Like a guy at work alot, does he like me? **Updated**

[ladybeanandcats]

Oh wow, I didn't realize this guy was so young. You never mentioned that before. How old are you? Despite what you may hope, ages may be a decision factor in this entire saga.

 

And how did you find out so much about him and his ex girlfriend and the friends he has from his facebook page? You said that he wasn't friends with his ex girlfriend on Facebook. Then you said that she wasn't very attractive. How did you find that out? Did you find out her name then search for her and look through her profile and pictures? If so then I think that is a tad excessive and obsessive. And saying he knows lots of pretty girls also insinuates that you looked at their pics too and went on a bit of a stalkerish clicking spree to find out as much about him as you possibly could.

 

Actually not really, and anything that is visible to the public is, as far as I know or in my opinion, totally fine to look at. I was simply trying to find out if he was single or not, hence why when I saw the relationship status not far down on his profile, I checked his friends list to see. If people break up, they tend to unfriend each other. If they are still together, they are still friends. If the person's profile isn't visible but it is still active and just private or hidden so that only certain people could see it if I clicked the link I don't think I'd be able to see it. If it shows up, then it's searchable therefore she'd be in his friends list. If you're a guy you have to know that most women do this. I expect that people stalk my Facebook ****, too. Friend or foe. It's a quick way to answer questions we can't easily get answers to. This is a pretty important question to. But yeah, the majority of friends I skimmed through while seeing if hers was still there were females.

 

No one there knows my age but everyone thinks I am around their age. They hesitated to invite me to the party because they weren't even sure I was old enough to drink they said. I am 30. Age is just a number though, in my book. I did think of that though, he may have stalked MY Facebook page. Just to clarify... I didn't say she was unattractive. But putting myself in the mind of a man, which is why I used the term "in comparison to" she isn't flashy or sexy looking in her profile image like the other girls. She's not what would be considered "hot". Or so I think. Nor am I, that I know of. To me the temp is not hot, only in the many many photo shopped images she's posted of herself in bikinis. She IS friends however with at least two of the men in the service area on FB and they message each other outside of work, through FB and text. They are planning a get together at she and her bf's place. He said to her "it will be fine because your boyfriend will be there". So... yeah.

Edited September 3, 2015 by ladybeanandcats

[ladybeanandcats]

Oh wow, I didn't realize this guy was so young. You never mentioned that before.

 

Actually I do not officially know his age. I just overheard a coworker asking him once where he went to school and what year he graduated (2009) so assuming he graduated on time he is 24 (same age as her) or 7 yrs younger than I am. I graduated in 2002.

[Qboro90]

So keep in mind that he may be an incredible guy from everything you've seen and observed but due to his age there's probably still some maturing he needs to do. And the more you detail, the more we see that you really don't know too much about this guy at all. At least nothing substantial or "real" in a deeper meaning. Small talk and a few convos here and there at a work setting, a music similarity on the car ride home, and whatever chit chat and info you've picked up from listening in on his convos with others and gathered from your Facebook investigation. You've built him up to be a really amazing guy that you're crushing on. The littlest things like "is he looking at me while pumping gas?" Are things that are just making whatever there is between the two of you, appear to be way way bigger than it really might be.

 

That doesn't mean you can't go out with him. Just means that the tid bits you get at work and what you perceive from your point of view haven't really been much at all thus far. Generally speaking... You're the older woman,(you're still young btw, just saying he's going to think that you're more experienced and self aware Bc you're older). So that being said, it's time you grab the bull by the horns and ask him if he wants to grab drinks or a bite to eat after work one day. Otherwise... Like it or not, you're the same as the temp. Unsure of herself and his feelings, excited at every sign that he likes you or is interested. If he wanted to date a girl like that then there's plenty his age or younger that he wouldn't have to see at work if things didn't work out.

 

You have to show him that you're cool and casual and even if you date or hook up, that it won't make coming to work for him awkward or a uncomfortable situation.

[Versacehottie]

yeah i'm agreeing with quoboro (oMG, i can't spell it!) on his read of your situation. The biggest thing I have to add is do NOT let your jealousy, on this or any other crush or relationship, f*ck you up. I'm seeing signs that it might here. If you believe you are better girlfriend material than she is (sounds accurate), than roll with that 100% and commit your mind to the fact that you wouldn't be interested in someone who would pick someone like her anyway. That's essentially what you're saying but I don't think you really believe it or you wouldn't be getting so riled up.

 

You are thinking and focusing as much on how annoying and disruptive some twit temp with a bf is on your game. Rise above. Act like she is no big thing, just silly and you will have a chance developing a connection that is your own with him. Don't make her a factor. BTW, I don't usually comment on age bc I don't think it's that important but at 22 he may not be looking for a relationship so I think your best bet is truly be friends with him first and then see if it evolves. Flirt (ie don't put yourself in the friendzone) but let him be the one to decide to turn it into something. Take him to edge, let him do the leap.

