I need your stories?

[maysj18]

Unfortunately OP, you cannot have a healthy relationship full of the things you're hoping for when you feel the way you do about yourself and your life. You will likely cling to every guy who you go out with and that will either A) scare him off or B) attract an equally unstable, emotionally needy guy who will become just as dependent on you as you are on him- it's a self-perpetuating cycle.

 

It's okay to feel disappointed and even sad over these types of things, but after 2 dates you should not be left questioning your self worth when he fades out. I have been faded out on plenty and it BURNS! It can drive you crazy, but the key is being able to realize that you're thinking irrationally about the situation and that it is NOT that big of a deal. When it consumes you, it's time to step back and re-evaluate yourself.

 

You have to be emotionally mature to find love and you said yourself that you're not in a good place. It's also very unlikely that he, himself, brought you happiness and it was just the excitement of a new guy that made you "happy". You have to be able to stand on your own two feet and recognize when you're using someone as a crutch. Think about how much pressure that puts on someone, even if it's subconsciously. Nobody (including you) should be expected to hold the other up all the time; especially at the beginning. Again, it's okay to be sad or disappointed, but you absolutely cannot base your self worth on another person.

 

P.s. I'm a recent, 20-something grad too and the best thing I ever did for myself was start my life. Want to feel like you're worthwhile? Stay focused on aspects of YOUR life: career, finances, living, traveling, etc. Don't worry about that other person yet.

[AlurOne]

Brooke this is easier said than done, but try to remember not to beat yourself up. When you catch yourself doing it, stop right away. You're hurt over your situation, don't rub salt in your own wounds.

 

Even if it's true that your actions caused things to end, the fact is that you couldn't have done it differently as the person you were at that time. Things happened just as they were supposed to - if it was supposed to work out differently, then it would have.

[Brooke42]

Brooke, I have to ask (and maybe you mentioned this earlier, and if so I apologize for not seeing it)....but did you have sex with him???

 

I did not have sex with him. Honestly, I'm used to doing that so early, even after the first time hanging out. This is the one time I didn't do it and I regret my decision because if I would have maybe he would have tried a little harder.

I didn't want to be that person anymore so I told him I wanted to take that slow and he agreed, he was even happy I didn't want to and that I respected myself. But now this just makes me regret that decision. I don't think he was trying to use me for sex. I still don't get why he would dump someone he had such a connection with.

[Brooke42]

Unfortunately OP, you cannot have a healthy relationship full of the things you're hoping for when you feel the way you do about yourself and your life. You will likely cling to every guy who you go out with and that will either A) scare him off or B) attract an equally unstable, emotionally needy guy who will become just as dependent on you as you are on him- it's a self-perpetuating cycle.

 

It's okay to feel disappointed and even sad over these types of things, but after 2 dates you should not be left questioning your self worth when he fades out. I have been faded out on plenty and it BURNS! It can drive you crazy, but the key is being able to realize that you're thinking irrationally about the situation and that it is NOT that big of a deal. When it consumes you, it's time to step back and re-evaluate yourself.

 

You have to be emotionally mature to find love and you said yourself that you're not in a good place. It's also very unlikely that he, himself, brought you happiness and it was just the excitement of a new guy that made you "happy". You have to be able to stand on your own two feet and recognize when you're using someone as a crutch. Think about how much pressure that puts on someone, even if it's subconsciously. Nobody (including you) should be expected to hold the other up all the time; especially at the beginning. Again, it's okay to be sad or disappointed, but you absolutely cannot base your self worth on another person.

 

P.s. I'm a recent, 20-something grad too and the best thing I ever did for myself was start my life. Want to feel like you're worthwhile? Stay focused on aspects of YOUR life: career, finances, living, traveling, etc. Don't worry about that other person yet.

 

Thanks so much: ) I know worth doesn't need to come from another person, it's just hard when everyone around me is happy and I've been single for so long. Getting my life together would be a lot easier if I had someone by my side, and everyone else around me has that. So it's hard having to wonder why I have to do this all alone.

