So ex just texted me this.... why????

[Versacehottie]

OP, have you blocked him yet? You said a few days ago you were going to.

 

If you don't you will leave yourself open for more hurt.

 

It doesn't matter what else he writes, you need to move on, so just Block him already.

 

Not everyone needs to block although lots of people recommend it on this site. I happen to think it can be funny and motivating, even helpful, when you hear from people from the past. OP, might be perfect candidate to be blocking him though since just the fact that he contacts her is hurtful. Then maybe it would be better not to know he is contacting you.

[mystikmind2005]

I saw an interesting documentary years ago.

 

Bushmen in Africa put a piece of fruit or something like that in a hole in the trunk of a tree. A monkey puts its hand in the whole and grabs the fruit. But while holding the fruit, its hand is too big to come out of the whole. But the Monkey is too stupid to let go of the fruit so he can go free. The monkey wants to be free but also he wants the fruit, and his mind is too primitive to reconcile these two things.

 

Allot of guys have minds that are too primitive in just this same way when it comes to relationships.

[Oregon_Dude]

^^^ Perfect.

[walkingonair]

Thanks for all your advice guys. I want to block him but it's so hard (( He actually just liked an instagram picture I posted 5 days ago. I wish he would stop:( I already ignored his text and now he's liking my instagram pic. I thought he was doing really good and it's a Friday night and he's on my instagram liking pics. He's not letting me move on:((

[Oregon_Dude]

He's not letting me move on:((

No. YOU'RE not letting yourself move on. Block him from your IG, FB, ABCDEFG. Yes, I know, he's the one who ended it, but you're still keeping lines open. So, stop! Go invisible from him.

[joseb]

Thanks for all your advice guys. I want to block him but it's so hard (( He actually just liked an instagram picture I posted 5 days ago. I wish he would stop:( I already ignored his text and now he's liking my instagram pic. I thought he was doing really good and it's a Friday night and he's on my instagram liking pics. He's not letting me move on:((

 

You have two choices.

 

Block him so you can move on, be happy.

 

Or don't, keep getting upset, blame him for it, and be miserable and waste your time complaining.

 

It's up to you.

[Versacehottie]

Thanks for all your advice guys. I want to block him but it's so hard (( He actually just liked an instagram picture I posted 5 days ago. I wish he would stop:( I already ignored his text and now he's liking my instagram pic. I thought he was doing really good and it's a Friday night and he's on my instagram liking pics. He's not letting me move on:((

 

So what? You are moving on. If seeing his name show up on your text screen and reading his text affects you badly, block him. If him liking instagram pics, affects you badly, block him. If I were in your shoes, I would be affected in a good way knowing that the guy was thinking about me OR thinking about getting back together with him. You are either moving on or you are not. He doesn't hold that power. If you don't like seeing his activity in regards to his interest in you, just block him.

 

I would find it motivating or informative at least. Since you don't and are acting like he has power over you (he doesn't) don't be a wimp about it, just block him. and he hasn't even asked you to get back together so you can move on. You just have to decide how you are going to handle yourself. Other people are gonna do what other people do.

[walkingonair]

So what? You are moving on. If seeing his name show up on your text screen and reading his text affects you badly, block him. If him liking instagram pics, affects you badly, block him. If I were in your shoes, I would be affected in a good way knowing that the guy was thinking about me OR thinking about getting back together with him. You are either moving on or you are not. He doesn't hold that power. If you don't like seeing his activity in regards to his interest in you, just block him.

 

I would find it motivating or informative at least. Since you don't and are acting like he has power over you (he doesn't) don't be a wimp about it, just block him. and he hasn't even asked you to get back together so you can move on. You just have to decide how you are going to handle yourself. Other people are gonna do what other people do.

 

 

Thanks!!!!! Yeah it does feel good to have power over someone for once

[highseas]

walkingonair, I remember your situation and your inconsiderate ex. I think, like what others have said, you should move on and let him go. I think the truth is that you still miss him and like him to some extent and you fear that by blocking him you'd lose this last link to him forever. It is much tougher to do what others have suggested than is realized. But it is the best course of action. If you really can't bring yourself to blocking him, at least ignore him. You do have the upper hand right now since he's liking your pictures and texting you and thinking in some ways about you. Don't become the underdog again by responding.

[pleasedtomeetyou]

I've always believed that anybody who has to tell you that they are doing very well obviously isn't.

[walkingonair]

Update : He did like my recent instagram post about 2 weeks ago. I still feel a huge amount of guilt for ignoring. I can't believe for the first time in my life in ignoring someone that I have feelings for and I'm not giving into their contact. So hard :(

[Versacehottie]

Don't be "too nice". That is a recipe for not getting what you want in life. All you should take from him liking your instagram pic is that: he likes your instagram pic. Don't read anymore into it. It doesn't necessarily mean anything more. If you want an answer about what his real feelings are don't be at his beck and call, ie feel the need to respond to an instagram like. What you used to do with him, be responsive to him all the time DOESN'T WORK in terms of keeping him interested, don't keep doing it. I'm imagining you were a very responsive and loyal gf if this is bothering you so much. That didn't work. Be different, for your own sake. Whatever comes as a result of not letting people take you for granted will be worth it.