[ladybeanandcats]

At the end of the day today as I was working he came over and sat down again next to me to take a load off. We started talking, long story short, about many many things. He said to in our conversation that he thinks he found my Facebook and he only knew because today he was doing paperwork that I had written up so basically he got a hold of my last name and looked *me* up and sent me a friend request. Our conversation flowed very nicely and I was able to shoot many of the things into the conversation that I had missed previously. He was talking about his family, he lives with his parents as I do and I won't go back and try to tell you every single thing we were talking about but at one point I asked him if was just waiting for his next job to do and he said that he was done for the day. He wasn't just killing time, he deliberately came over to talk to me. I told him how I might go to a place over the weekend that is having a labor day event and asked if he knew what it was, he knew, his parents had their wedding reception there. In short he opened up a lot and took an interest in what I was saying. He voiced a sense of my having an interest in history (which he was not doing bad, himself, in talking about things like Gettysburg and all) and when I told him I used to be a Victorian reenactor he seemed to rather like that.

 

It was weird because all day he really didn't come over to talk. He came over only once and while he was talking to her I made it a point to turn around and address him playfully as speed racer. We were talking about driving that fast and she was sort of talking like she knew because she went for a ride in his car, too, and eventually she picked up on that he had given me a ride home and I don't remember fully what her reaction was because I was so distracted by the moment. She later asked him if he had tinted windows but it sounded like she only saw his car as she was driving past it so who knows. I had a very socially strong day, making it a point to throw myself in there. Outside that one conversation and one instance where we were all together and it was kinda mayhem no one's attention was really on anyone. She went over to the counter where he was to talk to the one guy and I wedged myself in and got into a conversation with the other guy so it didn't look obvious but I feel like putting myself there acted as a buffer.

 

The supervisor walked by as we were talking and we were both technically done for the day but they probably thought we were just sitting there on company time goofing off. He said he'll probably get **** for it, and mentioned how at one time he got involved with the cashier that used to work there so they tease him.

 

I can add him on FB but truthfully he found my professional profile and I just haven't been active on there in ages. Good thing I went and cleaned it up a little recently since I updated my password. Just in case he was searching.

 

So... that is that.

 

Also I may be crushing on him but I don't think I said anywhere that I think he's an incredible guy. I reserve my judgement until I can take a closer inspection. Do people ever know that much about one another when first becoming aquainted? Not really. We begin with simple attention grabbers and common interests. There are just a set of characteristics I've observed that I have been drawn to which lead me to wonder if they lead to other ones that I'd expect he'd have given what I know. Just saying. he likes a lot of older music the way I do therefore he may not be as obsessed with the age thing as others.

 

My goal has been to just rise above, as you said. Walk in there with the confidence to shine as the person I am and let them know who I am and it's helped. the fact that he doesn't come talk to me during work may be because I am working and given the way we got sucked into a really lengthy conversation, it would draw attention maybe. She really does flirt a lot with everyone and today she was showing off her boyfriend to me on her phone about how good looking he is but he doesn't think so, etc. So...

 

We shall see.

 

Am not going to jump into things and not expect much. Just going with the flow and letting whatever happens, happen.

 

One question though... how does one keep from being friend zoned? What is friend zoned vs. being good friends first and letting it turn into something more?

 

Your replies have been pretty helpful albeit sometimes hard to swallow given their blunt truth. Its hard to illustrate stuff like this through words with 100% accuracy. He also now has my phone #. Should I friend him on FB even though I have nothing posted there really? Should I mention my other FB account where I actually post stuff?

Edited September 4, 2015 by ladybeanandcats
added thoughts

[ladybeanandcats]

I don't usually comment on age bc I don't think it's that important but at 22 he may not be looking for a relationship

 

He may or may not be. During our conversation, and I am sorry I cannot remember what was said enough to provide a direct quote, he made a comment along the lines of if or when he meets someone some day. It was also interesting how off the top of his head he related having previously been involved with a former cashier there to his sitting there talking to me. I assume he is single given the fact that the girl he went FB official with as of this time last year is no longer one of his friends. The last time she seems to have posted on his page was 7 May, I have no idea what happened between them.

 

I accepted his friend request. I told him that I did and he was like oh yeah, I saw that. I said I don't really use that account though, it's mostly for work and he was like well that's ok, I have your phone number.

 

My main question is how someone avoids being friend zoned, still. Define what this is, what to do or not to do.

[they]

He may or may not be. During our conversation, and I am sorry I cannot remember what was said enough to provide a direct quote, he made a comment along the lines of if or when he meets someone some day. It was also interesting how off the top of his head he related having previously been involved with a former cashier there to his sitting there talking to me. I assume he is single given the fact that the girl he went FB official with as of this time last year is no longer one of his friends. The last time she seems to have posted on his page was 7 May, I have no idea what happened between them.