[Strahatmak]

 

You have to be emotionally mature to find love and you said yourself that you're not in a good place. It's also very unlikely that he, himself, brought you happiness and it was just the excitement of a new guy that made you "happy". You have to be able to stand on your own two feet and recognize when you're using someone as a crutch. Think about how much pressure that puts on someone, even if it's subconsciously. Nobody (including you) should be expected to hold the other up all the time; especially at the beginning. Again, it's okay to be sad or disappointed, but you absolutely cannot base your self worth on another person.

 

 

This is somewhat yes and no.

 

With 2 dates, yes, your date has hold no responsibility to hold you up. Sometimes, though, it depends on how it clicks. Sometimes one can just share big things in life to someone just recently met. It dpends on if one side is willing to share first AND if the other side is willing to take it.

 

Even with a few more dates, like my recent date with about 2 months and 9 to 10 dates, if the other side is a irresponsible douchebag who only takes (benefits) but not gives (carings), I am still calling it off because I am not taking the sh!!!t of being FWB. I held my negative emotions until now, asked for a bit more attention (he was basically always making himself busy with a dozen hobbies and used "tired" as an excuse), and he turned his back on me as a respond. He obviously has no intention to move forward, because if one truly wants to know someone else, or seriously wants the relationship to progress, knowing his or her difficult time and extending some care are must.

 

But OP, do not invest too much of your life in the future; however that doesn't equal to being a b!!!tch. You still need to make effort to show that you care.

[Brooke42]

Y'all are great thanks for helping me through this hard time. It seems silly but you know that saying which goes "you can be with someone for 3 years and feel nothing, you can be with another person for 3 weeks and feel everything."? Well that's how this feels to me. In such a short amount of time (a little over a month) I got to know everything about a person, got swept off my feet and felt such happiness.

I'm the type of person that's an open book. He was too. So getting to know each other took no time at all and it felt like I had been with him for years. That might be hard to understand but we shared everything. And now I'm left with the emptiness of his memory.

I feel like being single for over a year I've gotten the hang of being on my own, so I think I've learned my lesson that I don't need another person? I wish fate felt the same.

[maysj18]

My heart goes out to you, OP. It really does. It seems our age group is so scared of being alone and it baffles me. Being single right now is a great thing because it means you can do you. I was single when I moved out of state to accept a job I applied for on a whim. I met my roommate on Craigslist, we rented this adorable apartment, and its just been a wonderful experience. It may seem like those who have partners have it better, but that's simply not true. I'm not sure what your field is, but my field required me moving hours and hours away from my hometown. if I had someone serious, this move would have been so complicated!

 

Think about it- if you want to move together, you have to make sure he can find a job there too. That takes time and your job offer is not going to be there forever, especially if it's a good enough position where you have decided to relocate permanently in order to take it. Also, what if he likes his job already? Or is in school? What if he doesn't want to move? What if he does want to move, but it's a completely different area across the country? All these are issues that could potentially affect your decision for the better..or for the worse. Of course you could regret leaving that person one day, but it's way more likely you would regret focusing too much on someone else and not on yourself.

 

Build a life for you right now and find the positives in being single right now. It will really help you feel so much better.

[Brooke42]

My heart goes out to you, OP. It really does. It seems our age group is so scared of being alone and it baffles me. Being single right now is a great thing because it means you can do you. I was single when I moved out of state to accept a job I applied for on a whim. I met my roommate on Craigslist, we rented this adorable apartment, and its just been a wonderful experience. It may seem like those who have partners have it better, but that's simply not true. I'm not sure what your field is, but my field required me moving hours and hours away from my hometown. if I had someone serious, this move would have been so complicated!

 

Think about it- if you want to move together, you have to make sure he can find a job there too. That takes time and your job offer is not going to be there forever, especially if it's a good enough position where you have decided to relocate permanently in order to take it. Also, what if he likes his job already? Or is in school? What if he doesn't want to move? What if he does want to move, but it's a completely different area across the country? All these are issues that could potentially affect your decision for the better..or for the worse. Of course you could regret leaving that person one day, but it's way more likely you would regret focusing too much on someone else and not on yourself.