 

You might need to block him by the way!!! This has been going on a while, it shouldn't affect you so much. Give yourself the appropriate space and time to heal, if blocking him is how you need to do it, then do that.

[walkingonair]

Don't be "too nice". That is a recipe for not getting what you want in life. All you should take from him liking your instagram pic is that: he likes your instagram pic. Don't read anymore into it. It doesn't necessarily mean anything more. If you want an answer about what his real feelings are don't be at his beck and call, ie feel the need to respond to an instagram like. What you used to do with him, be responsive to him all the time DOESN'T WORK in terms of keeping him interested, don't keep doing it. I'm imagining you were a very responsive and loyal gf if this is bothering you so much. That didn't work. Be different, for your own sake. Whatever comes as a result of not letting people take you for granted will be worth it.

 

You might need to block him by the way!!! This has been going on a while, it shouldn't affect you so much. Give yourself the appropriate space and time to heal, if blocking him is how you need to do it, then do that.

 

Thanks so much for your answer! Yes I was a loyal doormat the whole time and I'm finally doing something that he probably wouldn't have ever expected me to do. Yea I'm gonna have to block him!!

[Versacehottie]

Yea I only say block him because it seems to be messing with you. You can unblock when you are ready or never if that's what suits you. Like I said about myself before, I wouldn't mind leaving him unblocked--but then that's me and people are different. Part of going through something like this is learning yourself and what works for YOU! You want to heal in the quickest time possible for you, in whichever way makes it most effective to get "there".

 

Yes, if you were a doormat, be the opposite. You don't owe him anything. That's what "over" means. Your first and only focus as it goes for your romantic life should be to put yourself first and get what you need from a relationship. First with yourself. You should be working internally (or however) with analyzing to some extent "why" you were so loyal to someone who did not return the loyalty and mistreated you. Examining the "whys" and "hows" will get you to a place where you can figure out how NOT to let that happen again and you can take action in your everyday life (not just dating) to find a way to not be a doormat--coming up with new solutions to not be taken for granted. Then when you are in your next relationship you can apply some of the things you learned. it's tough to go 0 to 60 without some practice and self-reflection so focus on that.

 

Blocking him is first step. Put yourself first. It doesn't matter what he thinks or if it hurts him. The hurt is relative BTW anyway. I'm sure he throws out that card to manipulate you. Needless to say, I don't think it's effective to bash the other person or spend much more than a fleeting thought of why they did what they did. You want to understand your patterns, your mistakes and coming up with new techniques for yourself.

[walkingonair]

Yea I only say block him because it seems to be messing with you. You can unblock when you are ready or never if that's what suits you. Like I said about myself before, I wouldn't mind leaving him unblocked--but then that's me and people are different. Part of going through something like this is learning yourself and what works for YOU! You want to heal in the quickest time possible for you, in whichever way makes it most effective to get "there".

 

Yes, if you were a doormat, be the opposite. You don't owe him anything. That's what "over" means. Your first and only focus as it goes for your romantic life should be to put yourself first and get what you need from a relationship. First with yourself. You should be working internally (or however) with analyzing to some extent "why" you were so loyal to someone who did not return the loyalty and mistreated you. Examining the "whys" and "hows" will get you to a place where you can figure out how NOT to let that happen again and you can take action in your everyday life (not just dating) to find a way to not be a doormat--coming up with new solutions to not be taken for granted. Then when you are in your next relationship you can apply some of the things you learned. it's tough to go 0 to 60 without some practice and self-reflection so focus on that.

 

Blocking him is first step. Put yourself first. It doesn't matter what he thinks or if it hurts him. The hurt is relative BTW anyway. I'm sure he throws out that card to manipulate you. Needless to say, I don't think it's effective to bash the other person or spend much more than a fleeting thought of why they did what they did. You want to understand your patterns, your mistakes and coming up with new techniques for yourself.

 

Awwww thank you so much for that!!!!! It's helping me. I love you!!!! Yes I feel like I continued seeing this person because of my own issues of low self esteem and I just wanted someone to love me, so I gave him everything and got nothing return. Feels awful, feel like a bag of garbage that was thrown away.

 

Btw I just posted a photo on instagram and 2 minutes later he liked and wrote beautiful. Definitely blocking, why can't he just leave me alone Doesn't he know his contact is hurting me and it's selfish of him

[Versacehottie]

Awwww thank you so much for that!!!!! It's helping me. I love you!!!! Yes I feel like I continued seeing this person because of my own issues of low self esteem and I just wanted someone to love me, so I gave him everything and got nothing return. Feels awful, feel like a bag of garbage that was thrown away.

 

Btw I just posted a photo on instagram and 2 minutes later he liked and wrote beautiful. Definitely blocking, why can't he just leave me alone Doesn't he know his contact is hurting me and it's selfish of him

 

Awww thanks for saying you love me. I like this site a lot and have fun giving advice to people. I'm for more love in the world not less...