 

I accepted his friend request. I told him that I did and he was like oh yeah, I saw that. I said I don't really use that account though, it's mostly for work and he was like well that's ok, I have your phone number.

 

My main question is how someone avoids being friend zoned, still. Define what this is, what to do or not to do.

 

I wouldn't worry about 'friend zone' nonsense, though I guess that's up to you.

 

How did he end up with your phone number?

 

Someone really needs to bang your heads together or something lol.

[Qboro90]

A few observations and tips:

 

- the Facebook request. Why wouldn't you just send him a request from the account you actually use? This is an instance where you're overanalyzing way to much about a trivial thing. It's Facebook. People send requests to people they barely know, people friend strangers, family. It's now a staple of socializing so all you had to do was send him a request from your personal profile. I doubt he'd ask why you had two but if he did then a simple "yea I didn't realize you requested me on my old work profile. Haven't used that in years so if you're gonna start liking all my pics and poking me Just make sure it's on the one I check". That's a logical and also playful response.

 

I think you need to keep telling yourself in the back of your head to not try and read into every little action or comment or remark and then formulate an entire idea that may or may not be close to the truth and reality of the situation.

 

- You said you mentioned you were going to a Labor Day event and his parents got married there.... Did you invite him or present the opportunity for him to join? If not how come? That was a perfect chance. If you asked him to get a drink that weekend and he said he already made plans then you could've followed up with "no problem, u just gotta make it up to me and buy me a drink there next week".

If that's too bold for you then the Wednesday/Thursday following Labor Day weekend you could've said "hey __ (his name), that bar/restaurant a few of us ended up going to last week and it was really fun. Come Friday if you're free after work, gonna go again".

 

- how to stay out of the friend zone? Well you're honestly positioning yourself pretty well there but there's still the chance to romantically involve/attract him.

 

I'll be honest, in all your posts, you really haven't said or done anything that if I were this guy, would lead me to have the slightest idea that you're this into/attracted to me.

 

You need to start pushing yourself to show him your interest. You even said that in all this time working together you didn't know for sure that he was single. It sounds basic but just ask him when the conversation applies. "you're single right? ..... Yes that's what I thought... So and so were talking about something and asked me when I walked by if you were single or not and I had thought so but wasn't sure."

Obviously you can make it your own but it's really no big deal to ask someone that. At some point you're gonna have to give him a hint of your interest, and a "you're single right?" will be the bear minimum to maybe make his eyes open up to knowing you're an eligible woman available.

 

It's entirely plausible that because of the age gap and your maturity that he thinks you like his company but because of his age, you'd be out of his league.

You're the older woman, so you have the responsibility to give him the confidence to flirt and move out of the "work pals" mode into the "post work personal zone".

 

Grazing your hand down his arm when you say hello, light push if you're bantering back and forth and he makes you laugh. Body contact is the biggest indicator of a girls interest. Now do not take that as me saying you should be hands on with this guy at the office. Do not do that. But if he's got a tatto on his arm or something like that, you can lift his sleeve "I just wanted to see the rest of it, never knew what it was really". Easy stuff to do.

[Qboro90]

One more point. You cannot expect him to come hang out and talk to you during the work day. That's unrealistic and not plausible. Remember that this is your job and his job. Just because you want your crush to sit with you and make your day doesn't mean he's going to risk getting fired to talk about Gettysburg with you at 10am when everyone else is hard at work.

 

Lunch, break times, once both your work is completed, after work are the times to talk.

 

But it's time for you to start probing and actually getting to know this guy. I'm surprised at how little you know about him and the unanswered questions that are still around after so long.

 

And don't be a "buffer" anymore. You risk being noticeably jealous or clingy if you position yourself near him whenever that girl or any girl gets close to or starts talking to him. This girl isn't a threat to you. She's publicly showing off her boyfriend and talking about how handsome she thinks he is. If she wanted the guy you like then she would hide that around the office. If knowing this you still are rubbed the wrong way by her then I have to think it's more of a slight jealousy based of how much more you have to offer than her, yet she's able to converse and socialize so much easier then you which is frustrating.

[ladybeanandcats]

I posted a long thread on here previously about a guy I work with. We worked together for over a month without actually having an opportunity to talk or whatever but I broke the ice finally and then we did start talking.

 

I asked him for a ride home from work since we both work late and my car was in the shop and he obliged and even pulled the car to the front for me which made me feel like he respected me.

 

A couple days later he came over after he was done for the day just to talk and he said he found me on FB cause he saw paperwork that I had written up and it had my name on it, he sent me a request, I accepted. I also gave him my number and the next day I told him I don't really use that FB account though, that I accepted his request. He said that's alright, I have your number.

 

Last Saturday afternoon he texted me inviting me to go for a drive. He picked me up wearing a shirt from the band we both love and got out of his car to greet me. He didn't try anything funny, he didn't try to find an opportunity to pull over or stop somewhere. When we got back he came in for a drink and we hung out on the porch for a while.