 

Build a life for you right now and find the positives in being single right now. It will really help you feel so much better.

 

That was so helpful and encouraging! This guy I had been talking to is in the military and I'm sure it would have been incredibly hard, but being with him gave me a purposes because I was always supporting him.

It is fun to get out there and go where the wind takes you. It also scares me a little bit because what if I never make it on my own. Your story is inspiring. I'm just the kind of person who loves people and has to have them around for support so it's been very hard being so alone.

[mystikmind2005]

I guess I just had a lot of hope that this would work out for me.

 

After all my devastating and miserable luck with love, I figured I would be spared some pain this last time.

 

My biggest feeling with all this is sickness over not knowing whether we would have made it in the long run, if things were different. Knowing it's my fault puts this burden on me that maybe I've lost the person I'm supposed to be with forever.

I know if he would just give it a chance, we would have made a great team. It's still hard to understand why he would give up so easily.

And it's even harder to think what if.

 

Yea, i had such an amazing connection with a wonderful girl a couple of months ago. I have wondered all these exact same things?

 

She pulled the slow fade out routine on me which was such a horrible thing to go through and then she picked up on my troubled mood and ran with that as the excuse she needed to end it.

 

I did not try to stop her ending it. if there is one thing i have managed to learn in my life is that i deserve to have someone who actually 'wants' to be with me, if i have to try to convince them then what kind of foundation is that to build a lasting relationship on? Not good.

[Brooke42]

Yea, i had such an amazing connection with a wonderful girl a couple of months ago. I have wondered all these exact same things?

 

She pulled the slow fade out routine on me which was such a horrible thing to go through and then she picked up on my troubled mood and ran with that as the excuse she needed to end it.

 

I did not try to stop her ending it. if there is one thing i have managed to learn in my life is that i deserve to have someone who actually 'wants' to be with me, if i have to try to convince them then what kind of foundation is that to build a lasting relationship on? Not good.

 

Right. As hard as it is you can't force someone into wanting to be with you, and even if you did that's not the kind of relationahip you want to have. Seems like you dodged a bullet. As hard as this is for me I'm trying to be strong and not let myself think about it even though this guy was everything I had wanted..extremely good looking, hard working, same personality, same interests, ect.

It's hard to let it go and each day gets even harder but I'm hoping it will get easier eventually.

[Redhead14]

Earlier I posted a question about a guy I had been dating casually who ended things without very good reasons. I'm at a really bad place in my life, he brought happiness to it, and this has only put me in a hole that I'm not sure I can make it out of.

My question is, what was your biggest heartbreak and how did you get over it? How do you think you get over someone, especially when you've hit rock bottom and see no way out? Right now I'm drenched in tears with my phone beside me and no conversation to have with him. No one to talk about my day with, not hearing about his day, not making plans for the weekend. Nothing. It's so weird to not see his name on my phone or for him to call me just to hear my voice. It doesn't feel right. It feels like something is missing.

What was your hardest situation and how did you overcome it? Do you have any advice for me? Maybe even about lost love working out?

I just need some hope and advice right now. Things are pretty bad for me. No relationships work out, and even though I'm in my 20's I feel like I'll be alone forever.

Any advice/ stories? Something to make this hurt less?

 

who ended things without very good reasons -- What do you mean by this? If someone ends a relationship, there is always a very good reason -- it wasn't working for them PERIOD.

 

No relationships work out, and even though I'm in my 20's I feel like I'll be alone forever. -- First of all, you're only in your 20's -- what's the rush? Second of all, healing and moving on comes with the ability to accept that relationships will end if it's not right for one or both parties. And, if it's not right for one of them, it's not gonna be right for the other anyway.

 

It will not hurt less even if you accept all that . . . it's just part of a process. It's important to allow yourself to feel the feelings but not stay locked in them. Some people find it useful to give themselves a block of time, say 15 minutes each day, to sit with their emotions. At the end of that time, they MAKE themselves do something, anything, to distract themselves from it and do things that do make them happier or feel better. Even if it's cleaning out a closet or buying a new dress, even have a cup of tea.

