Too soon to go to the guy's house?

[No_Go]

Hey VH, I totally agree that I wrote it black-and-white, "categorizing" the daters.

Let me rephrase what I was trying to say: the exact timing of the first sex is not likely to change the relationship potential between 2 people. If they discover they're not compatible after X amount of dates, they'll terminate the dating process regardless of being intimate or not prior to the X date.

 

Really? No-Go, I love you but don't agree at all. Your statement presumes guys are either one or the other going into the dating period (Player or 100% Looking for Relationship). I think men (and most women too) are in the middle-ish, gray area. Wanting a relationship if it seems right to them. So they accumulate information along the dates that help them come to that conclusion: is this the right girl (or guy) for me to want a relationship with.

[Versacehottie]

Hey VH, I totally agree that I wrote it black-and-white, "categorizing" the daters.

Let me rephrase what I was trying to say: the exact timing of the first sex is not likely to change the relationship potential between 2 people. If they discover they're not compatible after X amount of dates, they'll terminate the dating process regardless of being intimate or not prior to the X date.

 

Hey No-Go, yeah I get that's what you meant and I still don't agree because most people operating the grey area of not really knowing what they want or it being conditional based on the interactions with the one they are dating. Unfortunately, sex for most people cannot easily be compartmentalized and will influence the decision on whether to continue dating based on thing unrelated to the actual act itself. People get into their heads and for a lot of people it changes how they would otherwise interact with the new dating partner and how it is perceived. I think the majority of the time most people need a stronger, connection base with each other so that doubts that creep in from being intimate too soon for most people don't mess up a perfectly good potential relationship. Just my opinion but I have seen more than enough evidence that this is the case.

[pteromom]

I don't really know what a third or 4th or fifth date sex will prove compared to second date sex?

 

You have a much better idea of who the guy you are having sex with is.

 

OP, yes, it is too early.

 

Get to know him a little first.

 

Unless you just want sex. Then go for it.

 

But if you are trying to build a relationship, wait a bit.

[No_Go]

I see, I haven't thought about the difficulty compartmentalizing intimacy from other aspects of a relationship, but I now see the point.

 

It is funny how we make conclusions based on personal experiences. Here I was totally looking from my own perspective. I easily detach physical/emotional, probably that's why my relationships have become sexual very early on (and I've been into relationships with all people that I've got intimate with). However, I forgot that: 1) I have very small sample 2) people think differently than me (haha, this makes me think that's why my 1st boyfriend questioned that he was my first for months - i was not attached to him at all, and all happened rather quickly...memories).

 

 

Hey No-Go, yeah I get that's what you meant and I still don't agree because most people operating the grey area of not really knowing what they want or it being conditional based on the interactions with the one they are dating. Unfortunately, sex for most people cannot easily be compartmentalized and will influence the decision on whether to continue dating based on thing unrelated to the actual act itself. People get into their heads and for a lot of people it changes how they would otherwise interact with the new dating partner and how it is perceived. I think the majority of the time most people need a stronger, connection base with each other so that doubts that creep in from being intimate too soon for most people don't mess up a perfectly good potential relationship. Just my opinion but I have seen more than enough evidence that this is the case.

[Versacehottie]

I see, I haven't thought about the difficulty compartmentalizing intimacy from other aspects of a relationship, but I now see the point.

 

It is funny how we make conclusions based on personal experiences. Here I was totally looking from my own perspective. I easily detach physical/emotional, probably that's why my relationships have become sexual very early on (and I've been into relationships with all people that I've got intimate with). However, I forgot that: 1) I have very small sample 2) people think differently than me (haha, this makes me think that's why my 1st boyfriend questioned that he was my first for months - i was not attached to him at all, and all happened rather quickly...memories).

 

Yeah, the real reason it matters is a person only knows him or herself. So if they can have sex early on without reading into, it doesn't mean the other person can. So unfortunately a person might blow it with someone just because they don't know them well enough and assuming that sex won't change things.

[phineas]

If you screw him on the second date don't be surprised if he doesn't ask you out a 3rd time. I mean, he might but your chances decrease exponentially.

 

If she is good.

He WILL call after.

If she is average or bad....not so much.

[abby_tx]

Well I think I made a mistake. We made plans out of the house but after he invited me to his place to watch a movie. As soon as I walked in, we started kissing. We didn't take our pants off, but made out for an hour. It was reaaaally good. I feel stupid though because today he's been acting weird. He usually texts an annoying amount but today just a couple quick things. I worry he thinks I'm too loose, too rigid, or my boobs were too small (ha).

 

But damnit now I really want to have sex. I just know I shouldn't cause I might get attached.

[abby_tx]

People who say he won't call if we have sex on the second date... I don't get it. If I get free cheesecake someplace, I'm gonna go again cause I LOVE cheesecake. I'm not gonna be like "that cheesecake was free and too accessible. Better not eat that."

[elaine567]

Well I think I made a mistake. We made plans out of the house but after he invited me to his place to watch a movie. As soon as I walked in, we started kissing. We didn't take our pants off, but made out for an hour. It was reaaaally good. I feel stupid though because today he's been acting weird. He usually texts an annoying amount but today just a couple quick things. I worry he thinks I'm too loose, too rigid, or my boobs were too small (ha).

 

But damnit now I really want to have sex. I just know I shouldn't cause I might get attached.

 

OK, he is perhaps acting weird, as he didn't get what he was after last night.

Be careful.

[elaine567]

People who say he won't call if we have sex on the second date... I don't get it. If I get free cheesecake someplace, I'm gonna go again cause I LOVE cheesecake. I'm not gonna be like "that cheesecake was free and too accessible. Better not eat that."

 

That is because some men like the chase and once they get it or they don't think they are going to ever get it without a lot of hassle, they loose interest.

They move on to the next bit of free cheesecake.

Variety is also important to that type of man. Why would they want strawberry cheesecake every night, when it is possible to get raspberry, cherry, chocolate, pineapple etc. etc. ?

[Versacehottie]

People who say he won't call if we have sex on the second date... I don't get it. If I get free cheesecake someplace, I'm gonna go again cause I LOVE cheesecake. I'm not gonna be like "that cheesecake was free and too accessible. Better not eat that."

 

You know, I feel for guys who get a bad rap for only wanting sex. That isn't true. They want a connection too and need to get the connection in the form of a girl who they don't find unchallenging (that doesn't mean playing hard to get but I will save that for another post). If he only wants sex, then your theory stands and he should want to see more of you for sex. If he's looking for a relationship, he's in the grey part of what most people do that I think I was talking about on this thread and may now be a little confused. It's a good push/pull that's necessary for all of us. If a guy was standing there on the first date saying I'm dying to be in a relationship with you, when can we get married--you would mostly likely be running the other way.

 

Things that people are giving away for free have little to no value. This the theory you should be working under. It's a proven theory and pure economics and human behavioral fact. Apply to your relationships.

[Versacehottie]

The biggest mistake you did was rolling over. Arranging a date outside of the house. Well then you should have stuck with that. OR if you agree from the beginning and with confidence to go to his place (but were explicit about not planning to go past x point as far as sex goes if that's the way you felt OR say nothing and do what you want in very liberated way). But flip-flopping easily gives the wrong impression on someone who virtually has no impression of you yet. Too bend-y/too flexible=no challenge, desperate label to a lot of guys.

 

*He could just be a jerk who is just after sex but most guys aren't that. But they do want to be with someone they find valuable. I'm not saying you're not valuable but how they process that information you can't control the criteria or reasoning for them.