 

The first day back to work they put me in a different area so he texted me asking me if I was coming in. I told him where i was and every time he came around he came over to where I was sitting.

 

The next day was pretty hectic so he came over twice but saw I was busy and left. The next day I didn't see him at all and asked where he was thinking he left early or something. He came over briefly when he came out again but I was busy.

 

His texts started slowing down and two nights ago his last text of the day was to tell me that every time he hears the one song he now thinks of me and my ringtone. I asked if that was a bad thing or... and he said good because it's always nice to meet an attractive fan of that group.

 

I texted back yesterday morning to say indeed it is with a bashful face and he was like its good that we are speaking the same language. When i saw him after he flashed a big playful grin at me which was cute We texted throughout the day but he had two opportunities to stop by and say hello and he just like ignored me. He left early and I was still there so I replied to his last text and he didn't get back to m again til almost 10pm last night and asked what i was up to. I told him and asked what he was up to and got no reply and have heard absolutely nothing from him today, either.

 

I don't get what is happening and just feel like he is screwing with my head. He clearly likes me unless there is some sort of joke on me taking place among he and the other workers? When we are working I don't like to make it obvious that I am going out of my way to talk to him because I keep to myself and I don't want it to be awkward for either of us by stirring up gossip with the attention. Maybe he's doing the same? I don't know. He told me he was involved once with another girl who was the cashier there in the past when he was sitting next to me and we were talking for like 40 mins even though we were both done for the day? He said the boss will probably say something to him about it, like teasing?

 

I feel like I need to just let him make the next move and can't imagine what the hell could have happened that suddenly he's backing off. He told me I am attractive and he thinks of me in so many words but then starts ignoring me? I always read that if a guy really likes you he will text you, call, whatever. Are there really rules with this ****? I worry that maybe he's doing the same thing, not texting to see if I will text him, and if so by not texting him he'll think I'm not interested? I was kinda cool to him when I replied last night because of the fact that 1: he didn't come talk to me all day at work even when he had a chance to 2: he took so long about responding.

Edited September 12, 2015 by ladybeanandcats
addition thought

[ladybeanandcats]

The day he came over to talk to me we were both done working for the day so it wasn't impeding on our work time. But the guys come out from the shop with their paperwork and write it up at the desk and they hang around and bull****.

 

Update though... he sent me a text last Saturday inviting me for a drive with him. I was out doing stuff so we worked it out for a lil later and he showed up wearing a shirt for the band we both love and got out of his car to greet me.

 

He didn't try anything funny, didn't try to turn it into a stopping somewhere and making a move opportunity. When he dropped me at home I asked him if he wanted to come in for a drink so we had some hard root beers and hung out. I know a lot more about him now. The one thing, when we were in his car I put my hand on his arm to show him how cold from having it out the window and he totally clammed up.

 

Anyway, that Tuesday back at work they had me in a difft area because I am covering for the person who quit. He sent me a text asking if I was coming in today and when I told him where I was he came over to me to do his paperwork whenever he came out. I just created a new thread for advice where I stand now. Thurs night he sent me a text telling me whenever he now hears the one song he thinks of me and my ringtone. I I asked if that was a bad thing or? He said good thing because it's nice to run into an attractive Pink Floyd fan.

 

Yesterday morning I responded saying indeed it is He said well it's good that we "sprechen the same lingity" lol. When i ran into him after that he gave me a big grin, that was cute. But...

 

Basically he didn't really come talk to me at all yesterday though even at one point when no one was really there and I was just sitting there. He didn't even look over. We texted throughout the day. It took him til about 10 pm last night to reply to my last text, asking me what I am up to. I told him and asked what hes up to and I've heard nothing since.

[Qboro90]

This guys made plenty of moves already. At this point I'm sure he's thinking that "damn what do I have to do to get her to initiate or confirm that she's into me too?".

 

He comes over to your desk, he texts you, he comes and picks you up, he gives you a ride home. This guys doing all he can and you still haven't been confident enough to give him even a small opening or insight as to how you feel. The only compliments you've given him are "yea me too's.... Or indeed it is" when he blatantly was hitting on you and calling you attractive.

 

Guys don't like to have to spell out what they're thinking or feeling. And you're doing exactly that. Basically making him have to scratch and claw to get anything outta you. It's an incredibly slow pace and sometimes we will just get fed up of not be in the mood that day to literally walk you through interacting etiquette.

 

"Heyyy what's up... Haven't seen that cute face all day, when you coming to hang out with me??" "And yea I'm bored.... And maybe also miss you just a little bit haha... Seriously tho, come hang I'm dying over here"

 

Give him someeeeeethinggg to work with. I'm sure he's just aching for some kind of reciprocation at this point.

[Qboro90]

"He didn't try anything funny"..... Umm wouldn't you want him to make a move on you? Pretty obvious you like him, so what would've been funny about him trying to initiate a kiss or intimate moment? That should be your goal, not something to be wary about.