 

In the end, embrace the fact that you are an awesome woman with a lot to bring to a relationship if its the right one. Be patient with yourself, treat yourself well.

[Grumpybutfun]

"Everything flows and nothing abides,

everything gives way and nothing stays fixed."

 

~Heraclitus~

 

Dating is to find the soul that mirrors yours. The rest of it is just impermanence. Learn to let go of that which does not serve you. Do not invest yourself in someone after two dates. Be more circumspect, and realize that relationships ebb and flow. Some just stop. That is ok. It leaves you open to someone who will invest and value you enough to want to be with you. Also, build yourself as a person, give of yourself to those who are in need and stop living in your head obsessing about some guy who you had a few dates and phone calls with...it isn't healthy. Be kind and warm. Be the person you would want to have a relationship with.

Good luck,

Grumpy

[usernametaken]

That was so helpful and encouraging! This guy I had been talking to is in the military and I'm sure it would have been incredibly hard, but being with him gave me a purposes because I was always supporting him.

It is fun to get out there and go where the wind takes you. It also scares me a little bit because what if I never make it on my own. Your story is inspiring. I'm just the kind of person who loves people and has to have them around for support so it's been very hard being so alone.

 

First, stop blaming yourself or your personal shortcomings. You had two dates. He was probably trying very hard to give you a great first impression, so I'm sure he doling out plenty of flattery. But the fact is, it's impossible to know if things are going to work out that quickly. There's nothing you could have done to have kept him around most likely - if he bailed this early, he was going to bail.

 

That doesn't make you unlovable. Have you considered that he might have been "mirroring" your interests to make you like him at first? Some people are very skilled at establishing false intimacy early even if it's not authentic. They want to be liked (or they want sex, or they are emotionally stunted), so they pretend to be just like you, or at least stretch that impression a bit. In fact, all people engage in mirroring to a certain extent when initially dating. I wouldn't get hung up on what I'm sure was a strong feeling that he was "the one" for you. First impressions in early dating are just that - first impressions. They don't reveal long-term compatibility, so stop wondering about the what-ifs.

 

What concerns me in part is what you have in bold - that being with him and supporting him gave you a purpose. First, that's a very dependent view on relationships that you should never have two dates in. And, even if you were married to the guy, you need to find your own purpose - you can never depend on one person to make your life whole, unless that one person is you.

 

You seem bored and down and like you don't have a lot going on in your life. That's sad, but its fixable. You're currently unemployed, but have you considered volunteering to meet people and fill your time? You're not tied down to any area geographically - maybe it's time to start interviewing further afield from home? A big move could be the kick in the pants to starting a new, exciting life for yourself.

 

It'll get better. Make a list of all the things that make you happy - even little things - and do them. Go for a run. Listen to your favorite (upbeat) music. Bake something. Reconnect with old friends on facebook. Start learning a foreign language. Just don't sit around and mope.

[Brooke42]

Thank you so much for helping me and trying to re-direct my attention towards other things in my life.

He's in the military. My close friends say maybe he wanted to have sex before he left and he knew he wouldn't get it from you easily so he left. That's what seems to be playing in my mind a lot but the thing is that we talked about it and he told me he wanted to take that slow, so if he only wanted sex that makes no sense.

Another part of me feels like he couldn't handle the fact that he didn't get to see me as much as he wanted. I know he told me at one point that the only reason his last relationship worked was because she would come over every night after she got done working, so he at least saw her everyday. And in my current situation (a recent college grad trying to find a job, stuck in my parent's home) I can't do that. I told him it wouldn't be like this forever though and he told me he would be able to wait but it was starting to really bother him because he told me.

But if he knew things would be different eventually, why not try to stick it out with me? When we were together things were perfect. He told me he's always been cheated on and I never would have done that to him. I just don't get why he would give everything up, and give up something that was going so great for the both of us. Doesn't make any sense to me.

I know this is not the end of the world, it's just really discouraging at the moment. Not knowing why someone just wouldn't try to make things work with you, leaves you with a lot of questions.