 

Ok, tough love time. If you want feedback on the statement I bolded. That's a victim-y thing to think. You be in charge of you. The rest of your life people are going to do things that either don't go according to plan, don't go according to your plan OR that you just plain don't like. People are going to do what they do. You have to get your coping skills in better order, your communication clear and out there as well as just come up with some strategies to deal that put you in the driver's seat of your own life.

 

Is he clear that you don't want any contact from him? I feel like if I remember your story (and there is probably a lot I don't know of it) that you did not tell him never to contact you again. That would be a step toward taking responsibility for the part you can influence. Now, honestly, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't want to reach out after a month (?) to tell him to leave me alone. That's a little passive aggressive and weak for the same reason I'm giving you tough love. You are basically then telling him & BTW giving him the heads up that he affects you. F*ck that. There is the simpler and easily effective solution of blocking him if it bothers you so much. Sometimes depending on if they can tell they've been blocked that causes more contact though. I have a feeling you know that, right? If you really want to get over him, you need to get stronger and take control of your own life. I hope you aren't secretly getting off on that contact and then acting like it tortures you. Do something about it or take it easy, breezy. It takes 30 seconds to block someone. I think we talked about this a month ago! Not trying to be mean. Just wondering what you really "want"?

 

You need to get proactive about your happiness. First step is getting it to neutral instead of sad and affected by him. Then if you can get to neutral and unaffected you can make steps toward finding a new relationship that makes you happy. You are presented with a tremendous opportunity RIGHT NOW to do something for your self-esteem: you don't like his contact, do something about it. Luckily this is type of thing since it's instagram where you have control of that. Yay! Self-esteem advances one click. One of the biggest reason women in particular have self-esteem problems is because they let stuff happen to them. They take a passive role rather than an active role. It's your life, how do you want to live it? It's as simple as that. There will be harder parts but this shouldn't be one of them. I don't even want to tell you BLOCK HIM. Make your decision. It's your life, see?

[walkingonair]

Awww thanks for saying you love me. I like this site a lot and have fun giving advice to people. I'm for more love in the world not less...

 

Ok, tough love time. If you want feedback on the statement I bolded. That's a victim-y thing to think. You be in charge of you. The rest of your life people are going to do things that either don't go according to plan, don't go according to your plan OR that you just plain don't like. People are going to do what they do. You have to get your coping skills in better order, your communication clear and out there as well as just come up with some strategies to deal that put you in the driver's seat of your own life.

 

Is he clear that you don't want any contact from him? I feel like if I remember your story (and there is probably a lot I don't know of it) that you did not tell him never to contact you again. That would be a step toward taking responsibility for the part you can influence. Now, honestly, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't want to reach out after a month (?) to tell him to leave me alone. That's a little passive aggressive and weak for the same reason I'm giving you tough love. You are basically then telling him & BTW giving him the heads up that he affects you. F*ck that. There is the simpler and easily effective solution of blocking him if it bothers you so much. Sometimes depending on if they can tell they've been blocked that causes more contact though. I have a feeling you know that, right? If you really want to get over him, you need to get stronger and take control of your own life. I hope you aren't secretly getting off on that contact and then acting like it tortures you. Do something about it or take it easy, breezy. It takes 30 seconds to block someone. I think we talked about this a month ago! Not trying to be mean. Just wondering what you really "want"?

 

You need to get proactive about your happiness. First step is getting it to neutral instead of sad and affected by him. Then if you can get to neutral and unaffected you can make steps toward finding a new relationship that makes you happy. You are presented with a tremendous opportunity RIGHT NOW to do something for your self-esteem: you don't like his contact, do something about it. Luckily this is type of thing since it's instagram where you have control of that. Yay! Self-esteem advances one click. One of the biggest reason women in particular have self-esteem problems is because they let stuff happen to them. They take a passive role rather than an active role. It's your life, how do you want to live it? It's as simple as that. There will be harder parts but this shouldn't be one of them. I don't even want to tell you BLOCK HIM. Make your decision. It's your life, see?

 

Thanks you soooooooooooooo much! You're sooooooooooo right!!! Yes I haven't told him to not contact him, I just disappeared on him. It was out of the blue. A few days before he moved I started to ignore him. So we never had real talked about closure. But to me him moving was the closure and the answer to my questions. Blocking will help me completely move on and start fresh

[Versacehottie]

Thanks you soooooooooooooo much! You're sooooooooooo right!!! Yes I haven't told him to not contact him, I just disappeared on him. It was out of the blue. A few days before he moved I started to ignore him. So we never had real talked about closure. But to me him moving was the closure and the answer to my questions. Blocking will help me completely move on and start fresh

 

Well I'm not a fan of "closure" in the traditional meaning. But I do think it would have been wise to tell him you didn't want him to contact you anymore and that you two were done. But hey, maybe you weren't there yet. Sometimes it takes a little while to get your own clarity on that. Yep, you're taking responsibility for your own life now.