 

The fact that he came over to see you outside of work and spent time hanging out and is calling you attractive all points to him liking you. It's also showing his effort into trying to make things progress.

 

As far as the not texting you back till late or a unanswered text... Or him not taking the chance to talk to you at work.... Remember... You are NOT his girlfriend. You are not even a girl he's kissed or dated. He doesn't have to dome talk to you every chance or opportunity there is, doesn't have to text you or reply quickly. There is no requirement for any of those considerations so don't start acting or breaking down his behavior/replies/lack thereof as if he was your boyfriend. That'll just freak him out and be a huge red flag that you're someone who is going to be a headache to date.

[Snakechammah]

Hey Ladybean,

I read all of your posts carefully and in detail I want to give you support and encouragement. I do think you have a good chance with him.

 

It's obvious he's gone out of his way to get to know you better - keep the momentum going!

 

Keep flirting with him. Dress your best! Put on eyeliner, lipstick, anything just to lift your spirits up, feel that confidence, and your social skills will naturally improve.

 

Keep texting back and keep building that emotional rapport. However, don't put all your eggs in one basket - keep it cool - if he likes you back, that's great, if he doesn't, the world won't stop spinning.

 

Don't worry about the girl. Some girls are toxic. You can recognize one in an instant. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. If you feel she is a threat, you can acknowledge that and then keep a distance. Don't let what she says or do threatens your confidence. It doesn't matter if you 'lose' him to her. Just remember, if a guy is attracted to her (who is the polar opposite of you) he is a guy you wouldn't want to be with anyway.

 

It's easy to be swayed by a crush, but think of it this way, there's a lot more fishes in the sea. Keep this in mind when he doesn't text back as fast, or whenever you feel a bit hurt by his 'perceived' nonchalance, etc. Don't ever "react" - just keep calm - play it cool - "there's a lot of fishes in the sea" mantra!

 

Sincerely, all the best. Do update us. I am really rooting for you!!

[Versacehottie]

So wait, he went out of his way to ask you to go for a drive (the only real non-work related experience you've had already and to me, a clear sign of interest)???? That was major and your opportunity right there. I think he's backing off because you are waaaaaaaaaay overthinking small subtle things (looks here and there, coming to your desk) and probably coming off as lackluster, not that interested and possibly boring.

 

Asking you to go for a drive outside of work time and on a day off was huge move on his part. You keep dialing it back down to baby stuff. Get it together!

[ladybeanandcats]

He texted me Sunday morning and we messaged throughout the day. I invited him to go with me to the record store. I slipped it into the conversation in a natural way like asking if he's ever been there and he expressed interest so I asked if he'd want to go and he said he'd love to with me!! Things have been looking pretty good since Sunday. He came to talk to me first thing on Tues (cause he called out Monday) to tell me and trust me the way he said this was not creepy at all, but basically he knows when I am around because of how I smell (and I know that's awesome). I have to pass by this work area every morning now to the manager's office and he started the conversation to let me know this that he now knows me by scent and confirmed he was right in seeing me after suspecting I was around. So we talked a lot at work yesterday, even though it's hard cause of where I am now working.

 

This was the message he sent me last night:

 

Hey you! For future reference you can come bother me whenever you'd like, Guy (the boss whose office is right there) won't say anything. Also I'm sad i didn't get to talk to you at the end of the day. I wanted to tell you that I really liked the dress you were wearing today, you looked absolutely stunning in it

 

Oy. He came to talk to me today, too. Conversation just doesn't flow naturally for me with people so I get really nervous. I also don't want to get ahead of myself or scare him off so I'm having a real hard time taking it slow without seeming uninterested or trying to make more of an effort without getting carried away or seeming needy.

 

You guys have so much more experience not just in dating but socializing too I imagine. Are there even rules in texting?? I literally just started texting people in 2014. Different thing altogether... but yeah.

 

So we have that, a plan to go together to the town where that record store is together which is kinda far, about 30 mins from here and we could presumably spend time walking around, grab something to eat or whatever.

 

There's definitely something there and I am doing my best to indulge him without going too far so early into this. We are both seemingly in a similar position, a little shy and nervous. He's visibly nervous around me. I liked the idea of someone banging our heads together.

 

So I mean so far he hasn't really shared much information about himself other than what I've asked him so that's the one thing that bothers me a little. He hasn't invited me to do anything else, hasn't even told me his brother's name who he mentions all the time. Should I be asking all the questions and should he not be asking me questions about me?

 

Again, we're probably in the same boat. Not wanting to overstep our bounds.

 

You may or may not have seen the other thread I started but Thurs night he messaged me before bed just to tell me every time he hears the one song we know and love he now thinks of me and my ringtone. This was before over a day of silence on his part but then that broke Sunday.