[oohlala]

About 4 years ago, I was engaged and a few weeks from marrying into the happiest and most idyllic relationship I've ever had. We'd been together 2 years, I was the daughter his parents never had, his brother got teary when she helped me pick out my wedding dress and texted my fiance "You're going to have such a beautiful bride." And then we went out to celebrate with wedding cake martinis. My fiance and I when we were dating spent every free minute we could together, and we sleep in the same bed every night - whether his place or mine. We were deeply connected on a level because we were both artists - he was a musician, I'm a desinger and visual artist - and really a day never went by without us telling each other that we not only loved each other, but appreciated each other. We were best friends, we felt like family, we were so happy and excited for the future.

 

I got a new job and it meant a move, and we were a few months before the wedding so we moved in together, and things got weird. I think he felt isolated because he worked odd hours, and then my new job had me on an earlier schedule than I was used to, and I had problems sleeping and feeling safe enough to drive upon waking. My doctor put me on Ambien and it ruined my relationship.

 

I began doing things in my sleep and not remembering them, and it's a long story but I wound up texting an ex something he interpreted as suicidal, and there was miscommunication with the police, and the situation wound up where the police went to my fiance's job - he was teaching a music class at the moment - and told him I was DEAD.

 

I only remember glimpses of the day, but I remember my fiance running into our apartment hysterically crying, and I rememebr seeing my ex there and the police, and to this day I don't know how my ex got there, unless he called the police and followed.

 

My fiance took me to the hospital because they thought I overdosed, and I was put in the ICU on psych hold. I cried and cried for days. He told me we'd work everythign out - and honestly we'd never even had a FIGHT before - but he left me. THere. In the ICU. He wasn't going to call or tell me.

 

He left me dirty and barefoot in pajamas in the ICU. I had no one but the chaplain to talk to, and she was speechless when I told her the story. I cried the entire time I was there, I believe it was 72 hours.

 

It was HIGHLY traumatic for me and I took a medical leave off my new job for an intense outpatient treatment program and got counseling. I'm so grateful I did. A few months later I was able to have a healthy relationship with someone for the first time in my life with NO BAGGAGE. It was so freeing. It was lovely, but alas he turned out to not be 'the one.'

 

BUT...

 

Fast forward a few years later, and I've met a man so wonderful that I doubt he'll ever stop giving me butterfiles. Our relationship isn't perfect, and it's not as idylllic as the one with my former fiance...but I can actually see my future with him, and he's who I want to spend my life with. We're so ridiculous crazy stupid in love. <3

 

We're planning to elope this December, and we both truly cannot wait.

[Brooke42]

About 4 years ago, I was engaged and a few weeks from marrying into the happiest and most idyllic relationship I've ever had. We'd been together 2 years, I was the daughter his parents never had, his brother got teary when she helped me pick out my wedding dress and texted my fiance "You're going to have such a beautiful bride." And then we went out to celebrate with wedding cake martinis. My fiance and I when we were dating spent every free minute we could together, and we sleep in the same bed every night - whether his place or mine. We were deeply connected on a level because we were both artists - he was a musician, I'm a desinger and visual artist - and really a day never went by without us telling each other that we not only loved each other, but appreciated each other. We were best friends, we felt like family, we were so happy and excited for the future.

 

I got a new job and it meant a move, and we were a few months before the wedding so we moved in together, and things got weird. I think he felt isolated because he worked odd hours, and then my new job had me on an earlier schedule than I was used to, and I had problems sleeping and feeling safe enough to drive upon waking. My doctor put me on Ambien and it ruined my relationship.

 

I began doing things in my sleep and not remembering them, and it's a long story but I wound up texting an ex something he interpreted as suicidal, and there was miscommunication with the police, and the situation wound up where the police went to my fiance's job - he was teaching a music class at the moment - and told him I was DEAD.

 

I only remember glimpses of the day, but I remember my fiance running into our apartment hysterically crying, and I rememebr seeing my ex there and the police, and to this day I don't know how my ex got there, unless he called the police and followed.

