting now, what I should think or do at this point, etc. I mean my friend sent me a link to an event that maybe he'd be interested in, too. I haven't sent it or said anything else since last night out of fear that he's just cooling me out. Walk away now with my head high? Or ride it out in the event things are just moving too fast but not necessarily over. Is it maybe too soon to invest too much time together? Is it too early to even bring up the issue of what is going on between us, what we think is going on, how we feel, etc. I feel like it is but looking at other people's dating situations they are going home and making out and hooking up from day one and talking about feelings and where it's going within a month. No wonder I am at a loss. I don't even have a clue as to what he is thinking or feeling about me or what he's looking for or how to even describe what we are. This is the stuff I need the most help with, as appreciative as I am of any advice given here.

 

I get that at work we have to be professional I said that from the start when everyone was telling me I am probably sending mixed signals by not acting interested in him when we see each other at work.

Edited October 7, 2015 by ladybeanandcats

[introverted1]

OP, I think you are getting constructive advice, just not what you want to hear.

 

There aren't many replies in the way of the pace of this as a new relationship, playing it cool or not, what is normal pace, etc.

I don't think there is a relationship to comment on. It seems like there may have been some initial attraction but, for whatever reason, it hasn't taken off. Given the amount of time you've spent alone with him, that nothing physical has happened speaks volumes.

 

We can speculate about why things have stalled but you seem to prefer that we not do so. Fair enough. But I don't think we can address this as a "new relationship" because that seems to be off the cards at this point.

Edited October 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[h0000]

No not everyone is fun. Yeah some people can enjoy a boring person and have a relationship with them. But your guy is not one of them. He likes fun person and you are not , yet you are wondering why he lost interest. Well it's kinda obvious why isn't it.

He obviously made plenty moves and you just failed to excite him so he's gone cold now.

I agree with the above poster that you are getting advices but not what you want to hear so you are not listening at all . I think you know what you are going to do , you are just asking because you want to see someone else tell you the same thing