 

So this is where we stand, now. I will definitely mention that I enjoy his visits to my little work area throughout the day. I really do. Every time I see someone with a red baseball hat on I feel a rush because he always has one on and that's how I can spot him when he enters the area.

 

Oh yeah. today he was standing over by where I am usually working with his paperwork and I had to get something from the printer so I made it a point to tug on the back of his shirt. He turned around chuckling so..

[ladybeanandcats]

P.S:

 

The flirty stuff seems to have stopped between he and her. In fact I have been trying to observe any possible interactions and it's pretty much come in and go about his business and be gone. She tried to interact with him the other day while he was standing there, she pulled a shirt off his back and he didn't stick around to get into anything, he went back to work.

 

That has really eased the tension a lot.

[ladybeanandcats]

"He didn't try anything funny"..... Umm wouldn't you want him to make a move on you? Pretty obvious you like him, so what would've been funny about him trying to initiate a kiss or intimate moment? That should be your goal, not something to be wary about.

 

You misread my point. It means he wasn't only after booty. I actually had wished he had done *something* like hold my hand or stop somewhere to look at the stars cause that would have been nice. I know you're trying to be helpful but at the same time I feel like you kinda downplay every idea I propose or every effort I say I have made and that's not cool. I need positive reinforcment too not just being told everything I am doing is wrong which is kinda what you do in every response, downplay every idea I propose or every effort I say I've made like I am not doing my share. I deserve some credit thus far after all it was me who first broke the ice after all and gave HIM my phone number and it's often been me texting first after a long silence. I've complimented his hair, I've texted him asking him where he's been cause I haven't seen him yet that day so...

Edited September 17, 2015 by ladybeanandcats

[Qboro90]

You misread my point. It means he wasn't only after booty. I actually had wished he had done *something* like hold my hand or stop somewhere to look at the stars cause that would have been nice. I know you're trying to be helpful but at the same time I feel like you kinda downplay every idea I propose or every effort I say I have made and that's not cool. I need positive reinforcment too not just being told everything I am doing is wrong which is kinda what you do in every response, downplay every idea I propose or every effort I say I've made like I am not doing my share. I deserve some credit thus far after all it was me who first broke the ice after all and gave HIM my phone number and it's often been me texting first after a long silence. I've complimented his hair, I've texted him asking him where he's been cause I haven't seen him yet that day so...

 

My apologies if you have been put off by any of my replies, simply trying to get you into the mindset that this guy has shown clear interest in you with multiple actions and therefore you shouldn't have to worry anymore about "does he like me? whats his deal? is he just being nice?". The hard part is over. There is mutual attraction and compliments to you for building it up to this point.

 

Dont stress about the texting etiquette either. Texting is a way for you both to flirt back and forth during or after work. But also keep in mind that you don't want to read to much into every text or word written. Texting eliminates the ability to truly tell what the other person is trying to say by gauging their body language or tone of voice. So you/he may write something and have it sound a certain way in their head and then the reader may read it and interpret it completely different. So caution yourself on doing that and making too much over texts. "Hey, excited about Friday (or whenever ur going to the record store)…was just thinking if you wanna grab food after or before let me know, theres a few places i think are around there where we can go."

 

Or you can put the ball in his court "hey do u know any places that are good to eat/drink around the record store? Not sure if u wanna grab something afterwards but i couldn't remember if theres anything close by where we could go"

 

Just trust the fact that he's already very into the idea of spending time with you and is blatantly complimenting you at various times. Feel free to play on that and flirtatiously tease back and forth via text. You can also ask him if he wouldn't mind picking you up, that way its clearly defined as a date and I'm sure he will jump at the chance.

 

At this point its up to you about moving forward physically but look for things he says or does that hint he wants to kiss you. And if you want to then let him proceed without feeling he has to ask you first. Best of Luck

[ladybeanandcats]

Thank you for your response and advice about not just texting but everything. It's hard cause I've only had one relationship and I was with the guy since 19 for just over 10 years so... I missed out on a lot of crucial dating experience. Part of why I held on so long even when I knew things were going downhill between us was this fear that this would be my situation after. Alone and clueless about how to meet someone else.

 

He's very hot and cold and I think that is a bad sign. We were texting back and forth pretty good the day before yesterday and I sent him a message Wed night and followed up with how he has to read it in a Russian accent and as I was getting ready for work yesterday morning (Thurs) I was thinking about him, wondering if I'll get to talk to him at work or whatever and he messaged me to reply to my last comment saying it is a lot funnier in the accent and say good morning. It was nice. When i got to work he was right there as I went to the office and said good morning. He followed me in to say something silly to me in a RUssian accent and it was a nice start tot h day. All day i was prepped to sexy flirty tell him whenever he'd come over not to come over and do that accent while I'm working cause I really liked it but he never did. We texted throughout the day though and it ended when I went on lunch and said I was going out to grab food and asked if he wanted a drink or something while I am out cause he previously told me how he just wants to go home cause it's really hot and stuff. So i figured that would be nice to offer.