 

My fiance took me to the hospital because they thought I overdosed, and I was put in the ICU on psych hold. I cried and cried for days. He told me we'd work everythign out - and honestly we'd never even had a FIGHT before - but he left me. THere. In the ICU. He wasn't going to call or tell me.

 

He left me dirty and barefoot in pajamas in the ICU. I had no one but the chaplain to talk to, and she was speechless when I told her the story. I cried the entire time I was there, I believe it was 72 hours.

 

It was HIGHLY traumatic for me and I took a medical leave off my new job for an intense outpatient treatment program and got counseling. I'm so grateful I did. A few months later I was able to have a healthy relationship with someone for the first time in my life with NO BAGGAGE. It was so freeing. It was lovely, but alas he turned out to not be 'the one.'

 

BUT...

 

Fast forward a few years later, and I've met a man so wonderful that I doubt he'll ever stop giving me butterfiles. Our relationship isn't perfect, and it's not as idylllic as the one with my former fiance...but I can actually see my future with him, and he's who I want to spend my life with. We're so ridiculous crazy stupid in love. <3

 

We're planning to elope this December, and we both truly cannot wait.

 

That is a beautiful story. I only hope to end up as happy as you are someday. :)Sometimes I'm scared I'll never find the right person and I'll end up on my own.

[Brooke42]

First, stop blaming yourself or your personal shortcomings. You had two dates. He was probably trying very hard to give you a great first impression, so I'm sure he doling out plenty of flattery. But the fact is, it's impossible to know if things are going to work out that quickly. There's nothing you could have done to have kept him around most likely - if he bailed this early, he was going to bail.

 

That doesn't make you unlovable. Have you considered that he might have been "mirroring" your interests to make you like him at first? Some people are very skilled at establishing false intimacy early even if it's not authentic. They want to be liked (or they want sex, or they are emotionally stunted), so they pretend to be just like you, or at least stretch that impression a bit. In fact, all people engage in mirroring to a certain extent when initially dating. I wouldn't get hung up on what I'm sure was a strong feeling that he was "the one" for you. First impressions in early dating are just that - first impressions. They don't reveal long-term compatibility, so stop wondering about the what-ifs.

 

What concerns me in part is what you have in bold - that being with him and supporting him gave you a purpose. First, that's a very dependent view on relationships that you should never have two dates in. And, even if you were married to the guy, you need to find your own purpose - you can never depend on one person to make your life whole, unless that one person is you.

 

You seem bored and down and like you don't have a lot going on in your life. That's sad, but its fixable. You're currently unemployed, but have you considered volunteering to meet people and fill your time? You're not tied down to any area geographically - maybe it's time to start interviewing further afield from home? A big move could be the kick in the pants to starting a new, exciting life for yourself.

 

It'll get better. Make a list of all the things that make you happy - even little things - and do them. Go for a run. Listen to your favorite (upbeat) music. Bake something. Reconnect with old friends on facebook. Start learning a foreign language. Just don't sit around and mope.

 

I've had so many failed relationships, that it's just exhausting to always wonder why it never works. My other ones, I was ok when they ended but this guy stuck with me for some reason. I took your advice. I stayed up really late last night listening to old songs I loved, I baked cookies today. Getting out of the house is really hard for me because I'm in such a depressing state, it's almost scary for me to be out in the world and interact. But I'll get there. I'm gonna try a dance class tomorrow night with a bunch of women who are a lot older than me so I'm not going to go as a social thing but more to feel better about myself.

All this stuff has brought a sense of overwhelming self-loathing. I constantly keep asking myself why I wasn't good enough for him, what's wrong with me. He was head over heels for me and then out of nowhere it stopped. I try to block those thoughts out as much as I can but it seems like when I have a free moment that's what I'm thinking about.

I also think about how there are so many women out there much more pretty than I am and I wonder why anyone would ever choose to me with me.

[Brooke42]

who ended things without very good reasons -- What do you mean by this? If someone ends a relationship, there is always a very good reason -- it wasn't working for them PERIOD.