 

He didn't text me at all the rest of the day nor today.

 

He was standing in line at the lunch truck this morning and they were laughing about something when I came out to get something and as I passed him we looked at each other and I smiled but he kinda looked away like and the smile went away. i swear to God it's like he knew he was avoiding me on purpose and felt like an ass or what. Or maybe he thought I was avoiding him because I didn't text him all night but it's time to see if he makes a move on his own.

 

Anyway, he didn't really come around but I was super busy and stressed out so it wouldn't have worked. On my lunch break I took him up on his welcoming me to come over anytime to bother him as I was walking by and he welcomed me. The guy who works beside him was sort of sitting in on our conversation and smiling (I wonder if he knows anything is going on like if they've talked at all) anyway I told him I had to get back to work but to stop by later since I can't leave.

 

He eventually did and he still seemed interested in going on our trip to the record store but he has to work tomorrow. I left it pretty open cause I don't really care when I am going I was just like well if you want to go, whenever, I;m not in a hurry to get there or anything, just hit me up.

 

I was standing at my car after work and he drove by as he was leaving, first time we've ever crossed paths after work in the parking lot, and he slowed down and looked over at me. He had a cigarette in his mouth and I turned to him when I saw him there and smiled but then he just kept going and drove off. Like I was a little surprised that he didn't stop to talk so...

 

I am about to just write the whole thing off cause he's hot one minute ice cold the next. He's deliberately being confusing or maybe he's confused about what's going on or what he feels or will allow to happen. Maybe he likes me but is afraid to get involved. Maybe someone at work was teasing him? THis is why I try to keep things really professional between us at work so that it wouldn't create attention towards us.

 

The other thing not sitting well with me outside of him seemingly not texting me if I don't text him first now, is that like two-three a week he's friending these really skanky slutty looking women on Facebook. Most are local so either he's out picking up chicks when normally he tells me he's at home hanging with his bro or whatever or just trying to look like a stud by friending women that will impress the other men. I know we aren't really involved or anything but it still seems a concern like maybe he's just a smooth talker and I'm just one of many cute girls he likes to collect along the way.

 

So... unless he makes the next move, I need to just move on cause I don't have time for games. I can't spend every other day or every other other day sitting and wondering if he's avoiding me between the days he acts like he's genuinely interested. Like I am willing to just go slow and take things as they come and if he's trying to go slow fine but I don't like feeling like he's just toying with my emotions, stringing me along by throwing me a few peanuts here and there just to retain my interest like putting me in standby. I try to feel reassured by your idea that being that we are so uninvolved I shouldn't expect texts at any particular pace or anything so even if he's not texting not to freak out. It seems odd that if he did like me in the way his compliments have indicated he wouldn't text me more often. What I don't want to do is accidentally make him think I am no longer interested by purposely not texting while waiting to see if he will or not. I highly doubt he's sitting there waiting for me to text and even if and when I do he's likely just to text back just to be nice. That's what I need to figure out. If he's just indulging me just to keep from being seen as a prick.

Edited September 18, 2015 by ladybeanandcats

[Qboro90]

This is what I just cautioned you about lol..... Reading into texts, time frames between getting them and replies, etc.

 

You're also giving off mixed signals if you're trying to act mostly professional at work yet you're also texting him throughout your work day. So your sending him texts and trying to be playful but then not showing that same person when you visit his desk or cross paths? Remember this guy is not your boyfriend. Trying to figure out why he didn't stop on his way home from work and the meaning behind it is too much tbh.

 

And the only reason I'm saying this is because I can almost guarantee you that if you told him just your thought process and how you're ready to "move on" as you wrote in your last post.... That he would have absolutely No idea how you flipped so quickly or what led you to that mindset. Guys in general and especially guys his age are pretty simple. And not saying it in a mature or educational type way. What you see is what you get. There's no plot behind what he's saying or when he's coming to talk to you and why. He just feels like it so that's when he does it.

 

Try not to judge his actions on a daily or even weekly basis. You still can hang out and go to the record story and grab lunch or drinks and have an incredible time. Nothing's changed. No need to sabotage it prematurely.

[Versacehottie]

 

Try not to judge his actions on a daily or even weekly basis. You still can hang out and go to the record story and grab lunch or drinks and have an incredible time. Nothing's changed. No need to sabotage it prematurely.

 

Try not to judge in on an HOURLY basis. Seriously. Don't get upset that I'm telling you this but you are WAY too invested. You need to lighten up and just have fun with it. That will be your best chance with him AND to protect yourself. Please start dating someone else as well. You are putting too much focus on this one guy and you work with him! It will be torture if for some reason it doesn't work out because of way you've approached it.