 

No relationships work out, and even though I'm in my 20's I feel like I'll be alone forever. -- First of all, you're only in your 20's -- what's the rush? Second of all, healing and moving on comes with the ability to accept that relationships will end if it's not right for one or both parties. And, if it's not right for one of them, it's not gonna be right for the other anyway.

 

It will not hurt less even if you accept all that . . . it's just part of a process. It's important to allow yourself to feel the feelings but not stay locked in them. Some people find it useful to give themselves a block of time, say 15 minutes each day, to sit with their emotions. At the end of that time, they MAKE themselves do something, anything, to distract themselves from it and do things that do make them happier or feel better. Even if it's cleaning out a closet or buying a new dress, even have a cup of tea.

 

In the end, embrace the fact that you are an awesome woman with a lot to bring to a relationship if its the right one. Be patient with yourself, treat yourself well.

 

Thank you I took your advice and I sat with my emotions for a good 20 mins. I think I might start writing about them. It's just so hard to love and accept yourself again when things like this happen.

[usernametaken]

I've had so many failed relationships, that it's just exhausting to always wonder why it never works. My other ones, I was ok when they ended but this guy stuck with me for some reason. I took your advice. I stayed up really late last night listening to old songs I loved, I baked cookies today. Getting out of the house is really hard for me because I'm in such a depressing state, it's almost scary for me to be out in the world and interact. But I'll get there. I'm gonna try a dance class tomorrow night with a bunch of women who are a lot older than me so I'm not going to go as a social thing but more to feel better about myself.

All this stuff has brought a sense of overwhelming self-loathing. I constantly keep asking myself why I wasn't good enough for him, what's wrong with me. He was head over heels for me and then out of nowhere it stopped. I try to block those thoughts out as much as I can but it seems like when I have a free moment that's what I'm thinking about.

I also think about how there are so many women out there much more pretty than I am and I wonder why anyone would ever choose to me with me.

 

Baby steps. It's good that you're trying these things. It's going to be ok!

 

You don't have to be Cindy Crawford (or taylor swift or beyonce or whoever kids these days think is hot stuff) in order to be loved and find love. Just you do you - but do the best you possible.

 

Chin up.

[mystikmind2005]

who ended things without very good reasons -- What do you mean by this? If someone ends a relationship, there is always a very good reason -- it wasn't working for them PERIOD.

 

Hahaha, how wrong is this! lol, they did not invent terminology such as flakey, flighty, commitment phobic for no reason you know, and the list of these terms goes on and on etc etc, because the world is jam packed full of these morons who end relationships unquestionably 'without' good reason because they have these issues as per the before mentioned terminology.

[Redhead14]

Thank you I took your advice and I sat with my emotions for a good 20 mins. I think I might start writing about them. It's just so hard to love and accept yourself again when things like this happen.

 

Fantastic. You're on the right road now. Journaling is excellent for all kinds of things.

 

And, Brooke, never ever put so much of yourself into a man that it diminishes the love and acceptance you have for yourself. There isn't anyone on this planet (unless you have kids) that is worth compromising that for.

[Xelha]

I think my biggest heartbreak moment was when my last bf left me in July of 2013. The weird thing is that I wasn't even "crazy" about him... but we had been together for 2 years and when it ended I was really shaken up emotionally. I couldn't stop crying, and was so upset that for weeks afterwards I could hardly eat. I felt sick to my stomach for weeks and for the longest time I just wanted it all to stop.

 

Finally there was this one day when I just woke up feeling different. I put on this one song and I suddenly felt a little bit better, enough to go out in public for a walk. And after that point things got a lot better.

 

I was bitter for awhile... those feelings took a lot more time to get over. But by the fall I was starting to date again. I had a few failed attempts there, told a couple guys I liked them(who didn't seem to want anything ) and had a fling with a hot foreign guy.

 

I took some time to just do my own thing, which was really nice after my previous bf had started to become really controlling. The following February my friend had a destination wedding in Mexico and even though I had no one to attend with, I decided to go anyway. I ended up meeting this really amazing guy while I was there... the whole thing was so cute it was like being in a stupid romantic movie lol.

 

If you ask me today, I would say that breaking up with me was the best thing my ex could have ever done... because now I'm with someone who's infinitely better.

 

Don't worry about not finding anyone. I know it's scary to be alone, especially when you feel yourself getting older, but if you just continue to put yourself out there you will find someone when you least expect it. I'm 27 btw.

[Brooke42]

I think my biggest heartbreak moment was when my last bf left me in July of 2013. The weird thing is that I wasn't even "crazy" about him... but we had been together for 2 years and when it ended I was really shaken up emotionally. I couldn't stop crying, and was so upset that for weeks afterwards I could hardly eat. I felt sick to my stomach for weeks and for the longest time I just wanted it all to stop.

 

Finally there was this one day when I just woke up feeling different. I put on this one song and I suddenly felt a little bit better, enough to go out in public for a walk. And after that point things got a lot better.

 

I was bitter for awhile... those feelings took a lot more time to get over. But by the fall I was starting to date again. I had a few failed attempts there, told a couple guys I liked them(who didn't seem to want anything ) and had a fling with a hot foreign guy.

 

I took some time to just do my own thing, which was really nice after my previous bf had started to become really controlling. The following February my friend had a destination wedding in Mexico and even though I had no one to attend with, I decided to go anyway. I ended up meeting this really amazing guy while I was there... the whole thing was so cute it was like being in a stupid romantic movie lol.

 

If you ask me today, I would say that breaking up with me was the best thing my ex could have ever done... because now I'm with someone who's infinitely better.

 

Don't worry about not finding anyone. I know it's scary to be alone, especially when you feel yourself getting older, but if you just continue to put yourself out there you will find someone when you least expect it. I'm 27 btw.

 

That's awesome! You are lucky you got to travel, I'm sure if I was able to I would be a lot happier I'll agree, breaking up with my abusive ex was the best decision I ever made because it led me to all the friendships and recent guys I've been with and I wouldn't trade any of the experiences for the world. I'm really bummed about this guy and I know I shouldn't be. I had a few days where I thought I was great, I didn't need him and everyone's words on here made me feel like I could conquer the world. I miss him the most at night, when I need someone to talk to. He was always there. I also wonder I'll never find someone as good looking as him again. He was a major hunk, girls were crazy over him and I feel like I'll never find that again. He was kinda like a dream that was too good to be true and I just wish it would have worked out

[Brooke42]

So...update just incase anyone was wondering.

 

I've taken the advice of most people and left him alone ever since he said he couldn't continue "dating" me. I haven't reached out to him at all. This week I've gone and done my own thing, barely checked my phone, ect.

 

Today I was laying down and my phone buzzed. I expected it to be nothing and it was him texting. I did a double take because I couldn't believe it and I never thought I would hear from him again.

 

He asked me what I was up to. I told him what I was up to and he said "was just thinking of you!"

I didn't want to get my hopes up, so I just continued the conversation like I basically hadn't heard him say that, because I don't even know why he would tell me that. Anyways the conversation kept going and he told me I could come over tonight. I didn't end up going, just continued the conversation again and he said

"So, chances of ever seeing you again?" He wanted to know when we could, I said whenever. Basically we didn't set up a specific time because he stopped replying and I haven't heard back from him yet.

 

What does this mean? Do you think he's having second thoughts about his decision?

On instagram earlier I was going through my feed and I saw him like a girl's picture from like 50 weeks ago lol. Do you think that's something to worry about? He likes girl's pictures a lot but I remember him liking a lot of my pics from very far back when we first started talking to so it's kind of freaking me out.

I still really like the guy.

[Redhead14]

Hahaha, how wrong is this! lol, they did not invent terminology such as flakey, flighty, commitment phobic for no reason you know, and the list of these terms goes on and on etc etc, because the world is jam packed full of these morons who end relationships unquestionably 'without' good reason because they have these issues as per the before mentioned terminology.

 

That is a good reason -- He doesnt want to commit . . .