 

My suggestion would be to keep it professional at work but let him know that you are doing that for both of your sakes. Just say it casually in a sentence or two. Then you can send texts to each other during the day but you don't need to worry about him stopping by your desk and every move he makes. IMO, now that you have a relationship outside of work, you should fully explore that and leave the work interactions in the dust. Plus stop stalking his FB. It's just ruining your confidence. So he's adding a ton of cheesy girls? You don't need to see it on FB. If you are not dating exclusively, until you agree to, ASSUME he dates and flirts with others. That way you won't go crazy. Single guys do this. This is way single people do. This is what you should be doing until you are not single. Spread the wealth of your choices and your awesomeness to others until someone tries to pin YOU down, rather than the other way around. You won't go thru these crazy ups and downs as much and you will see what someone is really offering compared to others. Acting proactively for what you want in your life will help with your anxiety and confidence which will help you get what you want.

[La.Primavera]

Maybe he likes me but is afraid to get involved. Maybe someone at work was teasing him? THis is why I try to keep things really professional between us at work so that it wouldn't create attention towards us.

 

I think that is very wise. There has been flirting for sure and he wants you to fancy him, but his intentions are not obvious beyond that. If coworkers are smiling when they see you together then the chance is they know something is going on, or worse he could also be talking about you behind your back.

 

Of course I don't know if that is the case but I have witnessed it before with two coworkers a few years ago. He did everything he could to charm her until he knew she interested and then started blowing hot and cold. I saw the messages he sent her and saw how he acted towards her so I can see why she feel for it. However what she didn't know until later was that he was talking about her behind her back to other colleagues, making her out to be the one chasing him like a lovesick puppy. To him it was a huge ego boost, but for her it meant an unfair loss of her reputation and many hurt feelings.

 

I'm not saying that is the case here, just that putting your professional reputation first is a sensible plan. It is always best to be cautious of getting involved with coworkers.

 

All the best.

[Snakechammah]

I'm sorry to hear that, Lady Bean.

 

THIS is why we girls need to keep it cool. Remember what I said about "there are other fishes in the sea?"

 

When one door closes, another one will always open.

 

Now if he likes you, you respond. If he stops, so do you.

 

PS: He is 22 and you are 30. Think about what you really want out of this.

[Qboro90]

Try not to judge in on an HOURLY basis. Seriously. Don't get upset that I'm telling you this but you are WAY too invested. You need to lighten up and just have fun with it. That will be your best chance with him AND to protect yourself. Please start dating someone else as well. You are putting too much focus on this one guy and you work with him! It will be torture if for some reason it doesn't work out because of way you've approached it.

 

My suggestion would be to keep it professional at work but let him know that you are doing that for both of your sakes. Just say it casually in a sentence or two. Then you can send texts to each other during the day but you don't need to worry about him stopping by your desk and every move he makes. IMO, now that you have a relationship outside of work, you should fully explore that and leave the work interactions in the dust. Plus stop stalking his FB. It's just ruining your confidence. So he's adding a ton of cheesy girls? You don't need to see it on FB. If you are not dating exclusively, until you agree to, ASSUME he dates and flirts with others. That way you won't go crazy. Single guys do this. This is way single people do. This is what you should be doing until you are not single. Spread the wealth of your choices and your awesomeness to others until someone tries to pin YOU down, rather than the other way around. You won't go thru these crazy ups and downs as much and you will see what someone is really offering compared to others. Acting proactively for what you want in your life will help with your anxiety and confidence which will help you get what you want.

 

 

Perfectly stated.. This is great advice. All your attention and focus is on this one guy. No one here is saying you can't like and be interested in him. But you've leaped forward so far in advance on an emotional investment level that if you guys did end up getting together, he'd be playing catch up from the get go and you then wonder "is he holding back/does he really want a relationship... Etc".

 

Find some other eggs and place them in a couple other baskets. Step back and realize only what you know for sure on the very surface level

1. He enjoys spending time and talking with you.

2. He's made it clear that he's interested in getting together outside of work therefore it's not it's a business relationship.

3. He finds you attractive and has given you multiple compliments. Lately they've increased.

4. He doesn't blow you off completely or ignore you without reason.

5. He's confirmed he'd like to go on a date with you to the record store.

 

That's all you should look at. Nothing else. All the other "looks" or "how the guy next to him smiled when I came over" and so on are completely irrelevant and only your projection of how you're seeing things. And while I understand you are the one who is actually there witnessing it, it's only going to drive you crazy and potentially ruin a good thing before it even gets started. I don't want to see that happen to you so all the advice you've gotten this far is aimed at protecting you And addressing your best interests.

 

And if the record store feels like it's too much work to coordinate, then don't feel the need to force that specific activity to happen. If your schedules or other priorities clash that day then you can just as easily say "you wanna grab a drink somewhere instead? Might be easier with what we both have going on... Can always hit up the record store next week if you keep playing your cards right".

 

Or "weathers kinda crappy/ended up having to run some extra errands that took longer than expected...If you want you can come by my place and we'll figure something out. Unless you had something else in mind... Feel free Hun"